Ronnie33 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Thats exactly what im thinking. He thought she would throw him out because she always threatened that, but she didnt. My H caled her to and there was a heated exchange of words, MM told me she began to cook dinner right after , like nothing happened. Now MM called me crying , hes depressed, saying she is trying to be the perfect wife asking him , whats wrong, youre not yourself? ??? Hes begging me to not fall in love with someone else, to wait for him as he has to work thru this for himself. He called you crying because his wife is trying to be perfect?? Lmao I'm sorry but I would tell him to man up and cry to his wife. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Riri90 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 If he wife knows he loves you and is not acting very upset about it then maybe there are other reasons she stays with him and won't just hand him over to you...MM aren't the only ones who stay for THEIR own comfort. Maybe she is thinking of HERSELF and keeping him around for her own selfish needs. She certainly isn't thinking of what would make you happy. Then again I don't see him running to you with all this love he professes. Maybe this has happened before and his wife views him as a silly man who gets "caught up" in his feelings. Maybe she knows this too shall pass... Just IMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) But really I struggle to comprehend why. For his why? Who knows. Probably the money he'd pay out in a D, the shame of leaving your W for another woman and not wanting the kids to hate him. i don't see why you struggle to comprehend her reasons when they are probably the same as his. she is probably staying for the same things he is - maybe she can't afford to be a single mother, the shame of the divorce & her husband leaving to be with his mistress, not wanting the kids to suffer & hate her for being the one who filed for the divorce, etc. on top of everything - she probably still loves him + hopes for a reconciliation & probably thinks this is just a crush that will fade with time, not real love. and she's right - he ain't going anywhere. I wonder what she said when he told her. Because if I was told I'd be saying to my H, okay so you're leaving then? You want a divorce? Because why else is he telling her? I'm just wondering what the man expected to happen next. according to the OP - he was hoping his W would throw him out. my personal opinion? he told her the sugarcoated version + that he was willing to work on their marriage. him telling his W that he is in love with someone else and staying in that marriage sounds ridiculous to me. he clearly doesn't have any problems with leaving (because he was hoping his W would throw him out) but he won't leave because he doesn't want to make that move, doesn't want to be the dirtbag? the dude is full of it. he loves the OP... just not enough to actually leave his marriage + he probably knew the W won't make any radical decisions - that's why he told her + shifted the responsibility. in reality - he doesn't really love the OP or the W. Edited March 12, 2015 by minimariah Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnie33 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) She is not going to give him up so he can be with you. She knows he won't leave and she's going to do everything in her power to make sure he stays so you don't win (not saying he is a prize in any way). I have a good friend who's husband is a serial cheater. They are miserable and at one point he was seeing a very pretty and wealthy woman from the neighborhood. She was in love with him and told him if he left his wife she would take care of him. He still wouldn't leave his wife and daughter. He always said his if he left his wife she would take him for everything he had and he would end up in a apartment with nothing. His wife knew of all his affairs and always threatened to throw him out but never would. In her eyes it was letting the other woman and him win and she knew he would never leave on his own. In his own mind he knew he owed his wife for putting up with all his crap. She was a good wife and mother and he knew he was a selfish dog. Ten years later and they are still there and as unhappy as ever. Edited March 12, 2015 by Ronnie33 Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Op Where is the wife self respect?? Probably ran off to hide in the same place as yours...when you chose to have an affair with a married man 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author farrah5451 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Op Where is the wife self respect?? Probably ran off to hide in the same place as yours...when you chose to have an affair with a married man Are you kidding me? do you know what site we are on? Its called ,The Other Woman/Man. By the way , I was also married. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Well, I have a friend whose DH had an A and fell in love with his AP. He was conflicted about leaving. My friend and her DH had allowed their M to go stale. When my friend's DH told her that he was conflicted and thought he wanted to leave my friend sat him down and asked him to work on their M and if in one year he wanted to leave she would be OK with it. My friend and her husband recreated a better marriage and found the love that they once had for each other. That was over ten years ago, they are still married (30 years) and have a blissfully happy M. When we spoke to my friend's DH a couple of years ago, he says that every day he thanks God that he didn't leave his W and he will spend the rest of his life loving her. That's the thing about getting involved with a MM. Love is just a feeling and in M, love can come and go but if you have a history with each other and you once had a happy M, it isn't unusual to reignite the fires. That's why its not wise to gamble on a MM. The difference here is he was conflicted and probably never fell out of love with his wife. I guess everyone is different, because whether one's husband loves or doesn't love the OW, is not always an issue. The fact that he cheated can be the dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 She is not going to give him up so he can be with you. She knows he won't leave and she's going to do everything in her power to make sure he stays so you don't win (not saying he is a prize in any way). I have a good friend who's husband is a serial cheater. They are miserable and at one point he was seeing a very pretty and wealthy woman from the neighborhood. She was in love with him and told him if he left his wife she would take care of him. He still wouldn't leave his wife and daughter. He always said his if he left his wife she would take him for everything he had and he would end up in a apartment with nothing. His wife knew of all his affairs and always threatened to throw him out but never would. In her eyes it was letting the other woman and him win and she knew he would never leave on his own. In his own mind he knew he owed his wife for putting up with all his crap. She was a good wife and mother and he knew he was a selfish dog. Ten years later and they are still there and as unhappy as ever. How sad for a child to be brought up by two miserable people. I like my children to see my H and I happy not miserable, so they know what a good relationship looks like. Rather cycles repeating as happens all too often. I think women put up with much more infidelity in marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Are you kidding me? do you know what site we are on? Its called ,The Other Woman/Man. By the way , I was also married. Yes this is the om/ow site and no I am not kidding you ..but why attack the wife for not having self respect ...when you showed none either getting into an affair with a married man..and now hoping his wife kicks him out So you can have him by default ...where is your self respect for moving on ...Instead of asking if you should wait for him...putting your life on hold while he sorts his out ....This is something for you to think about...Instead of going off on the wife ..its not her fault he does not leave ...Once again channelize your anger towards the crying wimp who called to complain how perfect his wife is... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author farrah5451 Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 Yes this is the om/ow site and no I am not kidding you ..but why attack the wife for not having self respect ...when you showed none either getting into an affair with a married man..and now hoping his wife kicks him out So you can have him by default ...where is your self respect for moving on ...Instead of asking if you should wait for him...putting your life on hold while he sorts his out ....This is something for you to think about...Instead of going off on the wife ..its not her fault he does not leave ...Once again channelize your anger towards the crying wimp who called to complain how perfect his wife is... What mAkes you think im angry at his W? I spoke to her for over an hour. I chose not to hurt her, I chose not to tell her things that , honestly, she probably would have left him. But she told me her H Admitted many things to her. I, as a woman, would not be able to move past some of these things. I didnt want him by default. He was ths one that kept hoping she would throw him out. So I agree with you there.. im not even debating if I should wait. Im not. Link to post Share on other sites
spookysonata Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 What mAkes you think im angry at his W? I spoke to her for over an hour. I chose not to hurt her, I chose not to tell her things that , honestly, she probably would have left him. But she told me her H Admitted many things to her. I, as a woman, would not be able to move past some of these things. I didnt want him by default. He was ths one that kept hoping she would throw him out. So I agree with you there.. im not even debating if I should wait. Im not. No, you chose to lie to her, to cover for him. If you cared about hurting her, you wouldn't have messed with her husband. You keep saying that you just can't understand why she is staying, and that you, "as a woman" would NEVER be able to move past the things he had done. Well, she is probably scratching her head over how such a woman could $crew a married man and ruin her own marriage for nothing. You're not saying anything new. The fact that you keep saying it anyway makes you come off as very "sour grapes". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 You really can't believe that a MM would cheat on his W would not lie to you? In order for him to cheat on his W, he has to be a liar. What a non sequitur! You're saying that if someone tells a lie to anyone, then they automatically have to lie to everyone? So, the guy who tells the traffic cop that _of course_ he was travelling within the speed limit is a chronic liar who lies to his boss, his wife, his kids, his mother? And the father who tells his kid that the tooth fairy took the tooth from under the pillow can't be trusted by anyone, because he is a liar? You've never ever told a lie to anyone, ever, in any situation? So why should we believe you ever, about anything? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I, as a woman, would not be able to move past some of these things. I had a similar experience, as a BH. The OM said the words to my WW: I don't know how he could take you back after what you've done to him. Please understand, this is extremely confusing logic. You benefitted from "those things". You were complicit and enabled "those things". Yet at some point you wanted this person, who was more than capable of them. So, as much as its confusing to you that she wouldn't be angry or not kick him out, I think it's more beneficial that you just resolve what some may feel is confusion in your part of the equation here. Have you told him the above, that you wouldn't be able to move past it if it were you in that position? Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 What a non sequitur! You're saying that if someone tells a lie to anyone, then they automatically have to lie to everyone? So, the guy who tells the traffic cop that _of course_ he was travelling within the speed limit is a chronic liar who lies to his boss, his wife, his kids, his mother? And the father who tells his kid that the tooth fairy took the tooth from under the pillow can't be trusted by anyone, because he is a liar? You've never ever told a lie to anyone, ever, in any situation? So why should we believe you ever, about anything? Apples and oranges. A calculated, prolonged double-life....which includes looking at a person you "love" in the face and lying every day for weeks, months, years..... can't be equated to lying to a cop about speeding. Such an oversimplification. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Apples and oranges. A calculated, prolonged double-life....which includes looking at a person you "love" in the face and lying every day for weeks, months, years..... can't be equated to lying to a cop about speeding. Such an oversimplification. And you've personally witnessed this particular MM doing exactly what you describe - or are you making wild assumptions about every single MM on the planet because you have personally witnessed some other MM somewhere doing what you describe? Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Since the topic has drifted into infighting amongst respondents and the thread starter has been absent, I'll close this before more folks get moderated. If the thread starter wishes to add content, simply alert on this message and make the request. For those who addressed the topic, thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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