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Dad doesn't want me to go to boyfriend's church because of cultural differences.

marie55567

By marie55567
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marie55567 Member

marie55567

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I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I have a good relationship and recently I have gone to visit his church since I haven't gone since my mom passed away which was 9 years ago. I'm christian and so is he. My dad sorta had an issue of me going to his church due to cultural differences. I am African American and he's African and my dad automatically assumed that he was a muslim and had sterotypical views of Africans and believed that they doesn't praise and worship God the Christian way. I told my dad he is Christian and my father preferred I go to church were we attended growing up and to have my boyfriend come to that church. The thing is I don't want to go back to the church I grew up at and thought about going to a different one. I am afraid my dad won't accept my boyfriend and I don't have an issue going to his church. I felt very welcomed by the members and he knows them.

maysj18 Established Member

maysj18

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So he is not Muslim like your dad assumed, right? Why does your dad have these kind of Ideas? Is your boyfriend Catholic or something while you are protestant? Or is it strictly due to your boyfriend's heritage?

 

As a Christian myself, your dad may be worried that this new church will guide you down a bad road. Some denominations or sects really have different values and interpretations of Scripture that go against the fundamentals of another Denomination. Now, of course it's good to branch out and learn but you need to make sure you're in a good place to do so because it's easy to get swept away whenever you don't know what you're getting into. If you feel you need to break away from your church, then do it. Talk to your dad about it and explain why. If he is just dead set on your attending that church and only that church, you need to decide what's better for you in the long run. We have to go against our parents sometimes, but we need to remember that their stubbornness is usually caused by worry AND that they are right a lot of the time.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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You're a grown woman and can go to any church you choose. You might explain to your dad that as a compromise and to avoid conflict you and your bf have decided to find a new church together.

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Elias33 Established Member

Elias33

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Live your own life, not your dad's. You live in a world he didn't grow up in, and you don't know the world he grew up in. It is you who is invested in your boyfriend, you, who knows your boyfriend, and your dad is without all that information. So live your own live, because your dad lived his. It's just the way it goes. It is nothing to worry about. You'll make choices in your life, that won't make everyone happy, but as long as your choices make you happy. Good luck.

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SawtoothMars Established Member

SawtoothMars

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I am afraid my dad won't accept my boyfriend and I don't have an issue going to his church. I felt very welcomed by the members and he knows them.

 

First... YOUR DAD LOVES YOU!

 

It is a father's job to be a hard@ss on any guy who wants to date his daughter. Fathers don't do this when they don't care. My suggestion is to stick to your church but also invite your BF to attend with you and your father!

 

If you get to a point where the two of you are engaged... then this may take on a different dimension, however if the boy is good, and treats you well, get him around your father often and he may warm up to him.

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marie55567 Member

marie55567

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So he is not Muslim like your dad assumed, right? Why does your dad have these kind of Ideas? Is your boyfriend Catholic or something while you are protestant? Or is it strictly due to your boyfriend's heritage?

 

As a Christian myself, your dad may be worried that this new church will guide you down a bad road. Some denominations or sects really have different values and interpretations of Scripture that go against the fundamentals of another Denomination. Now, of course it's good to branch out and learn but you need to make sure you're in a good place to do so because it's easy to get swept away whenever you don't know what you're getting into. If you feel you need to break away from your church, then do it. Talk to your dad about it and explain why. If he is just dead set on your attending that church and only that church, you need to decide what's better for you in the long run. We have to go against our parents sometimes, but we need to remember that their stubbornness is usually caused by worry AND that they are right a lot of the time.

 

Right he isn't muslim like my dad assumed and I don't know why my dad felt the way that he did. My boyfriend is christian and attends an African church that is christian but I don't know under which Denomination. I grew up in a christian bapist church. I like that my dad looks out for me and whatnot but I think he is worried that I might convert to a different Denomination but if I do then so what? I'm not saying I will but that's how I feel.

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marie55567 Member

marie55567

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First... YOUR DAD LOVES YOU!

 

It is a father's job to be a hard@ss on any guy who wants to date his daughter. Fathers don't do this when they don't care. My suggestion is to stick to your church but also invite your BF to attend with you and your father!

 

If you get to a point where the two of you are engaged... then this may take on a different dimension, however if the boy is good, and treats you well, get him around your father often and he may warm up to him.

 

Well my dad doesn't go to church :) I kinda don't mind going back to my church and inviting my boyfriend there he doesn't mind.

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marie55567 Member

marie55567

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How old are you OP?

 

I am 26 and so is my boyfriend.

catchthedrift Established Member

catchthedrift

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It's your choice to go to whichever church you want to, it is your faith, not his. He can not force his will onto you, he can not force his faith onto you.

And especially there is no different religion causing this 'problem', its just your dad being very very stubborn, and you are doing nothing wrong here.

Don't let your father and his attitude ruin a beautiful romance with someone who makes you happy. This is not Romeo and Juliet.

  • Like 1
catchthedrift Established Member

catchthedrift

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I am 26 and so is my boyfriend.

 

Yes, you are your own person. Do your thing. :D

TigerCub Established Member

TigerCub

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I think you're grown enough to make your own decisions.

And we're talking about church - really it's not like your bf is making you convert to a different religion or exposing you to things your faith would consider unsavory - it's church!

 

I understand that you still want to deal with things in a way that will show your dad respect - and that's good.

 

So you can just tell him that it's still a church, the people there are nice and the teachings are fine, and he is more than welcome to join you and your bf for the next service.

 

Since he's not even a church goer, then maybe that will shut him up - because he is more than welcome to come and check it out for himself to put his mind at ease! The invitation is there for him to just get up and take it.

 

But if he doesn't, then he really can't keep bitching about it, and anytime he does, just tell him to come with you guys to the next service.

  • Like 2
catchthedrift Established Member

catchthedrift

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I think you're grown enough to make your own decisions.

And we're talking about church - really it's not like your bf is making you convert to a different religion or exposing you to things your faith would consider unsavory - it's church!

 

I understand that you still want to deal with things in a way that will show your dad respect - and that's good.

 

So you can just tell him that it's still a church, the people there are nice and the teachings are fine, and he is more than welcome to join you and your bf for the next service.

 

Since he's not even a church goer, then maybe that will shut him up - because he is more than welcome to come and check it out for himself to put his mind at ease! The invitation is there for him to just get up and take it.

 

But if he doesn't, then he really can't keep bitching about it, and anytime he does, just tell him to come with you guys to the next service.

 

This here. I was just gonna say, ask your dad to come along maybe. It would be helpful for sure.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Go to his Church one Sunday & yours the next. Figure out which one you both like better.

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marie55567 Member

marie55567

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I think you're grown enough to make your own decisions.

And we're talking about church - really it's not like your bf is making you convert to a different religion or exposing you to things your faith would consider unsavory - it's church!

 

I understand that you still want to deal with things in a way that will show your dad respect - and that's good.

 

So you can just tell him that it's still a church, the people there are nice and the teachings are fine, and he is more than welcome to join you and your bf for the next service.

 

Since he's not even a church goer, then maybe that will shut him up - because he is more than welcome to come and check it out for himself to put his mind at ease! The invitation is there for him to just get up and take it.

 

But if he doesn't, then he really can't keep bitching about it, and anytime he does, just tell him to come with you guys to the next service.

 

My boyfriend's church is similar to my church that I went to going up. What I like about his is that the service is only almost 3 hours mines was longer lol.

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marie55567 Member

marie55567

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Can you help your BF and your dad get to know one another? Plan a picnic or a dinner? I really like what Maysj18 said, some good advice. Maybe since you visited his church he would like to visit your church? There are different ways you can approach a solution. The key is to talk and develop a good relationship and understanding. #notautomatic-

 

That'll work.

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