Need

[WriterGhos]

My friend and I have known each other for 3 years now. We're both females. We didn't really speak much over the course of those years, until last year when we met up again through work. Ever since then we have grown really close. Really close. Not long after we met up, she began to get really touchy & complimenting me all the time. I felt that she was attracted to me & I liked it, but I never acted on it A) Because she was a friend and I presumed that she was just a tactile person B) She had a boyfriend & C) I've never been attracted to another woman before.

 

We were inseparable for the last couple of weeks we were together before I had to leave. We got really drunk a couple of the nights and on these nights she asked me to go back to her room, but I was sensible enough to say no & just passed it off although it was not big deal. It was & still hasn't been mentioned.

 

As the days passed she started to become very negative about her boyfriend & started saying things to me like she will marry me & whenever we went out for food or drinks in the evening she would pick quiet spots and say that it was romantic. I had to return to work in another city, but we continued to speak all the time & whenever I could I returned to see her. Each time I returned the chemistry I felt between us was intense & she had a look of desire in her eyes & she kept hugging me and playfully touching my backside.

 

We missed each other so much that I returned every couple of weeks at the weekends. After a couple of months just before she returned to her hometown to work she asked me why she wasn't missing her boyfriend. I told her that only she knew the answer to that.

 

She returned home and we met up again in her hometown a few weeks after she arrived back and as I was waiting for her she saw me speaking to a guy & it was like she was annoyed & asked who he was and what he was asking me. Shortly after that she told me that she had broke up with her boyfriend as soon as she got back and that she didn't want to tell me via text, she wanted to tell me in person & she wasn't sad about it. That night we went out for a meal and some drinks, which felt like a date and she introduced me to her close friends and some family who told me that she spoke about me all the time.

 

As the months have passed we have met up each month and I have fallen in love with her. She's very possessive of me each time we've met. She appears to be jealous if any guys look or speak to me or if she thinks I'm looking at guys. We haven't spoken about this to one another, let alone do anything else. She is still very hands on with me. I on the other hand have been trying to keep my cool and not "touch" her, but if she kissed my arm or leaned her head on my shoulder I would lean my head against hers.

 

She's always resting her head on my shoulder, touching my backside, hugging me and looks all googly eyed at me whenever we meet and always telling me that I am so beautiful. If someone else was telling me this stuff I would say make your move, it sounds like this girl has got it bad for you & you feel the same, but I'm always the one to text. Very seldom does she text me. When we're apart, it seems like she's a different person. Whenever we do text we tell each other we love each other, but I'm not sure whether she means in a friend way or not.

 

We recently met up again and like always we went for some food and then some drinks and had arranged to meet with one of her family members later that night. Before we met up, we were having some drinks and she told me that she had met a guy a couple of week before & that she wanted me to meet with him to see what I thought of him. I felt my heart breaking at this, but I tried to play it cool. I did say no I didn't want to meet this guy. If she liked him then that's her decision. I don't want to be involved.

 

I'm not sure if it showed on my face or not because after that she quickly said that they hadn't done anything and that she wasn't sure whether to take it further because he had a child, she would be leaving town to go work again and she hadn't long broken up with her boyfriend (that happened 6 months ago) then she asked what about me. I told her that a guy was interested in me and that he loved me, but I'm not interested in anyone. She asked me why and I told her that I'm not interested and hoped that i never fell in love again. She looked shocked and asked me why and I told her because it just ends badly and I've had my heart broke one too many times. She just said true. After we spoke about this I couldn't look at her and backed off a little, the more I backed off the more she started to touch me and she couldn't take her eyes off of me.

 

Later that night we met up with the family member and as the night went on the drunker we were getting. Then out of nowhere this guy "friend" showed up in the bar. I'm not sure whether it was the same guy or not, but I turned my attention away from her, literally turning my back on them and spoke to her sister. The drunker she was getting the more this seemed to annoy her. She was really wacking back the drinks and was a lot drunker than me.

 

As we were at the bar drinking, she kept slapping my backside to get my attention and calling her sister over. Eventually she spun me around and told me not to ignore her and not to worry about "him" he's just a friend and she thinks he's a little gay. She then tightly hugged me and before we broke the hug she kissed my face then kissed my lips & told me that she really loved me. Really loved me, I was the perfect person and that she would turn lesbian to be with me & that I should never change.

 

I wanted to tell her how I felt there and then after she said that, but the words just wouldn't come out, so I just said I love you too. Not long after this was said, she said that she was feeling really drunk and wanted to go home. I said that I would go back to my hotel as it was very late, but she called her sister over and then told me that her sister wanted to stay out and drink with me then said again not to worry about that guy. He was just a friend and a little gay, then she left the bar with the guy. I just can't help but feel that this guy was more than just a friend and that there's something she isn't telling me. I saw her by the corner of my eye kissing his cheek, but other than that they didn't look like a couple and she spend most of the time trying to get my attention, so I'm a little confused what to think of that.

 

The next morning her words were still playing in my head. We had arranged to meet up that night, so I text her that we needed to talk. When we met, I couldn't bring myself to say it. She asked what time I got back & told her about a guy chatting me up, but I told him that I was in a relationship with her and she gave a half laugh. Later that night she asked me what happened with the guy again and asked if I told him that i was her girlfriend and she laughed about it again.

 

I returned to my own town the next day. We text that day. I wanted to ask her badly what she meant, but again I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't sleep or concentrate on work, so the next morning I text her really early, telling her that we need to talk, but as the day progressed I backed out of it again, so when she eventually replied I told her that it was nothing. However, the next night I text her as she was getting ready to go out and meet a "friend". It was after 10pm, which is a strange time to go out. Anyway, I told her that it could wait and she insisted that I told her, so I plucked up the courage and asked her what she meant when she said that stuff to me in the bar that night, but I left out the lesbian part, instead I just said that she said she had wanted to be with me. She replied that I was a good friend of hers, she loved me and that she had a good fun with me. It didn't really answer my question, but I didn't want to push it, so I just wrote back good. i'm glad we cleared that up & she replied, don't worry sweetheart, to which I told her I was not worried. i just wanted to know what she meant by it. then she coldly wrote back that she had to go.

 

Ever since then, she has went quiet on me. I've tried to keep acting normal, texting as I usually would, but now she's not responding the way she would normally have done. She's reading my text, taking a while to respond and when she does it's very short & dry answers. Something in my gut tells me that she doesn't just love me as a friend and that it's more, but I'm now doubting everything we've been through these past 6 months and wondering have I got the wrong end of the stick all along.

 

I want to speak with her so bad about this, but I don't want to lose her as a friend, but another part of me thinks by sending that text I have already ruined it all. I do want to be more than friends with her now & I do feel that there is a strong, powerful connection between us, but I'm now wondering whether it's just me that feels it. Although, I do feel that its her that's had the romantic feelings all along and I've been the one more reserved the whole time.

 

We're due to meet again in a few weeks and then spend the summer working in the same area, but now I'm not sure whether to just walk away from the whole situation and just cut off all contact with her. We're not silly young girls. We're in our late 20s and have both dated men all our lives. i just find this whole situation confusing and don't feel that I can speak to my close friends or family about this. Its a very delicate thing and if there's ever a chance that we can work this whole thing out, I don't want my "friend" to think that I have discussed this with anyone else before we've even discussed it. I do want to speak to her & I do think I would be brave enough, but somehow I don't think she's going to open up & tell me what she's really feeling unless she's drunk and i don't want to embarrass myself incase I have just read it all wrong. HELP!!

[smackie9]

Well from what I can see, you both are bi-sexual which is fine, not sure if you are confused about these new feelings but that's here nor there. This girl is in "lust" with you not in love with you, that's my take on it. If she truly was in love and wanted to be your romantic partner she wouldn't be acting like a retard playing these games. I can see why you are guard because her actions do not match her words. You have every right to feel this way because from my perspective I don't believe her either.

 

If anything you are the one that needs to open up to her, not the other way around.

[WriterGhos]

Thank-you for responding. I'm glad someone else outside of the picture could confirm what part of me was thinking. I don't know what she's all about playing games or why she would do this. I'm just going to try and distance myself and cancel the plans we had made. This is just too confusing for me to deal with. I just hope that she does the same and doesn't question me too much about why I've not been contacting her. I would like to be an adult to sit down and speak to her about it, but unless she's drunk I doubt she will discuss it & I don't know who's telling the truth, the drunk or sober version. Thanks