GoGators Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) So it's Day 2. I don't know how often I'll be posting (and hopefully not for too long...), but here goes my story. I'm 23, she's 24. We've been dating for 3.5 years. I've had 1 serious relationship before this, she's had none. We met in college, now I'm in law school and she's working 4 hours away. I also encouraged her to get a job in that city because I would be getting a job there after school and even helped her get the job (it's a really good job too, one that she says she would be an idiot to leave). We have been long distance since July 2014 and we see each other every 2-3 weekends. Our relationship has been 99.99% perfect. We have never had a sober fight and only a handful of drunk ones a few years ago when I was being an idiot. Everyone is jealous of our relationship, our families pretty much expect us to get married at this point, etc. We talk about marriage and she told me a few months back that she wanted me to propose towards the end of this year. Two karat square cut silver ring... don't get me started. Southern belle. I love it though. [Drum roll] And then yesterday happened. She needs to find herself. She needs time to be alone. She's confused. She still loves me. It's not another guy, I am 100% sure of that. She expressly said that she's changed a lot in the past 3 years and hasn't been alone. She also said that it's not a breakup, just the she needs time to be alone. I don't know if those really are two different things, but she was never that good with synonyms... I texted her on my drive up to school yesterday (Day 1) setting two ground rules: We need to set up times to reassess (in 1 week and in 1 month), and that she can talk to me whenever she wants. So I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past 24 hours. I feel that some of these thoughts that she's been having may be due to my actions and behavior (shocking). I'm a pretty clingy and emotional person, all out of love. It has come off as jealousy in the past few weeks, long distance has been pretty hard. I really depend on her for my own happiness while she is an extremely independent woman. I don't expressly limit her independence, but I can understand how my words and behavior imply so. So here I am, Day 2. What's my plan you ask? I'm going to start working on myself more, but man this sucks. I went to the gym today for the first time in a while, going to focus more on school, and hang out with friends more. Positive words, success stories, and any thoughts are welcome. I'm abiding by no contact except for the 1 week and 1 month checkup. I plan on telling her my realizations about myself in a week, telling her I'm working on them, and telling her that she doesn't need to respond. Thoughts on that idea? Also, could her thoughts be caused by my dependence on her or are those two completely separate things? And I know the cause of my dependence problems, going to work on that too. Going to see a free campus therapist. Deep-seeded mommy issues, but that's besides the point. Lastly, and I might be naïve, but I don't think this is the end of our relationship. The night before this happened we were having dinner with my whole family, whom she loves and they love her. She said "I never want you to grow up!" to my little brother over dinner. Said "I love your family!" to me after. Is she just trying to send me a message with this "break but not a break"? I don't know. Chicks, man. Edited March 8, 2015 by GoGators
Stilnaught Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Also, could her thoughts be caused by my dependence on her or are those two completely separate things? Took this part out to be able to say that it isn't exactly mathematics or even logic (cause-result or action-reaction). It'll have its part. But the magnitude of it will be entirely dependant upon her, her values, her situation, ... So it's rather unassessable. If you truly act as you put it down here, you'll have the best shot (and, even if the situation turns ill, you'll come out in the best possible way). I'll also give you the advice i'm trying to drill into my own mind (somehow, your own advice is the hardest to take ...): don't just work on your key points, but work on your being as a whole. Get into an upbeat flow, try to take life as a bright challenge where the sky is the limit, depending on your actions. 'cause it truly is, and once that positivity flows into your body, you'll get more attractive, more succesfull and most of all: happier with yourself. I'm also someone who can get clingy in relationships (with the negative results following suit). Women can take that, but only in the right magnitude and the right situations, and never for too long. It's perhaps one of the greatest differences in male and female psychology, where 'natural reactions' tend to drive people apart. As for success stories: i've been wallowing in fear and regret for an entire winter (november - march) after my first relationship. I rose afterwards, on all levels in my life. I recently discovered that, by the summer, my ex couldn't stop thinking about me after she saw what i had achieved/changed. Unfortunately for her, she had moved away and was dating someone she met recently.
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