binrob Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 So I just saw them together and I need to vent a bit since it brought up so many emotions I thought I had buried. My ex and I were together 4 years. We were each others first love and first sexual partner. She broke up with me 2 years ago saying she wasn't happy and then just shortly after got into a relationship with another guy who lived in another town 4 hours away. 2 months later she contacts me out of the blue and says that she's sorry. We meet, talk and we decide to try again. She leaves this new guy for me. 2 years pass and our relationship hits a rocky spot. Then she finally leaves me in september and starts dating another guy almost immediately, when she had just told me a month before that she had a gut feeling since the day we met that we would last forever. I beg and pleade and all that to no avail then go NC. After 1 month and a half I contact her. We start talking. She says she loves me and wants to try again. She even kept my note that I sent with the flowers when we broke up in september. She said she kept all my love notes when I asked her about it. 3 weeks later from nowhere she decides that no, she can't do this and then breaks up with me FOR GOOD this time according to her. I ask her how she could do this since she just told me she loved me and wanted to try again just days ago. She doesn't give me an answer. She blocks me on facebook when I try to talk to her. 2 weeks later I see her with another guy. They are holding hands. A little over a month later I see that they went on vacation together. She and her whole family treats me like I am some sort of dangerous beast. I only contacted her once after seeing her with her new boyfriend and that was after I saw they had gone on vacation. I told her in a short message how I thought she was false and how she had lied to me about her love. A month later when i decide to block her number for good I accidentally call her. But I hang up immediately and then block her number. The day after her father calls and threatens to call the police if I contact her again. Like I was some sort of monster who hit her daughter when I had taken care of her for 4 years. I still to this day can't understand why and how she could do this. How she could find a new boyfriend so fast and move on. Not caring about my existance. Treating me like dirt. I just wish I had answers. I just wish I could ask her. That she would give me straight answer. Something to help me understand. My friends said it was a rebound but it's been over 3 months now and they seem as happy as ever. I don't know. I'm so lost.
quattrob Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 She wouldn't be able to answer your questions because she herself doesn't know exactly the answer is. You guys sound young so her behavior is pretty common. When you're young you get bored or tiresome of things and people, so you want a change, a new excitement. It was a bad idea to take her back so quickly. You made her see you as someone she can just use as a backup plan, since she knows you'll just take her back so easily. She'll keep jumping and leaving guys as she for her own needs. This is not someone you want to have a serious relationship with. So please just forget about her and stop asking for answers because those answers won't make it better. Just accept the fact she's not the one you should be with and she doesn't want to be with you anymore. And don't consider to reconcile because she'll just leave you for someone else (as proven) when she gets bored. Feel sorry for you but please treat yourself well and go NC on her, she is not worth your time. 1
Satu Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Why and how don't matter, and she's so chaotic emotionally that she won't even know herself. What matters is you. Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your wellbeing. Stick to NC as if your life depends on it. Be strong. Reach down deep into yourself, and mobilise your resources to keep going until you start to see the light. You matter. You are important. You can get through this. 2
Stercrazy Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 The fact that she's with someone else isn't more important then the fact she doesn't want contact with you. For whatever reason that's where she's at with you. So where does that leave you? Realistically you may never get answers from her. You might not get closure. You might have to make your own closure. And you do that by NC and removing EVERYTHING that reminds you of her. This will help the mind heal and you will heal. You're at the beginning of this painful journey where you will find out a lot about yourself and how to be a better person. No one is perfect. We all can be better people and better partners. Work on you....do you. It might take a while but I promise you will be a "super" you when the pain leaves. I would start with journaling your thoughts, feelings and dreams. I recently did a dream analysis that I had very soon after my last contact with my ex and it provided so much information that my subconscious was telling me. You deserve better and you deserve to be loved.....by someone else. 1
elaine567 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I still to this day can't understand why and how she could do this. How she could find a new boyfriend so fast and move on. Not caring about my existance. Treating me like dirt. I just wish I had answers. I just wish I could ask her. That she would give me straight answer. Something to help me understand. Even if you did get back with her, there is too much drama there and no doubt you would be split up in another few months. She gave it her best shot it didn't work for her and now the two of you are on different journeys. You have to learn to accept that and start on your own journey without her. It doesn't matter now if she dumps the bf and has 20 other boyfriends or this guy she is dating is the one and they get married. You are no longer in the picture for her, so you need to stop obsessing about her and do something else with your life. That door is closed. 1
Author binrob Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 I'm doing NC and have been doing so since january. I don't want her back. I could not forgive her for what she has done. I know I should move on and what not but she was the woman I loved for 4 years and my best friend. I just want to understand her actions. Not get her back. I know I should move on and that's what I'm trying to do. I just wanted to get some perspective from other people on what might be going on.
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I just want to understand her actions. Not get her back. I know I should move on and that's what I'm trying to do. I just wanted to get some perspective from other people on what might be going on. She broke up with me 2 years ago saying she wasn't happy. I think you answered your own question, she just wasn't happy with you. The rest is just drama. 1
Chi townD Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 She left you for another guy. You don't need to ask her any questions to find "closure" I mean, why? So you can sit with her and listen to her tell you what YOU did or didn't do. Her telling you that the majority of the demise of the relationship was probably your fault? Not worth your time, dude. Write her off and start a new chapter of your life. 1
sabd Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Sounds like you were Plan B. She was all over the place with her emotions and clearly didn't know what she really wanted. You were conveniently there to take her back every time she changed her mind. Don't be there again. You're worth more than that. Good luck. 1
Emma1234 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 It sounds to me as though she doesn't know what she wants. Maybe she enjoys the attention she can get from two different guys? Maybe she enjoys drama? Maybe she doesn't understand what it's like to hurt properly and therefore has no compassion for others and their feelings. Whatever the reason she hasn't treated you right and you deserve better. I know it's so hard to get past this, especially as it has been such a long time. When we think of emotionally manipulative people or people that are cruel to others we don't put this image to the one we love the most because it just doesn't seem possible. But sadly it is, look at this from an outside point of view, she seems young and unsure of herself and what she wants. The best thing you can do is leave her in the past and focus on you. None of this was your fault, it's just the situation and her immaturity and possibly the lack of compatibility. Depends on you two as people, I can't judge that. Change your mindset. That's the bravest and strongest thing you can do, it'll be easier for you to pity yourself and wallow and hate the world but that's not a way to live. Whatever will be will be. There are two options: either you focus on yourself, live your life and she eventually comes back (I don't think you'll want her back once you start living your life) or you move on, find yourself AND meet someone incredible who loves you for you, won't hurt you, won't mess you around, and whom you can have something real and more intense than anything you ever could have imagined with her. Don't settle, there are too many emotions we're able to feel and too many opportunities and people out there to settle. Watch some great films, the recent oscar ones are great: The Theory of Everything, Wild, Still Alice, The Imitation game. I find that doing this helps incredibly. Also focus on your physical appearance. Maybe give yourself a few more days to morn the loss of someone you care about (remember friendship in the future is always an option but like i said you'll soon be indifferent and will not care) then plan yourself a meal plan so that you're eating foods that make you feel good. Start working out or running or even just walking. Create a strict routine for yourself, start to love yourself and realise your worth. OF COURSE YOU'RE WORTHY, but pining after someone who really doesn't sound worth it will trick you into believing you're not. Good luck, you'll be fine and you'll read these threads back one day and smile 3
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