I'm Self inflicting this horrible pain? I'm stuck on a limbo! My life has paused!

[RLG]

My story >>> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/518087-i-ask-you-read-my-soul-being-eaten-immense-regrets

 

Guys, I'm having the worst days of my life. I admit is because I chose to..but I try to let my exGF go, I try to detach the feelings and the love I feel for her and those just come and go, go and come. I haven't had the strength enough to just literally drop her out of my mind and out my hearth.

 

She literally called me allot of name at the break up..don't know if she had resentment or she was mad..called me weak, told me she didn't love no more and to add it told me she met someone and wants to see where that goes!!..I know she lost respect towards me because if you read my other post you'll know why. Still I'm so delusional that I still believe she will contact me or just magically appear in my life again. I literally ask my body for energy..all I get is sadness..depression and tons of memories of her and while I should be hating her for really acting like a bi.tch at the break up and saying! I don't give a fck anymore...I was too emotionally attached to her at the very end when she wasn't and called it quits. Then I feel time worse for the way I took and handle the break up! Very foolish, immature to her eyes is the image I left of me to her! Should I care, I know you gonna say I shouldn't give a damn what she thinks of me, but thats the thing. She is gone..and I still do care the image I left her of me and I still care about her.

 

I literally cant sleep, because If I sleep is like a nightmare every single night, because every single night 2 to 4 dreams I have of her every single night. I try to avoid it, they just happen. I never met some I like this much, that I feel good when im with that much, that I like all of her..literally all . and she is gone forever with an image of me that sucks, gone to another man..which thoughts come to my head of her wrapped in that guys arms and I literally cant breathe. My family is suffering, they been watching me being in this pain for over 2 months now, they don't know what to do or to say. They just told me:

 

We have never seen someone love another person that much!! Literally they are shocked to see how much I feel for my exGF. While she I'm sure doesn't even think of me..is not suffering and obviously wants nothing to do with me. I chased her, I begged you can pretty much say all the mistakes on the book. That killed me and broke my confidence and self esteem, because I know I coulda have avoid all that. I literally have lost tons body weight, I started smoking cigarettes, I barely eat just now and then..and it feel like my life has paused..like im paused in time..regretting all I did wrong while I was with her..all I coulda have done right so I wasn't a bad memory of her past which I am now..and that eats me..because I lover her so much and all I am to her is a closed rusty book from the past full of written page of bad deeds. I told her I cant turn the clock but if you give us another chance I def can do better this time. Too late..she felt for the GIGS. and since I fckd up at the break up and after I push her to the moon, unreachable and hates my guts.

 

I know the answer Im gonna get is move on ,let her go, keep your mind busy. I TRYYY. I DO..but it was 3 years together literally every day, we shared so much, we laughed so much, we did so much..that it feels like she kept herself glue to my min and skin..and since it looked like she enjoyed seeing me emotionally destroyed..I guess she tried even more to stay in my mind by breaking me even more. I know what she did how she used me and the things she did..Still I cant fckng let her go, my mind is just holding too much on to her. I have her instagram and Facebook, I wanna block her..but I just cant..I try..then I cant. Is like I don't wanna delete her from my life completely.

 

I had....some life ending thoughts the other night , I got really low and I almost wanted to take 12 aspirin and just stop this pain forever. But if I do that it will only show and approve when she called me weak!! which I'm not..I really fckng lover her..but I have to be strong enough to overcome this and I cant.

Edited March 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added link to previous thread ~T

[spiderowl]

I'm sure there are many people on this forum who do know exactly how you feel! It might not be much comfort to you but breaking up is a very painful process. We are tied to the other person at so many different levels - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, if not by friends and family too. It takes time for these ties to be resolved and for us to feel lighthearted again. It seems to me it's a bit like unravelling unsconsious threads that have formed over the time we are with them.

 

Three years of spending all that time with your ex is not wiped out so easily. You are bound to go through some pain and anguish because your mind is trying to work through it and make sense of it all. I know it hurts like hell. Trust that your mind is doing its work though and soon you will feel better and the frequent pangs will be less and not so powerful. Remember the bad times. Remind yourself of her unkindnesses and note that that was the kind of person she was. Don't you deserve someone who treats you better?

 

Things that people have said and that have helped me in the past following a break-up are:

 

He's not the person you thought he was

 

A man who loved you wouldn't do this

 

You are a good person, genuine and loving. Those are special qualities that some guy will appreciate. You have done nothing wrong except be yourself and love him.

 

As I see it, if you are supposed to be together, neither of you would let anything else get in the way. The fact that she has, shows that she is on a different path to you. I sometimes think of the Lenny Kravitz song title as it sums up the way things are with relationships and is probably one of the most important parts of deciding who is right for us:

 

'Are you going my way?'

 

Take care of yourself and I hope the pain lessens soon. Loving someone else is a wonderful thing, but you need to love yourself too. Take care of that precious inner self that is hurt but will recover.

[frigginlost]

Not going to tell you to move on. Not going to tell you to man up. Not going to tell you to lighten up.

 

I am going to tell you, that what you are feeling is normal. Your mind has its own ways of purging itself of feelings and it is doing just that. Ride it out...

 

Also, life ending thoughts if bad enough need to addressed professionally.

[HBK3317]

Okay dude let me put things in perspective. The girl never loved you, if she did she wouldn't leave you like this... Just put things in perspective and try to see. She might have been cheating on you behind your back, who the duck knows!? (Please don't start to defend her, she doesn't deserve it!)

 

Three years is a hell lot of time I get it and you will feel pain, a lot of it, but sooner or later you have to face reality brother... And the reality being that no matter what you can not change what happened. I bet even if you could go back in time and change what you did she would still break up because that's what was meant to happen

 

See I don't know wheather you trust in a god, superpower, destiny or something like that but if you do just pray to him to keep you safe and healthy and trust him. Trust him to take you on this journey called life and you will be safe no matter the circumstances. Now I am no preacher but I find peace of mind when I pray to the Lord.

 

And you want to end your life why? Because a girl who doesn't care how much you love her left you? Are you ducking serious!? Is she more important than your own mother, your father, brother, sister, your own family!? Come on man drive those thoughts away... It feels like it's not worth living anymore and I won't lie I myself have these thoughts sometimes but it's just not worth it...

 

Are you feeling me bro?

 

And also think about this, the pain and suffering you are going through, does she feel the same way about you? Is she crying every single day regretting what happened? NO SHE IS NOT. For all you know she must be rolling in another mans arm right about now... I know it hurts very much just thinking about it, trust me I do know I have these thoughts all the time, but well the reality again being we can do NOTHING to change this... We would give our everything if we could now wouldn't we? That's the irony brother and you need to understand it as soon as possible.

 

For now I would want you to spend some time with your Mama or Dad or anyone elder than you. Just lay in their lap, cry if you have to it will feel good, I promise.

 

Trust me brother you will get through this okay... Just accept the fact that You were not meant for her, You deserve someone much Better. And when you least expect it they will walk in your life and everything will be bliss

[RLG]

Okay dude let me put things in perspective. The girl never loved you, if she did she wouldn't leave you like this... Just put things in perspective and try to see. She might have been cheating on you behind your back, who the duck knows!? (Please don't start to defend her, she doesn't deserve it!)

 

Three years is a hell lot of time I get it and you will feel pain, a lot of it, but sooner or later you have to face reality brother... And the reality being that no matter what you can not change what happened. I bet even if you could go back in time and change what you did she would still break up because that's what was meant to happen

 

See I don't know wheather you trust in a god, superpower, destiny or something like that but if you do just pray to him to keep you safe and healthy and trust him. Trust him to take you on this journey called life and you will be safe no matter the circumstances. Now I am no preacher but I find peace of mind when I pray to the Lord.

 

And you want to end your life why? Because a girl who doesn't care how much you love her left you? Are you ducking serious!? Is she more important than your own mother, your father, brother, sister, your own family!? Come on man drive those thoughts away... It feels like it's not worth living anymore and I won't lie I myself have these thoughts sometimes but it's just not worth it...

 

Are you feeling me bro?

 

And also think about this, the pain and suffering you are going through, does she feel the same way about you? Is she crying every single day regretting what happened? NO SHE IS NOT. For all you know she must be rolling in another mans arm right about now... I know it hurts very much just thinking about it, trust me I do know I have these thoughts all the time, but well the reality again being we can do NOTHING to change this... We would give our everything if we could now wouldn't we? That's the irony brother and you need to understand it as soon as possible.

 

For now I would want you to spend some time with your Mama or Dad or anyone elder than you. Just lay in their lap, cry if you have to it will feel good, I promise.

 

Trust me brother you will get through this okay... Just accept the fact that You were not meant for her, You deserve someone much Better. And when you least expect it they will walk in your life and everything will be bliss

 

 

Did she love!! did SHE LOVE ME:h bro..if she did not I wouldn't even be here posting sh it up. Man im 24 Cuban...honestly I been with lots of women ..here and in Cuba hundred of them. Never in my life a woman has made me feel like this one did. Thats the whole reason of why I feel this agony , pain, depression, regrets, and I just wanna die and wish I can be back in time.

 

 

You just mentioned she didn't love me..If she woulda have never loved I wouldnt feel like I feel right now. You are wrong..she did..madly ..but madly in love with me.

M

y family used to joke allot with us..they always started joking around me and her telling us we were like glue to each to each other. Lets say I was at my paretns house with her. Im at the living room with her and the family, I walk to the backyard to speak with my brother or to do some **** -SHE LITERALLY would go right to the backyard to be next to me...same thing with me. We were inseparable wtih each other..she would go to the fron of house to talk to my mom..I would walk right to where she was to help her or either join the conversation or just talk with her and be ourselves. Literally no kidding we couldnt stand being apart for more than 1 minute. I'm not kidding on this one. My mom used to laugh because she said: Look there goes ray walking to the front of the house..but wait just a second and you'll see milay walking right after him. Literally it was like that. We were best friends..best lovers..best couple. Best Relationship ..But:

 

A **** idiot who was immature as ****..didn't know what he had and started making ton of mistakes.. That idiot is the one obviously is writing you right now. Little by little literally I killed her immense love towards me and broke that love in pieces.

 

One time I went on a business trip for 2 days..she didn't slept..she cried those 2 nights all night!!.when I got back..the company I was working for drop me off ... I literally ran to the apt because I was dying too see her, I opened the door and she ran to me..jumped and hugged crying and crying and going crazy that I finally got back.

 

Right now as I write this..im dropping some tears...because What da **** was I thinking ...why the **** I did the things I did..the thing I shoulda have done I did not brainstorm them and put effort in it.See this woman make me feel like no other woman has ever before..and that Is loved...loved like no other before. Im cuba 24. been with hundreds of women no joke actually very handsome guy. But fck..I fck up. And the things is if you see my ex she is not the hottest woman ever not at all. But her personality her way to be. That I fell in love with. WHO SHE IS.

 

..kill me now. I literally wanna die. she is amazing..she is. and she is gone Forever.

[Satu]

If you can't live without her, its very likely that you couldn't live with her either.

 

Too much drama, maybe?

[RLG]

Yep...thats actually what I caused at the break up thats actually why she ran away that fast with a new man. I can live without her. I had a life before her..however..didnt know after she was gone..how my life was gonna feel without her in it!! I wasnt expecting this...neither this type of feeling. Im actually after suffering this much becoming emotionless..im about to not feel anything at all. Im becoming the fckng Iceman day by day. I just am.

 

Again you are right..I have seen some of your answers here on the forum..you are pretty straightforward all the time. Yes I can live with her...but she doesnt wanna live with me. Drama..again yes. Why you think I feel so bad!! Because I shoulda never acted the way I did when I heard those words of :

 

I need space..im having second thoughts!!. I was so much in to my own emotions and sh it like that.. that I didnt play it by the book and with logic. Again..that is what kills me. I might have had a shot of still being with her.