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Got 'stood up' by a woman I've been dating for over a month on a meeting at my

slightyannoyed

By slightyannoyed
in Dating

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slightyannoyed New Member

slightyannoyed

Posted
Posted

She went to a bday party at a friends place last night but texted me that she wanted to spend the night at my place after. I say cool and that I'll stay up till she gets here. Around midnight she says she's just about on her way but an hour 1/2 later (should be a 30 min drive tops) she's nowhere to be found. I call and text her just to make sure she's OK since I know she had been drinking a bit and that she's a lightweight. I finally get a response from her that she's going home instead.

 

 

Understandably I hope, I pretty ****ing pissed. I don't bother to respond and go to sleep since it's late. Waking up in the AM I wake up to a few texts from her saying 'sorry', that her friends 'pressured her to stay', and she started feeling ill last night from the drinking. I admit, my gut instinct was to just delete her but prior to this we never had any issues at all, in fact it seemed that we were both looking for something a bit serious. Should I even respond to her? Should I say something about how incredibly rude what she did? I really did like her and previously she had told me she really liked me too. Feels bad to have it end this way.

AlwaysAKL Member

AlwaysAKL

Posted
Posted

If this is the first time she has done this, just let it slide...she messed up. It's really not that big of a deal. Now if she does it all the time then that is total disrespect. I say give her another chance

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

She went out with friends. Although she was supposed to come over your house, she changed her mind. That doesn't seem to be worth blowing up a relationship over.

  • Like 6
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

You can't hold against her that she preferred going home when feeling sick. Let it slide this time. You can tell her that it's ok but would have liked to be warned earlier as you waited up for her.

  • Like 3
fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted

Dude, she gave you a very reasonable excuse. If she was drinking and partying all night, and then her friends wanted her to stay longer, she's naturally going to be tired and want to go home.

 

How I would have handled it :

 

1) That night when she said she was going home - Feel better hun! I'll take advantage of you not hogging the covers tonight. ;-P

 

2) The next day when she apologizes - Oh I know you'll be a good girl and make it up to me somehow. I'm thinking... Then I'd tell her something I wanted

 

This way you're not being a push-over and are holding her accountable. But at the same time, you're showing some class and being gracious about her getting in over her head the night before.

  • Like 1
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

You're upset? Really? She was sick.

 

If anything I would impress on her that you are not the type of person who takes kindly to cancelled plans. That way she will think twice about doing something like drinking too much before coming to see you. You have to teach (more like train) people how to treat you. I have had to do this even with friends and family because they think you are nice and won't care when they run all over you.

  • Like 2
fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted (edited)
You're upset? Really? She was sick.

 

If anything I would impress on her that you are not the type of person who takes kindly to cancelled plans. That way she will think twice about doing something like drinking too much before coming to see you. You have to teach (more like train) people how to treat you.

 

Exactly. One thing I love about being old school and a dominant gentleman is that you want to be classy with your woman and protect her/keep her safe. But at the same time, you need to be firm and gently lead/train her to hold her accountable. There's a fine line between being a controlling dick, and a guy with a backbone that knows how and when to give a little bit of gentle firmness. Then when she comes to you with that caring look in her eyes and feeling feminine to please her man to make up for her mistake, it's the best feeling in the world.

Edited by fitnessfan365
  • Like 1
DazedandConfused8 Established Member

DazedandConfused8

Posted
Posted
Dude, she gave you a very reasonable excuse. If she was drinking and partying all night, and then her friends wanted her to stay longer, she's naturally going to be tired and want to go home.

 

How I would have handled it :

 

1) That night when she said she was going home - Feel better hun! I'll take advantage of you not hogging the covers tonight. ;-P

 

2) The next day when she apologizes - Oh I know you'll be a good girl and make it up to me somehow. I'm thinking... Then I'd tell her something I wanted

 

This way you're not being a push-over and are holding her accountable. But at the same time, you're showing some class and being gracious about her getting in over her head the night before.

 

She's "a good girl" and needs to make it up to him?! Great patronizing guilt trip!

  • Like 1
Gary S Established Member

Gary S

Posted
Posted

If she was sick, and since she did say she was sorry, I would not bring it up again, I would give her a get out of jail free card this time. But I don't like it.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Exactly. One thing I love about being old school and a dominant gentleman is that you want to be classy with your woman and protect her/keep her safe. But at the same time, you need to be firm and gently lead/train her to hold her accountable. There's a fine line between being a controlling dick, and a guy with a backbone that knows how and when to give a little bit of gentle firmness. Then when she comes to you with that caring look in her eyes and feeling feminine to please her man to make up for her mistake, it's the best feeling in the world.

 

She is your girlfriend, not a beagle.

  • Like 2
Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

Posted
Posted
Exactly. be classy with your woman and protect her/keep her safe. But at the same time, you need to be firm and gently lead/train her to hold her accountable.

 

There's a fine line between being a controlling dick, and a guy with a backbone that knows how and when to give a little bit of gentle firmness. Then when she comes to you with that caring look in her eyes and feeling feminine to please her man to make up for her mistake, it's the best feeling in the world.

 

Wow, thanks for your fabulous illustration of a controlling dick. ;)

  • Like 3
mstie Member

mstie

Posted
Posted

If she was drinking she shouldn't have been driving anyway. She could have seriously hurt herself. Or someone else

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted

YOU have to give leeway to the effects of drink, even the kindest most considerate people can be incredibly selfish after drinking. Peer pressure can have a big effect on behaviour, as can feeling ill.

Had she vomited all over your apartment and in your bed, would you have been pleased...?

 

Forget it.

If you feel she is a good person for you, don't let this episode spoil anything.

  • Like 1
catchthedrift Established Member

catchthedrift

Posted
Posted
She went to a bday party at a friends place last night but texted me that she wanted to spend the night at my place after. I say cool and that I'll stay up till she gets here. Around midnight she says she's just about on her way but an hour 1/2 later (should be a 30 min drive tops) she's nowhere to be found. I call and text her just to make sure she's OK since I know she had been drinking a bit and that she's a lightweight. I finally get a response from her that she's going home instead.

 

 

Understandably I hope, I pretty ****ing pissed. I don't bother to respond and go to sleep since it's late. Waking up in the AM I wake up to a few texts from her saying 'sorry', that her friends 'pressured her to stay', and she started feeling ill last night from the drinking. I admit, my gut instinct was to just delete her but prior to this we never had any issues at all, in fact it seemed that we were both looking for something a bit serious. Should I even respond to her? Should I say something about how incredibly rude what she did? I really did like her and previously she had told me she really liked me too. Feels bad to have it end this way.

 

I think I understand where she was coming from. She said she'd come over because she really wanted to see you but then got distracted because the party just was too much fun and stayed... minutes, hours go by quickly. And when she was too drunk she preferred to go home, because she didn't want to vomit all over your toilet.

It's sensible of her, given the (insensible) situation she put herself into.

Cut her some slack, it happens to the best of us.

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