Fernando2826 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 My ex, 20, and I were together for 6 months. She told me that she loved me after around 3 months and I felt very strong emotions for her, but could not define them. During this time, particularly towards the end, she started to say very intense things such as "I feel as though I've met my soulmate, I want to spend the rest of my life with you", "If I was to become pregnant I might not have an abortion", "If you move to Australia after university, I will come with you, in all seriousness", "We'll leave our kids with my sister and go on holiday frequently in the future". She would write to her penpal (not knowing that I was aware) things such as "I can see our lives together (before describing our lives), I just wish that we could have it all now" so I know that it wasn't just for my benefit. However, she also told me (whilst drunk) that one half of her felt like I was the love of her life, whilst the other half wondered if there was something "even more" out there. Anywho, we went away to different universities promising to make it work, only for her to get together with someone else and seemingly forget about me after about 3 weeks. How can one go from SUCH emotional intensity to nothing SO quickly? She had told me in the past that she was afraid she would "mess things up", that she "always self-sabotages" and wished we could have met at a different time in our lives. I believe that I was developing truly loving feelings for her, whereas suspect that she was simply infatuated/in lust. We were highly attracted to one another to begin with and were intimate quickly and often (to an extent neither of us had really known). Besides this intimacy, there were emotional conversations regarding our emotional issues and family problems but not much common ground in terms of conversation besides. I keep telling myself that in order for things to have fallen apart so quickly, she must have hugely preferred this other guy... It seemed when we broke up that she had completely forgotten what it was like to be with me - after some time and emotional discussion, she became extremely emotional and said "I don't want to say goodbye, this isn't goodbye, just goodbye for now", so it seemed as though on some level she still cared... Is it possible for some people to just suppress or forget? Or was it an infatuation? Can such a relationship fall apart so quickly when the chemicals involved dissipate?
Gloria25 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Well, looking at your ages at the time she was "starry-eyed" - she, like most people - equate "emotion/lust/feeeelings" with love for another person...but IMO, regardless of age, for her to call you a "soulmate" and express "loooove" in only three months of knowing you might mean she's got a loose screw somewhere. Then, who knows, maybe she was trying to "trap" you - especially by getting knocked up. I mean, from the little you posted about her, she seems like kids are "means to an end" (nabbing you or some guy) - cuz, as you see, she's quick to put her kids on the back-burner to go galavanting with you across the world as if you two were single people w/o responsibilities. Look, I'm not sure if you're trying to measure her flippant/flakey/possessive/manipulative ways as a measure of your desirability to women. If that's the case, then forget her. My fav podcaster makes a good point - which is she values the opinion of people that "matter". This chick seems like a flibberdy gibbet and I wouldn't even take with a grain of salt any statement, opinion, etc. she had/has. Your statement made me think about my current situation in the sense that some guys may think you weren't really into them if you're quick to move on to someone else. I had a guy who was crushing on me and it never materialized. I think I've held back on trying to meet someone else in part cuz I had some crazy notion that he might come my way one day and if he saw me trying to meet other people while still having desire for him, he'd think that my desire for him wasn't as strong as it appeared to be and/or I'm just some flibberdy gibbet who can jump from guy to guy. But the case is I can't sit around wishin' and a hopin' and a prayin' one day he asks me out for a drink/coffee when there's no signs that he will ever do that. I've already spent over six months making up delusions in my head about him some day coming my way and nope, he can barely speak to me...lol. Well, if you're thinking that about that chick you are talking about...If a RL is going no where, how long do you expect that person to wait on you? From what you described, seems like you two had to go to different universities and all that. Well, it would be nearly impossible for you two to keep it going. But, I still think that she's a flake - regardless of the challenges that both of your guy's youth, stages in life and/or distance would have put on the RL. So, IMO, you shouldn't look at this situation with her as a reflection of whether or not you were desired and/or loved by a particular "girl" (no, I cannot call her a "woman", she seems so immature).
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