Author ITPro Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 She has told you what she wants though. With every non-response to every attempt you make to contact her, she tells you "no". Not necessarily a "no" just because she is silent. People are different and have different ways of reacting to things. Silence doesn't always mean a "no". It could just a be a way of saying "I'm hurt and I need time to respond". The response could be a favorable or an unfavorable one. Thats a different thing. Life is simply not Black or white all the time. There are different motives each time. Each action is driven by a different instinct. And i dont usually assume things in life. Ifs and buts are only probabilities. They are not certainties. I like to find explicit answers. I know her well. She is the kind who would simply ask me to f*ck off if she didnt want to hear from me. The thing is that we loved each other a lot. She is very hurt. One of the reasons i backed off was I couldnt stand to stay in there and hurt her anymore by not having fixed my issues. I hated to see her insecure. At least for me it was just better to back off than to subject her to insecurity. Many a times I have thought about it and felt that it was the right thing to do. Maybe not the right way but certainly the right thing to let her go. At least at that point. Its been 4 months. Even though she wasnt with me in these 4 months, I kept working on everything we needed if we were to be together. Worked hard to earn that extra money for another apartment not knowing whether she would come back. I followed my heart and did what I had to.
Author ITPro Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 The kids part is a very sad thing, and I went through it myself. But things will be better, and as a resilient parent you'll find ways to be available for them. As for relationships under these circumstances, it's just very hard on everyone involved, including you. Like others have said, move out, and move on. Even though you have an understanding, and even though everyone knows, you were still physically present which is absolutely counterproductive in the development of a new relationship. Good luck to you. Thank you. Yes i will move out soon.
ZiggyZoo Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Not necessarily a "no" just because she is silent. People are different and have different ways of reacting to things. Silence doesn't always mean a "no". It could just a be a way of saying "I'm hurt and I need time to respond". The response could be a favorable or an unfavorable one. Thats a different thing. Life is simply not Black or white all the time. There are different motives each time. Each action is driven by a different instinct. And i dont usually assume things in life. Ifs and buts are only probabilities. They are not certainties. I like to find explicit answers. I know her well. She is the kind who would simply ask me to f*ck off if she didnt want to hear from me. The thing is that we loved each other a lot. She is very hurt. One of the reasons i backed off was I couldnt stand to stay in there and hurt her anymore by not having fixed my issues. I hated to see her insecure. At least for me it was just better to back off than to subject her to insecurity. Many a times I have thought about it and felt that it was the right thing to do. Maybe not the right way but certainly the right thing to let her go. At least at that point. Its been 4 months. Even though she wasnt with me in these 4 months, I kept working on everything we needed if we were to be together. Worked hard to earn that extra money for another apartment not knowing whether she would come back. I followed my heart and did what I had to. Eh, I still go with "no". Four months is an awfully long time to go without at least SOME sort of response, especially if she loves you as much as you think she does. Or did. She may have been the type to tell you to f*ck off, but she could also very well think it not worth her time to give you even that. The thing is, both of you being married aside, you didn't treat her with respect or courtesy. I'm sure you see it differently, but this is my take on your actions as reported by you. Not contacting someone you supposedly love for 10 days? After being cold to her? After ending things? Yeah, that would be enough to make a lot of people throw in the towel. Take a step back and just look at your actions without all the excuses you attach. You get a guy who isn't able to move forward in a relationship because of things totally within his power to change. I understand that your children come first, and completely agree. So to some degree, I can see your logic in waiting until they're older to get a divorce. But if the person you're with wants to take the relationship to the next level, and you can't or won't, then the only thing to do is to walk away. She is actually putting your children first too, by making your decision for you. I know, I know, you're all set to move out and all that...but unil you do, it's all words and intentions. Your ex wanted action and forward movement, and when she decided it wasn't going to happen with you, she left. Take a look around these forums. There are hundreds of people who swore they knew someone better than anyone else. And got dumped, cheated on, completely blindsided. You may very well have never seen the "I'm completely done" side of her because she wasn'tthere. But don't assume that you know what she's thinking, people are full of surprises.
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