Broken ruby Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) I had started my post "anniversary text from the ex..." early on, so I am starting a new thread cause so much has happened. To sum up, after NC for about 3 month since breakup, I got a surprise morning visit from him while I was watching my wendy talk show. He asked if he can come in and talk and apologized for the unannounced visit. At this point in time I was kinda healed and actually had the strength to confront him without crying or begging him back. I reached a point were I accepted that I make myself happy and not him. Anyways, he sat on my couch and he opened with how he wanted to apologize how he acted on his part of being a jerk with our breakup and that he was starting fresh with things in his life, new job, new attitude, and Ect.. He said that he remembered something I said about his persona and attitudes where he had an altercation with someone and learned his pride and ego needed to be checked and how he had been facing his inner demons. The first five minutes he was there he said that he wasn't here to reconcile as he mentioned somewhat that he wasnt here to push anything on me, but said he did not want to have me as an enemy. After he said his part which was indeed genuine, I said mine just stating how he hurt me but keeping it very short but careful not to rehash a lot of stuff which would be meaningless. For 3 hours we talked about other stuff and laughed, I had to leave for work so I walked him out. He then asked if he could take me to dinner, and then kissed right on the lips before closing the door. And this is the part that becomes so contradicting because in his whole approach he was not begging me back, but obviously wants me in his life. I never mentioned I wanted him back either or gave any kind of hint I did. He sees that I am in a much better place and have been doing fine without him. He has also volunteered himself to help me do stuff like house projects, be my running partner as I would talk about it like he wants to make an effort to be more involved with my life. That same day he visited, I went to work later where he texted me to make sure I was having a good day.The next day after that he would call me in the morning and called me later to see if I wanted to go out for dinner which did not happen due to me being exhausted.The next day he called me in the morning and we talked and texted me later. He is actually doing what I needed him to do that he didn't do when we were together towards the end. As a person and just knowing him, he could be a little weird and does struggle with truly expressing how he currently feels. I do still love him and he loves me. But am just laying back to see what he does. I am still gonna date and do me. His approach has not been been romantic with me except with that first kiss and not looking for it really but I just don't know what he wants from me. It's been 4 days he been back in my life. As much time he spends at home and contacting me I doubt their is another and have not asked. I am not sure if he is waiting for me to bring up the topic of reconciliation. And I am not playing the ex with benefits game. Again, he pointed out that he is starting over with his life. In his mind, maybe he is starting friendship mode with me before lovers which is always the best way. Either way if we would reconcile we would have to go to couples therapy. That would be the deal breaker period. But honestly, while I do enjoy his companionship in this friend mode, I am treating it as him just being a friend..and that's it. All the hurt, and crying I did is something I can't forget and won't compromise my heart. So I am being very careful with this and not putting all my hopes into this But is this a start of a reconciliation possible? It's only been less then a week, so when the time is right I will confront him about what kind of relationship he wants this to be. I refuse to be someone readily available to him being just his ex where it will be harder for me to move on. Edited March 8, 2015 by Broken ruby
Ruby65 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I wouldn't say he's going for *just friends* -- based on the kiss on the lips and invitation to dinner, which is more date-like than just meeting for coffee or lunch. I also wouldn't say he's going for FWB either, as he seems respectful in his approach and not calling you at 2 a.m. I don't know your whole story so I don't know why you broke up. But in your shoes, if you want to reconcile, I'd have dinner with him and bring it up there. No need to be confrontational, just ask what he sees happening between the two of you. I think the big mistake here would be to leave things undefined for any length of time. Why did you guys break up?
Elsa281 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I agry with Ruby65, it doesn't seem like he wants you as a friend or FWB... I really believe he wants to reconcile, but tries to take things slow. On the other hand, I wouldn't bring the subject up just yet. Sometimes talking about something can ruin the momentum. Of course you should bring it up one day, but I think it's better just to wait for now. You are the one in control here, be true to yourself and don't rush into things you are not ready for before you are officially together again. Good luck
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