boyfriend made me apologize for being raped

[failingtorealize]

My boyfriend & I have been together for about a year or so now... before we agreed to start dating I was raped by my best friend at the time. My boyfriend lives in another state for school by the way. Anyway so he calls his mom & gives her my address & she comes to my apartment complex to basically yell it out for the neighbors that she thought I was lying. I have never met this woman in my life I remained calm & asked her to leave. My boyfriend said if I didn't report it (the rape) then he would feel it was a lie so I did for arguments sake. Every time I try to talk to him about why he sent his mom he says that I'm holding a grudge against her & to forgive & forget it. Well that was April of last year. During the months between then & now he has been caught in repeated lies, & so disrespectful not to mention I had found out around that time he was talking to a guy about some girl on his Facebook & the guy whom was her friend encouraging him to talk to her & what not. So we fought about it then he told me to forget about it. About a week ago he was doing things that made me feel like he was up to no good which I pointed out to him & then the situation with the girl came up again... he hadn't really apologized for it so I asked for an apology letter, he then said he wanted an apology letter for having been raped in order to get the apology from him. I don't know what do say or do at this point he is not realizing that throwing that kind of thing out there makes me not trust him nor does it make me any less nervous about moving forward with our relationship. He also says that I need to get over it and move on...

Edited March 8, 2015 by failingtorealize

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

I'm sorry. I missed the part that explains why you are still in a relationship with this guy? Try reading what you just wrote out loud. This relationship is satisfying and compliments your life how?? "failingtorealize" is dead on.

[Mangina]

This is one of the most messed up stories I have read on here.

[MrMeh]

Anybody that tells you to move on from getting raped doesn't deserve love.

 

Please leave your boy"friend" and focus on yourself!

[Lurkeraspect]

And your with this guy why?

 

Dump the dude and get a cat.

Edited March 8, 2015 by Lurkeraspect

[Arieswoman]

failingtorealize,

Please dump this sack of runny poop you call a boyfriend.

 

You need to get counselling for this rape. Is there some kind of a rape hotline you can use in your area?

I am sorry that this happened to you, and it is not your fault.

You are traumatised and confused and this guy is an insensitive jerk who is pulling your strings.

 

Please get out of this manipulative and toxic situation and do some work on your self-esteem. You can do waaaay better than this douche-bag.

 

Good luck x

 

PS his mother is a fruit-loop and "the fruit doesn't fall very far from the tree", as they say.

Edited March 8, 2015 by Arieswoman

[badpenny]

You've been with this guy 'about a year'?

 

Well that was a total waste of 365 days.....

 

Leave. Get out of this.

Your self-esteem is at such a low ebb, you may need to confide in a friend, and get them to help you summon up the strength to walk away from this brainless neaderthal.... The way you're communicating at the moment, I seriously doubt you're even managing to process putting one foot in front of the other....

 

 

And let's just be clear about this:

You owe nobody any apology for anything.

There is NOTHING you need to apologise for, at all.

 

But you do need to see someone about the trauma you suffered, particularly as this 'man' has been laying more guilt on your shoulders with it....

[StalwartMind]

And move on you shall, in a direction that is opposite of his. There are no valid reasons to rape another individual, there's nothing for you to apologize for. Regardless if it was reported or not, many rapes aren't due to misc reasons and depending on your location and environment it may not result in anything being done about it anyway. The world is full of awful people, steer clear of them and gravitate towards the ones that are much more pleasant that what you are dealing with.

[todreaminblue]

I am sorry this is what you have to deal with......being raped is not something you should ever apologize to anyone for...i know from experience you are feeling a whole lot of confusion at the moment.....the betrayal of a friend you considered your best friend...the violence and the feelings of why me......to nto have support from those you love is a further betrayal....as another poster kindly suggested to you...please seek help....those feelings you have that are muddled and confused are pushing you into a relationship and further mistreatment from an ignorant and toxic mother and son

 

Just because you have been raped does not mean others get to also treat you like dirt......took me a long time ...all of my childhood and all of my teen years before i sought help........a very long time without help of any kind to realize that i quite often allow others to treat em badly because of what i have been through........then i sought help...dont leave it to be a long time....seek help now.....

 

i will let you know that not seeking help is going to cause future problems in any relationship you have....even the good ones...the bad ones will be heightened and more difficult to get through and over..... and you can develop if you havent already possible clinical depression or other mental issues ..please reach out...go see a doctor you trust to refer you to a caring psyche......lose the boyfriend and his mother...you really dont need the type of support they offer....which is actually not any type of positive support at all..best wishes...you are not alone......seek help do it now......deb

Edited March 8, 2015 by todreaminblue

[Taramere]

He also says that I need to get over it and move on...

 

How can you "get over it and move on" when you're with such an astonishingly unsupportive partner? Not that partner is really a word one could use for somebody as callous to your situation as this guy is. And his mother sounds like something you really wouldn't want to scrape out of the bottom of the barrel.

 

Honestly I doubt you'll find anybody prepared to dispense advice on how to keep/improve this relationship. He and his mother sound like absolutely horrible people. It's hard to see how you can recover and find happiness so long as you have people like that in your life.

[No Limit]

I don't know who is more pathetic, your "best friend" or your "boyfriend". Don't take this offensively but I think you seriously need individual counseling because you seem to give your trust to the wrong people over and over.

[gaius]

Were you kind of involved with this guy before you agreed to start dating? Because the emotions in play only fit to me if you were and he thought you were lying in order to cover up cheating.

[elaine567]

What nationality is your boyfriend, failingtorealize?

In some cultures rape is the fault of the woman.

[xxoo]

I don't know what do say or do at this point he is not realizing that throwing that kind of thing out there makes me not trust him nor does it make me any less nervous about moving forward with our relationship. He also says that I need to get over it and move on...

 

Have you heard the expression, "Listen to your gut; it's rarely wrong"?

 

This is your gut telling you that he is not trustworthy and you shouldn't move forward with him. You should get out. Listen to your gut, because it's right.

 

Your heart may be telling you to stay, because you care about him and you want to believe the best about him. Listen to your gut. It is there to protect you. It's good to have a big, loving heart, but love yourself first.

[preraph]

Look, I don't care what went on here, but your present boyfriend and his mom are both abusive and you need to get out of this relationship and far, far away. I cannot imagine you get any joy out of it. They truly sound sick and twisted. Please pack it up and make a new life.

[d0nnivain]

Get yourself a new friend, a new BF & most importantly a good rape crisis survivor's counselor.

[sunny122]

Wow, this story is horrifying. It is NEVER, EVER your fault if you are raped, and you should NEVER have to apologize for it. He sounds terribly abusive...

[Lokin4AReason]

I am so sorry to hear at what your going thru ( no one should ever be in that situation IMO )

 

 

you ll have to make someone aware of the situation and the ordeal that you went thru. where did this happen, on campus ... ???

 

 

and w/ this that you are w/ or going out w/ ... is he off his med(s) or something ... ?? I mean you went thru something that is like life changing and this dude doesn't believe it .. !?!?!?

 

 

as mentioned, dump the dude. change your tellie ( or phone ) number and get either a cat or a rabbit. trust me, you ll be a lot happier =0)

[spiderowl]

He's rude and disrespectful. You don't trust him or feel confident about moving forward in the relationship. He seems to be blaming you for being raped. Is there anything likeable about this guy that would warrant staying with him and facing more of this kind of behaviour?

[William]

Folks, thanks for the responses but this new member logged out 14 minutes after posting this days ago and hasn't been back so I'm going to call this a drive by and close it up.