mstie Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 If I contact too much I'm seen as clingy. I was once called a psycho for texting twice. But if I don't get in contact enough I'm called an ungrateful b***h. Yes, this actually happened when I was busy at work. Had a day long meeting, working breaks and lunches. In 8 hours I went from baby to that. Also, if we're communicating well online and I give you my number why do you give me yours back? The last man to do this never called but emailed me asking why I hadn't called yet.
Gary S Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Don't let the undesirables get to you. You are only looking for one good one. 3
Buddhist Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 If I contact too much I'm seen as clingy. I was once called a psycho for texting twice. But if I don't get in contact enough I'm called an ungrateful b***h. Yes, this actually happened when I was busy at work. Had a day long meeting, working breaks and lunches. In 8 hours I went from baby to that. Also, if we're communicating well online and I give you my number why do you give me yours back? The last man to do this never called but emailed me asking why I hadn't called yet. Those men are the ones you want to give a wide berth to. They are trigger happy non-committals that are hypervigilant for any sign of attachment in a woman. At the first sign of attachment they are out of there. More balanced men exist but they are not in the majority. You have to be picky and persistent but finding one, or several is possible. In any event people are just packages of insecurities and neurosis by and large anyway. The dating game is all about finding that special bunch of insecurities and neurosis that you can tolerate....I mean enjoy living with. Keep looking. 2
DoesntGetIt Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Also, if we're communicating well online and I give you my number why do you give me yours back? So you know who it is texting you? I always give my number in return to anyone who gives me theirs, that is just polite (or text right away with a "this is me" text so the person has my number). That said, clinginess and aloofness are all a perspective. What one person considers too much contact, another can consider not enough. In general I say communicate how much you feel necessary and have a talk with the other person on what your expectations are so there isn't resentment on either side. The only time I change that rule is at the very start. Generally you want to make sure to not text/call too much early on while you are both still feeling each other out. But after several dates and talking in between dates, you can start to get into the territory of talking about how you approach dating/relationships as far as communicating goes. The pure amount of relationship problems that comes from people being mad about too much or too little contact is amazing. People just need to start being upfront on how they view/expect things to be.
Mangina Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 If it is as you describe then these guys sound like they have the issues not you. 2
Author mstie Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 I have never had a relationship and am so far behind. Its a game. People say they don't want to play games, like the phone number man I mentioned. And yet, why doesn't he just call? I gave him my number and he emails why haven't you called me yet? Games. And a man giving me his number first makes me suspicious, especially in a first contact. I feel like they just give it to everyone hoping somebody will take a bite.
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 If I contact too much I'm seen as clingy. I was once called a psycho for texting twice. But if I don't get in contact enough I'm called an ungrateful b***h. Yes, this actually happened when I was busy at work. Had a day long meeting, working breaks and lunches. In 8 hours I went from baby to that. Also, if we're communicating well online and I give you my number why do you give me yours back? The last man to do this never called but emailed me asking why I hadn't called yet. You will find your prince charming. Stop waiting, start living. 1
preraph Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 What you describe, communication style, is one of the most important things you have to find someone you are compatible with on. But don't blame yourself if yours is different than theirs. And as with most things, moderation is key. As for judging them on their style, in that regard, them wanting constant communication is a big red flag and signals unhealthy jealousy that comes from their own insecurity and can cause many problems within the relationship and is not a good environment to bring kids into either. So if you are to err on one side or the other, dump the guys who require too much reassurance in the way of texting. 1
Dybbuk Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Welcome to the wonderful world of dating! Where that one thing you didn't do enough of with one guy is way to freaking much for the other! Truth be told, dating is hard. Whether your a guy or a girl. We have 7 billion people walking around on this planet each with their own expectation of what they want/need out of another person. Some of what people want/need are totally reasonable. Others... completely ridiculous expectations. Your job is to identify what you want/need, and TRULY consider if that is a reasonable expectation (IE if you require a dude to be at least a 6'2" Olympian, with killer abs and a medical degree, you might need to look into getting some cats...). Basic things when you first start dating is finding a level of communication YOU are comfortable with. For me, I preferred to touch base with someone every other day or so. If they wanted to touch base every day with a text or call, I was ok with that too if that's what they needed. However if they would constantly bombard me with texts and needed a phone call every night, then I was NOT compatible with that person and let them go. On the flip side, if a guy only wanted to speak to me once a week I wasn't ok with that. I would like a little more communication than just once in a blue moon. The realitiy is, you need to figure out what you want and see if your match sync's up closely to it. If they do, great! Make sure other things like frequency of dates, making plans... as you get a little further, expectations of sex and long term commitment expectations sync up as well. That is the only way you can forge a relationship. You have to find someone who is closely compatible with you in the things that matter if you want something to last. Don't try to configure your behavior because one dude got mad you didn't text him back right away! Let that dude go find another co-dependent needy somebody to drive him crazy in a few months.
Frank2thepoint Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 If I contact too much I'm seen as clingy. I was once called a psycho for texting twice. An interested guy doesn't judge you. Your examples are indicators that the guy is not worth your time any longer. In fact, if the next guy says something like that, don't even bother to respond. Just delete his number and move on, no matter how much you like him. Also, if we're communicating well online and I give you my number why do you give me yours back? To be honest, I do this for a couple of reasons. The first, more logical reason is this way she knows my number, and will recognize who it is when I text and call her. Some people often don't answer unknown numbers. The second reason is about testing the woman. When I text or call, and her response is she didn't know who I am or that she forgot to save my number, I already know she has low interest in me and little worth for me to continue pursuit.
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 If I contact too much I'm seen as clingy. I was once called a psycho for texting twice. But if I don't get in contact enough I'm called an ungrateful b***h. Yes, this actually happened when I was busy at work. Had a day long meeting, working breaks and lunches. In 8 hours I went from baby to that. Also, if we're communicating well online and I give you my number why do you give me yours back? The last man to do this never called but emailed me asking why I hadn't called yet. I do hope you know that the same exact thing can be said about women as well. Call or text a girl too much and you're creepy. Don't text her enough and she starts to wonder if you actually like her and she starts talking to other guys.
Foretold Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I'm sorry to hear that. These men who call you names for not texting enough or for texting too much - what comes to mind is they shouldn't start name calling to begin with. What are they, juveniles who are still growing up? Or are they demons? They're supposed to be men who treat women right. Anyway, onto the second part of your initial post. I also must say the man who expected you to call first when you gave him your number, just based on what you said in this post - he has a problem. If he wants to talk to you over the phone, then it doesn't take much to turn the screen on and dial those digits. I'm appalled he had the nerve to ask why you haven't called him when you gave your number first. If he was serious about you and you already gave him your number, he should have eventually texted/called you regarding the setup of the first date.
dcannon Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 If I contact too much I'm seen as clingy. I was once called a psycho for texting twice. But if I don't get in contact enough I'm called an ungrateful b***h. Yes, this actually happened when I was busy at work. Had a day long meeting, working breaks and lunches. In 8 hours I went from baby to that. Also, if we're communicating well online and I give you my number why do you give me yours back? The last man to do this never called but emailed me asking why I hadn't called yet. You cannot generalize from a few men you had unpleasant experiences to all men. Your negativity and pessimism are the real problems not men. 1
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