ThisisIt606 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I've been going out on a quite a few online dates (I'm a female in my late 20s). Usually we meet for drinks after work, which I like because it's not assumed that we stay out too late because we both have work in the AM. As an introvert and becoming much more intune to what I like and want in a guy I seem to be "done" after about an hour if I don't feel anything aka I start to get bored and want to leave. A situation that arose in my last date was the bar tender came by with the check and we both saw her leave it. The guy kept convo going and asked what my plans were "later tonight" I gave him a confused look, it was already about 8pm on a weeknight so I said just said heading home bc I have an early work day tomorrow. He seemed surprised and asked what time I had to start. Then he kept making more conversation, meanwhile I'm sort of glancing over to the bill (we each had one drink). If it's dinner and/or we have multiple drinks, I usually motion towards my purse to pay my share but the guy usually intercedes at this point and offers to pay. However, for 1 drink each and he asks me out (call me old fashioned) but I believe the guy should pay. He did in this instance, no qualms about it so that wasn't the problem. What is the problem for me is I'm not sure how to nicely end a date (not seeming extremely rude and/or crazy) once I'm feeling too tired, bored, uninterested, whatever it is. What do you usually say/ do? I guess I'm just used to being polite/nice/maybe a bit too passive? when it comes to this and just listen to the boring convo and add a bit to it when I'm not that interested. However after the bill is paid, I automatically put on my coat and we leave. My issue is just getting the bill to arrive/be paid- how do I speed this along if I'm not having a good time? Just say something like I have an early morning, we should prob get bill soon?
Gary S Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 You just tell them you have to go. It's not complicated. 2
devilish innocent Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Another thing you could try is mentioning it right when you get there. Right after greeting other say, "Just to warn you, I have an early day tomorrow so I won't be able to stay longer than an hour." Then when that time has passed you can just say that you're sorry but you have to get going.
DoesntGetIt Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 If you're uncomfortable saying "I've got to get up early and need to get back", you can do the actions, such as putting on your coat, or heading to the bathroom to give him a pause to pay the check and then putting on your coat instead of sitting down when you get back. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 All you need to say is "Well I'm gonna call it a night because I have work tomorrow. It was nice to meet you." Then you get up from the table. Assuming you aren't digging the guy, do the obligatory over the shoulder pat hug and just walk out. It's like when a telemarketer calls. Are you gonna stay on the phone the entire time and listen to his pitch? Or are you gonna say "No thanks" and just hang up the phone? Don't be a nice hang-on person. Back when I was in school this needy guy with no friends, used to stop my buddy and I coming into the building. He'd just start chatting. After 30 seconds, I'd say "Nice chatting. but I gotta run" and just walk away. But my buddy being the nice guy he is, would stand there and entertain the guy for at least an hour on multiple occasions. Then of course he would complain about the guy always taking his ear off. My response - "Dude show some balls and just walk away from him". 1
Arieswoman Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 You make sure they know before the date that you have to leave early for work. That way it won't seem rude if you leave after an hour. The guy kept convo going and asked what my plans were "later tonight" ^^^ that was code for "how about coming back to my place/we go back to your place for some horizontal jogging". It seems he was looking to score. If they can't pick up the tab for 2 drinks then you've got yourself a tight-wad. I'd pay it myself and leave. I had guys actually say to me "I like to get into a sexual relationship quickly" ( ! ) My response was "Good luck with that!" and walk out. That's another thing - if they say something you don't like or you feel any way uncomfortable, give yourself permission to leave. You don't have to sit there and put up with ungentlemanly behaviour. Good luck and have fun !
fitnessfan365 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) One place I like to do first meets at is my local Barnes and Noble. The place is wall to wall conversation starters. So you just walk and chat like you're browsing. It's actually a lot of fun and women find it creative. Since I know they close @ 10pm, I'd always try to plan first meets for 8:30 or 9pm. They announce over the loud speakers that the store is closing soon, and you can just naturally end the date. Edited March 8, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Perrier Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Another thing you could try is mentioning it right when you get there. Right after greeting other say, "Just to warn you, I have an early day tomorrow so I won't be able to stay longer than an hour." Then when that time has passed you can just say that you're sorry but you have to get going. Alerting me 'right when we get there' means you do not like what you see so accordingly I will be half a$$ed on the date. If someone alerts me IN ADVANCE of meeting I will be fully present unless it becomes clear they're not into me. 2
ApexTitanium Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I would have just paid for my own drink, told him "thank you for your company but I must get going, have a good night" And left. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 And people thought I was crazy when a guy lets the girl pay her half.... Haha Gotta love the good old purse dance but I still expect you to pay.
bu2002 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Don't overcomplicate this. When the check arrives, grab your wallet and let him know you're willing to split. Once he's like don't worry about it then mention about getting going cause you like to get to bed on time. If you feel like you would like to see him again give him a hug and say "I had a nice time". If you don't want to see him again, then just say "it was nice to meet you, have a good evening"
d0nnivain Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 If you really want to get out of there & you are not having a good time, call the bartender over, you pay the whole check & you get up & leave. The cost of his drink is a small price to pay for getting out of there if you are that uninterested. If you are having a good time, the back & forth is OK but awkward. But it seems to be working for you.
katiegrl Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 One place I like to do first meets at is my local Barnes and Noble. The place is wall to wall conversation starters. So you just walk and chat like you're browsing. It's actually a lot of fun and women find it creative. Since I know they close @ 10pm, I'd always try to plan first meets for 8:30 or 9pm. They announce over the loud speakers that the store is closing soon, and you can just naturally end the date. Do you ever agree to meet in a particular section, do your respective browsing and pretend you've never chatted before and are picking up a total stranger? My boyfriend and I still do that sometimes...even after five years! In bars mostly. He goes in first, sits at the bar, then I walk in, sit at the other end, he asks the bartender to get me a drink from him, then he moseys on over and proceeds to pick me up like he never met me before! One time we started making out within five minutes and bartender commented, "wow you guys really clicked fast!!" We cracked up...it was fun! Yes it's fun being creative like that! 1
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 hey like the other posts from yesterday, guys are asking for honesty from us women....well give it to them then.
DazedandConfused8 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Another thing you could try is mentioning it right when you get there. Right after greeting other say, "Just to warn you, I have an early day tomorrow so I won't be able to stay longer than an hour." Then when that time has passed you can just say that you're sorry but you have to get going. That seems rushed and unauthentic. Why would you put a specific schedule on a date, as if he's an appointment between supper and your 9pm TV show?
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 That seems rushed and unauthentic. That's the whole point. Hopefully they will get the hint that this isn't going anywhere.
DazedandConfused8 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 That's the whole point. Hopefully they will get the hint that this isn't going anywhere. Then why are you there in the first place? I was replying to the comment that you should say it as soon as you walk in/meet.
GemmaUK Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I always pay my share of the bill - always have done whether I like a guy or not. If I need to go I just say so whether I like a guy or not. If I am not interested in meeting again I just say so. Usually I then get asked can they stay over at my place even though they know I am not up for a second date...ha! Really? They get a firm 'NO' and I go happily home alone...
katiegrl Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 That seems rushed and unauthentic. Why would you put a specific schedule on a date, as if he's an appointment between supper and your 9pm TV show? Agree and also "warning" a guy you have to leave in an hour seems a bit presumptuous. I mean how do you know HE will like YOU; he may not and may himself want to leave in ten minutes! Warning someone implies that you know he will like you and will be disappointed that you have to leave. Hence the warning. Sounds kind of arrogant tbh, although I don't think that's how you meant it. 1
Bobbi7 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 The "I have to get up early for work" line could backfire. Its happen to me several times. The guys usually ask me what time I go to work, so I tell them 8:30am, so on my last date-we went out for drinks at a bar. I wasn't interested in him and I told him I have to get up early for work. Well, the bastard proceeded to tell me, "Oh, you go in to work later than me, so don't tell me you have to leave." Because he goes in to work an hour before I do. I was like wth? Take a hint. And who says that anyway? From now on, I'm going to lie to my dates about what time I go in to work, I'll tell them I go in at 6am, because most likely they always want to know my schedule, for their own benefit.
Gary S Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Let me add something... try to be the one to end the date first. Playing hard to get doubles attraction. 1
DazedandConfused8 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 The "I have to get up early for work" line could backfire. Its happen to me several times. The guys usually ask me what time I go to work, so I tell them 8:30am, so on my last date-we went out for drinks at a bar. I wasn't interested in him and I told him I have to get up early for work. Well, the bastard proceeded to tell me, "Oh, you go in to work later than me, so don't tell me you have to leave." Because he goes in to work an hour before I do. I was like wth? Take a hint. And who says that anyway? From now on, I'm going to lie to my dates about what time I go in to work, I'll tell them I go in at 6am, because most likely they always want to know my schedule, for their own benefit. Then stop making excuses. Own up to it and say you want to leave. All of this mushy let-down-easy "I have to work early" stuff ends with people challenging you as they have. I've left bars at 1am and been up for work at 5:30am. It's possible, but does that mean I expect every person could be capable or willing to do it?
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Then why are you there in the first place? I was replying to the comment that you should say it as soon as you walk in/meet. It's for just in case you have no interest......that's what this thread is about eh.
smackie9 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Hey I totally agree to be forward and up front about it....I never had a problem being blunt, but be graceful about it....but sometimes it doesn't matter you can still get the loser guy getting at you for rejecting them. 1
DazedandConfused8 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 It's for just in case you have no interest......that's what this thread is about eh. Then you're pre-judging the situation. It'd be like going to a job interview and the manager starting by saying "just so you know, you're probably not going to be hired." Your natural reaction would be "well then why am I being interviewed!?" I'm not saying hold your calendar open for a 4 hour date, but at least be courteous enough to give each other a bit of time.
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