can't take it anymore :(

[Jemay]

 

 

Moving on is only possible if you chose to let go and begin healing - that means cut him off completely. You have to be cruel to be kind. My ex dumped me, and I was heart broken - couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't conjure up the will to look after myself properly. I was sick to the teeth of thinking about him minute by minute, and checking phone, so I cut him off. I still adored him, but I adored myself more.

 

Thank you for that! I feel you. How long ago was that? Do you feel better now?

 

I woke up this morning thinking that my spying on his fb gave me information, like the puppy thing, and the whole day I obsessed about it.... or I would obsess about other little tidbits, like trying to analyze if a smile in one of his new profile pics was real happiness or fake... omg!!! how crazy is that??? I mean I got a life and obsess about a smile and a puppy????? Seriously!!!

 

Anyways, that's why I am taking this to heart now.... no more fb stalking or any other forms of reminiscing.... cause if I keep feeding my brain with information about him I might as well go full on psychotic and contact him any way possible... which I have done before...

 

Breaking up is a tool for a narcissist, a tool to control you, a tool to make you suffer for not feeding his supply. I hurt him by criticizing him and not putting him first, and this is his punishment.... it's the longest he ever went and it's given me a lot of time to realize what has been going on. This isn't love..... this is total utter dysfunction and it's cruel, too.

 

So today is my day 1 of 'real NC'. We matter more.... I matter more.... so as hard as it will be, it's better than to stay in this vicious pain cycle... and tbh pain is all I ever got out of it.

 

Thank you for reading/replying... definitely nice to have support with this xoxox

[ApexTitanium]

I'm in the same boat....I know how you feel. She threw me away two months ago after 5.5 years and an engagement.

You just have to keep strong and keep busy. Do not check his facebook.

Its going to sound harsh....but just pretend he died. It will help a lot, and if you get the urge to call him, call a family member or friend instead. Keep posting your thoughts on here instead of giving them to him. In time it will go away and you will be a stronger person for it.

Best of luck to both of us.

[Jemay]

*It seems that you're both playing chicken, waiting to see who cracks first.

 

Yup, that's exactly right. In the 3 years together, I won the 'game' only once. I lasted over 12 days and he came back begging. It was like a high to get all his love dumped on me in an effort to get me back. I'm being brutally honest here. I had my part in all this.

 

This time around is different. The 'game' component is still in there I suppose, who will crack first, we are both stubborn..... but my head is getting clearer now and I know in my heart that I have to move on... for good. I push the thought aside a lot cause it's pretty scary to me still and I revert to the game but the truth is always there. I'm on this forum now to bring that truth to the forefront.

 

You called me out on my bull****. I didn't like it at first but that's why I am here. There was violence and emotional abuse in the relationship as well, I really have no choice but to move on if I care about myself even in the slightest. Thanks for your honesty.

[Jemay]

The hardest part of NC for me was social media. After I made a complete fool of myself with the begging and crying, it was fairly easy for me not to call or text because I was so embarrassed. But I checked his FB & Twitter like an addict. At least every hour, total psycho stuff. Anyway, I decided to myself do unpleasant things if I gave in and checked. I feel weak and sick if I see any kind of injury. So I decided that if I ever checked up on him online, I had to look at a picture of an open fracture of a leg - you know, the kind with a bone sticking out. The mere thought of that was enough to keep me from ever looking at his social media again, and it's been over a month now.

 

Not sure if you have any huge aversions like that, maybe something that disgusts you to eat or hear or see, but if you can find some way to make checking up on him seem even worse than it is, it may help you. It helped me tremendously.

 

OMG you made me smile!! haha wow... yeah I'm gonno not be able to do that haha yuck!! thanks for that, first smile of the day XXXX

[Jemay]

I'm in the same boat....I know how you feel. She threw me away two months ago after 5.5 years and an engagement.

You just have to keep strong and keep busy. Do not check his facebook.

Its going to sound harsh....but just pretend he died. It will help a lot, and if you get the urge to call him, call a family member or friend instead. Keep posting your thoughts on here instead of giving them to him. In time it will go away and you will be a stronger person for it.

Best of luck to both of us.

 

Thanks Apex, I hear the anger and pain in your words, truly sucks... yes, best luck to both of us for sure

[Satu]

Yup, that's exactly right. In the 3 years together, I won the 'game' only once. I lasted over 12 days and he came back begging. It was like a high to get all his love dumped on me in an effort to get me back. I'm being brutally honest here. I had my part in all this.

 

This time around is different. The 'game' component is still in there I suppose, who will crack first, we are both stubborn..... but my head is getting clearer now and I know in my heart that I have to move on... for good. I push the thought aside a lot cause it's pretty scary to me still and I revert to the game but the truth is always there. I'm on this forum now to bring that truth to the forefront.

 

You called me out on my bull****. I didn't like it at first but that's why I am here. There was violence and emotional abuse in the relationship as well, I really have no choice but to move on if I care about myself even in the slightest. Thanks for your honesty.

 

You're welcome.

 

**************************************************

 

(Snip)

 

She wants him to want her

He wants her to want him

To get him to want her

she pretends she wants him

To get her to want him

he pretends he wants her

Jack wants Jill wants

Jill’s want of Jack Jack’s want of

Jill

so so

Jack tells Jill Jill tells Jack

Jack wants Jill Jill wants Jack

a perfect contract

Jill and Jack both want to be wanted.

Jill wants Jack because he wants to be

wanted Jack wants Jill because she wants to be

wanted.

Jill wants Jack to want

*Jill to want

Jack’s want of her want

for his want of her want of

Jack’s want that Jill wants

Jack to want

Jill to want

Jack’s want of her want

for his want of

her to want Jack to want*

 

*repeat sine fine

 

- RD Laing, Knots.

[Jemay]

You're welcome.

 

**************************************************

 

(Snip)

 

She wants him to want her

He wants her to want him

To get him to want her

she pretends she wants him

To get her to want him

he pretends he wants her

Jack wants Jill wants

Jill’s want of Jack Jack’s want of

Jill

so so

Jack tells Jill Jill tells Jack

Jack wants Jill Jill wants Jack

a perfect contract

Jill and Jack both want to be wanted.

Jill wants Jack because he wants to be

wanted Jack wants Jill because she wants to be

wanted.

Jill wants Jack to want

*Jill to want

Jack’s want of her want

for his want of her want of

Jack’s want that Jill wants

Jack to want

Jill to want

Jack’s want of her want

for his want of

her to want Jack to want*

 

*repeat sine fine

 

- RD Laing, Knots.

 

That's the song of the ego, isn't it... so true. We all want to be wanted and we go to great lengths to get what we want and think we need. We think it's love.... but it's just filling our hole. Not only do we not know what true love looks like, we're also big time damaged and carry huge emotional scars. No wonder we are all ****ing heart broken.

 

Older generations had no such issues. They were too focused on survival and putting food on the table.

 

I suppose if we are determined to learn about love, if we seek it with real honesty and commitment then it will come our way... and all these broken relationships will have served to teach us all the bits to get there. I like to look at it that way in the midst of heartache.

[Satu]

That's the song of the ego, isn't it... so true. We all want to be wanted and we go to great lengths to get what we want and think we need. We think it's love.... but it's just filling our hole. *Not only do we not know what true love looks like, we're also big time damaged and carry huge emotional scars. No wonder we are all ****ing heart broken.

 

Older generations had no such issues. They were too focused on survival and putting food on the table.

 

I suppose if we are determined to learn about love, if we seek it with real honesty and commitment then it will come our way... and all these broken relationships will have served to teach us all the bits to get there. I like to look at it that way in the midst of heartache.

 

You're pretty hard on yourself, you know...

 

*Deep down everybody knows what love is, but sometimes people get distracted, or end up stuck in a loop.

 

Thats when you need to get off the roundabout, and reassess who you are, and who you want to be.

 

There are many valid definitions of love, but this is a particularly meaningful one:

 

"Love is total commitment to the wellbeing of a person."

 

You are a person too, so it has to work both ways.

 

****************************************************************

 

This is the way I approach life, and it works for me:

 

 

 

To be loved, be loving.

To find peace, be peaceful.

To find forgiveness, be forgiving.

To be cared about, be caring.

To be treated kindly, be kind.

To be understood, be understanding.

To have friends, be friendly.

 

 

I'm a very happy happy person.

[Jemay]

****************************************************************

 

This is the way I approach life, and it works for me:

 

 

 

To be loved, be loving.

To find peace, be peaceful.

To find forgiveness, be forgiving.

To be cared about, be caring.

To be treated kindly, be kind.

To be understood, be understanding.

To have friends, be friendly.

 

 

I'm a very happy happy person.

 

that's good... unfortunately we're not all that 'balanced'. good for you though.....

[Satu]

that's good... unfortunately we're not all that 'balanced'. good for you though.....

 

The key is being exactly the same person on the outside as you are on the inside.

 

Open your heart, open your mind, and inject goodwill into everything you say and do.

[Jemay]

The key is being exactly the same person on the outside as you are on the inside.

 

Open your heart, open your mind, and inject goodwill into everything you say and do.

 

K you're hired thanks Satu, hope you have a great day X

[Satu]

K you're hired thanks Satu, hope you have a great day X

 

You have a great day, too