Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 19 days no contact from my side.. 24 from his side... I rejected him, he rejected me... it's the game of narcissist and co-dependent me.... over and over and over we play this game and at some point I gotta put big girl pants on and grow up and move on 19 days... longest I've ever gone (3 year relationship)... longest he's ever gone!! And I'm miserable NC is to heal, to move on, move forward... yet ALL i can think of is 'when the f*** will he call'!!!????!! ARGHHHHHHH...... I just want him to call but for what exactly?!!! For the dysfunctional rollercoaster to continue... ?? Oh please tell me it gets easier Can't believe I made it to almost 5pm....... 5 or 6 more hours til I can knock myself out and sleep This SUCKS!!! 24 days or I guess 19 only I facebook stalked him....... He's getting a puppy I'm getting replaced with a dog
Satu Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Snip. *I facebook stalked him....... He's getting a puppy I'm getting replaced with a dog *You are not doing NC. NC means: No direct contact in either direction, including replies. No indirect contact via third parties. No monitoring of social media. No 'little birds' feeding you news. Stop kidding yourself, and do NC properly.
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 I'll put myself back at day 1 but I'm balling.... this is the worst ****ing feeling, I'm completely out of my mind heartbroken. He had a major head injury 2 years ago... he's had seizures lately, bad ones... I tell myself I check his fb to make sure he's alive.. but I suppose it's all bull... It just so ****ing hurts, all of it..... I'll try to do it properly... day 1 tomorrow ****ing horrible All of this... just me being on this site, it's ****ing nuts.... But I quit smoking cigarettes 6 years ago, and I did it using a forum..... so maybe it will work again... thank you for your reply Satu, made me feel **** but I suppose there's truth to it.
darkbloom Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 NC gets easier when you commit to it. Checking FB is not a commitment to NC. It gets easier when you decide that you really have had enough. It took me three go-arounds on the dysfunctional roller coaster before I had had enough. When you have had enough, focus that obsessive energy on yourself. Do good things for your body and keep yourself busy. Checking your phone every 5 seconds will also not make you feel better. Delete him, block his phone numbers, change your number. Whatever will help you stop anticipating his phone calls. 1
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 He changed his number... to hurt me.... so I can't call which in all honesty is how I've made it so far in the first place. But it's not been real NC as Satu pointed out... I'm desperate for crumbs at this point I suppose.... I took it to heart though... day 1 tomorrow, no more fb stalking... but I swear it's ****ing breaking me down... letting go of that last connection So hard Thank you for your replies
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 NC gets easier when you commit to it. Checking FB is not a commitment to NC. It gets easier when you decide that you really have had enough. It took me three go-arounds on the dysfunctional roller coaster before I had had enough. When you have had enough, focus that obsessive energy on yourself. Do good things for your body and keep yourself busy. Checking your phone every 5 seconds will also not make you feel better. Delete him, block his phone numbers, change your number. Whatever will help you stop anticipating his phone calls. thank you darkbloom
darkbloom Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 You will be okay. The first month after the breakup is absolute hell. You will be bargaining with yourself and desperately searching for how to 'fix' it. That is the immediate reaction to a break. And you will want him to come back. desperately. After you start doing good things for yourself, you will start to notice all of the bad things about him. You won't feel as desperate. It will still hurt, but IT WILL get better. I promise. Focus on your own healing and moving past the relationship. Time is on your side. 1
Mi7522 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 He changed his number... to hurt me.... so I can't call which in all honesty is how I've made it so far in the first place. But it's not been real NC as Satu pointed out... I'm desperate for crumbs at this point I suppose.... I took it to heart though... day 1 tomorrow, no more fb stalking... but I swear it's ****ing breaking me down... letting go of that last connection So hard Thank you for your replies You're a mess right now, you really have to stay away from him so you can get your sheit together. I know it's hard but fortunately it is what's best for you whether you believe it or not. He has you pining over him and you have given whatever power you have to him. Stop it and make yourself stronger. It won't happen in days or weeks more than likely months before you start realizing that you are far better off without him but you need to find your inner strength in order for that to happen. You're not doing that right now and the only way to save any dignity you may have left is to start NC now! 1
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Time is on my side? Unfortunately time is my enemy at this point.... I hate time... just want to drug myself up and go to sleep... for like a month..... but thank you... I know... it takes time....
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 He has you pining over him and you have given whatever power you have to him. You know it's funny.... a friend of mine said something similar... I've ignored him for 19 days... but.... I did fb stalk him... I figured as long as he didn't know it would be okay.... but energetically I've still given him my energy, haven't I... and I've been hurting extra because of it... I mean really!! he's getting a dog, so ****ing what...... I'm gonna go start fresh tomorrow.... real NC... it's gonna kill me to start at day 1 but I'm gonna do it... I appreciate your replies, it helped... tears at least stopped for now.... X
smellysocksuni Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Hey Jem, I know how hard things are for you, right now. Me telling you to stay away from his Facebook won't make you do it. What will make you do it is when you finally see something that kills you. I split from my ex-girlfriend two months ago, and I used to check her Instagram every day. Until one day, she'd uploaded a heart with the caption: "this is me every day since you". Trust me, I have not checked that thing since. I know it's hard, but we're all here to help you - try your hardest not to look at his Facebook or anything else of his. For your own sanity. Good luck 3
irresolute Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I think you're ok with the relationship as it is and its a matter of time until you or him reach out. Why are you delaying it? Just contact him now and continue having the relationship you were having. I've rad thousand threads like this and my guess is you'll reach out sooner than later. I'm sorry. Relationship addiction is really hard. I hope everything turns good for you.
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Hey Jem, I know how hard things are for you, right now. Me telling you to stay away from his Facebook won't make you do it. What will make you do it is when you finally see something that kills you. I split from my ex-girlfriend two months ago, and I used to check her Instagram every day. Until one day, she'd uploaded a heart with the caption: "this is me every day since you". Trust me, I have not checked that thing since. I know it's hard, but we're all here to help you - try your hardest not to look at his Facebook or anything else of his. For your own sanity. Good luck thanks, I get that I kept thinking how lucky am I that all I have to be jealous of is a new puppy, I mean really, it could have been a new woman. I don't want to sit around to have that kinda thing explode in my face, I would be traumatized for months!!! So no more fb stalking.... it's ridiculous I've managed not talking to him, not emailing him, etc but this fb stalking thing seems such a big thing to let go of! I'm sure it will just take a few days to get used to but..... at this point, tonight, unfortunately... it seems unimaginable.... ugh... did I say already, break ups suck big time ? 1
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 I think you're ok with the relationship as it is and its a matter of time until you or him reach out. Why are you delaying it? Just contact him now and continue having the relationship you were having. I've rad thousand threads like this and my guess is you'll reach out sooner than later. I'm sorry. Relationship addiction is really hard. I hope everything turns good for you. You are totally right on the money... it's an addiction. I've got an addictive personality.... so that's why I know I got to somehow do this.... contacting him will just make a repeat of this... so much I've learned. He WILL contact me... no doubt.... and when he does I HOPE I will be strong enough to say no... that's why I am on this forum. And you are wrong. I will not contact him. I've done this unhealthy cycle so so many times. It's enough.... but I'm addicted.. I'm a love addict. It's not even real love... but whatever it was, I was addicted to it... and looking at his fb page gives me a fix.. on some level... even if I just read his posts and interpret that he is miserable... that's the fix... he's miserable without me, he's got to get a puppy... cause he misses me...!! that's my daily fix and my daily portion of misery. Gotta stop it.... NC.... like Satu said.. do it properly... maybe, just maybe I will feel better at some point?? That's the whole reason we are on here after all..... to get better... to get a little help to get better.
smellysocksuni Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 thanks, I get that I kept thinking how lucky am I that all I have to be jealous of is a new puppy, I mean really, it could have been a new woman. I don't want to sit around to have that kinda thing explode in my face, I would be traumatized for months!!! So no more fb stalking.... it's ridiculous I've managed not talking to him, not emailing him, etc but this fb stalking thing seems such a big thing to let go of! I'm sure it will just take a few days to get used to but..... at this point, tonight, unfortunately... it seems unimaginable.... ugh... did I say already, break ups suck big time ? Break ups DO suck big time. I may have missed this but are you friends with him on FB or are you just looking at his profile from a browser or something?
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Break ups DO suck big time. I may have missed this but are you friends with him on FB or are you just looking at his profile from a browser or something? Ughhh... might as well come clean He blocked me but I got another account and his posts are public, so checked his updates that way, plus checking his friends updates to see if he 'liked' them... omg I am so embarrassed.... :o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o Ugghhh the shame.... Seriously, I'm not even thaaaaat crazy
smellysocksuni Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Ughhh... might as well come clean He blocked me but I got another account and his posts are public, so checked his updates that way, plus checking his friends updates to see if he 'liked' them... omg I am so embarrassed.... :o:o:o:o:o:o:o:o Ugghhh the shame.... Seriously, I'm not even thaaaaat crazy Aw - it's OK, we all do things like this. I made a fake Instagram account to follow my ex on (I've deleted it now, though!) It's because he's not in your life any more, you need a fix. Checking his Facebook is that fix. Why don't you delete that account? It would be hard for the first day or two, but you will feel much stronger and less embarrassed I know how hard it is, but you want to be in control, right? And you don't wanna see something that will upset you
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Well.... deleting it won't do much since you can just re-activate it.... I've committed to not checking it again. If I can't do that then I'm gonna be just stuck in limbo... I want to get better... I want to stop feeling like **** I'm gonna do anything to get there.. if it means stop fb stalking then fine..... I'll try that.. it's gonna be hard for a bit and then it'll be fine, everything always is fine if you just give it a chance.. I just hate the steps to getting there.. the depression, the dark clouds, the sadness... the wondering 'why in the **** am I here'.... just tired of all the heartache.... I'll be heartbroken if I check his fb status or not... so I might as well not since it was suggested to me
smellysocksuni Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Well.... deleting it won't do much since you can just re-activate it.... I've committed to not checking it again. If I can't do that then I'm gonna be just stuck in limbo... I want to get better... I want to stop feeling like **** I'm gonna do anything to get there.. if it means stop fb stalking then fine..... I'll try that.. it's gonna be hard for a bit and then it'll be fine, everything always is fine if you just give it a chance.. I just hate the steps to getting there.. the depression, the dark clouds, the sadness... the wondering 'why in the **** am I here'.... just tired of all the heartache.... I'll be heartbroken if I check his fb status or not... so I might as well not since it was suggested to me Exactly - everything will be fine if you just give it a chance. Try to remember that, that's a great quote. You WILL be fine.
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 thanks love, next year we'll be laughing at our heartache.... let's just hope we don't continue making the same mistakes, keeping us stuck in the same bull****... we WILL be fine... it just takes a bit a effort... hopefully with a bit of support we can all get there... eventually. 1
smellysocksuni Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 thanks love, next year we'll be laughing at our heartache.... let's just hope we don't continue making the same mistakes, keeping us stuck in the same bull****... we WILL be fine... it just takes a bit a effort... hopefully with a bit of support we can all get there... eventually. Yep, we will be reading our posts on this forum wondering how we ever worried so much about one person! We will get there, and always remember you're not alone 1
Author Jemay Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 and always remember you're not alone seriously big time counting on that! XOX 1
Jessie1231 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 The hardest part of NC for me was social media. After I made a complete fool of myself with the begging and crying, it was fairly easy for me not to call or text because I was so embarrassed. But I checked his FB & Twitter like an addict. At least every hour, total psycho stuff. Anyway, I decided to myself do unpleasant things if I gave in and checked. I feel weak and sick if I see any kind of injury. So I decided that if I ever checked up on him online, I had to look at a picture of an open fracture of a leg - you know, the kind with a bone sticking out. The mere thought of that was enough to keep me from ever looking at his social media again, and it's been over a month now. Not sure if you have any huge aversions like that, maybe something that disgusts you to eat or hear or see, but if you can find some way to make checking up on him seem even worse than it is, it may help you. It helped me tremendously.
Satu Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 You are totally right on the money... it's an addiction. I've got an addictive personality.... so that's why I know I got to somehow do this.... contacting him will just make a repeat of this... so much I've learned. *He WILL contact me... no doubt.... and when he does I HOPE I will be strong enough to say no... that's why I am on this forum. And you are wrong. I will not contact him. I've done this unhealthy cycle so so many times. It's enough.... but I'm addicted.. I'm a love addict. It's not even real love... but whatever it was, I was addicted to it... and looking at his fb page gives me a fix.. on some level... even if I just read his posts and interpret that he is miserable... that's the fix... he's miserable without me, he's got to get a puppy... cause he misses me...!! that's my daily fix and my daily portion of misery. Gotta stop it.... NC.... like Satu said.. do it properly... maybe, just maybe I will feel better at some point?? That's the whole reason we are on here after all..... to get better... to get a little help to get better. *It seems that you're both playing chicken, waiting to see who cracks first.
CripplingMe Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 19 days no contact from my side.. 24 from his side... I rejected him, he rejected me... it's the game of narcissist and co-dependent me.... over and over and over we play this game and at some point I gotta put big girl pants on and grow up and move on 19 days... longest I've ever gone (3 year relationship)... longest he's ever gone!! And I'm miserable NC is to heal, to move on, move forward... yet ALL i can think of is 'when the f*** will he call'!!!????!! ARGHHHHHHH...... I just want him to call but for what exactly?!!! For the dysfunctional rollercoaster to continue... ?? Oh please tell me it gets easier Can't believe I made it to almost 5pm....... 5 or 6 more hours til I can knock myself out and sleep This SUCKS!!! 24 days or I guess 19 only I facebook stalked him....... He's getting a puppy I'm getting replaced with a dog I very much resonate with you. You're last comment was amusing by the way (I saw it that way respectfully). When my considered narcissist boyfriend dumped me (codependent) beginning of January, I struggled with the contact thing for first few days. I was ALWAYS waiting for his text/call. After day 3, I went to go and see him ((irrationally), and he literally wanted nothing to do with me. I went home devastated and every waking hour was a nightmare for me. Barely slept. I, for the sake of my own sanity and emotional well being, decided to do NC and I blocked him. It was the only way to stop me checking to see if he text. After two weeks, I unblocked him (as you do - rolls eyes) and he text me. They were crappy breadcrumb texts so I responded with closed ended short amicable responses. Few days later, he turns up at my door begging me to take him back. Blocking him was painful because I WANTED him to contact me, but you know what? I wanted to protect myself more. I did feel about 1% progress is moving on, but that 1% counted to me because it was my own doing. Moving on is only possible if you chose to let go and begin healing - that means cut him off completely. You have to be cruel to be kind. My ex dumped me, and I was heart broken - couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't conjure up the will to look after myself properly. I was sick to the teeth of thinking about him minute by minute, and checking phone, so I cut him off. I still adored him, but I adored myself more.
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