DatingDirection Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I can't stop thinking about this guy. We were acquaintances, I mean, we were friends, but we didn't hang out a lot, here and there. Months could go by without us speaking or seeing each other. But when we did hear from one another it was nice. We never were intimate until 1 year after we met. After we slept together, I began to have intense feelings for him, and I wanted to date him. He too said he was interested in dating me, but then shortly after, he told me he was seeing someone else, and im asking him for more than a friendship, which he doesn't want. I miss him. We had such passion and connection the last time we saw each other. I think we would have been amazing together. I would like to contact him, but im scared. I'm shy to begin with, and rejection is hard for me. I don't even like dating unless it's with someone who is worth it, and for me, he was worth it. I don't even know what I would say if I contacted him? The last time we spoke was about the fact that each of us wanted something different, he wanted her, and I wanted to be with him, and in the process our friendship is lost. im sad, and I want to either forget about him completely, or be with him, but how? I wish I didn't sleep with him, I wish that we were still friends, and that I didn't feel so hurt, sad. seriously, there is a sting in my heart, and im afraid that I will not be with someone whom I really like, therefore I will be alone. I sincerely thought this person was so right for me, and that I was right for him. Who knows maybe in 10 years it will happen, but maybe not at all. life omg, can be so painful, and unfair. Do I contact him?
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 How long has it been since your last contact with him?
Author DatingDirection Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 How long has it been since your last contact with him? 2 months ago.
Author DatingDirection Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 although it wasn't a conversation, it was more me telling him, a bit about how I felt, after I had already stated how hurt I was.
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I don't think you should. Because (1) he was the one who was into someone else and didn't wish to pursue anything further with you, (2) if he wanted to reconnect, HE would be contacting you, and (3) if he rejects you again, which is the likely outcome, you will feel WORSE than you do now! Don't do it.... I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like this one is meant to be.... 3
Satu Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 There's no rule that says you can't contact him, but it will most likely be replay of what went before, and you getting hurt again.
Author DatingDirection Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 that's true. yes thank you, I know deep down inside, it's not the smart thing to do, to contact him. I wish I could tell him what a jerk he is. but that would only make me feel worse. how can I just forget about him? why would he want something with me, and then suddenly change his mind? 1
katiegrl Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) that's true. yes thank you, I know deep down inside, it's not the smart thing to do, to contact him. I wish I could tell him what a jerk he is. but that would only make me feel worse. how can I just forget about him? why would he want something with me, and then suddenly change his mind? People change their minds all the time, that's the nature of the beast....otherwise known as dating. The reason you can't forget about him is because you're "stuck" in some fantasy that he's the right guy, that what you had was beautiful, and it's just a matter of time before you're back together...riding off into the sunset. Sweetie, it's a FANTASY. You need to accept REALITY, which is he's not the right guy, because the right guy would want to be with you too! I also think you're idealizing him....not seeing him for who he truly is. It sounds like you completely bonded and emotionally connected with him during and after sex, while he disconnected from you! I mean it was only a short time after having sex that he said he met someone else! You need to accept the reality that it's over. Harboring fantasies that he is this perfect guy and you had this perfect connection is only keeping you stuck and preventing you from moving on. I am so sorry but it's time... if he missed you and shared your feelings, he would be contacting you...THAT is reality. Please try to accept this and move on.... Edited March 8, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Satu Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 that's true. yes thank you, I know deep down inside, it's not the smart thing to do, to contact him. I wish I could tell him what a jerk he is. but that would only make me feel worse. how can I just forget about him? *why would he want something with me, and then suddenly change his mind? *He probably doesn't even know the answer to that question himself. 1
Author DatingDirection Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 My stomach is in knots, reading the reply from Katie. Although it was the harsh truth. I'm going to do everything I can to forget about him. I know that I cannot contact him, and quiet frankly, I don't want to contact him, I wish that he could have liked me back, the way I liked him back, and follow through with his words, and actions for that matter. I will tell you one thing, I would have been the best lover he has ever had, both mentally, emotionally and psychically. It's probably best that I wait for someone better to come along, to give all that too, and forget about this guy.
Satu Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) My stomach is in knots, reading the reply from Katie. Although it was the harsh truth. I'm going to do everything I can to forget about him. I know that I cannot contact him, and quiet frankly, I don't want to contact him, I wish that he could have liked me back, the way I liked him back, and follow through with his words, and actions for that matter. I will tell you one thing, I would have been the best lover he has ever had, both mentally, emotionally and psychically. It's probably best that I wait for someone better to come along, to give all that too, and forget about this guy. If you read into Freud, you'll come across something called 'Cathexis', which is the process of investing psychic/emotional energy into a person or thing. Because you have invested this energy into him, he has tremendous significance within your psyche and your feelings. This is neither good nor bad. It just is. There is also a reverse of that process called Decathexis, which is the process of taking the invested energy back. Decathexis is essential for successful grieving, or detachment from a lost person or thing. When the process of decathexis has been completed, that psychic and emotional energy can be invested in a new person or thing. Read this. Edited March 8, 2015 by Satu 1
katiegrl Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 My stomach is in knots, reading the reply from Katie. Although it was the harsh truth. I'm going to do everything I can to forget about him. I know that I cannot contact him, and quiet frankly, I don't want to contact him, I wish that he could have liked me back, the way I liked him back, and follow through with his words, and actions for that matter. I will tell you one thing, I would have been the best lover he has ever had, both mentally, emotionally and psychically. It's probably best that I wait for someone better to come along, to give all that too, and forget about this guy. I am so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you! But I learned tough love from my mom, who recognized early on that I had a tendency to drift off into my own little never-never land, not realizing the reality of situations (not just relationships). This was unhealthy for me so she was rather harsh with me at times, I guess I inherited that quality from her. And although at the time, I thought she was mean and insensitive it worked!!! It's almost as if she needed to knock sense into me to get me to face the harsh realities of life...instead of remaining stuck in my own little world. 1
katiegrl Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 My stomach is in knots, reading the reply from Katie. Although it was the harsh truth. I'm going to do everything I can to forget about him. I know that I cannot contact him, and quiet frankly, I don't want to contact him, I wish that he could have liked me back, the way I liked him back, and follow through with his words, and actions for that matter. I will tell you one thing, I would have been the best lover he has ever had, both mentally, emotionally and psychically. It's probably best that I wait for someone better to come along, to give all that too, and forget about this guy. I have said this before on this forum, but remember, that which does not kill us makes us stronger! You will move on from this and you WILL be stronger for having gone through it. And every relationship you have is a learning experience, and brings you that much closer to finding the true "right" man for you!
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