Oliskies Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 So I have been dating, one of the most amazing girls I have ever met, open minded, nice, she is a single mother, love her kid, great mother also, Love her very much. We have been together close to 8 months, had 1 break up in the past, because she felt like she wasn't ready for a relationship, but she came back asking me for another chance. We have been back together for around 3 months and things have been amazing until the last few weeks, constant arguing over any random things, and very stupid things. I myself as a person struggle with trust issues and some jealousy, and recently ( 2 weeks ago) I let this feelings get the best of me, and it wasnt the first time that my jealousy and controlling nature flared up ( i dont intend to be this way, but it happens ). Now my girlfriend, is cold, distant, when I say I love you, and im sorry she replies - I know...- shes not interest in holding me or holding my hand, and cuddling, she said that, everything I do at this point annoys her, and she doesnt care about fixing the relationship, saying that it doesnt matter if it works out or not for her anymore, and she also included that I am a great person with many great traits, but when I act jealous she losses sight of the good things in me. So i proposed a 1 week break, where we dont talk and dont see each other, to try and give her space. I would like to ask is there anything I can do to prove to her that I am willing to change, because I care so much about her, at this point the coldness is painful, also deleting me off facebook is killing me, is there any way I can save my relationship, I care about her more than anything possible, and the moments we are both happy and together, things are beyond words. Please help any advice would be appreciated.
erklat Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 So I have been dating, one of the most amazing girls I have ever met, open minded, nice, she is a single mother, love her kid, great mother also, Love her very much. We have been together close to 8 months, had 1 break up in the past, because she felt like she wasn't ready for a relationship, but she came back asking me for another chance. We have been back together for around 3 months and things have been amazing until the last few weeks, constant arguing over any random things, and very stupid things. I myself as a person struggle with trust issues and some jealousy, and recently ( 2 weeks ago) I let this feelings get the best of me, and it wasnt the first time that my jealousy and controlling nature flared up ( i dont intend to be this way, but it happens ). Now my girlfriend, is cold, distant, when I say I love you, and im sorry she replies - I know...- shes not interest in holding me or holding my hand, and cuddling, she said that, everything I do at this point annoys her, and she doesnt care about fixing the relationship, saying that it doesnt matter if it works out or not for her anymore, and she also included that I am a great person with many great traits, but when I act jealous she losses sight of the good things in me. So i proposed a 1 week break, where we dont talk and dont see each other, to try and give her space. I would like to ask is there anything I can do to prove to her that I am willing to change, because I care so much about her, at this point the coldness is painful, also deleting me off facebook is killing me, is there any way I can save my relationship, I care about her more than anything possible, and the moments we are both happy and together, things are beyond words. Please help any advice would be appreciated. Why were you the one proposing a breakup ffs? And I say breakup because breaks don't exist. You're supposed to work things out together. You're smothering her. She's mad, okay she's also passive aggressive here, let her cool down on her own instead of being desperate. She'll believe you more also if you aren't desperate. And stop being jealous. Stop making her the center of your gravity. She's with you on her own choice. You don't have a reason to believe otherwise.
Author Oliskies Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I proposed a break, because I thought giving her space to cool off would be reasonable, since she didnt really care about what I had to say, or hear my apologies. So i thought a little time apart to make her miss me , or think of things and not be annoyed by me would work ?
erklat Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 That is sane reasoning, but you're supposed that while you're IN a relationship.
Satu Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Honestly speaking, you need to get some counselling for your jealousy. Jealousy is very corrosive to relationships, and a very common cause of breakups. Get some single-issue, short-term counselling to get a handle on it.
Author Oliskies Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 We are in a relationship, and we decided to take a Break, so we are still together, and were waiting to see how things go i guess ?
Satu Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 We are in a relationship, and we decided to take a Break, so we are still together, and were waiting to see how things go i guess ? To be blunt, she's sick to death of your jealousy, and wants it out of her life. You with jealousy = no chance. You without jealousy = maybe. You have to deal with it.
Author Oliskies Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Well said Satu, I wasnt jealous in the begining of the relationship, and neither when I am single, but when I get too emotionally invested, it takes over, and I try to not let it happen, but it always gets the best of me, and I always act in that way, and realise it was irrational and stupid later on, when its too late, Past relationships and feelings of neglect/ never fitting in as a child because I was overweight ( now have worked out and changed physically) but deep down I feel like it contributed to my problem, any way I can show her , that I am able to change, because I really do think she cares and loves me, but I pushed her buttons too far.
Satu Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Well said Satu, I wasnt jealous in the begining of the relationship, and neither when I am single, but when I get too emotionally invested, it takes over, and I try to not let it happen, but it always gets the best of me, and I always act in that way, and realise it was irrational and stupid later on, when its too late, Past relationships and feelings of neglect/ never fitting in as a child because I was overweight ( now have worked out and changed physically) but deep down I feel like it contributed to my problem, any way I can show her , that I am able to change, because I really do think she cares and loves me, but I pushed her buttons too far. Again, to be blunt: These episodes of jealousy will blindside you every time, because it is a shift in your mental state that is quite different from your usual mental state. As you are reading this, you don't feel any jealousy at all, but when it comes, your whole thinking shifts into a state where being jealous makes perfect sense to you and is justified. Its like a shift in your personality, where for a little while you become another version of yourself. It's that version of yourself that your gf wants to go away. Without outside help, there's little chance of you sorting it out. You will think you've dealt with it, and them bam - here it comes again. Get thee to a therapist. If you really want to deal with it, that's what you need to do. Good luck. 1
Author Oliskies Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Thank you you're advice has been quite insightful, thank you for responding and sharing your time.
sabd Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I agree with Satu. Jealousy is a relationship deal-breaker. She's fed up with your behaviour, which is a real problem. You need to address your insecurities and work on yourself if you want any chance with her. Unless you seek some help and deal with your baggage, this pattern is going to repeat itself with every woman you get emotionally attached to. A week-long break is going to do nothing for you or the relationship. Good luck x 1
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