Maggs23 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I have been dating this new guy for about 3 months. During this time, he has been supportive of me in many ways (I lost my job, am currently separated - a mandatory year-long separation..but he is always there for me). When I say he is "there for me," I mean that he texts me regularly, calls me every night, and will come over if I am feeling down. However, he DOES NOT PLAN anything. I am not so much bothered about the lack of planning activities to do together...it is more that he won't ever even ask when we are seeing each other next!! I'm not even asking him to plan WHAT we do...but just once in a while ask WHEN we will hang out again. I feel like if I didn't initiate plans, I don't know how much time would pass before we see each other again. THAT is what's driving me nuts. I guess I have never had this problem in the past, and it makes me feel like I'm being taken for granted. Yes, I have heard the advice that when he finally does he ask me to hang out the same day, I should tell him I'm "not available." Honestly though, I am 36 years old and don't feel like playing stupid games. So, at this point, that means I am thinking of breaking it off. I have already talked to him about this issue several times, with NO CHANGE. It's only been 3 months, and I feel like we should not have this kind of problem. Oh, AND there is one other twist to the situation. There are HUGE religious and cultural differences between us, that unfortunately require a lot more sacrifice on my end if things are going to work out. That could be making it even worse on me...like I have to make all this effort for someone who can't even plan a day ahead for me. Any thoughts?
Buddhist Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 That's because he's not in a relationship with you in his own mind. You are just someone who texts him and asks him to come over for sex. Pretty much that is where he is comfortable at in 'relation' to you. If this behaviour drives you nuts then you need to stop texting him and find someone who is wanting an actual relationship. There is no other way. He won't change and he's a time waste.
Author Maggs23 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Thanks, but I'm not sure it's that simple...we talk on the phone for well over an hour every single night. He always texts me during the workday to see how I'm doing, etc. That seems like an awful lot of effort for a booty call. So I think it's more than that...but it's not quite what I'm looking for in terms of a "real" relationship progressing.
Zahara Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 You've talked to him several times and it hasn't changed. If he can't give you what you want, then you should seek a relationship that fulfills you. Analyzing why he does what he does isn't changing who he is.
Recommended Posts