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what if the person you're dating asks you how many sexual partners you had?

lohnjennon

By lohnjennon
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Lucko Member

Lucko

Posted
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Have you all stopped to think it's the attitude and not lack of sexual experience that is off putting women??

 

I'm amazed by this thread...

 

It may be, or may not be.

insert_name Established Member

insert_name

Posted
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Even 1 is too many... and this thread has several.

 

 

 

This effect is driven by human nature and by the natural gender dynamics of sex. Bitching about it won't get rid of it... because it stems from a natural human emotion.

 

What PISSES me off more than anything is women who try to brainwash guys into feeling shamed and guilty for their natural feelings!

 

Exactly! How many guys when they think of their dream girl imagine that shes had over 100 sexual partners? They dont because thats simply not how we are wired bilogically. Same for women, no woman imagines her prince charming to be a card carrying virgin- thats just the way it is. Women have to put their big girls panties on and accept it instead of shaming people (who they wouldnt date anyway) because that persons choices dont match theirs.

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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Well do they not have a point then if women will not sleep with them purely because of their virgin status?

 

I'm not sure I understand your question. Do they have a 'point'? I don't know. I think it's stupid to reject a man because he is a virgin.

Lernaean_Hydra Established Member

Lernaean_Hydra

Posted
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Just go through the thread, you'll see plenty of posts of how they'll kick the guy to the curb for even asking about their past saying it's none of the guys business & that I don't need to be with someone like that.

 

Again, I don't see that as being offended. To some it's an invasive question that has little bearing on much of anything at present. Also, in my experience, it's generally only asked by those whom would judge you if it goes above their preset 'acceptable' number. Most guys who don't care, don't ask.

 

I have a low partner count, especially for my age, race and city of residence and the question still irritates me. Any time I've ever been asked my first thought has always been why the f*k does it matter? Not because I'm offended but because it screams judgement and insecurity. Only a fool would deign to stick around for that.

  • Like 4
SawtoothMars Established Member

SawtoothMars

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Posted
Well do they not have a point then if women will not sleep with them purely because of their virgin status?

 

Ok... listen guy... if you are a virgin at 30 and not by choice... it's usually because you have mental issues. Women are not sleeping with you because you are a socially akward wombat.

 

I wonder sometimes how women feel about dating a guy like Tim Tebow.

  • Like 1
Lucko Member

Lucko

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I'm not sure I understand your question. Do they have a 'point'? I don't know. I think it's stupid to reject a man because he is a virgin.

 

It's just as stupid to reject a woman for having a high number. It doesn't matter.

SawtoothMars Established Member

SawtoothMars

Posted
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Exactly! How many guys when they think of their dream girl imagine that shes had over 100 sexual partners? They dont because thats simply not how we are wired bilogically. Same for women, no woman imagines her prince charming to be a card carrying virgin- thats just the way it is. Women have to put their big girls panties on and accept it instead of shaming people (who they wouldnt date anyway) because that persons choices dont match theirs.

 

Well... some guys actually want to marry strippers and porn stars! The point is that you shouldn't try to beat boys down or tell them they should be some way they are not naturally.

 

It's like telling gay kids they are wrong for their attractions and feelings!

  • Like 1
NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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Wouldn't even bother asking :laugh:

 

Just looking for something to complain about, something to beat the women in this thread over the head with - at the expense of the OP who kindly asked for us to stay on the topic of her questions. Red herrings all over the place.

 

"Oh, she wouldn't date a man who lives with his parents or is a virgin, but she doesn't want to be judged for her sexual history" - uh, no woman in this thread said anything about guys living with parents or being a virgin. And FYI, I currently live with a parent and am a late bloomer - as far as I can see, nobody has ever "judged" me for it on this forum :laugh:.

 

Let's get back to the point - OP, when it comes to what number is too high - that's going to depend on the person. There's a very well respected poster here with over 300 sexual partners and she's married to a Christian man who obviously does not think her number is high enough for him to be worried. I personally wouldn't care how many men a prospective partner of mine had slept with, as long as the relationship between us is right for both of us. So I don't really have a number that is "too high" at this point.

 

Out in the real world the double standards of these things exist. Women are turned off by a man with lack of sexual experience because they view them as not desirable compared to a guy with a good amount. Women are more attracted to guys that have been desired by women. Also, a woman in her mid 20s/30s doesn't want to teach a man things in bed like he's some 18 year old kid. They want a man that has experience. And a man has the right to know a womans past due to whether she has a disease, or if he's just not okay with it in general. Some just get instantly turned off by it, & who's to say their wrong if they have a different view on these things?

  • Like 1
insert_name Established Member

insert_name

Posted
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Have you all stopped to think it's the attitude and not lack of sexual experience that is off putting women??

 

I'm amazed by this thread...

 

Thats not backed up (ancedotally) by what others have said in male virgin specific threads. Its a lack of sexual experience and what it says about the guy that seems to be the issue not what the guy himself projects (although that obviously cant help).

Lucko Member

Lucko

Posted
Posted
Ok... listen guy... if you are a virgin at 30 and not by choice... it's usually because you have mental issues. Women are not sleeping with you because you are a socially akward wombat.

 

I wonder sometimes how women feel about dating a guy like Tim Tebow.

 

I don't agree at all. Mental issues is a lol. Socially awkward and not good at reading nonverbal cues, yes. The sad reality for a virgin at 30 is it'll be extraordinarily difficult to ever not be a virgin. A lot of women will judge. He's still socially awkward. He's viewed by many in society as having mental issues when he really doesn't. It's a tough road and thank goodness I'm not on that road.

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
Ok... listen guy... if you are a virgin at 30 and not by choice... it's usually because you have mental issues. Women are not sleeping with you because you are a socially akward wombat.

 

I wonder sometimes how women feel about dating a guy like Tim Tebow.

 

 

Many reasons can result in someone being a virgin at 30. Social awkwardness is just one of many.

 

Funny how mental illness is also used to explain promiscuity. It's kind of offensive to think one can so easily call on mental illness to excuse socially unaccepted behaviour...

Lucko Member

Lucko

Posted
Posted
Exactly! How many guys when they think of their dream girl imagine that shes had over 100 sexual partners? They dont because thats simply not how we are wired bilogically. Same for women, no woman imagines her prince charming to be a card carrying virgin- thats just the way it is. Women have to put their big girls panties on and accept it instead of shaming people (who they wouldnt date anyway) because that persons choices dont match theirs.

 

I don't care who she banged when she was in college.

NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
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Again, I don't see that as being offended. To some it's an invasive question that has little bearing on much of anything at present. Also, in my experience, it's generally only asked by those whom would judge you if it goes above their preset 'acceptable' number. Most guys who don't care, don't ask.

 

I have a low partner count, especially for my age, race and city of residence and the question still irritates me. Any time I've ever been asked my first thought has always been why the f*k does it matter? Not because I'm offended but because it screams judgement and insecurity. Only a fool would deign to stick around for that.

 

That shows you would be offended. If you're not offended than what's the big deal if he asks? It wouldn't even be a problem if there's no offense to it. And the women in here are offended because if they weren't than they wouldn't care if the guy asks. A lot of it I think has to do with the fact women can get sex easier than men, so if a woman has had a lot of different sex partners, than they think she has little self control if she's going out having infinite amounts of sex each year with different people. A lot of men just get turned off by that.

Lucko Member

Lucko

Posted
Posted
Many reasons can result in someone being a virgin at 30. Social awkwardness is just one of many.

 

Funny how mental illness is also used to explain promiscuity. It's kind of offensive to think one can so easily call on mental illness to excuse socially unaccepted behaviour...

 

I don't know that he's excusing it.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
Ok... listen guy... if you are a virgin at 30 and not by choice... it's usually because you have mental issues. Women are not sleeping with you because you are a socially akward wombat.

 

I wonder sometimes how women feel about dating a guy like Tim Tebow.

 

How ironic :laugh:

 

The first person in this thread to judge the concept of a male virgin is a guy :o:lmao:

 

Out in the real world the double standards of these things exist. Women are turned off by a man with lack of sexual experience because they view them as not desirable compared to a guy with a good amount. Women are more attracted to guys that have been desired by women. Also, a woman in her mid 20s/30s doesn't want to teach a man things in bed like he's some 18 year old kid. They want a man that has experience. And a man has the right to know a womans past due to whether she has a disease, or if he's just not okay with it in general. Some just get instantly turned off by it, & who's to say their wrong if they have a different view on these things?

 

Out in the real world, I f*cked 2 women - one being 20 the other being 24, and dated a handful of mid-20s women, had oral and manual sex with a 22 year old and had offers of sex from women in their 30s despite knowing my status.........all while being almost completely inexperienced and having pretty much low numbers. My official number of women I've had sex with is 2 - I'm not sexually experienced, nor have I gone my whole life being completely desired everywhere I go.

 

Do I not exist in real life? :laugh: - the double standard exists in the minds of quite a few, but not all. Nobody's wrong for wanting what they want. A woman is not wrong for not dating a guy who wants to know how many people she slept with off the bat, nor is a man for not wanting to date a woman who's slept with a number of people.

  • Like 2
SomeDude16 Established Member

SomeDude16

Posted
Posted
Out in the real world the double standards of these things exist. Women are turned off by a man with lack of sexual experience because they view them as not desirable compared to a guy with a good amount. Women are more attracted to guys that have been desired by women. Also, a woman in her mid 20s/30s doesn't want to teach a man things in bed like he's some 18 year old kid. They want a man that has experience. And a man has the right to know a womans past due to whether she has a disease, or if he's just not okay with it in general. Some just get instantly turned off by it, & who's to say their wrong if they have a different view on these things?

 

First off, a man had NO RIGHT to know a women's sexual past just as a women has NO RIGHT to know a mans sexual past. Don't like it, don't date or find someone new.

 

 

Secondly, Women like men with confidence... There should not even be a reason they find out you're a virgin unless you tell them. And if you do tell them you already posses the confidence they desire in a man.

  • Like 2
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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That shows you would be offended. If you're not offended than what's the big deal if he asks? It wouldn't even be a problem if there's no offense to it. And the women in here are offended because if they weren't than they wouldn't care if the guy asks. A lot of it I think has to do with the fact women can get sex easier than men, so if a woman has had a lot of different sex partners, than they think she has little self control if she's going out having infinite amounts of sex each year with different people. A lot of men just get turned off by that.

 

For the third time in this very thread.

Different values.

SawtoothMars Established Member

SawtoothMars

Posted
Posted
Many reasons can result in someone being a virgin at 30. Social awkwardness is just one of many.

Funny how mental illness is also used to explain promiscuity. It's kind of offensive to think one can so easily call on mental illness to excuse socially unaccepted behaviour...

 

It isn't an excuse. I've never met a promiscuous woman who wasn't some kind of crazy. That's just a fact.

 

On the same token... I've never met a guy who struggled with women who didn't have some kind of mental defect... like being on the autism spectrum.

 

The difference is that the women at least get the feeling of being connected and wanted by the "group" at large. This allows them to have hope and much more positive attitudes, whereas the men feel ostracized... which is the most painful of any human emotion.

  • Like 1
Lucko Member

Lucko

Posted
Posted
It isn't an excuse. I've never met a promiscuous woman who wasn't some kind of crazy. That's just a fact.

 

On the same token... I've never met a guy who struggled with women who didn't have some kind of mental defect... like being on the autism spectrum.

 

The difference is that the women at least get the feeling of being connected and wanted by the "group" at large. This allows them to have hope and much more positive attitudes, whereas the men feel ostracized... which is the most painful of any human emotion.

 

You must not get out much. :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
I don't know that he's excusing it.

 

Maybe excusing is not the right word.

 

But I've seen a lot of this going around. Woman has a high number of partners = she must have mental issues, man is a virgin at 30= he must have mental issues.

NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
Posted
First off, a man had NO RIGHT to know a women's sexual past just as a women has NO RIGHT to know a mans sexual past. Don't like it, don't date or find someone new.

 

 

Secondly, Women like men with confidence... There should not even be a reason they find out you're a virgin unless you tell them. And if you do tell them you already posses the confidence they desire in a man.

 

I disagree. I think men & women should both know of each others past to know if they would be compatible. Past behavior can dictate future behavior. What if the guy or woman cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend with a bunch of different people. Who's to say he/she won't do that to you? I think a person should know. As I said, I admitted to last woman I chatted with on OLD that I lacked sexual experience, & than never heard from her again That's her right, but to say men don't get judged for their lack of experience is a flat out lie.

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
It isn't an excuse. I've never met a promiscuous woman who wasn't some kind of crazy. That's just a fact.

 

On the same token... I've never met a guy who struggled with women who didn't have some kind of mental defect... like being on the autism spectrum.

 

The difference is that the women at least get the feeling of being connected and wanted by the "group" at large. This allows them to have hope and much more positive attitudes, whereas the men feel ostracized... which is the most painful of any human emotion.

 

So someone dealing with mental illness is crazy? Mental defect?

 

You're fun to talk with...

  • Like 1
NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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For the third time in this very thread.

Different values.

 

Yes, but to say they aren't offended is a lie, since if they aren't there wouldn't even be a problem.

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
Yes, but to say they aren't offended is a lie, since if they aren't there wouldn't even be a problem.

 

I think you are projecting.

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
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Yes, but to say they aren't offended is a lie, since if they aren't there wouldn't even be a problem.

 

You keep saying this but problem =/= offense.

 

I wouldn't be offended if a woman said to me that she thinks autistic people have no empathy and are mostly asexual - I would think she's stupid, but I wouldn't be offended. I just wouldn't date her. Or if she said "inexperienced guys are all terrible in bed", I wouldn't be offended (mostly because it's not true ;)).

  • Like 2
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