what if the person you're dating asks you how many sexual partners you had?

March 8, 2015

. For me, I wouldn't feel special being with someone whose had a ton of sexual partners.

Well, that is on YOU.

YOU are insecure and distrust a formerly promiscuous woman by default - that they would very well be into you and find you MORE than enough for them! The right woman would think you WERE very "special" - and women with high numbers are capable of thinking you're "special"

I have a high number because I was promiscuous in my late teens.

Back when I had a lot of partners on a regular basis - I really hated myself at the time. I never enjoyed the sex. I felt gross. After and during the fact. I did it as a form of self destruction.

The 8 years after my promiscuous year or two as a teen - I have been ONLY in long term relationships lasting 5 -6 years all up, and since then I ONLY sleep with men that I like enough to have a relationship with. Although I have learnt men can lie and forge unauthentic attachments in order to get sex from a girl who is really into them - and therefore, I refrain from early sex now at all costs....

I was promiscuous for farrrr less of my adult life than I have been a "good girl" with the same man for years at a time.

I am extremely loyal and loving and I now view sex as an act of expression of love between me and a man I happen to, well, love.

You're selling yourself short if you ONLY gravitate towards women who have low numbers - us high number women often change and reform our ways, and we are every bit as capable of viewing you as "special" in the manner with which a low numbers girl would....

I have met many loyal and loving wives who had a high number who adore their partners - and then I have met total nightmare - low number girls, who treat their partners like CR!P despite their " low numbers"

March 8, 2015

... do you just say the truth? because frankly, after having been sexually active for over twelve years, i have had some regrets, especially during my late teenage years where i battled depression and went through quite the promiscuous phase.

i have left that far behind, and spent the past years almost nurturing meaningful relationships. now i have finally found someone i can imagine a future with. but i must say, i am a bit embarrassed about my sexual past. i even made a list of sexual encounters i had, and crossed out the ones that didn't matter, or the ones where i didn't have vivid memories of how 'far' we actually went... i still am left with a list i am not proud of. i talked to my best friend about this who said i should be honest with my partner, given he asks.
i feel like a fool. this had never been an issue to me, but as i truly love this guy and can imagine a future with him beyond marriage and kids, i feel ashamed and wonder if he will think less of me if i tell him the truth. he hasn't really asked yet but what if he will? do i tell the truth?

any advice?

OP, how long have you been together? If you're both in love with each other and looking towards a future together, i highly doubt that he would be upset by this aspect of your past?

March 8, 2015

Where can I find that study?

It's common sense that women get sex easier than men. So of course they have more options which means they can be more selective than a guy.

March 8, 2015

It's common sense that women get sex easier than men. So of course they have more options which means they can be more selective than a guy.

Ummm, no. When i look around its the men getting laid left right and centre. For majority of the women out there in bars easily getting laid, there is a man... Think about that.

March 8, 2015

Ummm, no. When i look around its the men getting laid left right and centre.

Well, maybe if their really attractive men, than yeah sure. But an average looking guy isn't getting laid left & right unless he has a great personality & can talk to women really easily.

March 8, 2015

Where can I find that study?

My local bar on a Saturday night.

March 8, 2015

As a former high numbers girl (I slept around 10 years ago approximately) but have fooled around too early with a few men I have been really into but NO sex bar one or two in the past year.... So now I don't even fool around with men. I am waiting until I meet relationship material.

I can't stress enough how the two years I slept around 10 years ago has NO bearing over my outlook on sex as it stands.

I have had 3 - 4 dates per week with hot guys for months now - and despite chemistry and getting along great with some - I STILL only got physical with the men I really felt I liked and had potential with. And it was never really sex just fooling about most of the time.

Some myths about formerly promiscuous women:

- we have different "values" to low count men/women.

^^^ ummm, my good friend is a good Christian girl. Our values surrounding men and sex are the same; we are both waiting for the right guys and we don't wish to have sex unless we have strong feelings/are in love - and the guy proves to us he is going to stick around.

Sex and even getting physical for me, is only something I have any inclination to do when in a relationship. It is feelings based and emotionally driven.

I literally have recoiled from the touch of men who were "hot" and lovely seeming, yet I had no connection or "it factor" with.

- We must love sleeping around on a regular basis

Again - I was promiscuous 10 years ago. I do not enjoy sleeping around, and haven't done for the past 10 years. I got physical too early and had sex once or twice since single but only because I was super into the guy and I had feelings for them and wanted to date them seriously.

- Greater risk of STI's

I have gotten tested and get tested after each new sexual partner.

- We must pick up every time we go out

Yeah.... again, ten years ago I was like that. Now I go out plenty of times per year and never pick up. I get a number or two and hope for the best -that they are dating material.

I tell them no thanks every time when they ask for just sex, no matter how into them I am.

- We mustn't think our current guys are that special

The guys I date I am really into. Despite my extensive experience with men in the bedroom, the man I choose is the only man I even think about!

I hold out or men I am really into. My past just doesn't occur to me as something to draw from when I am with a NEW sexual partner (a person I am dating).

- We are more likely to stray

Right. I have never cheated. My low number ex did, I wrote all about it on here:lmao:

I am 28 so what I did as a teen, and the fact I have made some bad decisions surrounding early sex in the past 6 months that I have been single, doesn't mean I am "promiscuous". In fact, I get propositioned by guys I am very attracted to on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. They offer no strings attached fun. It sickens me and I'd rather eat glass then open my legs for a man whom I had no true romantic connection with:sick:

If I, as a high number girl, was promiscuous NOW, to this day, I would have taken many opportunities each WEEK - to sleep with new men. Since attractive men regularly offer up sex to me in no uncertain terms. Take a look at a women's CURRENT mindset and outlook. Plenty of women settle down and suddenly feel ill at the thought of mindless sex with a man who just wants to use them as an orifice for the night:sick:

Stop judging people for the past when it is not an issue that governs their CURRENT mindset. Not all promiscuous people STAY in that mindset.

March 8, 2015

My local bar on a Saturday night.

Or just about anywhere else.

March 8, 2015

I don't care about the number really (unless its something completely outrageous...) what I care about is the quality of the partner she is choosing? Is the choice to sleep with them a sober or drunk one? Are these guys people of good or questionable character? Information like that is far more valuable to me then a number.... Just my opinion.

March 8, 2015

As a former high numbers girl (I slept around 10 years ago approximately) but have fooled around too early with a few men I have been really into but NO sex bar one or two in the past year.... So now I don't even fool around with men. I am waiting until I meet relationship material.

I can't stress enough how the two years I slept around 10 years ago has NO bearing over my outlook on sex as it stands.

I have had 3 - 4 dates per week with hot guys for months now - and despite chemistry and getting along great with some - I STILL only got physical with the men I really felt I liked and had potential with. And it was never really sex just fooling about most of the time.

Some myths about formerly promiscuous women:

- we have different "values" to low count men/women.

^^^ ummm, my good friend is a good Christian girl. Our values surrounding men and sex are the same; we are both waiting for the right guys and we don't wish to have sex unless we have strong feelings/are in love - and the guy proves to us he is going to stick around.

Sex and even getting physical for me, is only something I have any inclination to do when in a relationship. It is feelings based and emotionally driven.

I literally have recoiled from the touch of men who were "hot" and lovely seeming, yet I had no connection or "it factor" with.

- We must love sleeping around on a regular basis

Again - I was promiscuous 10 years ago. I do not enjoy sleeping around, and haven't done for the past 10 years. I got physical too early and had sex once or twice since single but only because I was super into the guy and I had feelings for them and wanted to date them seriously.

- Greater risk of STI's

I have gotten tested and get tested after each new sexual partner.

- We must pick up every time we go out

Yeah.... again, ten years ago I was like that. Now I go out plenty of times per year and never pick up. I get a number or two and hope for the best -that they are dating material.

I tell them no thanks every time when they ask for just sex, no matter how into them I am.

- We mustn't think our current guys are that special

The guys I date I am really into. Despite my extensive experience with men in the bedroom, the man I choose is the only man I even think about!

I hold out or men I am really into. My past just doesn't occur to me as something to draw from when I am with a NEW sexual partner (a person I am dating).

- We are more likely to stray

Right. I have never cheated. My low number ex did, I wrote all about it on here:lmao:

I am 28 so what I did as a teen, and the fact I have made some bad decisions surrounding early sex in the past 6 months that I have been single, doesn't mean I am "promiscuous". In fact, I get propositioned by guys I am very attracted to on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. They offer no strings attached fun. It sickens me and I'd rather eat glass then open my legs for a man whom I had no true romantic connection with:sick:

If I, as a high number girl, was promiscuous NOW, to this day, I would have taken many opportunities each WEEK - to sleep with new men. Since attractive men regularly offer up sex to me in no uncertain terms. Take a look at a women's CURRENT mindset and outlook. Plenty of women settle down and suddenly feel ill at the thought of mindless sex with a man who just wants to use them as an orifice for the night:sick:

Stop judging people for the past when it is not an issue that governs their CURRENT mindset. Not all promiscuous people STAY in that mindset.

True, but on the flip side women judge guys for their lack of sexual experience. There's always going to be double standards with a lot of things. Also, as I pointed out women said they would instantly dump a guy because he takes meds for mild depression. And if he doesn't say anything about it, that's considered even worse to the woman because he's a liar. So either way he's screwed with those women. So in other words, everyone has their own discriminations in the dating world. You need to find a guy that doesn't care about your sexual past, just like I need to find a woman that doesn't care about my lack of one as well as few other things.

Edited March 8, 2015 by NJ123

March 8, 2015

Ummm, no. When i look around its the men getting laid left right and centre. For majority of the women out there in bars easily getting laid, there is a man... Think about that.

But its not an even distribution otherwise it would be as easy for a man to get laid as it is for a woman and that is patently not the case. Thats why guys get high fived and women battle with shame, because of the balance of how difficult it is for a guy to procure sex than it is for a woman. A man with high figures should be attractive to a woman because it provides the woman with social proof that he is a desirable man, hence why a male virgin faces social stigma. For women the inverse is true. High numbers suggest a lack of prejudice in her decision making when it comes to sex. Some may choose to see thst as making her unreliable in terms of long term relationship material. It would be interesting to see if there are any studies that correlate, I believe there have been efforts to tie high number of sexual partners to reduced levels of oxytocin but this has been debunked it seems.

March 8, 2015

Ummm, no. When i look around its the men getting laid left right and centre. For majority of the women out there in bars easily getting laid, there is a man... Think about that.

It is usually the same select few men and they are usually very objectively attractive

For that study you can just make a dating profile on okcupid and see for your self

March 8, 2015

But its not an even distribution otherwise it would be as easy for a man to get laid as it is for a woman and that is patently not the case. Thats why guys get high fived and women battle with shame, because of the balance of how difficult it is for a guy to procure sex than it is for a woman. A man with high figures should be attractive to a woman because it provides the woman with social proof that he is a desirable man, hence why a male virgin faces social stigma. For women the inverse is true. High numbers suggest a lack of prejudice in her decision making when it comes to sex. Some may choose to see thst as making her unreliable in terms of long term relationship material. It would be interesting to see if there are any studies that correlate, I believe there have been efforts to tie high number of sexual partners to reduced levels of oxytocin but this has been debunked it seems.

Sounds like bro science to me...

The ratio of men to women is pretty darn even in the world. It is not any harder for a man to get "laid" than a women, it just seems that way because the process going about reaching that point is different. Try looking at it from an objective view....

March 8, 2015

I think I disagreed with your viewpoint and you then said the catering needs thing out of spite.

Are you proud that you can have men come and "cater your needs?" It can't be all that difficult.

Spite? Not even close, it's just the reality of things. Women in general aren't driven by testosterone, we have lower drives overall, and a lack of it doesn't get all up in our face and have us pent up. Our needs are naturally lower anyway so getting the deed done isn't a huge deal. Convenience, not pride is more like it.

There appears to be a great deal of frustration expressed by men on this site and elsewhere. It's something I gladly don't relate to. I experienced only a few years of being highly driven in that direction, I had a boyfriend over that period of time so job done.

March 8, 2015

Interesting, survey seems to be from a reasonable source (ie no immediate bias trying to sell services or promote a certain ideology)

Female infidelity based on number of sexual partners

March 8, 2015

I do not understand why girls on here would be so offended if asked this question. They have just as much a right and know how many girls the guy has been with

Just my opinion

March 8, 2015

I do not understand why girls on here would be so offended if asked this question. They have just as much a right and know how many girls the guy has been with

Just my opinion

I personally never even knew it was a touchy subject until I joined this forum.

All of my exes asked me early on. I thought nothing of it, answered, and moved on without a blink of the eye.

March 8, 2015

I do not understand why girls on here would be so offended if asked this question. They have just as much a right and know how many girls the guy has been with

Just my opinion

Because they hate the double standard. But there's many double standards in dating & that's one of them that negatively effects women so that's why they get offended by it.

March 8, 2015

I don't ask that question. I don't want to know

March 8, 2015

Because they hate the double standard. But there's many double standards in dating & that's one of them that negatively effects women so that's why they get offended by it.

But don't they want to know how many girls a guy has been with?

Whether he is relationship material or if they are likely to just be number 32? How the guy views women in general Not to mention STDs and stuff like that

March 8, 2015

I do not understand why girls on here would be so offended if asked this question. They have just as much a right and know how many girls the guy has been with

Just my opinion

It might be the delivery of the question and not the content of the question.

March 8, 2015

But don't they want to know how many girls a guy has been with?

Whether he is relationship material or if they are likely to just be number 32? How the guy views women in general Not to mention STDs and stuff like that

It would be hypocritical of them to not want to reveal their own sexual past, but ask about the guys. If a woman brings up about wanting to know his sexual past, than the guy has the right to know hers. And I don't think women care as much about a man's past than a guy does about a woman's.

March 8, 2015

Sounds like bro science to me...

The ratio of men to women is pretty darn even in the world. It is not any harder for a man to get "laid" than a women, it just seems that way because the process going about reaching that point is different. Try looking at it from an objective view....

"Wanna Go to Bed With Me?" (a.k.a. "Get Away from Me, Creep" vs. "Where Do I Sign Up?") - | - Science of Relationships

Theres a study for everything these days!

March 8, 2015

It would be hypocritical of them to not want to reveal their own sexual past, but ask about the guys. If a woman brings up how many they been with, than the guy has the right to know hers. And I don't think women care as much about a man's past than a guy does about a woman's.

I definitely don't speak for all women, but I definitely care about a man's past. I don't want to be with a guy who's banged every chick in town. It's just not for me.

I'd much prefer a virgin than a man who's been with many women. I think perhaps 1-3 women before me would be an ideal number.

March 8, 2015

It would be hypocritical of them to not want to reveal their own sexual past, but ask about the guys. If a woman brings up about wanting to know his sexual past, than the guy has the right to know hers. And I don't think women care as much about a man's past than a guy does about a woman's.

I do not see why they would not care as I explained why they have a right to know

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