what if the person you're dating asks you how many sexual partners you had?

[NJ123]

Of course it is wrong to lie!!

 

Than what's the problem in this thread? Of course there is the double standard that will always exist, but it still doesn't make it right to lie.

[Satu]

It can give a general idea of how many partners he/she was with before you. Thus giving you a general idea of their sexual promiscuity.

 

*this will then tie into how long your relationship will last, on avg

 

*Nonsense.

[NJ123]

Can't speak for all women of course but as someone who's had a 21yr old virgin and a 28yr old virgin can't say as I even asked (although it was apparent in bed) or really cared that much afterwards. Both of them became LTR. Men tend to be primarily preoccupied with useless details like penis size and number of sexual partners. Can't say the topic is even talked about much in women's circles except where it relates to some douche deciding his partner isn't pure enough ( read (too sexually experienced) for his liking. When are guys going to own up to the fact they obsess about this far than women do? The sexual psychology of males is truly all shades of f'd up.

 

A lot of it has to do with insecurities. If the guy only has had a few sex partners, and the woman has had dozens more, than they wonder if they'll be good enough for them in bed. A lot of guys don't think they'll ever be the best guy they ever been with if they had a lot of sex partners in the past. Also, I think a lot of it has to do with women being able to get sex much easier than men.

[Maleficent]

Here, here insert_name!! I don't see what the problem is, you people are the ones who slept with x number. So own up to it. Why do you think it is ok to lie about these things to your partner? Honesty is paramount and i dont see what's so wrong with someone (a current sex partner!!) being curious about your sexual history.

 

The only person who talked about lying is alpha male. The rest of us think it falls in the 'none of your business' category.

 

What is wrong with this question is that most of the time the person asking the question to establish the 'worth' of their new partner.

Like Valorie said so well, we are not cars.

Anyone who treats me as such does not get to be part of my life.

[guest569]

No, there were a few liars here. I'm totally fine with people dumping their partners for asking such a question, although it seems a little bit of an overreaction and a bit rich. but lying or refusing to answer is wrong in my view. And bizarre. Because its not a huge deal. I've asked a partner once out of curiosity, also read somewhere that the more partners someone has had the more likely they could have STDs. I was not making any judgement about him or his past actions, nor judging his "value" I'm pretty puzzled by this viewpoint, but i accept it.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

If a guy I was dating asked me that question, I wouldn't answer it; because it's none of his business. Since my number is low, I have no regrets or shame with regard to the partners I chose to have sex with in my life. Now, if I become exclusive with a guy and we're officially in a relationship, if he asks me that question, I'll gladly answer it with no reservation.

 

 

.

[insert_name]

Can't speak for all women of course but as someone who's had a 21yr old virgin and a 28yr old virgin can't say as I even asked (although it was apparent in bed) or really cared that much afterwards. Both of them became LTR. Men tend to be primarily preoccupied with useless details like penis size and number of sexual partners. Can't say the topic is even talked about much in women's circles except where it relates to some douche deciding his partner isn't pure enough ( read (too sexually experienced) for his liking. When are guys going to own up to the fact they obsess about this far than women do? The sexual psychology of males is truly all shades of f'd up.

 

There is a thread on here about 'would you date a virgin in his 20s' - a few women categorically answered no, so it does matter to some. Same goes for a thread about penis size, some women wont accept anything less than 6 inches or whatever. Different strokes for different folks, but it exists and it matters. Its hard to say those people are wrong in wanting certain requirements of their partner, even number of partners. Its when the judgement is expressed in a cruel way that its out of order.

[insert_name]

Oh and lol at: ''its none of my sexual partner's business how many people I have slept with". Like saying "its none of my dentist's business who my doctor is"

[Buddhist]

There is a thread on here about 'would you date a virgin in his 20s' - a few women categorically answered no, so it does matter to some. Same goes for a thread about penis size, some women wont accept anything less than 6 inches or whatever. Different strokes for different folks, but it exists and it matters. Its hard to say those people are wrong in wanting certain requirements of their partner, even number of partners. Its when the judgement is expressed in a cruel way that its out of order.

 

I agree. And it frequently is expressed in a cruel way towards women. Communicating to someone that they are unclean and unworthy as s result of sexual experience is not kindness. If you know that your past is going to be used to denigrate you, why reveal it? The fact that the men on this thread have the overwhelming advice to conceal or lie about it, tells me something very important about the mentality of men in general.

[preraph]

No one should ask you that. If they do, just say "That's private" and then don't sleep with them.

[guest569]

I'm just shocked by the reaction in 2015 when majority of people are becoming so open about sex. Wow. If someone said to me that it was private then they would no longer be part of my life haha

[runredlights]

Obviously we all know that it is incredibly easy for most any decent looking woman to go to a bar and find some guy to have sex with them just about any night of the week if they wanted to. The guy might not necessarily be a 10, but women can essentially just snap their fingers and get sex. We're harsh on women because it's just as easy for them to get sex as it would be for me to beat up a girl. It just isn't fair and that's why that double standard exists. For me, I wouldn't feel special being with someone whose had a ton of sexual partners.

[NJ123]

Obviously we all know that it is incredibly easy for most any decent looking woman to go to a bar and find some guy to have sex with them just about any night of the week if they wanted to. The guy might not necessarily be a 10, but women can essentially just snap their fingers and get sex. We're harsh on women because it's just as easy for them to get sex as it would be for me to beat up a girl. It just isn't fair and that's why that double standard exists. For me, I wouldn't feel special being with someone whose had a ton of sexual partners.

 

That's exactly it. Men want to feel like their the best the woman has been with. And if they had 40 different sex partners, in all probability that's just not likely. Women can have sex with as many people as they want, that's their right, but a lot of men don't like it. Some due to not feeling like they'll be good enough for the woman, as well as the fact decent looking women can get sex really easily.

[runredlights]

That's exactly it. Men want to feel like their the best the woman has been with. And if they had 40 different sex partners, in all probability that's just not likely. Women can have sex with as many people as they want, that's their right, but a lot of men don't like it. Some due to not feeling like they'll be good enough for the woman, as well as the fact decent looking women can get sex really easily.

 

I'm comfortable enough to not be concerned with size, performance, or how good looking her other "suitors" may have been. Don't get me wrong there's definitely ego attached to my rationale, but I don't think its fair to dismiss how myself and probably a lot of other men feel about being with a woman who had been promiscuous. Im not talking about a couple drunk one night stands, I mean really promiscuous. Like the mother of your children being double penetrated and glazed in sperm every weekend when she was in college.

 

I can't accept that. Like whelp she's with me now. I suppose I'm just not big enough to overlook someone with a bad past. Like I said earlier though you may never get an honest answer.

[Satu]

I never ask anyone very personal questions. I leave it to the person to tell me anything they want me to know.

 

If they don't tell, I don't ask.

 

That means that both people get to be who they are here, now, in the moment.

 

It's very liberating.

[sagamore]

I've never understood why this is such a loaded question (for some).

 

I've exchanged "numbers," as well as funny sexual war stories, with every serious boyfriend I've ever had - including my now-husband.

 

The actual number matters not one whit - but the ability to talk about sex, openly and without judgment - does. I've been with men who had hundreds of partners and those who'd had just one or two. All were great sex partners, each in his own way! And of course they all said I was the best ever so it's all good.

[Lucko]

First I would want to know why the person wanted to know. Then I'd have a discussion about why it's a destructive Q. The most concrete answer I will ever give is "enough that I know what I'm going, what I like & what I don't like but not so many that I can't look myself in the mirror."

 

 

Anybody who pushed beyond that wasn't in my life much longer.

 

There lies the problem. Too many and it's bad and too few or none and it's bad. That's why it shouldn't be answered.

[runredlights]

I've never understood why this is such a loaded question (for some).

 

I've exchanged "numbers," as well as funny sexual war stories, with every serious boyfriend I've ever had - including my now-husband.

 

The actual number matters not one whit - but the ability to talk about sex, openly and without judgment - does. I've been with men who had hundreds of partners and those who'd had just one or two. All were great sex partners, each in his own way! And of course they all said I was the best ever so it's all good.

 

See that would make me cringe. That's great how you guys are so open, but that seems bizarre that you share "war stories".

[Lucko]

I've never understood why this is such a loaded question (for some).

 

I've exchanged "numbers," as well as funny sexual war stories, with every serious boyfriend I've ever had - including my now-husband.

 

The actual number matters not one whit - but the ability to talk about sex, openly and without judgment - does. I've been with men who had hundreds of partners and those who'd had just one or two. All were great sex partners, each in his own way! And of course they all said I was the best ever so it's all good.

 

It's a loaded question because the wrong answers can pour water on relationships. It's especially dangerous for a woman who's had many or a man who's had none.

[Buddhist]

I can't accept that. Like whelp she's with me now. I suppose I'm just not big enough to overlook someone with a bad past. Like I said earlier though you may never get an honest answer.

 

But then there's a real problem isn't there because if we're all sitting around with our legs crossed waiting for a marriage proposal who's having sex with all you testosterone loaded individuals in the meantime?

 

Guys complain women don't give sex freely enough and they can't get it as often as then want. Then come out and freely admit they judge all the women who do give them sex for doing so. Great rationale there. You're welcome to maintain this way of thinking but I think you'll discover a continuation of the current trend. Women deciding that being with a man and having his babies isn't worth her time and finding other things to do in life. Which seems to be the trend in affluent nations if birthrates are anything to go by.

 

Frankly we're just sick of playing this stupid game with you. Our sexual needs are easily catered for without needing to live the judgements of some guys fragile ego.

[NJ123]

It's a loaded question because the wrong answers can pour water on relationships. It's especially dangerous for a woman who's had many or a man who's had none.

 

On another forum I heard of some women lying to their boyfriends about their sexual past. Than they found out from others somehow, and got instantly turned off by it. Some due to the sex acts they found out they performed in the past or the sexual partner number.

[guest569]

If I was with a partner who was going to get upset and make a big deal about it, I would rather know! Better to have all this out in the open i say. If I am with someone that I have to lie to or conceal information from in order to keep him happy then he is not the one for me.

[NJ123]

But then there's a real problem isn't there because if we're all sitting around with our legs crossed waiting for a marriage proposal who's having sex with all you testosterone loaded individuals in the meantime?

 

Guys complain women don't give sex freely enough and they can't get it as often as then want. Then come out and freely admit they judge all the women who do give them sex for doing so. Great rationale there. You're welcome to maintain this way of thinking but I think you'll discover a continuation of the current trend. Women deciding that being with a man and having his babies isn't worth her time and finding other things to do in life. Which seems to be the trend in affluent nations if birthrates are anything to go by.

 

Frankly we're just sick of playing this stupid game with you. Our sexual needs are easily catered for without needing to live the judgements of some guys fragile ego.

 

That's fair to say, but I don't think many men would be okay with having a relationship with a woman that has been involved in a gang bang or a threesome with two guys at the same time.

 

I didn't want to say this, but I will. This is a bit hypocritical in terms of that thread about illnesses. If a guy hides that he has mild depression & takes a small dose of an antidepressant that's not okay & is grounds for ending the relationship, but if a woman lies about having sex with 100 different guys than that's perfectly fine. Sure, whatever.

[preraph]

I think you can save yourself asking for the number and just know that if you feel like asking the number -- you're definitely not the best. Because nothing is more of a turnoff than that type of insecurity and yes, it is evident in bed.

 

That said, since women don't seem to be so sexually focused, just because a guy is the best in bed doesn't mean that's the one she wants to stay with and just because one isn't doesn't mean that she won't love him more than anybody else despite his lack of game in bed.

[insert_name]

The only person who talked about lying is alpha male. The rest of us think it falls in the 'none of your business' category.

 

What is wrong with this question is that most of the time the person asking the question to establish the 'worth' of their new partner.

Like Valorie said so well, we are not cars.

Anyone who treats me as such does not get to be part of my life.

 

Whats the difference between that and judging a mans worth based on whether he lives in his parents basement? They are essentially the same except one is socially acceptable to the sisterhood and the other isnt.

 

If the cap fits - wear it.