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what if the person you're dating asks you how many sexual partners you had?

lohnjennon

By lohnjennon
in Dating

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
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It's not even that. I can't put it into words but you just get a sixth sense for things. I am very good at reading people and I am usually right.

 

Yeah, I think I know what you mean. It's just the persons demenaor where you get a sense of something. And I'm sure if their an attention seeking woman with posting a bunch of sexy photos online, than that's another thing as well. I would absolutely not be okay with being with someone that is obsessed with instagram or facebook.

PrettyEmily77 Established Member

PrettyEmily77

Posted
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A woman's attitude towards sex and relationships very much does matter when looking for a GF but it has nothing to do numbers whatsoever. I have a very good sixth sense when it comes to these things.

 

Also everybody judges and anybody who says they don't is a liar. It's often the ones who claim they are so open minded and not judgmental that look down on everybody that has different opinions than them. Being able to tolerate people who view the world differently than you do is part of being open minded.

 

 

Agreed. Knowing someone's number is bound to bring more issues than it's worth, no matter the level of trust you have in your partner. Those who want to know care about the reply, no matter what they say and they only stop caring when the reply satisfies them or somehow fits their standards (that would be the lowest possible number for any guy who asks but I have no idea what a woman would gain from that info). One's sexual past is not in the same league as stated preferences for jobs or hair colour though, it's private and completely at the discretion of the person if they want to divulge or not.

 

 

I don't care to know anyone's number because I truly don't care what went on in the guy's sexual life before I came along, because I value my privacy a lot and because I want to be with an open-minded partner who doesn't have any hang-ups or outdated views on women and sex; so long as he's faithful and we're compatible, I'm happy.

 

 

I hope all works well for OP, and that her partner is as supportive as she deserves.

mr_dave Established Member

mr_dave

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I'm more interested in the people she dated then the people she slept with.

 

How back to front is that? Sheesh, if I met a woman who thought sleeping with someone was less of a commitment than dating someone, and who had slept with more people than she'd been on dates with, I'd 'next' her instantly! :sick:

NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
Posted
How back to front is that? Sheesh, if I met a woman who thought sleeping with someone was less of a commitment than dating someone, and who had slept with more people than she'd been on dates with, I'd 'next' her instantly! :sick:

 

That's part of the problem for why men dislike it. It's an instant turn off to a lot of guys where if the woman had more one night stands than dates.

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
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How back to front is that? Sheesh, if I met a woman who thought sleeping with someone was less of a commitment than dating someone, and who had slept with more people than she'd been on dates with, I'd 'next' her instantly! :sick:

 

I don't think that's what he meant. Note that he said he is interested in the people not the number of people.

 

You can tell a lot more about someone when you look at the kind of relationships they had VS the number of people they slept with.

  • Like 5
road Established Member

road

Posted
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I think it is funny that a woman can see no problem having a high number. Yet they have a problem about having to tell the truth when asked what their number is.

  • Like 2
serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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I think if women can lie or refuse to talk about their sexual past, than it's fair to not have to tell a woman about your medical issues unless it's something that could negatively affect the relationship. I mean what gives her the right to know, if she refuses to talk about something about herself.

 

This has nothing to do with what I wrote, or indeed, with the OP's question. Did you read my post?

 

Someone's request for help really isn't a time to post your own anxieties, NJ. Don't make this about you. You've got your own threads for that.

Edited by serial muse
  • Like 4
amythan Established Member

amythan

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Everyone has preferences and this is fine. If someone doesn't want to be with me because of my number is their privilege. On the other had if someone with a high number doesn't want to be with me then it is even better because I don't want to be with them either. I don't go out with people with double standards.

 

Now all of us have our deal breakers, I don't want a bf who slept with hookers. I have a very strong opinion about that and I respect he could have strong opinions about other things ..

  • Like 1
Mangina Established Member

Mangina

Posted
Posted
Everyone has preferences and this is fine. If someone doesn't want to be with me because of my number is their privilege. On the other had if someone with a high number doesn't want to be with me then it is even better because I don't want to be with them either. I don't go out with people with double standards.

 

Now all of us have our deal breakers, I don't want a bf who slept with hookers. I have a very strong opinion about that and I respect he could have strong opinions about other things ..

 

I have slept with 3 prostitutes. That is something about me that I know will be a problem for a lot of girls. I do think a girl seeing me has the right to know that so I would answer truthful if ever asked this question

NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
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I have slept with 3 prostitutes. That is something about me that I know will be a problem for a lot of girls. I do think a girl seeing me has the right to know that so I would answer truthful if ever asked this question

 

I've thought about getting an escort, but just don't think it would be for me.

Mangina Established Member

Mangina

Posted
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I've thought about getting an escort, but just don't think it would be for me.

 

Do not do it. The sex is not what you expect for watching movies or porn. You can tell that she does not want to sleep with you you will get a terrible feeling. And it is expensive for 20 mins of sex

NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
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This has nothing to do with what I wrote, or indeed, with the OP's question. Did you read my post?

 

Someone's request for help really isn't a time to post your own anxieties, NJ. Don't make this about you. You've got your own threads for that.

 

Yes, I understand that, but you were saying that you should tell the truth in a serious relationship. But what if the woman doesn't want to reveal her past, why should you say anything personal that could turn them off as well?

NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
Posted
Do not do it. The sex is not what you expect for watching movies or porn. You can tell that she does not want to sleep with you you will get a terrible feeling. And it is expensive for 20 mins of sex

 

Well obviously they do it for the money & not the pleasure of it. That's why I don't think I could do it. Feel like she would just be going through the motions.

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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I would tell the truth. You don't have to go into gory detail, but you can let him know the basic facts that he wants to know. The only way to have a real relationship is to let your partner know who you really are, and understand who he really is. His reaction will tell you everything about who he is and whether he will accept you as you are or not.

 

I haven't had many sexual partners, but my past is checkered in other ways - troubled upbringing, verbally abusive dad, alcoholic mother, and associated family problems. I have now gotten to the point of strength that I'm not as guarded with this information as I used to be. I have a first date this week with a dreamy guy who intimidates me a little. He seems to come from a more normal upbringing, has followed a conventional career path, and is doing well for himself. I'm also doing well, especially given what I had to start with, but my path has been more erratic and less stable than his.

 

In the past, I would have worked harder to guard the facts of my past. Now I'm pretty open about it. If he doesn't want to get to know me romantically because of who I am, it's better that neither of us engages. If my imperfections turn him off and he's not inspired to romance me, better that we know it's not a match than get involved and end up hurting each other. I'm pretty sure I'm past the drama of working out my family of origin issues. Now I just want peace and happiness.

 

The right man for you will understand and love you in spite of flaws and mistakes. The wrong men will do you a favor by moving along.

  • Like 2
Rejected Rosebud Established Member

Rejected Rosebud

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You are better off observing behaviors than asking any questions related to sexual past.

 

How do you know that person isn't lying to you about it?

This is very true! There is even a GUY on this thread who says outright he will lie about it!:D
  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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But it's obvious to me from your last post that you look down on inexperienced guys.

 

So? Why does that matter to you?

NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
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So? Why does that matter to you?

 

Because it proves that there's a real stigma unlike what some people are saying in here. I'm pretty much ****ed in terms of the options I'll have. I'm always going to be judged by a huge % of women.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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The only thing what I said proved was that I don't suffer low experience men because that's my experience. Period. It has nothing to do with you because I'll never know you in this lifetime.

 

This thread is not even about you--you hijacked it from the OP who has legitimate questions to which she wanted answers.

  • Like 3
NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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The only thing what I said proved was that I don't suffer low experience men because that's my experience. Period. It has nothing to do with you because I'll never know you in this lifetime.

 

This thread is not even about you--you hijacked it from the OP who has legitimate questions to which she wanted answers.

 

Fair enough. But I didn't hijack anything. There's other posters who went off topic too. But thanks for only blaming me for doing so.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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Fair enough. But I didn't hijack anything. There's other posters who went off topic too. But thanks for only blaming me for doing so.

 

you're welcome.

  • Like 3
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted
Everyone has preferences and this is fine. If someone doesn't want to be with me because of my number is their privilege. On the other had if someone with a high number doesn't want to be with me then it is even better because I don't want to be with them either. I don't go out with people with double standards.

 

Now all of us have our deal breakers, I don't want a bf who slept with hookers. I have a very strong opinion about that and I respect he could have strong opinions about other things ..

 

Exactly. Nobody should ever be belittled because of their sex as long as they hurt nobody but everybody has preferences and dealbreakers. A man or a woman for that matter should always be respect about it but they have the right to date or not date who they want.

  • Like 1
NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

Posted
Posted (edited)
you're welcome.

 

lol i know you obviously don't mean it, but I actually laughed at your response.

Edited by NJ123
  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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Posted
This is very true! There is even a GUY on this thread who says outright he will lie about it!:D

 

Two actually.

  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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Because it proves that there's a real stigma unlike what some people are saying in here. I'm pretty much ****ed in terms of the options I'll have. I'm always going to be judged by a huge % of women.

 

Calling the kettle black are we?

  • Like 4
Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

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Posted
Because it proves that there's a real stigma unlike what some people are saying in here. I'm pretty much ****ed in terms of the options I'll have. I'm always going to be judged by a huge % of women.

 

Do you wear a T-shirt that says I'm a virgin or something? Because otherwise I have no idea how they would even know until the event, in which case if you are both naked and putting hands in naughty places it's unlikely to go sour from then on in. :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
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