Author Rko28 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Fear of commitment. With a difficult woman or one who doesn't want you....no chance (threat) of commitment ever happening..so you're safe (emotionally)... free to let your guard down and feel passion and "longing" - both of which are very intense emotions, but not real "love" in the true sense of what it means to truly love a woman. Ponder that for while...... Again, I can see where you're coming from but commitment is certainly something im not afraid of, I really want to meet a nice girl, settle down and have all that comes with it.
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Again, I can see where you're coming from but commitment is certainly something im not afraid of, I really want to meet a nice girl, settle down and have all that comes with it. You sure about that? Most commitment phobes say the same thing, but every time they meet a chick who's totally into them, where pursuing them is easy, not difficult, and who actually wants a relationship with them, "eventually" (just as the relationship is headed towards commitment) there is always some "wrong." Causing him to need space and pull back, create distance. That something "wrong" is usually over something silly and irrelevant too.. something they may even have been perfectly aware of from the get go. It takes a lot of introspection to realize this about yourself. It's either that or your need for constant challenge and chase is just immaturity.... hard to say without knowing you better.
Author Rko28 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 You sure about that? Most commitment phobes say the same thing, but every time they meet a chick who's totally into them, where pursuing them is easy, not difficult, and who actually wants a relationship with them, "eventually" (just as the relationship is headed towards commitment) there is always some "wrong." Causing him to need space and pull back, create distance. That something "wrong" is usually over something silly and irrelevant too.. something they may even have been perfectly aware of from the get go. It takes a lot of introspection to realize this about yourself. It's either that or your need for constant challenge and chase is just immaturity.... hard to say without knowing you better. 100%, read my thread about my ex from last year. There was no challenge there, everything was easy and everything I wanted. I do take what you are saying on board though
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 100%, read my thread about my ex from last year. There was no challenge there, everything was easy and everything I wanted. I do take what you are saying on board though Okay I will but real quick, what happened with your ex? Why is she your ex? What prevented you from making a full long term commitment to her? Or did she end it with you? If so, why? Just a very brief summary would be fine. I am not real savvy yet with locating prior threads.
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Also, just a thought... but if your relationship with your ex ended badly, and you got hurt, that could trigger the fear of commitment in subsequent relationships. Again, it takes a lot of introspection to figure all this out within yourself. But since you have acknowledged that the challenge and chase intrigue you, you may wish to explore these issues. Introspection is good.
Author Rko28 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Okay I will but real quick, what happened with your ex? Why is she your ex? What prevented you from making a full long term commitment to her? Or did she end it with you? If so, why? Just a very brief summary would be fine. I am not real savvy yet with locating prior threads. she lied to me about her whereabouts at new year, ended up meeting people off holiday, then started being really distant and cold after what was a fantastic loveable 6 months. I was willing to give her everything.
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 she lied to me about her whereabouts at new year, ended up meeting people off holiday, then started being really distant and cold after what was a fantastic loveable 6 months. I was willing to give her everything. Oh I remember your thread! Dude ... you consider that a good relationship? Everything you wanted? Are you serious? She lied to you, and not just once either! From what I remember, she was far from easy! In fact, I was shocked you had tolerated her bull crap for as long as you did! She was messing with your head! And probably cheating too! JMO, but I think you have a messed up view of what a good healthy relationship really looks like. I am sorry if that sounds harsh....but come on now....
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Today she came back to me saying she wanted to leave it, she loves me but isnt in love with me and that commitment scares her, how I'll always be special to her but she cant do it. So she says all this after promising me she had changed, wanting to be with me and saying she loved me. I feel stupid I fell for her all over again and that I let myself be fooled yet again by this girl. She has some kind of hold over me that I hate, I am besotted with her and hate the thought of her being with someone else. Ive had break ups before but them girls I dont see around anymore, with her im goign to bump in to her everywhere as shes local to me, im goign to see her with other boys, there will be no escaping her. Im venting here but if anyone has any tips please help me. thank you. That is because at 33 you were in that place, at 20 she was in a far different place. I have been there, not with a 33 year old, but with a bf that I knew at 30 would make great marriage material, but at 20 it was all way too serious for me. This is not true fear of commitment. This is asking for commitment from someone who is too young to commit to anyone. Edited March 9, 2015 by elaine567
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 That is because at 33 you were in that place, at 20 she was in a far different place. I have been there, not with a 33 year old, but with a bf that I knew at 30 would make great marriage material, but at 20 it was all way too serious for me. This is not true fear of commitment. This is asking for commitment from someone who is too young to commit to anyone. That's precisely the issue though. He had no business asking for or even wanting a commitment from a girl like her. Not only was she not really into him, she was unstable and a flake ....and most, if not all, emotionally healthy men would have dumped her after that crap remark about the video. Not to keep beating up on RKO, because he appears to be a nice, sensitive guy, but he should NOT be tolerating this type of crap from women...no matter how much sex appeal they have. It was the same exact thing with his ex, which he created numerous threads about.... before she ended it. RKO, at 33 years old, it may be time to seek some professional help to help you sort these issues out. This girl AND your ex were both disasters.. and YOU should have walked away from them way before they ultimately walked away from you.
Jess cms Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) That is because at 33 you were in that place, at 20 she was in a far different place. I have been there, not with a 33 year old, but with a bf that I knew at 30 would make great marriage material, but at 20 it was all way too serious for me. This is not true fear of commitment. This is asking for commitment from someone who is too young to commit to anyone. That's relative... I guess it depends on the person, there are many people in their early 20's who just want to settle down. I know people like that and I have examples in my own family as well. Now, I'm 21 and I can see your point. I can't say I'm experienced but when I think about a relationship I think about it seriously. Nevertheless, I'm young and I can't say I would just marry and have kids right away... I sure as hell want to enjoy my youth and go to parties and festivals and travel, etc. It doesn't mean I couldn't be in a serious relationship and honestly I can say that I wouldn't be in one if it wasn't serious. So I just thinks it depends on the person and it depends on what this particular person wants... or if she knows what she wants at all. I have to say though that I think a 20 year old girl should know when to say something as "I love you". It doesn't seem to me like she knows what that means at all, or she's just childish really. I can say I'm 21 and I never said "I love you" to a guy... and just recently I had a guy asking me if I loved him twice, I said no. It's just ridiculous how people devalue love just like that. Edited March 9, 2015 by Jess cms 1
Author Rko28 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Ok up until Christmas things were good with my ex, yes I had a few personal I securities but I was happy. Yes I should've walked away once that trust went but I didnt, I learnt my lesson that you need trust. She has since tried to get in touch to try and build bridges but I've refused and moved on. Also it was me that ended it with my ex. I think here I just chose the wrong girl to get Invested in, wrong age, wrong personality, but you can't help who you fall for. I have no doubt she will be coming back within the next 3 months wanting me again. I'll have to be strong to say no
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