Rko28 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Things have been going well for about a month, the next day after sleeping with each other we said we wouldnt date other people or sleep with anyone, everything was good with that. Since this time weve got closer, or so I thought. Before this she used to text me (when i was with my ex) saying she finally realised she loved me and wanted to be with me. She said this pretty much every time we chatted. I was uncomfortable with her telling me this, especially as I had a girlfriend. When I became single she carried on with this but hasnt said anything like that since we slept with each other. The past week shes gone distant, she hasnt initiated meeting and her communication texting/calling has regressed dramatically. She even tagged me in a video on FB that she found hilarious of a woman saying he didnt want a boyfriend and listing reasons why, she said "hey this is me!!" It was a bit of a kick in the teeth. So past few days ive been mulling over asking her whats going on and this morning I did. She said she was happy how things are and wasnt sure what she wanted or anything serious, that she was off to see family and didnt need to think about it this weekend. I was a bit angry with her response and said that to me it seemed like she only wanted me when she couldnt have me, she denied that but thats how it looks. We left it by me saying she needs to sort out what shes wants because it seems we want different things. She agreed to this and said she would speak to me after the weekend. I know this sounds a bit crazy but ive known her a while and I actually do love her, I thought that after past failings with her this was the time it would work, she promised me she wanted me as a serious boyfriend and now she can have me its like she doesnt want me. This is the 2nd or possibly 3rd time this has happened with her now but last time Ive been able to walk away this time its hard as I actually love her. Any advice how to handle this would be great.
spiderowl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 You've pretty much said this is a pattern with her. I know it must be very painful but do you want to keep going through this ritual with her? She is treating you badly once she's got you where she wants you. I bet if you walk out, she will be back straight away trying to get you to return and then will repeat this pattern ad nauseum. Unless she is willing to look at herself and why she is repeating this pattern, then I'm afraid it just looks like continual pain for you. Why don't you cut your losses and find a girl who doesn't misuse you? Or are you fascinated by her impulsive and taunting actions? Don't get drawn in - it's a cruel trap. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Man, that passive aggressive crap she pulled with the video is immediate grounds for dismissal in my opinion. I wouldn't want anything to do with a woman like that. But I can sympathize. I always dated women that were older. Just got along with them better because I'm direct and have older interests. However, older women can be surprisingly commitment phobic when seeing a younger guy. They start to think about if they're depriving us of kids, or if the age difference will lead to lack of attraction down the road, etc.. So that's why I finally stopped focusing on older women and have been pursuing women close to my age. 2
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 So you cheated on your ex with this girl, this went on for awhile, eventually she told you she wanted to be with you, so you broke up with your ex, who you were cheating on, to be in a relationship with this girl? And now that you ended it with your ex, who you were cheating on, this girl doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore? Do I have this right? 2
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Never mind my above post, I think I misunderstood. IDK for sure though, can you clarify?
Buddhist Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I was uncomfortable with her telling me this, especially as I had a girlfriend. but last time Ive been able to walk away this time its hard as I actually love her. Yes. Walk away and suffer all those feelings of loss, it's the least you can do after cheating on your girlfriend and kicking her in the teeth. Or you can stick around and let this woman yank your chain on and off for as long as she's entertained by that game. Enjoy your karma. 2
Author Rko28 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 woah, woah, woah, no I didnt cheat on my ex! Ive never cheated on anyone. She used to tell me when I saw her out and about, both sober and not sober, and she used to text me, which I never replied other than to say stop this or ill block your number. I was happy with my ex and besotted with her until she did what she did on new year
Author Rko28 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Why don't you cut your losses and find a girl who doesn't misuse you? Or are you fascinated by her impulsive and taunting actions? Don't get drawn in - it's a cruel trap. I have in the past but we always end up talking and getting to this stage, I dont know what it is and please bear with what im going to say now, im completley drawn to her in a way I never have before, her looks, her personality, her sex appeal, literally everything about her makes me so turned on about her to the point that i struggle to cut her out.
spiderowl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I have in the past but we always end up talking and getting to this stage, I dont know what it is and please bear with what im going to say now, im completley drawn to her in a way I never have before, her looks, her personality, her sex appeal, literally everything about her makes me so turned on about her to the point that i struggle to cut her out. I know what you mean. It's not fair is it?
Author Rko28 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I know what you mean. It's not fair is it? It certainly isn't. Obviously I've never told her what a hold she has over me but I'm sure she's probably guessed. I hate the thought of this not working out, which it seems it's going that way, and the thought of her being with someone else and having sex and moments with them. It turns my stomach
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Man, that passive aggressive crap she pulled with the video is immediate grounds for dismissal in my opinion. I wouldn't want anything to do with a woman like that. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Author Rko28 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Man, that passive aggressive crap she pulled with the video is immediate grounds for dismissal in my opinion. I wouldn't want anything to do with a woman like that. I agree it was very childish of her and I called her out on it immediately, she said it was just a joke video and that I was over-thinking too much. She then suddenly became tired and needed bed.... That old chestnut
MidwestUSA Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Is this the 20 year old? Are you're 33? No need to wonder why she's done something childish. 2
Author Rko28 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Is this the 20 year old? Are you're 33? No need to wonder why she's done something childish. Yes that's correct. I agree with what you say but I don't understand how someone can say all those things and then change their mind, even if they are 20. I know I ddint at that age. I think I need to walk away somehow and find someone better suited for me but I know for a fact she will come back running and because of knowing that I won't be able to concentrate on dating someone else
Jess cms Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 My Goodness! Your situation is incredibly similar to mine!!! I just posted something about it and right after that I just "popped here" and read your post. We should talk x)
Author Rko28 Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 My Goodness! Your situation is incredibly similar to mine!!! I just posted something about it and right after that I just "popped here" and read your post. We should talk x) Hi Jess, it is very similar, I think it's all to do with the chase and people wanting what they can't have, although I'm not entirely sure I'm right hence why I'm posting here to see if anyone else has any ideas. I've read your post and there are 100's of threads on here with the male ditching the woman once he's had the sex off her. In my case it seems like it's been the other way around and a lot of people say women aren't like that as once they have sex they become closer to that person and develop feelings ....
Jess cms Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Hi Jess, it is very similar, I think it's all to do with the chase and people wanting what they can't have, although I'm not entirely sure I'm right hence why I'm posting here to see if anyone else has any ideas. I've read your post and there are 100's of threads on here with the male ditching the woman once he's had the sex off her. In my case it seems like it's been the other way around and a lot of people say women aren't like that as once they have sex they become closer to that person and develop feelings .... yeah, you're probably right in what you said about people wanting what they can't have... in my case, I had feelings for him for some time but I think he was clueless about it. I guess things really changed after he realized I really liked him... and yes that sucks, but that's not really what bothers me the most cause what makes me this angry is to think about a lot of stuff he said to me, stuff he asked me (he even asked if I loved him... twice! btw, I said I didn't). That and he was really jealous about this other guy, and he really tried to make me forget about him... well anyway, this post is not about me, I'm just a mess right now.. I'm sorry! well, I guess your situation is probably more complicated than mine cause we never got to say "I love you" and we didn't actually have sex... I mean we got physical but, yeah, it doesn't matter xD what I mean is, you're probably worst than I am... you still love this girl while in my case I guess I just feel angry and really really wronged. I don't know if it helps but what I try to do is not to talk to him at all. Sometimes it doesn't work cause as you read in my post, we talked this past week and so.. but before that I had been an entire week without talking to him and he tried to reach me once during that time and I didn't bother to answer cause I just thought "if I'm important he'll try again and then we'll talk" and that's what happened. I don't think it's because I'm important to him though -.- but in my case I did that because I just didn't know what to do anymore cause I tried to talk things through and to meet him and all that and nothing worked so I just figured.. why bother? It can only get worst. in your case if she wants to meet you after this weekend than I think you should do it, and try to understand her if she has motives for what she did (try it one last time, face to face).. then again if she keeps talking about how she doesn't know what she wants then you should probably give her some time. Try to do what I did, just don't talk to her even if you're dying inside... cause you can only gain something from it. Either she'll realize she misses you and she'll try to get back to you, or you'll eventually move on and meet someone else that will make all this go away... either way it's her loss.
Author Rko28 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Today she came back to me saying she wanted to leave it, she loves me but isnt in love with me and that commitment scares her, how I'll always be special to her but she cant do it. So she says all this after promising me she had changed, wanting to be with me and saying she loved me. I feel stupid I fell for her all over again and that I let myself be fooled yet again by this girl. She has some kind of hold over me that I hate, I am besotted with her and hate the thought of her being with someone else. Ive had break ups before but them girls I dont see around anymore, with her im goign to bump in to her everywhere as shes local to me, im goign to see her with other boys, there will be no escaping her. Im venting here but if anyone has any tips please help me. thank you.
Gary S Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 If they waffle back and forth between friends and lovers, it means they don't love you and probably never will. Women who love you are consistent. I hope you did not drop your girlfriend for her. The grass is not always greener on the other side. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 If they waffle back and forth between friends and lovers, it means they don't love you and probably never will. Women who love you are consistent. I hope you did not drop your girlfriend for her. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Best quote I've seen in a long time. And I think it goes both ways.
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Yes I have a tip. Think about why it is you're so besotted with "this" particular girl ....and the others not so much. Is it because you can't have her, and she makes the possibility of ever having her extremely difficult? That type of challenge can be intoxicating...but it's not real, and not long lasting. Anyway, I bet if you think about it long enough, you may realize there is truth to that.... the ole want what you can't have syndrome. From what I have gathered from your posts, she doesn't seem all that great. Passive-aggressive, unstable, flakey, childish, and that crap remark she made re the video...yeah sounds like she's a real peach. Ugh. Okay so she's pretty and the sex is off the charts... Get a grip dude... lots of pretty girls out there with oodles of sex appeal ....who might actually be into you!!! Why hang yourself up for this one? She's a flake and doesn't want you. Think more highly of yourself... and next time choose more wisely. Edited March 9, 2015 by katiegrl
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Things have been going well for about a month, the next day after sleeping with each other we said we wouldnt date other people or sleep with anyone, everything was good with that. Since this time weve got closer, or so I thought. Before this she used to text me (when i was with my ex) saying she finally realised she loved me and wanted to be with me. She said this pretty much every time we chatted. I was uncomfortable with her telling me this, especially as I had a girlfriend. When I became single she carried on with this but hasnt said anything like that since we slept with each other. The past week shes gone distant, she hasnt initiated meeting and her communication texting/calling has regressed dramatically. She even tagged me in a video on FB that she found hilarious of a woman saying he didnt want a boyfriend and listing reasons why, she said "hey this is me!!" It was a bit of a kick in the teeth. So past few days ive been mulling over asking her whats going on and this morning I did. She said she was happy how things are and wasnt sure what she wanted or anything serious, that she was off to see family and didnt need to think about it this weekend. I was a bit angry with her response and said that to me it seemed like she only wanted me when she couldnt have me, she denied that but thats how it looks. We left it by me saying she needs to sort out what shes wants because it seems we want different things. She agreed to this and said she would speak to me after the weekend. I know this sounds a bit crazy but ive known her a while and I actually do love her, I thought that after past failings with her this was the time it would work, she promised me she wanted me as a serious boyfriend and now she can have me its like she doesnt want me. This is the 2nd or possibly 3rd time this has happened with her now but last time Ive been able to walk away this time its hard as I actually love her. Any advice how to handle this would be great. Ambiguous. She doesn't know what she wants. She will most definitely continue being flakey. I would move on.
Author Rko28 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 If they waffle back and forth between friends and lovers, it means they don't love you and probably never will. Women who love you are consistent. I hope you did not drop your girlfriend for her. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Very true. No I didnt drop anyone for her, id never do that. She was throwing all kinds of potential temptations at me at the time but theres no way id cheat or consider it.
Author Rko28 Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Yes I have a tip. Think about why it is you're so besotted with "this" particular girl ....and the others not so much. Is it because you can't have her, and she makes the possibility of ever having her extremely difficult? That type of challenge can be intoxicating...but it's not real, and not long lasting. Anyway, I bet if you think about it long enough, you may realize there is truth to that.... the ole want what you can't have syndrome. From what I have gathered from your posts, she doesn't seem all that great. Passive-aggressive, unstable, flakey, childish, and that crap remark she made re the video...yeah sounds like she's a real peach. Ugh. Okay so she's pretty and the sex is off the charts... Get a grip dude... lots of pretty girls out there with oodles of sex appeal ....who might actually be into you!!! Why hang yourself up for this one? She's a flake and doesn't want you. Think more highly of yourself... and next time choose more wisely. Definitley truth in that. Over the years I think, actually I know, I have passed up quite a few girls that were lovely and probably 100% right for me yet I could have had them easily enough, like there was no chase. What is with that?
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Definitley truth in that. Over the years I think, actually I know, I have passed up quite a few girls that were lovely and probably 100% right for me yet I could have had them easily enough, like there was no chase. What is with that? Fear of commitment. With a difficult woman or one who doesn't want you....no chance (threat) of commitment ever happening..so you're safe (emotionally)... free to let your guard down and feel passion and "longing" - both of which are very intense emotions, but not real "love" in the true sense of what it means to truly love a woman. Ponder that for while...... 1
Recommended Posts