Why can't anyone admit that most people are picky these days?

[carhill]

OP, long thread so probably already covered but IMO you also should include behaviors as 'admission' since behaviors and the actions they manifest themselves in are clear admission of intent and perspective and are, indeed, often referred to here on LS where and when we advise people to see if words and actions match and/or support each other or not.

 

If a person's behavior and actions shows them to be 'picky', they have, in essence, stipulated to that fact. Expounding on it with words would be superfluous.

[toolforgrowth]

In general with any group if you want people to respect you you need to respect yourself.

 

I agree! I don't consider myself an actual activist, because I don't agree with the fringe elements. But I take the nuggets of truth that apply to me from the moderates. In essence, I have no issue calling BS from anyone who says it, no matter where they lie on the spectrum.

 

I will still maintain that men really do need to apply rules of feminism to themselves. Not the fringe elements, of course. But overall women have done a remarkable job of marketing their worth and value. Men haven't learned how to do the same thing.

 

But it starts with each individual man knowing his worth and value to begin with.

[ladyc4]

There seems to be an over-focus here on the financial aspects/risks of marriage.

 

Marriage is a partnership. If that parthership ends, then the liabilities and assets need to be divvied up. And it isn't all just about who brought in the most dollars. if there are children, their best interest supersedes all other concerns.

 

Plenty of people DO find partners and stay together.

 

But, I will acknowledge that the changes in our society have made marriage LESS of an expectation than what it used to be. We are beginning to understand that a person can make a great contribution to their little corner of the world and the people in it, without marrying someone and producing offspring. With this understanding, people are free to be more picky.

 

So yeah, I'm not going to pretend that people aren't being more choosy.

 

Perhaps we are a little over-focused on earnings, rather than ambition and resourcefulness. And as far as looks, who here is willing to be involved with someone they find physically UNappealing?

 

Trust me, a feeling of attraction to one another can help a couple get through a trying situation. But it does have to be a deep feeling of attraction, not just a surface or lustful situation.

 

I think we hate to say that people can afford to be more picky these days, because it might hurt the feelings of those who get passed over a lot.

But yeah, I'll be the first to admit that people are more picky now...because they CAN be.

[toolforgrowth]

There seems to be an over-focus here on the financial aspects/risks of marriage.

 

Marriage is a partnership. If that parthership ends, then the liabilities and assets need to be divvied up. And it isn't all just about who brought in the most dollars. if there are children, their best interest supersedes all other concerns.

 

Plenty of people DO find partners and stay together.

 

But, I will acknowledge that the changes in our society have made marriage LESS of an expectation than what it used to be. We are beginning to understand that a person can make a great contribution to their little corner of the world and the people in it, without marrying someone and producing offspring. With this understanding, people are free to be more picky.

 

So yeah, I'm not going to pretend that people aren't being more choosy.

 

Perhaps we are a little over-focused on earnings, rather than ambition and resourcefulness. And as far as looks, who here is willing to be involved with someone they find physically UNappealing?

 

Trust me, a feeling of attraction to one another can help a couple get through a trying situation. But it does have to be a deep feeling of attraction, not just a surface or lustful situation.

 

I think we hate to say that people can afford to be more picky these days, because it might hurt the feelings of those who get passed over a lot.

But yeah, I'll be the first to admit that people are more picky now...because they CAN be.

 

For the most part, I agree with you. The reality is that men take far more financial risks when they marry. I went through a divorce with a cheating ex wife, and got taken to the cleaners for it. I bounced back REALLY well, but after having that experience, it has definitely shown me what the risks of marriage for men actually are. And they're risks that are simply not worth taking for me under any circumstance. YMMV, of course, but minimizing the very real dangers men face in marriage is not going to compel them to feel otherwise, nor will it re-brand what is essentially a bad product into something more lucrative or attractive. Basically, it's a product that men have no desire to purchase anymore because it doesn't offer them anything.

 

But I would definitely agree that people, both men and women, can certainly become more picky because they both can be. They can both go out into the workforce and forge their own career and path and take care of themselves. I think that's awesome. Does it suck for the people who get passed over? Sure. But that goes back into what you said about ambition and resourcefulness...people who exhibit those traits can make themselves a more viable option.

 

Eventually, those who continue to get passed over will either remake themselves into someone with higher value, or learn that they place too high a value on themselves and lower their expectations accordingly. At least, one would hope that the average person would have the intellectual honesty to do either one.

[whatcanitellyou]

Good looks are somewhat subjective. And yes, I want someone I find attractive. I assume he likes enthusiastic sex, and someone I find attractive can get that.

 

He needn't be a model, just appealing to me. And yes, he must have a job. Fortunately I've had no trouble finding men like this, but the ones who do are the ones really punching above their level. Plenty of homely dudes with average jobs think they're entitled to models who have a lot of options, and now we're back to the difference between standards and entitlement. If you can't get what you want you might consider opening your applicant pool. I assume you have your own standards right? Would you take an unemployed, 400 pound slob just so you aren't alone? Why must she be in reasonable shape? Why must she have the attributes you seek? Why isn't it enough that she's female and nice? Because you have standards, and you should.