Emmortal Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) So, this will be long but I'll try to keep it from being wall-of-text long. Met a girl about a year and a half ago and we became instant friends. It was like we were two sides of the same coin in that we liked the same, well really, the same everything. The things I wanted to talk about she would often start talking about before I even had the chance, etc... it was uncanny how on the same wavelength we are. At the time I didn't really much consider more than friends, yes it entered my mind briefly but that was it. I was quite happy being her friend. She had a long-term boyfriend (together a few years, about 4 I think?) and was quite a bit younger than myself, so I never really gave it a second thought. I had an amazing new friend and life was good. Fast forward a year+. The boyfriend is now the ex boyfriend by a little over two months and we've gotten very close. It's rare that a day goes by where we don't talk and we see each other regularly for coffee, drink, or just to hang out and watch TV. Then, a couple weeks after she told me about the break-up I let myself consider if her and I could be more than friends, and it was like opening a flood gate. I'm not sure if I had been harbouring these feelings all this time (quite possibly) and just never let myself go there, or if I honestly hadn't noticed just how much I had grown to care for her beyond friendship, but from that moment on I was pretty much a goner. And I mean standing outside her window with a boombox (that scene SO wouldn't be the same with an iPhone would it? lol) goner. So yeah I'm pretty much screwed, lol. So two weeks ago I decided to tell her how I feel. I am now and was then, quite aware that it was too soon after her break-up and that it was quite possibly a little selfish, but I had to get it out there. I made her dinner, gave her a hand-written card (it was right around v-day, so seemed appropriate) and then expanded on the card by telling her that I love being her friend - and I really do - I also want to be more than that. I told her that I understand the timing is probably all wrong but I wanted her to know how I felt and that I expected nothing in return. To say I was nervous telling her was an understatement, but I got it out (mostly) without tripping over my words. After, we enjoyed the rest of the evening as if nothing had happened. She took it completely in stride and told me that right now she doesn't even want to nor can she think about relationships, and that she's still very much focused on her ex. She also told me that when that changes we'll talk about it. So really, pretty much exactly what I expected, especially considering the timing. I felt better for having told her, but it did have the ultimate effect of leaving me right where I was before telling her how I felt, just that now the flood gates are fully open and overflowing the reservoir. The thing that has me posting is really this: since telling her, I feel like she's pulled back a little. We still talk regularly but I've only seen her once since (though we do have plans tomorrow night) and that was planned prior to my telling her. She's been busy every night since. Granted it could completely be coincidence and she's just spending lots of time with her girlfriends now that she's single. Nothing else has changed in our interactions otherwise and this well could be just my own insecurities at play, but as it often is with insecurities, I just don't know. I'm certainly a little confused what to do. I'd like to talk to her about it, but at the same time I don't want to bring it up all the time because she's not ready to talk about it. I brought up once a week after that I was worried this was going to effect our friendship, and she assured me that it was fine and that our friendship was secure, and also that she understands that the heart wants what it wants and doesn't fault me at all for how I feel or for telling her. I take her at her word, yet I still can't help the feeling that something has changed. So am I being crazy here? I think I've handled this about as well as I could (please correct me if I'm wrong) so far, but need to keep these feelings at bay else I do something to screw things up. Any thoughts are welcome. tl;dr - told friend I have feelings for her, went well, think she might be pulling away a little, not sure how to move forward with the feelings I have. Edited March 7, 2015 by Emmortal
spiderowl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 You've acted according to your feelings and I can see you didn't want to wait any longer. There is nothing wrong in that. She is still dealing with feelings about her ex so she is not likely to be in the right place for a relationship, except a rebound and you don't want to be that. She may not want a relationship with you - sometimes that's just the way it is, but she may also be thinking about it, mulling it over on an unconscious level. I think you just have to wait and see but be prepared for a no or lots of evasiveness. Sorry, I do understand how you feel.
Author Emmortal Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 You've acted according to your feelings and I can see you didn't want to wait any longer. There is nothing wrong in that. She is still dealing with feelings about her ex so she is not likely to be in the right place for a relationship, except a rebound and you don't want to be that. She may not want a relationship with you - sometimes that's just the way it is, but she may also be thinking about it, mulling it over on an unconscious level. I think you just have to wait and see but be prepared for a no or lots of evasiveness. Sorry, I do understand how you feel. Thanks Spiderowl, you're right I certainly don't want to be a rebound. She just may be out sowing her wild oats so-to-speak, which would be entirely understandable after an LTR, and if so good on her. I'm glad she chose to do that and not jump into something she wasn't ready for with someone who obviously wants more than that. I have been preparing myself for a no, though I'm not sure how prepared you can ever truly be, I know it's a distinct possibility. But my fingers and toes are crossed and will remain so. It is a win-win in the end - I either keep a great friend or we become something more. letting go of the feelings is going to be difficult but such is life.
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