Troy12 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I want to be as thorough as possible so anyone reading can know everything and better assess the situation. I started dating my girlfriend 2 and a half years ago. She fell in love with me instantly; but I had my own hang ups about her previously being with a close friend and also getting into something serious at that stage in my life. We ended up breaking up about 6 months after we started. She was contemplating a big move and decided to proceed with it since we split up. We got back together for about two months before her move and ended things on a very good note. About 5 months after she moved I started talking to her again, which was at first met with resistance by her, but I eventually visited her, ending in us getting back together and her moving back to be with me. Things were great for the most part but around this New Year I started having doubts about how we could last. For the entirety of our relationship I went to college an hour and a half drive away and would drive back and spend my weekends with her. She was working and taking time away from school, and while the amount of time we spent together wasn’t ideal, it was manageable. She decided to start going to school again and continue working as well, which left us with one night to actually spend together every week. I am also graduating this semester so I felt as though I had a lot of uncertainty with where I’ll be living after that. I began detaching myself and she noticed so we eventually broke up once school started. I was upset about it and started telling her we could make it work; so we tried for a couple of weeks, but it just ended with me becoming frustrated and ending things again. A few days passed and we started talking again and I sort of poured myself out to her with all the doubts I had but how much I loved her and didn’t want it to end. I told her how shortsighted what I did was and how much I regretted it. She got upset and told me how unfair I was being and that she feels numbed and can’t be in a relationship right now, but after talking for a while and seeing each other I got her to agree to giving us another chance when I get closer to moving back for good, but she wants us both to casually see other people in the mean time. So sometime in the next 2 months she’s promised to give us another chance when she feels ready, but she doesn’t like absolutes and told me it doesn’t guarantee anything and it doesn’t mean she’ll want me back then. I really don’t want to see other people but she told me she’s been on a date so I decided to as well. I told her I feel like long distance has always put extra strain on us and when I move back it would make things different/better and she agreed to a certain extent. We weren’t perfect, I am logical, she is emotional. I didn’t do a lot of small things for her towards the end, and I wouldn’t push the relationship forward because it made me feel like it was developing further than I was ready for. She would frequently tell me she loved me but I only said it once or twice, I told her more or less that I hadn’t experienced enough to know what love is so I didn’t feel comfortable saying it; instead I’d say she was all I wanted and all I cared for. During our fighting I told her I did love her after experiencing what is like to be without her but she wouldn’t accept that and still doesn’t, she thought it had become only about satisfying physical desires. But even though we had flaws we always found a way to make things work and I want to believe that we can again. I’m just not having the best time in dealing with all of this right now and all I can think about is getting her back and the mistakes I have made to come to this point. I was wondering what any of you thought about the chances of us starting a relationship again when I get closer to moving back are, how to better deal with this time apart and seeing other people, and how I should be interacting with her during this time.
spiderowl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I can understand you want her back but you have been pretty withholding and withdrawing throughout the relationship by the looks of it. If you have to keep coming back and promising her it will work this time and then you go away again, eventually she's going to decide it will never work. I would guess she has reached a point where she doesn't believe you any more. She may see you as a commitment-phobe. I have doubts that this relationship could be rekindled. I'm sorry as that would be really hard for you, but hearing her story made me feel I would have backed out by that stage. She's gone to a lot of trouble to be with you and you kept changing your mind and withholding from her. Are you absolute sure you are only interested in getting her back because she made the decision to opt out? You have repeatedly made that decision but don't want her to. I have a feeling if you did get her back, you'd do this all over again. You really need to see if you can get some kind of therapy to help you understand why you need to withhold and withdraw from someone you feel is so important to you. It might at least help you with any future relationships.
Author Troy12 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I haven't always been withholding. The only time before I've made promises is when she moved back for me. Things went really well and we were different but the long distance created a lot of tension with time management because we both have so few days we can spend with each other and our friends. We both wanted both but that wasn't usually possible to do in the one night we had. I think if I moved back for good things would be different. Do you not think there is significance to her agreeing to try again in a months time?
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