glamtran Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Hi all, I've been thinking and reading some posts on here and often people say to maintain or up one's standards when giving advice. Also choosing your own deal breakers is another theme. But, to what extent do deal breakers translate to being overly picky, unrealistic, and how will you know if this is happening?? An example, I'm 26, have a degree, come from a middle to upper class family. I'm around 6'1 without heels. I don't like kids. My ideal guy will be my age or older, has to have a decent job or the ability to get one, has to drive, not be cheap, the taller the better, and not have any kids of his own. Far enough?
DoesntGetIt Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Well it depends if by taller the better, you mean taller than me like most women. If that's the case, at 6'1" that's going to severely narrow your choices. Also once you get into the 30s, people without kids become rarer as well. It is easier for you in that regard because men typically don't have custody. You can easily date a man with a child and not have that be a part of your relationship. Harder for a guy to do that with a woman who has sole custody of a kid/s
Destined2B Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 How has it worked for you so far? Only you can decide if it is worth waiting for a man to meet all of your requirements. It sounds like you're not in a hurry. 2
Buddhist Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 It only becomes unrealistic if you find yourself frustrated in your ability to get it. My standards are not easily met. That suits me just fine since I am comfortable being single. For me it's more a case of singledom is perfect, anyone who's going to interrupt that needs to be worthwhile. Knocks out about 98% of all men for me and I'm not at all frustrated by that situation. As long as you are happy with either outcome then there's no problem. 1
NJ123 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Please define "not cheap" ? lmao this place never seizes to amaze me. 1
Author glamtran Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Well yes as a woman who is over 6 ft tall they don't have to be taller, I realize that is statistically unrealistic, perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it. I've dated shorter before, I would much prefer them within my range though. Or at least have someone who is 100% ok with being shorter. And not cheap means someone who usually likes to treat me when we go out, within reason. Especially if he makes more money than me. I don't mind paying or going Dutch once in a while but I am a bit traditional in that sense. But also knows how to manage money himself for his own sake too. But I'm not looking for someone to buy me designer purses or pay my rent. I hope this clarifies.
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I think there is a difference between having standards and having a grocery list. What you have is a grocery list. Nothing in your list talks about him being patient, generous, honest, respectful, reliable, kind. A man that has your entire grocery list and treats you like sh!.t isn't going to make you happy. 3
preraph Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I don't think your standards are too high at all. They are pretty basic. But speaking as a childfree person by choice, it will severely limit the men who will stay with you, though it won't slow you down dating that much. Doesn't mean you won't find the right one, but it really narrows the field. Most men don't feel that strongly they don't want kids because having them doesn't affect them nearly the way it does the woman. Being tall will limit your choices too, so you cannot be too picky about their height. I don't know what you're like, but as far as not wanting kids, you will have a real problem with that if your crowd is a conventional crowd, and you did say you are pretty conventional in some ways. Now, my crowd was a music and artistic crowd, and fully half of my old crowd, if not more, opted out of having kids because they didn't want to shut down their creativity. So if you are able to move in more artistic or music circles, you'll find more people there who don't care about hitting the conventional milestones at all.
d0nnivain Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 It's fine but could use a little flexibility. If you found a guy who was 6 feet tall or 1 year younger than you, and refused to date him for those things, you may be too picky. But the others are OK. As Gaeta pointed out you may also want to add "is a good guy who treats me nicely" 1
Author glamtran Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Gaeta and d0nnivain, of course the kindness, respect, honesty all that is a must, I just thought that goes without saying! I'm just thinking of the "add ons" if you will. And in terms of height and age yes I can allow some flexibility. As I said with my height, a guy within my "range" or a bit higher is ideal but not necessary. Edited March 9, 2015 by glamtran
strawberrypancake Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Hi all, I've been thinking and reading some posts on here and often people say to maintain or up one's standards when giving advice. Also choosing your own deal breakers is another theme. But, to what extent do deal breakers translate to being overly picky, unrealistic, and how will you know if this is happening?? An example, I'm 26, have a degree, come from a middle to upper class family. I'm around 6'1 without heels. I don't like kids. My ideal guy will be my age or older, has to have a decent job or the ability to get one, has to drive, not be cheap, the taller the better, and not have any kids of his own. Far enough? What if he's perfect and all that but he doesn't have a driving license, you dump him?
strawberrypancake Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 My perfect guy: - he must be happy with what he is doing and have goals he is working towards to - he must be loyal, patient, kind, empathetic, sensitive and caring - he must be a non-smoker or wearing off of it, i'd prefer someone who doesn't drink too often - he should be wanting kids and a family one day - he'd be accepting of who i am and support me in my aspirations. - he makes me laugh. That's my list. I don't care if he has a bicycle, for gods sake. 1
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Gaeta and d0nnivain, of course the kindness, respect, honesty all that is a must, I just thought that goes without saying! I'm just thinking of the "add ons" if you will. And in terms of height and age yes I can allow some flexibility. As I said with my height, a guy within my "range" or a bit higher is ideal but not necessary. I have learned with time that my list of add-ons went pretty fast out the window when I met a man I was totally into. You can meet a man with all of your add-ons and you don't click with him or you can meet a man with very few of your add-ons and he takes your breath away. Just shop with your instinct and your gut feeling. 4
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Hi all, I've been thinking and reading some posts on here and often people say to maintain or up one's standards when giving advice. Also choosing your own deal breakers is another theme. But, to what extent do deal breakers translate to being overly picky, unrealistic, and how will you know if this is happening?? An example, I'm 26, have a degree, come from a middle to upper class family. I'm around 6'1 without heels. I don't like kids. My ideal guy will be my age or older, has to have a decent job or the ability to get one, has to drive, not be cheap, the taller the better, and not have any kids of his own. Far enough? I think your requirements are potentially going to limit your chances in finding the man of your dreams.
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