Hopeful30 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Ive noticed more and more as I'm getting older that far fewer men chase women anymore. Many of them expect the woman to do the chasing, and even if she initiates (I've initiated before) it is either poorly reciprocated or not at all. And I'm not talking about stud muffins who have girls all over them, just average guys who in one way or another have shown interest. Whats up? 2
ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 It's definitely happening, and it's for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons I'm seeing is that since women are being more encouraged to embrace their more active or masculine energy & traits, some men are now starting to be more encouraged to embrace their more passive traits that they may wish to adopt more often. As for poor reciprocation, that has more to do with a lack of reading social cues, which some guys do struggle with when it comes to women. That may be part of the reason why they are more passive, because when they are initiators, they are poorly received for the same reasons. Also, dunno if you read the thread down in general, but apparently, some women would prefer we don't initiate in most situations . Some guys really take that on board and just refuse to do it. Either way, this seems to be a regular topic now so I expect there may be more men deciding to initiate less. Me personally, I seem to fare well when I actually do initiate. 5
fitnessfan365 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 My theory is this. The reason why women secretly get turned off by guys that over pursue with too many texts and calls, is because pursuing an emotional connection comes from a place of feminine energy. Masculine energy is about leading and taking action. So when a woman really likes a guy, the natural order is for her to reach out most of time with cute excuses, and for the guy to take the hint and make definite dates with her. But where some guys get it wrong, is that they also expect a woman to bring up plans. She's not going to, and shouldn't have to. Her reaching out to touch base is her way of saying to ask her out. So what I do is set up one date a week in the beginning. As she reaches out more to touch base, the more dates I plan with her. But the one thing I don't do is chase after her with texting and calling her all the time. I'm too busy and in person is when you should do most of your interaction. Too many people get into "phone-ships" where they text more than see each other. 10
elaine567 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Too many are playing games to justify their own lack of self esteem. He needs to chase me; she needs to chase me. If you want it, go for it, he/she who hesitates is lost. 6
DoesntGetIt Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I'm not expecting women to chase me, I just don't put effort into chasing women. When a woman starts playing games, or forcing me to chase, I just back off completely. Ain't nobody got time for that. Both people should be initiating contacts and plans, it should never be one sided. 8
Woggle Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I never chased anybody. You are visibly into me or you are not. If you are interested show it or I move on. 7
Starship Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 My experience is that dynamics are the same as ever. The difference is that there are more outlets for women to let their interest in a man known...OLD, Meet Ups, work in same profession, etc. In general, we women will drop hints...smile...etc. Men pick up on the cues and act upon them if interested. I do see some women being more proactive with age. Again, they 'suggest' more than pursue. I see this all the times in our Meet Up hiking group...they will mention that there is a group starting dance lessons or going out to play coed softball, etc. Men are encouraged to participate.
dcannon Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 It's definitely happening, and it's for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons I'm seeing is that since women are being more encouraged to embrace their more active or masculine energy & traits, some men are now starting to be more encouraged to embrace their more passive traits that they may wish to adopt more often. I've noticed this and concur. About the same number of women approach me now as before, but women's approaches are now far more sexually overt and aggressive. Also, when women reject men these day, they are far harsher. As I stated in one of my threads, anyone with common sense is going to respond in a practical way to very clear marketplace demands.
ThaWholigan Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I've noticed this and concur. About the same number of women approach me now as before, but women's approaches are now far more sexually overt and aggressive. Also, when women reject men these day, they are far harsher. As I stated in one of my threads, anyone with common sense is going to respond in a practical way to very clear marketplace demands. I hear that. I don't think it's bad personally because it means that everyone has an easier path towards their natural expression - although I do feel that a necessary amount of friction or challenge is necessary towards finding that expression. Like for example, I'm a bit of a chaser, but not a fan of shotgun approach. I'm very reserved until a certain point. I don't think that all men are naturally aggressive or have overriding masculine traits compared to other traits they may have - so I think it's beneficial on some level to find a medium of sorts that allows a more natural way of attracting women for them as individuals. It's much in the same way that I think it's good that women are able to pursue more and be more direct than they otherwise would have been in yesteryear. 2
Gary S Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 In general, we women will drop hints...smile...etc. Men pick up on the cues and act upon them if interested. - Many men don't get hints, they don't see it! 6
Harold of Andraste Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 How old are we talking here? I'm assuming that as men get older they are simply tired of chasing women and they realize that it doesn't really work.
Starship Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 How old are we talking here? I'm assuming that as men get older they are simply tired of chasing women and they realize that it doesn't really work. My guy is 'older' and he chased me...it certainly worked for him. Then again, he had a positive attitude and confidence. 1
preraph Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Sure seems like it. I think it's directly related to growing up in the electronic generation of iPhones and texting and videogames instead of getting out into the real world and having to interact. There seems to be a real glut of guys who don't want to leave their room to find a woman and don't have the social skills to attract one when they are out. 4
Buddhist Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Yes it's a trend. A good one. Finally the species can focus on something other than penile gratification. Maybe we'll even get around to solving real problems like cleaning up the environment and putting an end to hunger. Bring on the death of the dating scene. 2
insert_name Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Disclaimer: I accept NAWALT but its difficult to discuss a topic like this without generalisation so when I say "women" I mean the majority. To me it seems like the natural conclusion of the critical mass of women's power in the dating scene. Thabks to mobile technology, OLD and social media women are getting hit on like never before to the point where it feels expected and that women are entitled to that attention, so much so that they can abuse that position by rejecting that attention in aggressive ways with impunity no matter how respectful the approach, eg constant complaining about creepy guys, complaints about guys initiating at all in 'non designated hook up locations' like the grocery store, library etc, harsh rejections, dubious applications of the phrase 'sexual harassment' etc. The whole dating game honestly felt more straight forward, more respectful and less antagonistic and dirty 10 years ago. Today it feels like a power struggle. So in light of this I think men have just reached the point of critical mass, there is too much complaining about being hit on and too many obstacles and judgement being put in the way of men expressing their interest. So it seems the natural reaction is to withdraw and if women have such a problem with men no longer expressing their interest then by all means ladies- you have a go at it and see how it feels. 3
Starship Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Sure seems like it. I think it's directly related to growing up in the electronic generation of iPhones and texting and videogames instead of getting out into the real world and having to interact. There seems to be a real glut of guys who don't want to leave their room to find a woman and don't have the social skills to attract one when they are out. Interesting observation. Especially not having the social skills. Part of this is now second generational. 16 year olds have always been awkward around girls but these days it's often 26 and 36 year olds. Agree or disagree with military service, one of the benefits of WW2, subsequent drafts, Vietnam, etc. was getting young males out into a a structured world away from home. Learning about discipline, hygiene, other cultures, etc. It's somewhat cliche but boys were turned into men. There are certainly lots of 25 year olds today who are 'men' but many others seem to linger in some limbo state of extended adolescence. 2
Lucko Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Sure seems like it. I think it's directly related to growing up in the electronic generation of iPhones and texting and videogames instead of getting out into the real world and having to interact. There seems to be a real glut of guys who don't want to leave their room to find a woman and don't have the social skills to attract one when they are out. It's all the man's fault and never the woman's fault. 1
Lucko Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Interesting observation. Especially not having the social skills. Part of this is now second generational. 16 year olds have always been awkward around girls but these days it's often 26 and 36 year olds. Agree or disagree with military service, one of the benefits of WW2, subsequent drafts, Vietnam, etc. was getting young males out into a a structured world away from home. Learning about discipline, hygiene, other cultures, etc. It's somewhat cliche but boys were turned into men. There are certainly lots of 25 year olds today who are 'men' but many others seem to linger in some limbo state of extended adolescence. What are these so called social skills men don't have? What's wrong with a little awkwardness? Isn't that human nature?
Buddhist Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Today it feels like a power struggle. So in light of this I think men have just reached the point of critical mass, there is too much complaining about being hit on and too many obstacles and judgement being put in the way of men expressing their interest. So it seems the natural reaction is to withdraw and if women have such a problem with men no longer expressing their interest then by all means ladies- you have a go at it and see how it feels. This has already happened in Japan. The outcome is that Japanese ladies take holidays overseas to get their romantic interests fulfilled. Unless they want children they just don't bother with it. I don't think it's a bad trend to be honest. I much prefer a world in which people are a lot less aggressive in general. And hey if you can go and rent a boyfriend\have a holiday romance for a few weeks of the year then get back to work....so much the better. Human relations just got easier. 1
preraph Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Yes it's a trend. A good one. Finally the species can focus on something other than penile gratification. Maybe we'll even get around to solving real problems like cleaning up the environment and putting an end to hunger. Bring on the death of the dating scene. No, because they'll be too busy watching porn.
preraph Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Interesting observation. Especially not having the social skills. Part of this is now second generational. 16 year olds have always been awkward around girls but these days it's often 26 and 36 year olds. Agree or disagree with military service, one of the benefits of WW2, subsequent drafts, Vietnam, etc. was getting young males out into a a structured world away from home. Learning about discipline, hygiene, other cultures, etc. It's somewhat cliche but boys were turned into men. There are certainly lots of 25 year olds today who are 'men' but many others seem to linger in some limbo state of extended adolescence. You have a point. I mean, to be a man you have to have a role model. I know one of my friends, you can see that whole disconnect in her husband and her son. Neither of them leave the room very often and both are afraid to socialize and very negative about their peers.
preraph Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 It's all the man's fault and never the woman's fault. Well, no, I would include the women especially in the iPhone part of it. I never see anyone under 30 anymore without their head buried in a smartphone. How you going to interact with the person in front of you? Girls are even worse about that thing than most guys are, I think. 1
Lucko Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 No, because they'll be too busy watching porn. Not everyone watches porn but so what if porn is watched privately in one's own home.
gaius Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 It's probably half the fact guys have an easy release at home whenever they want it and half how most of them are raised =/ Be sensitive to all, everyone gets a trophy, no bullying, football causes head injuries, veganism is great, wah wah wah. You basically raise boys in a dress and then you're shocked when they turn out to be feminine. 2
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 All in all, I'd say yes, more men are less inclined to approach and more women are inclined to approach. Heck, even I approach!
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