LexiLove Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) Hi Everybody! I'm new here and would love to get an outside perspective on my dating life, right now specifically on this guy I'm dating that I really, really like. He is in his early 40s, I'm 36.. For the most part he seems very much into me. Whenever we are together, he can't keep his eyes off of me and he makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. He is attentive and very affectionate (in an adorable way) whenever we are together, asks me a ton of personal questions, and drops hints at future things we should do together. He always asks me out for the next date when we kiss goodbye. We have many many things in common, amazing chemistry, and never run out of things to talk about, and laugh a lot. Now, that is all the good stuff. Here is the stuff that has me a bit worried. Yesterday was our 7th date/getogether (I wouldn't call all of them "dates") and he came over to my place and we cooked together (which was lovely and a lot of fun), and had sex for the first time, which was amazing. While we were cuddling after, I asked him if he wanted to spend the night.... and he got immediately distant and said he is not sure if he is ready for that yet. He left a short time after seemingly in a hurry and very distant. After he left I just had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I blew everything by asking whether he wanted to stay, though I know I really didn't do anything wrong. But I still wish I wouldn't have said anything, because the night was amazing until that moment. He is also not very good at staying in touch between dates. He uses the phone to make and solidify plans, and that's it. There's days in a row where I don't hear from him. I have not met his friends yet. What do you guys make of this? Should I be worried? I know he has been single for a long time, mainly due to his job (that he has since quit) taking him out of town for long stretches of time. Might he be a commitment phobe? Everything is still very "fresh" and I have no problem giving things time. Some people might need more time than others. I just don't want to waste my time. I would appreciate any outside perspective. Am I overreacting? Edited March 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraph breaks & edit request
Author LexiLove Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Well we met on an online dating site that stated he is single and looking for a relationship, so I would hope so. But do I know 100%? No. 1
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) Have you heard from him today? If not, that's a red flag IMO...especially since he took off immediately afterwards. That wouldn't sit well with me either. Every guy knows that after first time sex, he really should call the next day. Assuming he's into the girl and wants to continue seeing her. Don't you contact him. In this case, you should wait to see if/when he contacts you. Edited March 7, 2015 by katiegrl 7
Author LexiLove Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I have not heard from him yet (it's early morning here). He mentioned when left that he still wants to stop by my band's music video shoot on Sunday. However, I would need to send him the info (address etc) for that. I probably shouldn't do that if I don't hear from him today huh?
beach Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Well we met on an online dating site that stated he is single and looking for a relationship, so I would hope so. But do I know 100%? No. Run a background check. Cost is about $50 to find out. Money well spent to know for sure. 2
Auspecial Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I agree with Katiegrl....don't contact him. He didn't have to stay over, but he also has some unusual reason for not getting in touch after being intimate. It may very well be that whatever his reason is, could be a big deal breaker for you. Speaking for myself, that would be a big turn off, and it would make me bored of him. And, you did *not* mess up by asking him to stay over, that is a very normal thing to ask and nothing wrong with that at all. Asking a question isn't stating an expectation, its just a question. 6
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I have not heard from him yet (it's early morning here). He mentioned when left that he still wants to stop by my band's music video shoot on Sunday. However, I would need to send him the info (address etc) for that. I probably shouldn't do that if I don't hear from him today huh? No DON'T send him anything....in fact, don't do anything unless he contacts you (TODAY) and asks you out again... Anything less is unacceptable IMO. We teach people how to treat us. And as I said, if he doesn't contact you today, that is a huge red flag and you should proceed with caution. LOTS of caution. 8
Author LexiLove Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 We have seen each other a few times each week including weekend evenings, and I have been to his place. If he is hiding another relationship he would have to be darn good at it.
whatcanitellyou Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I think there's a good chance he's not single. People lie on dating sites all the time. Have you been to his home?
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 We have seen each other a few times each week including weekend evenings, and I have been to his place. If he is hiding another relationship he would have to be darn good at it. I don't see anything that would indicate he is not single. In fact, even if he "were" married or had a girlfriend, he still could call today! And probably would IF he were still interested. I think you should be prepared for the possibility he was only into the chase, and once he closed the deal, he lost interest. It happens. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 A guy turned down staying the night and possibly sex? He's either a closet homosexual or in a relationship....
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 A guy turned down staying the night and possibly sex? He's either a closet homosexual or in a relationship.... barcode they had sex (it was their first time) .....and he left immediately afterwards. Has not contacted her since. 1
Author LexiLove Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I will, thank you for the input so far :-) I definitely won't contact him. 1
beach Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 A guy that makes you his top priority would call and call early - knowing you just had sex for the first time. He's possibly unemotional about intimacy or training you to expect very little from his side as far as connecting. Is that enough for you or would you prefer more than that? 2
Gary S Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 He said he's not ready to sleep over, yet he's ready for sex? I have trouble sleeping sometimes and might have wanted to go home because of that, but I would not have said what he said, I don't like it. Him only making calls and no text is a good thing though, text is the worst form of communication known to man. 3
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Sleeping together is a very "intimate" thing to do....to many people it's more intimate than having sex. He said he wasn't ready for "that" yet and left. Which indicates to me he doesn't wish to become that intimate with you or that close to you. Red flag if you do want to be close. He is (or was), however desirous of having sex with you...so like I said proceed with caution. Which you said you would... which is great. Don't waste time with a guy who puts up road blocks to intimacy and closeness.... 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 barcode they had sex (it was their first time) .....and he left immediately afterwards. Has not contacted her since. Yeah sorry my attention span is horrible lol.
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Yeah sorry my attention span is horrible lol. Well that little nugget (that they had sex) was easy to miss...so it's understandable
Author LexiLove Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Well it's now 4pm and I still haven't heard from him. I'm starting to mentally write him off. I'm pretty pissed, hurt and feel duped. I want and deserve more than this. 1
katiegrl Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Well it's now 4pm and I still haven't heard from him. I'm starting to mentally write him off. I'm pretty pissed, hurt and feel duped. I want and deserve more than this. Yeah seriously.... try and get out tonight if you can. Movie with a friend, anything. Don't text him!!! ((hugs)) 5
Bobbi7 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 What's the worst that can happen if she contacts him? What if she texted.."What's up?" Would that come off as desperate?
hotpotato Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 He doesnt want to spend the night because you are not his gf. He might like you but not be head over heels. Btw plenty of men on old are pretending to be single when theyre not. It may be best to write this one off unless you are looking for nsa sex.
katiegrl Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 What's the worst that can happen if she contacts him? What if she texted.."What's up?" Would that come off as desperate? The worst that can happen is she teaches him that he can treat her like yesterday's newspaper, and she will STILL chase him down. That she doesn't think she deserves better. NOT a good message to send. Have you forgotten that last night was their FIRST time having a sex? Not only did he dash off immediately afterwards (after she asked him to stay), but he hasn't bothered to even say hi today. That's pretty freakin crappy if you ask me. No she shouldn't text him....that would be a huge mistake. 5
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