Sussan with 2 esses Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 After being forced to go camping yet again a year ago by my parents we luckily enough were not far from a gorgeous girl from our neighborhood that I often admired from afar. She recognized me and we started talking which ended up with us getting together. We kept seeing each other when we got back and have been together officially for about 6 months now. We are due for the annual (boring as hell) camping trip again over Easter and I was really looking forward to reliving some of the times we spent last year. But she dropped a bombshell last night and said she wanted a break and we would reassess after Easter. What’s up with that? There has been no issues between us, it’s not like the relationship is stale or anything. In fact everything has been progressing at a great rate and I couldn’t be happier and she has said the same to me. It’s also my birthday over the Easter break and I must admit the thought of being alone with her on that day was something I was really looking forward to. We have been spending almost all of our free time together probably at the expense of our friends so a break to catch up with friends while I would still hate it would at least be understandable. A break when she is going to be bored camping with her parents makes no sense. So my over-active imagination is running wild and I think that maybe she wants to chase some a guy from the camping grounds seeing as though it’s been a year now since she has been with one and she’s more bisexual than lesbian, but surely she wouldn’t do this right in front of me knowing I was there would she? I get breaks when the relationship is stale and you want to see what it’s like without your partner, I get breaks when you want to catch up with people you have been ignoring because of your partner. I don’t get why a break in this situation. So when a girl says she wants a break what does it really mean? And even more specifically what does it mean in this situation? Is the relationship doomed? Does agreeing to this break open the door for more breaks further down the track?
Radu Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Depends on the age and the location [in time of the break]. If you two are young, and she knows why this period is important to you [your bday coming up, time alone, etc ...] it's either because she there is someone else who she wants to spend time with, she thinks about breaking up and this is a soft way to put it or needs time to see weather or not she can develop 'feelings' for another or is just plain scared of commitment. I don't think it's good news. PS: Aren't bisexual women seen by lesbian women as potentially not so serious about the relationship ?; as in higher probability that they will choose to take the safe road of being with a guy in the end ?
KatZee Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 We have been spending almost all of our free time together probably at the expense of our friends. You keep saying the word "stale." People don't only ask for breaks due to "staleness." I'd take a guess and say that the relationship is smothering her. I was in a relationship like this, all we did was spend time together. It was awful. I asked for space and a break. Merely going out with my friends was not enough, at the end of the day, he'd still be back at my apartment. I literally needed to be COMPLETELY AWAY from that person for a period of time. It was as if I had no air to breathe around me. Asking for a break on a dull camping trip sounds like the air she needs to breathe. Also, breaks normally do not lead to anything good. I took a break in the relationship I mentioned above. And then I asked for another one. When you need to be away from your partner, it's not indicative of anything positive.
Author Sussan with 2 esses Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Depends on the age and the location [in time of the break]. We are both 17, have been together a year and the break will be reassessed end of April so about 7 weeks. We aren't actually on a break just yet as she wants me to agree to it and said she wont do it if I don't agree.
KatZee Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 We are both 17, have been together a year and the break will be reassessed end of April so about 7 weeks. We aren't actually on a break just yet as she wants me to agree to it and said she wont do it if I don't agree. She wants a break. Let her go. If you "don't agree" (which technically, you can't. People are free to take breaks, or walk away whenever they want) she will resent you, and this nagging feeling of "wanting a break" will never go away. You want to be with someone who WANTS to be with you. Not someone who needs to take a 7 week break away from you.
deathandtaxes Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Breaks are a break up by a more polite name. it's over in her eyes. be the better person and accept it. my guess is there is somebody else and she doesn't want to be tied down so young. how you navigate this will say a lot about you, OP. What's so bad about the camping trip anyways?
Author Sussan with 2 esses Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 Breaks are a break up by a more polite name. it's over in her eyes. be the better person and accept it. my guess is there is somebody else and she doesn't want to be tied down so young. how you navigate this will say a lot about you, OP. What's so bad about the camping trip anyways? That's sad, I thought we were going great. I will talk to her and ask for the truth and let her know I still want to be friends as long as the truth is told and no stringing along to make a break up easier. Nothing wrong with camping but who wants to camp with their parents. They cramp my style, lol. But I guess I cramp there's as well.
spiderowl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I've only been with one guy who wanted a break. It was a break as a precursor to breaking up. I can't speak for all though. Can't see it's a good thing as you clearly don't want it. Are you spending too much time with her and not letting her have any sort of independent life? That's something to look at because anyone would find that smothering. If that's not the case, then it doesn't look good, sorry. I wish I could be more optimistic.
Author Sussan with 2 esses Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Are you spending too much time with her and not letting her have any sort of independent life? I have had a chance to have a talk with her and told her I would never make her stay if she didn't want so she's free to have her break. What I found out though was that there are two separate issues, the first has been touched on here and that is that we have spent virtually every moment together since that first night. This is true and I am happy for her to have her space I just wished she had of told me instead of waiting until it became an issue. The second is harder to deal with as it's really out of my control. We come from a fairly small town where everyone knows everyone pretty much. We are now the young lesbian couple and of course it's being talked about. She is struggling with the whispers, I guess I have a thicker skin and I enjoy that they are talking about me. Our parents have been unbelievably awesome about this, fully supportive. My dad in particular who was very much homophobic beforehand has been my rock telling me to do what makes me happy. He has welcomed her in our home and never once said a bad word. It makes me proud to be his daughter. So we are officially on a break. She says she wants to be with me but needs to get her head straight. She swears there is no-one else and that this is about her and her alone. She even offered to have a break during the week and we only see each other weekends. That sounded great but I didn't want to press the issue so I left that up to her. I have my fingers crossed it will work out but at the same time I can't see our overall community attitude and gossip changing. While I am happy to be a trailblazer in that regard I am not sure she wants that attention. I guess time will tell.
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