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Happy in new relationships or are you still going through the past breakup problems?

rollercoaster11

By rollercoaster11
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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rollercoaster11 Established Member

rollercoaster11

Posted
Posted

I was looking back at some of the archives on this forum and was curious if any of the other veteran posters found their way to being happy in new relationships or are you still going through the past breakup problems from your your initial threads. Are you on here still to help the newer posters to encourage and to let us know that there is light at the end of the tunnel or are you still pining for the one that got away. Im just curious thats all folks...I guess I have too much time on my hands. So whats your story..veteran posters..updates needed.

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HBK3317 Established Member

HBK3317

Posted
Posted

I would like to know that too... For instance if someone posted about their break up say in 2013 or 2010 or even before and are still here and reading this can you tell us how things are now? Found someone else? Satisfied being alone? Still hung up over him/her?

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted

My breakup was in 2012. If you look through my early threads you will find it.

 

I've been single for 3 years now. No new relationships since, unfortunately. But it's not for a lack of trying.

 

I've come to terms with being single, I have immensely enjoyed being single. I've learned a lot about myself, have become more independent than I've ever been and I know what I want/need/deserve from a partner and I won't settle for less.

 

I have no remaining ex baggage or pain, he is nothing to me. It actually feels like we never even dated, even though our relationship was almost 3 years long!

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Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
Posted

rollercoaster11,

 

I'm not sure if I qualify as a "veteran poster" but,

 

Are you on here still to help the newer posters to encourage and to let us know that there is light at the end of the tunnel

 

Yes, is the answer to the question above !

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Happy in new relationships or are you still going through the past breakup problems?

 

Been here around seven years and found happiness and contentment through living life, not because of romantic relationships. Past breakup (in my case divorce) problems are long in the past.

 

It's Saturday, been a busy work week and I'm up early to head to the beach to work on a friend's beach house and go fishing. That's life. Women aren't a part of it anymore. I'm good with that.

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rollercoaster11 Established Member

rollercoaster11

Posted
  • Author
Posted
rollercoaster11,

 

I'm not sure if I qualify as a "veteran poster" but,

 

 

 

Yes, is the answer to the question above !

 

I would say 2 years and older would qualify you/anyone.

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rollercoaster11 Established Member

rollercoaster11

Posted
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Posted
Been here around seven years and found happiness and contentment through living life, not because of romantic relationships. Past breakup (in my case divorce) problems are long in the past.

 

It's Saturday, been a busy work week and I'm up early to head to the beach to work on a friend's beach house and go fishing. That's life. Women aren't a part of it anymore. I'm good with that.

 

I should have worded my post differently and said have you found new love or found fulfillment in other ways. Sorry if that what it seemed that I was implying fellow LS members.

Kevin_D Established Member

Kevin_D

Posted
Posted

I have a new relationship with a girl who I really like, but to be honest, it's not the same. I realise that if my ex could betray me, anyone could. I never saw it coming. I wasn't even jealous when she talked to another guy, because it was so obvious that I was the only one. She fooled my family, her family, my friends and her friends as well. No one saw it coming.

 

So, basically, my emotional life is ruined. I see other people more like... pets. I can love them and take care of them, but I won't take it personally when they **** on my new couch. And I realise that if gave them away to a friend, they would soon forget that I ever existed.

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rollercoaster11 Established Member

rollercoaster11

Posted
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Posted
I have a new relationship with a girl who I really like, but to be honest, it's not the same. I realise that if my ex could betray me, anyone could. I never saw it coming. I wasn't even jealous when she talked to another guy, because it was so obvious that I was the only one. She fooled my family, her family, my friends and her friends as well. No one saw it coming.

 

So, basically, my emotional life is ruined. I see other people more like... pets. I can love them and take care of them, but I won't take it personally when they **** on my new couch. And I realise that if gave them away to a friend, they would soon forget that I ever existed.

 

Did you go into your new relationship with baggage from your old relationship. Its not fair to your new RS or to you. Dont go into this relationship with your guard all the way up...that has to be so miserable for you. Do you see similarities with your new person and your ex?...is that why u cant trust anymore. Life is too short...live it to the fullest. Im not tela you to throw all caution to the wind but to breathe and live. ..you deserve to be happy. Wishing you all the best. I refuse to give up on love...Im keea my heart receptive. Peace!!!

erklat Established Member

erklat

Posted
Posted

I don't qualify at one and a half years but I will post nevertheless because I've

met someone else and we are having a baby in August.

 

After breakup I was single for over a year, most of it I sent growing, traveling and

finding my place under the sun. All that time I was in strict NC. All that time I had

panic/anxiety attacks. When they subsided I met my soon to be wife. Interesting

That we met almost immediately when I decided I was content with my life

actually.

 

From the start guard was pretty high up. Actually I become so disinterested that

I don't believe that she is capable of driving me mad. There is not 0.001% of

jealousy in me. Also we never had an argument. We disagree sometimes. I haven't

Had the need to raise my voice once, let alone doing it.

 

We communicate openly. We go out. We joke all the time. I give her money. We plan

together. So we have a good amount of togetherness even though I had my doubts at

the beginning. It's all documented here.

 

I don't compare her to my ex. Ever. My wife is a woman. My ex is still a girl. Regarding

breakup I'm at peace with the idea of never talking to her again. It's a part of life. My

life us unique and that was my path for a reason. However if given the chance to deprive

her of forgiveness or rationalization for what she had done, I would so so.

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organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

Posted
Posted

Break up was July 2013. I was devastated. Made the classic mistakes. She never wanted to try again. I dated around. A year later I met an amazing woman and still going strong. I was over the past relationship by then. We are very much in love and it and her are so much better in so many ways. You don't think at the time you'll ever find someone as good or a relationship as good. But you can. And it can even be better. All the faults of my ex are not there. Even the sex. I thought it was amazing and could never replicate that kind of chemistry in bed. But I have. And we do things she would never even consider. It can get better, if you let it!

 

Now I'm just here to help.

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HBK3317 Established Member

HBK3317

Posted
Posted

Reading all these stories I feel preety positive about my situation now... I also hope life turns out good to me.

 

I hope more people share their success stories. If I ever make it I know I will!

 

Wonderful thread Rollercoaster11

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rollercoaster11 Established Member

rollercoaster11

Posted
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I am smiling from ear to ear reading you all replies. Im enjoying reading that you have moved on whether new and fulfilling relationships or other ways because the main goals are to learn something from our experience and move on and live. One day I want to be where you all are now. Thanks. Best wishes for life!!!

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rollercoaster11 Established Member

rollercoaster11

Posted
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Reading all these stories I feel preety positive about my situation now... I also hope life turns out good to me.

 

I hope more people share their success stories. If I ever make it I know I will!

 

Wonderful thread Rollercoaster11

 

You will get there and I will too.

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ballycastle Established Member

ballycastle

Posted
Posted
I don't qualify at one and a half years but I will post nevertheless because I've

met someone else and we are having a baby in August.

 

After breakup I was single for over a year, most of it I sent growing, traveling and

finding my place under the sun. All that time I was in strict NC. All that time I had

panic/anxiety attacks. When they subsided I met my soon to be wife. Interesting

That we met almost immediately when I decided I was content with my life

actually.

 

From the start guard was pretty high up. Actually I become so disinterested that

I don't believe that she is capable of driving me mad. There is not 0.001% of

jealousy in me. Also we never had an argument. We disagree sometimes. I haven't

Had the need to raise my voice once, let alone doing it.

 

We communicate openly. We go out. We joke all the time. I give her money. We plan

together. So we have a good amount of togetherness even though I had my doubts at

the beginning. It's all documented here.

 

I don't compare her to my ex. Ever. My wife is a woman. My ex is still a girl. Regarding

breakup I'm at peace with the idea of never talking to her again. It's a part of life. My

life us unique and that was my path for a reason. However if given the chance to deprive

her of forgiveness or rationalization for what she had done, I would so so.

 

But how do you ever Trust again?? How do you enter a relationship and discuss your fears? I did that with the last, he duped me into sharing things so dear to me and he betrayed me so much the thought of even being in a situation to being intimate with another human being an impossibility. I am utterly broken so I wonder how you move on?

 

I know i can't so I've started therapy for acceptance of a life alone.

erklat Established Member

erklat

Posted
Posted

There are things that you don't share. Some journeys you have to tackle alone. But

she knows that I don't have fear of her abandoning me. I think that she knows that

I'm self sufficient enough. I always mind that I don't exhibit neediness or

desperation.

Emma1234 Established Member

Emma1234

Posted
Posted

I had my heart from for the first time May2013 after a 2 and a half year relationship. I didn't deal with it very well because I didn't think it would ever get better but it did.

 

I am now going through the same thing again, it's hard dealing with losing that person (I'm at the grieving stage), but I also know that this feeling will go and I'll look back and not feel a thing towards them. So in a way it is a success story, it got better last time and it'll get better this time. People go through so many relationships in their life, some stay for longer than others, we just need to learn to appreciate every lesson they teach us.

NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

Posted
Posted

I like to think I stick around for a bit of both. To help others and also get advice on whatever I'm dealing with at the time. I'm a mess! :lmao:

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ASV Established Member

ASV

Posted
Posted

Wonderful thread. Thanks to everyone who is participating with their own experiences of failure and ulterior victory.

 

By the way, someone complained at how one cannot trust again. This may sound cynical to some but makes perfect sense to me. I'm actually heartbroken and downtrodden in all possible ways at the moment; but I want to think of me in a year as someone who doesn't look for a significant other but a mere "complement" to the real half orange - which may be just me. Only then I will be able to love freely and without toxic dependency that poisoned my past relationship and got poisoned in return.

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organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

Posted
Posted
Wonderful thread. Thanks to everyone who is participating with their own experiences of failure and ulterior victory.

 

By the way, someone complained at how one cannot trust again. This may sound cynical to some but makes perfect sense to me. I'm actually heartbroken and downtrodden in all possible ways at the moment; but I want to think of me in a year as someone who doesn't look for a significant other but a mere "complement" to the real half orange - which may be just me. Only then I will be able to love freely and without toxic dependency that poisoned my past relationship and got poisoned in return.

 

This is why you can't lose with NC.

 

You use it to heal. Then, if they ever come knocking you'll be in a place where you're ready to either deal with them or not. And by that time, you may have found someone even better! It's a win win. IF you apply NC to heal.

 

And you can trust again, I have. You just learn from past mistakes what not to do, what not to look for, what not to put up with again.

 

My last ex left me bc after almost 3 years, she decided she couldn't be a step mom. I was devastated. How could I ever trust another woman wouldn't change her mind down the line on me again? The new girl - also has a kid. Problem solved.

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Zapbasket Established Member

Zapbasket

Posted
Posted

My most recent breakup (August of 2013) really did a number on me, moreso than my two previous breakups of long-term relationships before that. The reason is not only because I feel maligned by my ex in his behavior toward me during both the relationship and the breakup, but also, and moreso, because this breakup forced me to recognize that I have a pattern in my dating that does not work for me: I choose precisely the kind of men who confirm my maladaptive self-beliefs by "abandoning" me--emotionally, throughout the relationship; and finally, abandoning me for real. Attempting to address these negative self-beliefs has been hard work and sometimes I despair that I'm making any real progress...but I have to trust that bit by bit, I'm growing out of the old thought patterns because I'm certainly growing more aware.

 

I will say that going through three breakups, each of which really hurt me, has made me confident that NO ONE is worth giving up our life's work of trying to become better people. NO ONE is worth ceasing to trust others as a result of their actions towards us. We just have to learn to become more discerning, and to know that life connected to other human beings can be heaven as much as it can be hell: anyone can hurt us and we have no control over that. It's a comforting realization, really.

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Cailinsona Member

Cailinsona

Posted
Posted (edited)

I don't really qualify as an old timer and I never shared my story. I did spend a lot of time on here, though. Reading other peoples' stories and trying to make sense of what happened to me.

 

My break up happened in October 2013. Seems like forever ago now. Never felt pain like it (and I've had break ups before) and couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

 

For the first few months I wallowed in misery, although trying to move past it the best that I could. I kept busy, got fit, forced myself to go out when I didn't feel like getting out of bed. You get the picture!

 

I started online dating in Jan 2014 and went on numerous dates. Had some interesting dates, made a couple of good friends from it. Good things happened to me. I got promoted at work, realised the value of family and true friendships and realised that I was feeling happy again. It was a slow process...

 

Fast forward to August 2014...my ex contacted me after 10 long months of silence. It seemed (in my case at least!) to be true that they come back when you least expect it.

 

I was reluctant to re-engage with him. My happiness had been hard won and I didn't want to jeopardise that by taking a chance on him again. He was very persistent, however, and I agreed to talk....

 

We are together again. It's been wonderful and scary at the same time. The trust takes a long time to rebuild, but I love him and I am very happy.

 

After the time we spent apart, I realised that I can be happy on my own. I have a rich, happy life with the most wonderful friends and family who love and support me. I hope that we will move forward together, but if we don't I'm going to be just fine :) Lol!

Edited by Cailinsona
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ballycastle Established Member

ballycastle

Posted
Posted
I don't really qualify as an old timer and I never shared my story. I did spend a lot of time on here, though. Reading other peoples' stories and trying to make sense of what happened to me.

 

My break up happened in October 2013. Seems like forever ago now. Never felt pain like it (and I've had break ups before) and couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

 

For the first few months I wallowed in misery, although trying to move past it the best that I could. I kept busy, got fit, forced myself to go out when I didn't feel like getting out of bed. You get the picture!

 

I started online dating in Jan 2014 and went on numerous dates. Had some interesting dates, made a couple of good friends from it. Good things happened to me. I got promoted at work, realised the value of family and true friendships and realised that I was feeling happy again. It was a slow process...

 

Fast forward to August 2014...my ex contacted me after 10 long months of silence. It seemed (in my case at least!) to be true that they come back when you least expect it.

 

I was reluctant to re-engage with him. My happiness had been hard won and I didn't want to jeopardise that by taking a chance on him again. He was very persistent, however, and I agreed to talk....

 

We are together again. It's been wonderful and scary at the same time. The trust takes a long time to rebuild, but I love him and I am very happy.

 

After the time we spent apart, I realised that I can be happy on my own. I have a rich, happy life with the most wonderful friends and family who love and support me. I hope that we will move forward together, but if we don't I'm going to be just fine :) Lol!

 

 

How did he contact you and surely with the NC advice on here you had blocked him?

ballycastle Established Member

ballycastle

Posted
Posted
There are things that you don't share. Some journeys you have to tackle alone. But

she knows that I don't have fear of her abandoning me. I think that she knows that

I'm self sufficient enough. I always mind that I don't exhibit neediness or

desperation.

 

 

I think this is where I struggle in relationships? Not sharing things with a significant other is where I fall down.

 

 

WE are always told to 'be ourselves' and myself is someone who is open but on the other hand it's not to exhibit 'neediness or desperation'. So how do we communicate our needs in relationships, our true selves without being rejected?

 

 

I am an anxious person by nature. Note this is 'by nature' so not exhibiting anxious behaviour goes against who I am as a person.

 

 

So from this, I can only deduce the best way to not show myself to a 'significant' other is not to have a significant other because I can't hide my true self.

organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

Posted
Posted
How did he contact you and surely with the NC advice on here you had blocked him?

 

You don't HAVE to block someone to be in NC. That's just for those who have zero will power or wish to permanently put someone out of their mind. I never blocked my ex but removed her from social media.

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