VedderisBetter Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I went to my first meetup event tonight at a karaoke bar. It was an ok time. There was a table of about 15 people that I sat at abd I talked to those around me. I happened to be sitting at the same table as a girl I went to high school with. That was ironic. Anyways her and two other girls got pretty trashed and it was loud so I just briefly talked to her. I ended up finding her on facebook an messagig her telling her it was good to meet her and that maybe we will run into each other again at a quieter setting. Would it look desperate if I offered to meet her for lunch or dinner? I'm not sure if she's even looking or interested. I'm more laid back and so that bar we were at made it challenging to have a nice conversation. I also didn't drink by choice except a coke. I'm not big on drinking as it is.
GemmaUK Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 What signs of interest was she displaying toward you?
Author VedderisBetter Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I mean we talked briefly in the beginning after realizing we went to same high school. She then asked me where I live and vice versa. I'm naturally laid back and quiet but I'm not socially awkward. I think I was just the only person there who didn't drink alcohol.
GemmaUK Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 OK, what I mean is was she giving you lots of eye contact, smiling right at you, including you, turning her feet toward you. In other words, the body language signals that can't deny interest because we have no control over them.
Author VedderisBetter Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 She tried getting me to do shots and her friend tried getting me to dance, but they pretty much asked all the guys the same. I'll just see how she responds on facebook and not worry either way.
coolheadal Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 First off your not drinker she is. Your laid back she's not. So just might be some hi, where you live type of general questions. Did you want a girl friend that drinks where your not a drinker. Shes seem more of girls night out chick drinking shots getting wasted. Might want to look else where for someone that's not into the social events. When you didn't take the shots offer makes you seem boring to them. Not a part of their drinking crowd.
GemmaUK Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 It doesn't sound like she is interested to be honest. You could go along to a few events and see how things go. If you ask her out straight up without having a good idea she is interested then don't be surprised if you get a 'no'. It doesn't sound too much like your lifestyles would be terribly compatible if she is a party girl and you don't drink.
Gary S Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Here's a little secret.... if she likes you, she'll keep going to the meetup groups to see you, or she will ask you out. The reason we date is to get the person around us on a recurring basis so they will fall in love. In a class or group, this is automatic. Also, you save money on dates, and avoid rejection. How cool is that Classes and groups are dating machines Look for the ones who like you first and a lot and you'll never have a lot less problems.
BluEyeL Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Here's a little secret.... if she likes you, she'll keep going to the meetup groups to see you, or she will ask you out. The reason we date is to get the person around us on a recurring basis so they will fall in love. In a class or group, this is automatic. Also, you save money on dates, and avoid rejection. How cool is that Classes and groups are dating machines Look for the ones who like you first and a lot and you'll never have a lot less problems. I agree with this. Go to more events and build it up there. Much higher chances.
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 You already know her from high school. It would not look desperate for you to invite her to lunch. It would look confident, especially if you ask correctly. Say something along the lines of It was great seeing you again. I'd like to catch up in a quieter setting. Can I please take you to lunch on Tuesday?
Author VedderisBetter Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I remember her and I think she remembered me. We didn't talk in high school. I didn't specifically ask her out I just said maybe we will run into each other in a quieter setting and that it was good to see her. I didn't catch this until after I sent her the message, but our group is 20's/30's new in town and is for whoever but there is a disclaimer on our groups page that says that it's not a dating group. They mentioned if you are bothering someone, then they will ban you! First off, how can they say that?! I guess they've had stalkers in the past in that group. My guess would be that people date other people, who cares what they say lol.
BluEyeL Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Even singles meetups state that they are not dating groups. To me, it makes sense. Not everyone is there to date. But it doesn't mean you can't date, of course you can. I would still think you should go to more events and build it up a bit before you take the leap to ask her out. And in the meantime, date others.
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Nobody can regulate who you date & don't date. Your employer can say if you date a fellow co-worker you no longer work here & this group can say if you date somebody in the group you are out of the group but they can't stop you from dating. The group also said if you bother somebody you are out. One request for a lunch date is not bothering somebody. Refusing to take no for an answer & generally making a nuisance of yourself that is a violation of the rules. 2
Auspecial Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I remember her and I think she remembered me. We didn't talk in high school. I didn't specifically ask her out I just said maybe we will run into each other in a quieter setting and that it was good to see her. I didn't catch this until after I sent her the message, but our group is 20's/30's new in town and is for whoever but there is a disclaimer on our groups page that says that it's not a dating group. They mentioned if you are bothering someone, then they will ban you! First off, how can they say that?! I guess they've had stalkers in the past in that group. My guess would be that people date other people, who cares what they say lol. FOR ME, I enjoy the meet ups so I can get to know other people socially in person. Dating is a possibility, but I don't want to be asked out the very first time I meet them at a large social function meet up. The whole point of me going is to meet "people." In my opinion, you should hang out with her "some" (while allowing her to continue socializing with other people) at a few more meet ups before asking her to go out separately with you. Just my two nickels!
dcannon Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I think it is sound advice to see her at a few meetups first. However, be sure to ask her in person, not via facebook or messaging.
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