Peter B Posted April 8, 2005 Posted April 8, 2005 Hi, My girlfriend and I of 4 months have had a little misunderstanding One week ago, I said something silly that she got angry at me for, she got over it in secconds, but said that I came very close to being a very dumped boyfriend. Durring the week she noticed I had started feeling insurcure about the relationship as if I was afraid to loose her She questioned me about this ( she was annoyed) I said when she said that I came close to being a dumped boyfriend, she said she was joking. Now she sent me a message saying: " I know its hard at the moment but I just need time to think and clear my head. Sorry.." Is this a way of delaying dumping me, or is she really thinking about it? What should I do Peter
gridiron Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 Respect her wish and do not contact her. Any pleading or apologizing will not help at this point. Let her contact you.
Peter B Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 Thanks, is there a possablity that she may contact me after she's had time to think, and say its all good we can sort this out, or is it obvious she is going to dump me?
Peter B Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 So would that mean she is thinking and need's time, and everything might possabily be alright? its just very hard and its never happened to me before. as long as she isnt trying to delay dumping me or something like that?? Thanks
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 The way I see it, if you love someone and you have no doubts about your love for them - the last thing you want to do is alienate them and push them away. People who are happy in relationships don't' "need time away to think about it". Its only when doubts creep in that you find yourself pushing them away. She is probably taking time to consider these doubts she has and will decide how she wants to process those doubts and either continue or break the relationship. Anything you do now: pleading, begging, being insecure (which girls hate, trust me), crying... any of that desperate stuff you do to 'save' the relationship will only have one effect - it will turn you from an boyfriend into an obligation and if she comes back under those circumstances it will be out of pity or guilt, if she comes back at all. Women usually cave in when a boyfriend does this, and they go back - but the relationship has already suffered a mortal blow - it drags "on and off" and through agonizing "friendships" as the woman tries and fails to make a full break. Eventually it ends. If you want to prevent that, then from the very second she says "I need space" - you have to become very strong and give it to her. Do not let on any tormented emotions during this time. If she sees that you refuse to cave in, paradoxically it is this strength and distance that will have her coming back. If she doesn't want to lose you, and she senses that she is - the more you shut her out, the harder she will prevent that from happening. If you give her the space, and she ignores you or starts seeing someone else, then she didn't want to come back in the first place. That's the hardest thing for people to understand - if someone wants you, they come after you. The fight for you, if you give them a reason to fight for you. People who want you back don't ignore you, they don't 'need space', and they don't 'date others to be sure'. If you have to call to 'remind them you are still in the picture' then you've already lost the battle. So... give her space. Lots of it. Go 'no contact' on her. Tell her that when she is clear about what she wants, she can call you back - until then she isn't to contact you in any way, shape or form. If you can't go whole-out 'no contact' because she pulls the 'friends' thing, then go with 'emotional no contact' (look in the second post of this thread, until she gets her 'thinking' straightened out.
Peter B Posted April 10, 2005 Posted April 10, 2005 Just before you posted, I asked her if she could honestly say to me right now, dispite everything, if she still loves me? She said this: "well I can honestly say that i do still like you very much! yes even love you. But like I said im confused! and just dissapointed with my life!" Now im just leaving it at that till she talks to me again, Is there any hints in that message that she still wants me, or she is just saying it to make me happy or something? Thanks Peter.
Peter B Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 Any advice to that? its been 3 days of no talking
CurlyIam Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 I think it's pretty obvious, Pete. Yup, could be the "you've just been dumped" thing. Why don't you relax about this and go out with your friends? It sounds corny, but no gals desirves such a headacke. The sooner you get used to the ides, the better! My 2 cents: If she didn't want to break up with you, she would have given you a time frame. She didn't.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 Originally posted by Peter B "well I can honestly say that i do still like you very much! yes even love you. But like I said im confused! and just dissapointed with my life!" She told you the truth with like, and said the love part mainly to spare your feelings. Otherwise, she would have said - yes, I do love you. But she led it with "like". Not a good sign. Keep your distance.
Illusion24 Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 She's really thinking about it alright..Thinking of leaving you! Sorry to be so direct but it's the truth...When you need "space" it's because you're thinking about the person and wondering if what you have is love or nothing at all...She's probably thinking about the relationship and where it's going....I will tell you this, a woman doesn't like to be with an insecure man, you need to be sure about yourself (IMHO)...Woman need a man by his side not someone who doesn't know what they want or have
Stylin22 Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 Walk away, don't even wait...you want someone who wants to be with you all the time and have fun...She admitted she's not happy with her life. You choose if you take that to heart or not but if she ain't happy you ain't gonna be either. Sorry to be blunt, but stop overanalyzing, it's only been 4 months....
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