Women, doesn't canceling dates get old?

March 7, 2015

Yet again, a cancelled date. That's about 30 of the last 40 dates have had her cancel on me. this time a friend made a surprise visit into town or so she said.

March 7, 2015

An old friend surprised her by taking the skinboat to Tunatown.

30 out of 40? You're doing something wrong. You'll have to tell us more, but I guarantee you're doing at least one thing wrong, maybe more.

:bunny:

March 7, 2015

An old friend surprised her by taking the skinboat to Tunatown.

30 out of 40? You're doing something wrong. You'll have to tell us more, but I guarantee you're doing at least one thing wrong, maybe more.

:bunny:

That's rich blaming me for the decisions of others.

Talking respectfully to her, confirming the date., picking a place agreeable to both. Never mind. I'm not in the upper echelon of physical attractiveness or fake charm and I don't put on a facade.

March 7, 2015

CFW,

Can you tell us a bit more?

How old are you/these girls and where are you finding them?

March 7, 2015

Cancelling an occasional plan, sure, things happen and come up.

30 out of 40? Break it off and find someone else. Honestly, it sounds like you are her backup for when other guys/things aren't working out. Not to mention if she respected you, she'd make every effort to keep her plans.

Don't want to sound harsh, but yeah, dump her.

Or are you saying you've setup 40 dates with different women and 30 have cancelled? Something is wrong there as well if that is the case.

March 7, 2015

That's rich blaming me for the decisions of others.

Talking respectfully to her, confirming the date., picking a place agreeable to both. Never mind. I'm not in the upper echelon of physical attractiveness or fake charm and I don't put on a facade.

There's that defensive thing again. I'm going to offer you this, without any expectation that you will see the wisdom in it. I don't mind if you ignore it.

If you get the same response 30 out of 40 times, you have stumbled into doing something that qualifies as being predictable. Imagine if you were getting laid 30 out of 40 first dates. Your buddies would all want to know how you do it. Same thing applies with negative behavior.

Ever heard this one? What do you call doing something over and over again and expecting a different result? Insanity.

You're doing something wrong. It might be the women you pick. It might be that defensiveness that I've picked up on. Maybe it's where you plan to take them or what you plan to do. Maybe it's because you don't drink, and you let that cat out of the bag a little early. Who knows? Clearly you don't.

So, you can either stick to your guns, and suffer the consequences, or maybe you can lay it out for us, and we'll help you out.

Nobody is going to care about it more than you do.

Ball's in your court.

March 7, 2015

Guess it's going to be more cancellations if that's the case.

A 75% date cancellation rate is absolutely unheard of among, well, most people so yeah, the common denominator here is you.

March 7, 2015

Haha.. This topic hits a bit close to home for me.

Had a date planned for tonight. Got a flake text, three hours before the date. What's even worse, is that she was the fifth woman in the last three weeks to do this. The main thing that bugs me is that women continue to insult our intelligence with these LAME and BS excuses.

Just once I wish a woman would send this - "Changed my mind and cancelling tonight. Sorry." How hard is it just to be honest? Here's a newsflash ladies. When you don't mention re-scheduling, and deliver the lame excuse, the guy knows that you're FULL OF $HIT.

March 7, 2015

Haha.. This topic hits a bit close to home for me.

Had a date planned for tonight. Got a flake text, three hours before the date. What's even worse, is that she was the fifth woman in the last three weeks to do this. The main thing that bugs me is that women continue to insult our intelligence with these LAME and BS excuses.

Just once I wish a woman would send this - "Changed my mind and cancelling tonight. Sorry." How hard is it just to be honest? Here's a newsflash ladies. When you don't mention re-scheduling, and deliver the lame excuse, the guy knows that you're FULL OF $HIT.

I don't think she cares if you know that she's full of it or not.

It's all about deniability. No one wants to be blantantly rude and say: "I was kinda on the fence when I agreed to it, and now I just really see that this isn't going to work. I like a guy that (spells, less defensive, more aggressive, more tan, fatter, thinner, happier) than you.

March 7, 2015

I don't think she cares if you know that she's full of it or not.

It's all about deniability. No one wants to be blantantly rude and say: "I was kinda on the fence when I agreed to it, and now I just really see that this isn't going to work. I like a guy that (spells, less defensive, more aggressive, more tan, fatter, thinner, happier) than you.

You can be honest without being blatantly rude. As I said, something simple like "Cancelling tonight because I changed my mind. Sorry" does just fine. At least something like that isn't insulting a guy's intelligence.

But what I do now is this. If a woman doesn't mention re-scheduling in her text, I don't respond to it and delete her from my contact list.

March 7, 2015

My dude CFW!! [we don't know each other] So you got the old "my friend made a surprise visit into town" ehh??! I've heard that one before. Know what I did? Asked the friendliest of questions when I talked to her again because I can smell bullshyt [censor purposes] like cattle rancher. I said ohh where did you guys go, what did you end up doing? Oh wow really? She stayed with you, that's nice! Oh, oh she had a conference in town? and she surprised you with a visit to stay with you?! Kinda risky ain't it? She knew right then that the jig was up and I was just letting her shoot her herself in the foot the more we talked. If you ever want to know the truth...keep someone talking. They're either a great liar, in which case they should work as a spy or they will eventually tell on themselves.

Don't be dismayed this has happened to me as well. It's actually changed the way I approach women...basically I don't. No lack of confidence, just not playing the game. Besides when I legitimately didn't care if a woman ever spoke to me, they went out of their way to speak to me. Definitely a weird feeling. When you actually care and are nice/good to women in the dating stage, they take it as a sign of weakness or being clingy. Being a nice/good guy to young women [especially] is like spraying on the cheapest cologne you can find, being sprayed by a skunk going to your car, and showing up to her house with dead flowers. Apparently women don't want you to call or text them, so they have to wonder what you're doing. That leads to nervousness as to your interest in them. Don't do this enough and they give you the "my mom's best friend's cousin's second aunt's dog died and we are at the hospital to see if we can donate his organs". Do this too much and they get pissed to the point of just moving on. Somewhere in there is a happy medium...one I haven't found. I'd just rather not play games. If you're not interested say so and we can go along our merry ways. Don't string me along as someone to talk to until you figure out you don't know what you want.

That brings me to my next point. I was talking to this girl a while back and she suddenly became distant. I said ok to myself. I was pissed about it, especially since I did something nice for her birthday. Didn't hear from her after that. Six months later, guess who texts me saying they miss me and that we should meet up?? I thought to myself, how heartwarming it was to thought of while she was probably having her spine realigned by some other guy. I'm a nice, good guy...something I won't change for anyone. I have a sense of humor that rivals any late night tv show host and I actually care about people. But what I won't tolerate is someone saying one thing and doing another. That means you think I'm stupid and are wasting my time on top of it.

Edited March 7, 2015 by LostOnes05

March 7, 2015

CFW, do most of these women mention rescheduling when they cancel, or do they not?

If when they cancel they say something like "I am very sorry I can't make it today, my friend is making a surprise visit, lets do one day early next week instead" then is strongly indicates that they are still interested in meeting up with you and they have a genuine reason for cancelling the date. So long as you don't annoyed at them for cancelling the date, the date will likely still go ahead.

If on the other hand they say something like "I am afraid I can't make today, something urgent at work came up" and she doesn't make any attempt to reschedule the date then you it probably means they were wavering to begin with and have decided they no longer want to go on the date. Personally I think people shouldn't say yes to a dates if they were wavering to begin with. Unfortunately a lot of women will agree to a date without really thinking whether they really want to date this guy, meaning this sort of behaviour is common.

If most of these 30 women don't mention rescheduling then it suggests that something is wrong with your approach or that you trying to set up dates with the wrong sort of women.

March 7, 2015

Someone cancelled, so move on to someone else that doesn't.

March 7, 2015

That's a heck of a lot of cancellations!

If they then all never agreed to another time and ceased contact it's clearly something that is happening between initial contact and the date itself.

I've quit contact between those two stages for various reasons but I will always say I changed my mind about meeting them so as not to make them think I still want to meet in future.

There's probably something in calls or texts that is putting them off between that first contact and the actual date.

March 7, 2015

No. It never gets old I still get a kick out of it.

March 7, 2015

I didn't cancel any dates.

You have misinterpreted what LH means by 'the common denominator is you'.

What she means is that people cancelling on you is a common thing for you so it's likely something you are doing that makes women want to opt out of meeting you.

Therefore you are the common denominator.

March 7, 2015

Sane women who like you don't break dates. I know it's hard to believe, but they actually want to see you.

March 7, 2015

Is it possible you kind of nagged them into meeting with you? I come across those men online sometimes. We chat, I don't really feel it, they insist and insist on meeting, I let them convince me, I go meet them but I am not too motivated. Most women probably pick to cancel last minute instead of going through with it.

Also, how can 1 woman cancel several times on you other than you make yourself available for a series of cancellations? Someone cancels on me twice he's out !

March 7, 2015

CFW,

It seems to me you're setting up dates with girls who aren't really interested.

How are you "screening" these girls? Do you try and find some common interests/topics of conversation/aims/ambitions/tastes before you suggest a date?

Do they sound interested in meeting, are they positive about dating or do they umm & ahhh and make vague noises?

If it all sounds promising I would agree a date, and then don't contact them until the day before just to confirm that everything is OK for the meeting.

That way you won't come over as too keen.

Just my take on things.

March 7, 2015

That's rich blaming me for the decisions of others.

Talking respectfully to her, confirming the date., picking a place agreeable to both. Never mind. I'm not in the upper echelon of physical attractiveness or fake charm and I don't put on a facade.

Not blaming you for the decisions of "others.". Blaming you for YOUR decision to continue dating her and making dates with her!

Why the hell would you continue dating a chick who keeps breaking dates with you? I mean come on dude, 30 out of 40 dates she's broken? What are you thinking??

Sorry, but that's on you and no one else.

THAT is what you are doing wrong.

March 7, 2015

40 dates with almost 30 women, several cancelled multiple times before disappearing on me. I'm not about to take the blame for their behavior.

Oh so they're all different girls? Your original post made it sound like it was the same girl breaking all these dates.

March 7, 2015

CFW,

I guess she found someone better in the interim.

Maybe not "better" just "different".

It's a numbers game, you need to keep at it and develop a thick skin.

At least they didn't stand you up ....

And you're doing a lot better than I did when I used OLD. One site I used yielded no replies whatsoever. So the next time I joined a site I rang the guys. Some of them chatted for ages on the 'phone but no offer of dates. If I suggested a date they said "I'll let you know". They took my number and never called.

Good luck !

March 7, 2015

She always wants to meet. I ask her and she says yes or she'll ask me. Some really seem enthusiastic but these women are just as likely to cancel. I'm not the best looking or charming. I guess she found someone better in the interim.

Eliminate this possibility.

Meet much sooner.

March 7, 2015

OK, CFW, maybe you are looking for the wrong girl in the wrong place?

I used OLD as a supplement to other ways to get dates, not as a main method.

Have you worked out what you want in a female companion? Once you know what you are really looking for, you'll know what places to go to find it.

March 7, 2015

Don't feel too bad OP. I was on 3 bad dates/meetups that resulted in straight up awkwardness, no sex, and no affection.

All 3 of them assumed I was gay. Turns out they all only agreed to go out with me because I was black. They were in love with the stereotype and when they found out I was the complete opposite, they bailed.

after the 3rd one, which was a dead giveaway, I made the decision that it was me. I kept going out with women like that who were easy and into bad boys, when I myself should be pickier.

\

And so \I did, I became pickier with women and all of a sudden, I became less needy of their attention...less clingy, and most of the time, Im not even interested in dating or hooking up.

|Because the type of woman I want, I accepted that at 24 and in my position, im not ready for. And these sluts arent doing it for me and neither am I them.

So I gave myself rigid circumstances...

1. No obese women. a little overweight is fine. If you have a personality that wows me, I may just forget that. I need a woman who focuses on taking care of herself. It shows discipline.

2. Im not a wallet. So dont ask about my career till after the 3rd date. If I spend money on you its because I want to, not because im obligated.\

3. I wont be with anyone out of desperation. That has landed me nowhere. So if you dont like black guys, ieep moving. If you only EXCLUSIVELY date black guys, keep on moving, It tells me youre attracted to the stereotype associatred with the color, and that you arent open minded.

I gave myself these standards. A woman who doesnt care about my height or my skin color, but still has some class while being both funny and intelligent, as well as ambitious minded is quite ideal, but I wont search for that ideal only. I will be open to other qualities as long as its reasonable with me.

Have standards and STICK to them, that way, if women flake on you, you know its their loss, not yours. The confidence you give yourself wont hurt with the ladies either.

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Women, doesn't canceling dates get old?

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