xingyi Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I met a guy from an online dating site, and we had fun together for two times. Last week he told me he could meet me this Saturday but the whole week he didn't text me. So I texted him first last night and he replied. He said he didn't wanna set a date with me anymore because he wants flexibility,that is, if he sets a date with me, he has to cancel his other plans. Then I got what he meant and told him I didn't want to be his backup plan and wanted to end our "relationship". He was kinda upset and told me he likes me and wants me to be in his life with no strings. Also told me that he would like to meet me every two weeks or once a month. Then I was confirmed by myself that I was just his plan B or even C or D. He was trying to convince me to continue to sleep with him once in a while, but I said no. Am I overreacted or I am right? 1
Assada Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 hahaha, youre the one that slept with him so early. - So he thinks, thats all youre good for. the funny thing is now you want a 'relationship'. hahahaha
Author xingyi Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 hahaha, youre the one that slept with him so early. - So he thinks, thats all youre good for. the funny thing is now you want a 'relationship'. hahahaha I guess that's not the only reason. He has other girls lined up and I am just one of them. Nope I do not want a relationship with him, I just don't like how flaky he is and can't keep his word.
LostOnes05 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I've never understood why women would go for a friends with benefits situation. You get with some guy who has a lot of options...he is distant, just wants sex [when he wants it], and because of his lackadaisical attitude toward you, you develop feelings for him. He sounded like he was making a doctor's appointment with you! In his life with no strings means at his beaconing you should be available. Is that something you want with any man? I personally would NEVER have a FWB with a woman, with the understanding that she is in fact sleeping with others. Now if she does it behind my back in a relationship, we're through. But to sign up for it is a bad deal all around. Someone always develops feelings.
planb1973 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Stick with your guns on this one. If he was actually interested he would make plans with you. He sounds like an a**. 1
DoesntGetIt Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Is the problem that you don't want a FWB situation? Or that you are upset that you aren't the plan A FWB? This guy definitely only wants a **** buddy. If that isn't something you want, then be done with him. If you enjoy a casual relationship that is just about sex, why does it matter if you are plan A or B if all you want is the sex?
Author xingyi Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I've never understood why women would go for a friends with benefits situation. You get with some guy who has a lot of options...he is distant, just wants sex [when he wants it], and because of his lackadaisical attitude toward you, you develop feelings for him. He sounded like he was making a doctor's appointment with you! In his life with no strings means at his beaconing you should be available. Is that something you want with any man? I personally would NEVER have a FWB with a woman, with the understanding that she is in fact sleeping with others. Now if she does it behind my back in a relationship, we're through. But to sign up for it is a bad deal all around. Someone always develops feelings. He knew I had other options too. Before we met we talked on the phone for hours and I told him a bit of my stories with other guys. Yesterday I asked him why he didn't text me in a week he said that he is not a big texter and couldn't give me emotional attachment because he said I told him I didn't want a relationship at the beginning(he didn't want it with me either). Yes, you are right, he was making it like I was having an appointment with a doctor. I clearly told him that I am done if he just treats me as an option and only want to meet me at his convenient. Then he responded that I am not his plan B as he hasn't made his plan for his weekend yet. I don't even give a **** to it because if he really cares about me he would be that distant. He just wants to keep me as an option so told him I just used him as a rebound. Guess me and him are over. 2
Author xingyi Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Is the problem that you don't want a FWB situation? Or that you are upset that you aren't the plan A FWB? This guy definitely only wants a **** buddy. If that isn't something you want, then be done with him. If you enjoy a casual relationship that is just about sex, why does it matter if you are plan A or B if all you want is the sex? What I am not happy with this guy is he keeps changing his mind and not consistent. He blew me off on the first meeting, but he then he rescheduled. I was bored then I agreed to meet him. On the second meeting he was trying to change the time but I didn't agree so he met me on time. We met at the hotels and he booked all of them but we split the pay. Last Friday he texted me that he could not meet me on Saturday but we could meet this Saturday. During this week he didn't even text me so I text him last night, and he told me that he didn't wanna set a date with me anymore as he wants flexibility. I was pissed off by what he said and decided to cut it off. If he could be consistent and more reliable,I don't really care if I am just a plan B or C and I just enjoyed his company.
planb1973 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 so told him I just used him as a rebound. Guess me and him are over. Perfect! 1
Omei Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) I do not think you're overreacting at all and stick with you choice to end it. My friends with benefits is late every time we set a meet up and he'll be up to three hours late and he tell me we're on his time so I should wait or he needs to be done with his plans first despite our arrangements. **** that so rude, when hes late now I stop replying and let him do whatever be pissed drive all the way here but ill be gone, idc im not waiting around for a man who wants sex or can't be bothered to show up after your 30 mins late you're not on your time anymore but wasting mine. Now he comes on time or suffers being here hours late and texts me and I say "ive made other plans" Do not ever go out of your way for a fwb it's just sex if they're not going to be there its not your problem and move on. Some fwb can be so disrespectful and not even treat you as a person I say they can go find someone else. Edited March 7, 2015 by Omei 3
markleymassraff Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) ............. Erased my mssg because it would probably be considered a thread hijack. Edited March 7, 2015 by markleymassraff
LostOnes05 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 He knew I had other options too. Before we met we talked on the phone for hours and I told him a bit of my stories with other guys. Yesterday I asked him why he didn't text me in a week he said that he is not a big texter and couldn't give me emotional attachment because he said I told him I didn't want a relationship at the beginning(he didn't want it with me either). Yes, you are right, he was making it like I was having an appointment with a doctor. I clearly told him that I am done if he just treats me as an option and only want to meet me at his convenient. Then he responded that I am not his plan B as he hasn't made his plan for his weekend yet. I don't even give a **** to it because if he really cares about me he would be that distant. He just wants to keep me as an option so told him I just used him as a rebound. Guess me and him are over. Good for you then. I commend you for not playing that game. I guess my point was that in a FWB situation...you are an option. And that's what sucks about it. 1
guest569 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I guess that's not the only reason. He has other girls lined up and I am just one of them. Nope I do not want a relationship with him, I just don't like how flaky he is and can't keep his word. Yeah that is annoying, I probably would have done the same as you. You need to have some sort of plan, we all have busy lives and I couldn't deal with someone like that. Basically doesn't want to make plans because he will inevitably break them? Please. Also FWB includes friendship, so a bit of communication is necessary in my opinion, and a little bit of an emotional attachment rather than just sex. Also its up to you how often you think is good to meet up. Personally, once a month is crap for me, so I would forget him.
Leigh 87 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Let me tell you something about a FWB. There are FWB who think you are desirable enough to make an effort. An Irish guy who saw me as "fun" material yet who was super super attracted to me and into me, put me up for 5 days, took me out nightly and daily and treated me to all my meals, paid the half of the plane fair my points wouldn't cover (flyer miles...), and yeah, he did that for a week of fun with me because he was really into the sex. Then there are FWB's who frankly, they don't really think you are anything special, look wise, and they have other girls or they prefer chasing other girls who excite them more physically. These jerk FWB's rate you so lowly that they are very very meh and lukewarm about the sex and your body. If they were red hot for you they would make your dalliances more important than the other girls/ or girls they are chasing.... Even with FWB, I go for men who not only arrange things; but they stick to plans, take me out for a meal, don't cancel last minute and they are at least semi into me (just not enough to date seriously). FWB is largely a demoralising experience as it stands.... I mean, the guy just isn't that into you nor does he see you as relationship material most of the time. So I at least make sure that a FWB is AT LEAST... at the VERY least, super into me physically, and likes my company enough to organise dates, treat me to dinner and not act like I am nothing special and just another girl on his rotation. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 If you were in a FWB set up, why do you have any expectations whatsoever?
Leigh 87 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 If you were in a FWB set up, why do you have any expectations whatsoever? Because while most FWB see you as a piece of meat who isn't good enough for a real relationship, there ARE some rare few FWB who are genuinely attracted to you enough to date you for real and who value your friendship! I had a FWB with whom I am still good friends with! He saw me as "good enough" to take in theory, but we simply lacked the romantic spark and didn't have the level of "feelings" to warrant commitment or dating... I strongly urge women to go after FWB's whom actually like and respect them as women; who value their friendship for real, and whom are VERY physically attracted to them! A FWB to me should only occur when: the only thing missing from the dating equation is "sufficient romantic feelings". Where the attraction is there in spades and the mutual love and respect is there insofar as your friendship and mental connections are concerned...... FWB shouldn't be about a guy who finds a few girls about and around - who he thinks "meh, they will do, they aren't that attractive or anything special but I will use their bodies as a human sex toy" That is a BOOTY CALL, NOT and FWB..... FWB are true friends who talk to you long after you both keep your pants on! FWB and booty calls are for the most part, totally demoralizing and when the guy and sometimes the girl involved don't think you're good enough to date! These people complaining have not found the rare holy grail of FWBs that involve a guy who likes and respects them, and instead, are wasting time with losers who are vile enough to ***** women they don't like or respect. Rant over.
candie13 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 He knew I had other options too. Before we met we talked on the phone for hours and I told him a bit of my stories with other guys. Yesterday I asked him why he didn't text me in a week he said that he is not a big texter and couldn't give me emotional attachment because he said I told him I didn't want a relationship at the beginning(he didn't want it with me either). Yes, you are right, he was making it like I was having an appointment with a doctor. I clearly told him that I am done if he just treats me as an option and only want to meet me at his convenient. Then he responded that I am not his plan B as he hasn't made his plan for his weekend yet. I don't even give a **** to it because if he really cares about me he would be that distant. He just wants to keep me as an option so told him I just used him as a rebound. Guess me and him are over. the best advice I can give you is to not spend anymore time thinking about this dude. You gave it a shot, it was fun, it did not work out. Look at the bright side of things: your guy told you the truth, did not lie about wanting to be your bf and still act like a FWB. Thank Lord for small favors. Now that you know, stop dwelling on the past and just move on. Find another superfine dude to date - or several - and make sure to keep your legs crossed in the process. It'll help out, you may be a bit vulnerable. Just date around for some ego boost and fun and don't expose yourself this fast. And like most people said before, do not have any expectations. You slept with the guy, you had your fun. Now, not all sexy men you're sleeping with will want a relationship. That is the cold, harsh reality. If you cannot cope with it, you should not meet and kiss those sexy men to begin with. Keep it together and say NEXT.
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) I met a guy from an online dating site, and we had fun together for two times. Last week he told me he could meet me this Saturday but the whole week he didn't text me. So I texted him first last night and he replied. He said he didn't wanna set a date with me anymore because he wants flexibility,that is, if he sets a date with me, he has to cancel his other plans. Then I got what he meant and told him I didn't want to be his backup plan and wanted to end our "relationship". He was kinda upset and told me he likes me and wants me to be in his life with no strings. Also told me that he would like to meet me every two weeks or once a month. Then I was confirmed by myself that I was just his plan B or even C or D. He was trying to convince me to continue to sleep with him once in a while, but I said no. Am I overreacted or I am right? No you didn't overreact. You did exactly the right thing. He wants a no strings booty call every other week or once a month. Tell him to go f**k himself. Pfft. He doesn't give a rat's rear end about you, so no you didn't overreact, block him and delete him. Next! Edited March 7, 2015 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Because while most FWB see you as a piece of meat who isn't good enough for a real relationship, there ARE some rare few FWB who are genuinely attracted to you enough to date you for real and who value your friendship! I had a FWB with whom I am still good friends with! He saw me as "good enough" to take in theory, but we simply lacked the romantic spark and didn't have the level of "feelings" to warrant commitment or dating... I strongly urge women to go after FWB's whom actually like and respect them as women; who value their friendship for real, and whom are VERY physically attracted to them! A FWB to me should only occur when: the only thing missing from the dating equation is "sufficient romantic feelings". Where the attraction is there in spades and the mutual love and respect is there insofar as your friendship and mental connections are concerned...... FWB shouldn't be about a guy who finds a few girls about and around - who he thinks "meh, they will do, they aren't that attractive or anything special but I will use their bodies as a human sex toy" That is a BOOTY CALL, NOT and FWB..... FWB are true friends who talk to you long after you both keep your pants on! FWB and booty calls are for the most part, totally demoralizing and when the guy and sometimes the girl involved don't think you're good enough to date! These people complaining have not found the rare holy grail of FWBs that involve a guy who likes and respects them, and instead, are wasting time with losers who are vile enough to ***** women they don't like or respect. Rant over. Leigh I agree with you. An FWB is a "friend" with benefits (sex). Friends are considerate, and care about you just as any other friend would! They enjoy spending time with you (outside of sex), and they don't flake. Friends like to stay in touch. OP what you describe is NOT an FWB arrangement. It is a "f**k buddy" arrangement an occasional booty call. People often confuse the two. Remember FWB is an acronym for FRIEND with benefits. Therefore before you agree to that, make sure, at the very least, he is treating you like any true FRIEND would. And not as a booty call whenever he gets horny! 1
Perrier Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I think FWB is for the young/desperate or naive people. I rarely read of it working out and usually the man becomes distance afterwards, causing the woman angst. usually the woman has agreed to the situation hoping the man wil see what a catch she is and come round to a real r'ship. I've never knowingly had a FWB and hope never to.
Omei Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I think FWB is for the young/desperate or naive people. I rarely read of it working out and usually the man becomes distance afterwards, causing the woman angst. usually the woman has agreed to the situation hoping the man wil see what a catch she is and come round to a real r'ship. I've never knowingly had a FWB and hope never to. Its not true in all cases, I never want to date my fb at all I find the way he talks about things in general irritating the best part is when were having sex and he stops talking :-P
Author xingyi Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 This post becomes a discussion of what fwb is...Lol
Author xingyi Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 No you didn't overreact. You did exactly the right thing. He wants a no strings booty call every other week or once a month. Tell him to go f**k himself. Pfft. He doesn't give a rat's rear end about you, so no you didn't overreact, block him and delete him. Next! Yes. I just told him I am no longer seeing him. He just wanted to string me along and chases girls he is more attracted to. I told him that I don't give another chance to people who don't put me as a priority. I also mentioned to him that I just used him as a rebound...So it is good enough for me
Bobbi7 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 NSA relationship is such a crock. I had one for a good 2 years, I wanted to meet up with him every week, but no. Everything was on HIS terms.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Because while most FWB see you as a piece of meat who isn't good enough for a real relationship, there ARE some rare few FWB who are genuinely attracted to you enough to date you for real and who value your friendship! I had a FWB with whom I am still good friends with! He saw me as "good enough" to take in theory, but we simply lacked the romantic spark and didn't have the level of "feelings" to warrant commitment or dating... I strongly urge women to go after FWB's whom actually like and respect them as women; who value their friendship for real, and whom are VERY physically attracted to them! A FWB to me should only occur when: the only thing missing from the dating equation is "sufficient romantic feelings". Where the attraction is there in spades and the mutual love and respect is there insofar as your friendship and mental connections are concerned...... FWB shouldn't be about a guy who finds a few girls about and around - who he thinks "meh, they will do, they aren't that attractive or anything special but I will use their bodies as a human sex toy" That is a BOOTY CALL, NOT and FWB..... FWB are true friends who talk to you long after you both keep your pants on! FWB and booty calls are for the most part, totally demoralizing and when the guy and sometimes the girl involved don't think you're good enough to date! These people complaining have not found the rare holy grail of FWBs that involve a guy who likes and respects them, and instead, are wasting time with losers who are vile enough to ***** women they don't like or respect. Rant over. Let's be 100% real here for a second. The first word "friends" applies to people that you're actually friends with first. Someone that you just met and start to engage in casual sex with, is not your friend. That's why most so-called "FWB's" are really F'ck buddies or NSA relationships. A true FWB is extremely rare because the majority of women don't develop attraction for their platonic male friends. If they were attracted in the first place and liked the guy's personality, they'd drop hints and try to date him.
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