LostanConfused Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Hello guys! I have recently went through a breakup with my ex because the trust wasn't there with each other. We liked each other a lot and have a wonderful few weeks. She wanted to pay more attention to her grades since they were bad before I met her and she wanted to focus on her grades than us. She felt like breaking up would be the best course of action for now to fix up on each other. She said this isn't a goodbye and she will miss me a lot. At the moment I want to get therapy to help me with my past issues and work on myself better for the future. She said I can contact her whenever, but I told her I will let her finish her semester and message her after it to see how things are. Do you think its a good idea to wait a few months while working on myself to begin talking to her again to see if things work? Thank you very much!
irresolute Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Hello guys! I have recently went through a breakup with my ex because the trust wasn't there with each other. We liked each other a lot and have a wonderful few weeks. She wanted to pay more attention to her grades since they were bad before I met her and she wanted to focus on her grades than us. She felt like breaking up would be the best course of action for now to fix up on each other. She said this isn't a goodbye and she will miss me a lot. At the moment I want to get therapy to help me with my past issues and work on myself better for the future. She said I can contact her whenever, but I told her I will let her finish her semester and message her after it to see how things are. Do you think its a good idea to wait a few months while working on myself to begin talking to her again to see if things work? Thank you very much! I think she just made an excuse to stop dating you. Overall, for what you've written, she's not into you. I'd recommend to not contact her again. You'll have a heartbreak. 2
Jimmyjackson Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Hello guys! I have recently went through a breakup with my ex because the trust wasn't there with each other. We liked each other a lot and have a wonderful few weeks. She wanted to pay more attention to her grades since they were bad before I met her and she wanted to focus on her grades than us. She felt like breaking up would be the best course of action for now to fix up on each other. She said this isn't a goodbye and she will miss me a lot. At the moment I want to get therapy to help me with my past issues and work on myself better for the future. She said I can contact her whenever, but I told her I will let her finish her semester and message her after it to see how things are. Do you think its a good idea to wait a few months while working on myself to begin talking to her again to see if things work? Thank you very much! I'm sorry but the grades thing is nonsense. Is she incapable of studying and finding time for a relationship? take a look at other relationships, they go to work/study and find time for each other when they need to, it's not like it's one or the other. If someone really wants to be with you, they won't let school get in the way. Seems like a lame excuse. Why wasn't the trust there? 2
Author LostanConfused Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 The trust wasn't there because I had some insecurities that I wasn't over from past relationships. When I seen reoccurring things being done that I seen before I began to become suspicious and it messed everything up. I went through her phone to see she talked to old flings who are just friends now and I sent her a text from a fake number because a friend of hers said she might be talking to other guys. When she found out things didn't go well and she felt like the trust wasn't there. Is alright to send this in about a week or 2, " hey _____ I know things didn't go well for us and I'm working on myself so I can overcome my insecurities. Do you think you still see me in your life if we can work things out with each other? If not can you let me know so I won't be waiting for something that won't happen." Or something like that since she told me we just need some time apart and this isn't a goodbye. That sometime maybe after her semester we might talk again. She said she won't get into a relationship soon and I was the best to her it was just the trust wasn't there. Not sure though. Any advice or suggestions? I see us working out
Simon Phoenix Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Absolutely not. She'll be like "WTF?" It's up to her to come to you if she chooses. And it's up to you not to wait. 1
Author LostanConfused Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I feel like if I give each other time that things might turn out for the best. How about i wait for her to finish her semester and send a message saying. "Hey if you're interested would you like to go out to drink coffee sometime?" or some way to say to see each other and talk. We didn't end horrible like many relationships she she left it open that in time we might come back together. I feel like it might work
Author LostanConfused Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) I"ve been talking to a few friends ever since me and my girlfriend broke up. Things didn't end on a bad note. We just needed some time apart to think. I was told not to wait too long to contact her. So in about a month or 2 I'm going to send this. Hey . How are you? I hope the horse expo was amazing! I was wondering if you'd like to get something nice to eat sometime and talk? We can chat and get to know each other more than we did before without forcing a relationship. I can show and prove to you who I really am and see where things go for us. Thank you. If any advice or to shorten or extend it. Let me know. I wanna try with her even if it doesn't end too well, but i want to make sure it goes great! Like many people say "you never know until you try!" I want to be positive and make it work between us. Thank you Edited March 7, 2015 by LostanConfused
erklat Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 You tried, she pulled the plug. It takes two to tango. If you wish to look needy and desperate in her eyes, then send her that. Otherwise wait for her to do something. 3
sabd Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 We can chat and get to know each other more than we did before without forcing a relationship. I can show and prove to you who I really am and see where things go for us. Sorry, but this sounds really desperate and needy. 3
coolheadal Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Why did you breakup? If you don't know? Then you don't need to write such a letter to your Ex GF. Why don't you move on and find someone you can get along with. All your doing is going to repeat the same issue again and then break-up second time. It clearly shows it just not going to work. Waiting 1 to 2 months to get back with someone really odd way to go about it. How do you know she's not seeing someone else? Forget that letter, call her up and talk things over? But if I was you just move on! 1
privategal Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Your letter is awful. When I read "prove to you.." NO! She broke up with you ..she doesn't proof. Its sounds weak...just no. Im saying it harshly cause your friends advice is no good. Have you read here? Read all the posts and nc guide at top. Everyone here has been through breakup and are experts. Leave her alone. Truly. She has to come back or not. You do nothing. 1
Stercrazy Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 She broke up with you She has to come back or not. You do nothing. Truer words have never been spoken. That's how I feel about my ex.....who went back to her ex. Not sure how serious it is between them but in order for any type of real growth beyond the old relationship she needs to prove to me that we're are worth the effort. Otherwise it is what it is....superficial.
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 If you want to heal, NC is the way to go. If you want to reconcile, you need to talk. Now. Not 2 months from now. Whatever it is you think you have to prove to her is probably the reason you broke up. Nothing significant enough to cause a break up can be fixed in 60 days. Time apart strengthens a person's resolve to be broken up because it proves to them that they can make it on their own without the EX. A break up doesn't have to be messy, dramatic or ugly to still be the right thing to do. Once you broke up, your relationship is irrevocably changed. It's no longer as strong as it was & there are very good reasons for not going backward in life. Best analogy I ever read about the subject here on LS: Take a plate & drop it on the floor. It's broken. (So is your relationship). Glue the pieces back together. (reconcile & try again). Is it the same? No! There are cracks & glue marks. It's ugly. It's not as strong as it was & the functionality is less. The same applies to your relationship. You are much better off going out & getting a new plate. 3
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 You need to fix whatever your issues are but that is so you can move forward in life. She broke up with you in part because she wasn't all that into you. Every other reason she gave you was an excuse. If you see her around campus say hi. But don't think you can rekindle anything. 1
Mi7522 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 The trust wasn't there because I had some insecurities that I wasn't over from past relationships. When I seen reoccurring things being done that I seen before I began to become suspicious and it messed everything up. I went through her phone to see she talked to old flings who are just friends now and I sent her a text from a fake number because a friend of hers said she might be talking to other guys. When she found out things didn't go well and she felt like the trust wasn't there. Is alright to send this in about a week or 2, " hey _____ I know things didn't go well for us and I'm working on myself so I can overcome my insecurities. Do you think you still see me in your life if we can work things out with each other? If not can you let me know so I won't be waiting for something that won't happen." Or something like that since she told me we just need some time apart and this isn't a goodbye. That sometime maybe after her semester we might talk again. She said she won't get into a relationship soon and I was the best to her it was just the trust wasn't there. Not sure though. Any advice or suggestions? I see us working out Sending her a message like this shows are are still insecure and needy. If you are going to ask her out for a coffee do it when you see her out and about. Make it look as natural as possible but please do not go searching her out as that will look a little creepy
elaine567 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 In a nutshell, You were in a relationship for a month, you got jealous of her guy friends. You snooped on her phone and then pretended to be someone else to trap her. She forgave you, but then decided it wasn't for her and broke up with you. I think you crossed a line there with this girl. If I were you, I would move on, keep your trust issues in check and do better next time. 3
organizedchaos Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 In a nutshell, You were in a relationship for a month, you got jealous of her guy friends. You snooped on her phone and then pretended to be someone else to trap her. She forgave you, but then decided it wasn't for her and broke up with you. I think you crossed a line there with this girl. If I were you, I would move on, keep your trust issues in check and do better next time. Agreed. Read his original thread. One month isn't much of a relationship if you can even call it that at that point. And for you to act like that in the first month, when it's still just a dating period, sends HUGE red flags. There's nothing to save here. Leave her be. If she comes around for more of that, she's a very forgiving woman. Deal with your issues dude or you will repeat this again. 3
mrmayhem675 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 If you must contact her don't be nice. Don't say anything about proving anything. I understand your urge sometimes it even hits me just to see what my ex is up to or check on her kids. But just don't do it would be the best advice. You'll probably just dig yourself a deeper hole and you'll probably regret it. I cringe when I think about how I texted my ex after we broke up. I didn't do any crazy begging or anything but I did pour my heart out to her and told her how I felt about her and her kids. Meanwhile she's more than likely cheated on me, kept me in the dark, and had another guy lined up and probably in contact with her ex. So I regret that and feel like a fool for opening my heart so much to a girl that doesn't deserve my heart. Don't do something you'll regret. If you must be short and stern.
Auspecial Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I want to be positive and make it work between us. Thank you I applaud you wanting to be positive, as well as proactive, but you can't "make" someone want to be with you. If you feel you must reach out, shorten this by at least half, and don't pretend that you want to be just friends.
Mi7522 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I"ve been talking to a few friends ever since me and my girlfriend broke up. Things didn't end on a bad note. We just needed some time apart to think. I was told not to wait too long to contact her. So in about a month or 2 I'm going to send this. Hey . How are you? I hope the horse expo was amazing! I was wondering if you'd like to get something nice to eat sometime and talk? We can chat and get to know each other more than we did before without forcing a relationship. I can show and prove to you who I really am and see where things go for us. Thank you. If any advice or to shorten or extend it. Let me know. I wanna try with her even if it doesn't end too well, but i want to make sure it goes great! Like many people say "you never know until you try!" I want to be positive and make it work between us. Thank you I don't think you should send her anything, you've already tried and she does not want a relationship with you, if she does down the road then she will let you know. Saying "you never know until you try" is bs. You did try the first time and it didn't work out. I can tell you I've never tried sticking a fork in my eye but I'm pretty sure it would hurt like hell so I don't try it. You're in the same position if you keep being needy and clingy towards her you'll be in for a heap of hurt. Let her go and move on. 2
CarrieT Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Hey Pithy. How are you? She isn't going to respond to that with everything else you are following with... I hope the horse expo was amazing! You are attempting small talk and she will see right through it. I was wondering if you'd like to get something nice to eat sometime and talk? There probably isn't anything she wants to talk about. We can chat and get to know each other more than we did before without forcing a relationship. You are contradicting yourself in this one sentence. You can't get to know each other MORE than before you were in a one-month relationship over a single meal. Impossible. You are really grasping at hoping to show yourself in a different light and it is too late for that. I can show and prove to you who I really am No you can't. You can put on a show of being someone different than you were for that month you two were together, but it won't be true and can't be depicted over a single meal. and see where things go for us. And here is the crux. You are already indicating to her that you are expecting this one meal to lead to a new and different relationship. Bad move. As others have said, she broke up with you for a reason. Let it go and move on. You are fantasizing and idolizing her into someone that she isn't and a fairy-tale relationship that can never be. Just stay NC and date someone else. 2
Author LostanConfused Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Thank you everyone for your responses. I was heart broken and wanted to make everything better than it was previously, but i realize it isn't that easy. I understood I would dig myself into a deeper hole if I did what I did, but I felt like i needed to try. So even if I did screw up, I just wanted you guys to just support me in anyway to talk to her again or fix my letter. I know I might get bashed for saying that, but hey i know the consequences.
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 LostandConfused You are going to contact her no matter what we tell you to do because that is what you want to do. Sure there is an infinitesimal chance she'll come back but you probably have better odds of winning the lottery. Best case scenario, she'll ignore you. Worse case, whatever you send her she'll share with the internet & ridicule you for trying to get back with her. Either way, you are going to get some form of closure & I hope you find peace knowing that you tried, no matter how hopeless. 4
organizedchaos Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Thank you everyone for your responses. I was heart broken and wanted to make everything better than it was previously, but i realize it isn't that easy. I understood I would dig myself into a deeper hole if I did what I did, but I felt like i needed to try. So even if I did screw up, I just wanted you guys to just support me in anyway to talk to her again or fix my letter. I know I might get bashed for saying that, but hey i know the consequences. Trust those who've been there. She is not some unique flower. We've seen it play out and based on your very, very brief "relationship" and your behavior, nothing good will come of this.
Author LostanConfused Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 Yes thank you everyone for everything. I understand what you mean. I have been reading threads for 2 years now haha and I have made the no contact in previous relationships and it worked. Things feel different for this relationship to be honest. I feel like if I try once to reconnect that she will either agree and we can be happy or I will use her no and decline as a way of closure. I'm not sure how she feels now. If I get the direct response of no she doesn't want to try anymore I will go no contact and remove myself from her social media and move on. Thank you!
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