This is going to sound stupid, but what the heck; Where to find single gay guys?

[HokeyReligions]

I know.

It's not my responsibility.

It's none of my business.

I shouldn't meddle.

yadda yadda yadda

 

Situation: Dear friend of ours broke up w/ his partner last year. They still live in the same house because neither can afford to leave--Joe will lose his house w/o Jim's income. Jim doesn't make enough to afford a decent place of his own. So they agreed to stay in the same house.

 

It was tough. Joe said he finally knew it was all over and they have been living cautiously togther.

Over the last few weeks Jim has been leaving for a day or so, or not taking care of the dogs, and not letting Joe know about it, so Joe can't make any plans of his own. Joe still cares about Jim's health--he knows the love is over, but he still cares.

 

Jim has been drinking and smoking (something he quit a few years ago) and has found a new guy. He claims that he was trying to protect Joe's feelings about it---which may be true. Although, Jim has changed and has become very cavalier about his own life--taking risks and a general "I don't care about anyone buy me" attitude. We are worried about Jim too because we care about him, but he has chosen his own path and hasn't asked for any help or suggestions. Joe has.

 

Last week Jim disappeared for a couple of days with no word to Joe. Even non-involved roommates show more consideration, especially when they have shared responsibilities like pets. Joe was worried and called Jim's sister and a friend to find out if Jim was OK. He was afraid that because of Jim's new lifestyle, Jim could be hurt.

 

Jim took it as being checked up on. Joe tried to explain, but Jim wouldn't let him say anything and blew up telling Joe about all the new guys he's been with in the last 11 months. (Jim and Joe had not had sex since almost a year before all of this happened, so Joe feels fairly safe--but has been tested anyway and is OK)

 

Jim claimed that he never loved Joe, the whole 10 year relationship was a lie, and on and on. Joe has been questioning (to himself) everything about the whole relationship and is heartsick about it. He called the other night from his front yard because Jim was inside and he just didn't want to go back in. Hubby went over there and he and Joe went out for a few hours and just relaxed and joked and Joe felt much better. He needed a friend and some socializing.

 

Joe's worried because he is a 40 year old professional. He doesn't want to go to gay bars/clubs because they are full of younger men and guys like Joe are known as "chicken hawks" there and he doesn't want just casual sex. He would like to meet someone, not unlike himself, with whom he could form friendships and maybe even companionship. I understand that. I don't know where I would go to find professional single men my age either, other than church. And, well, church and gays don't go too well together---especially here in the Bible belt.

 

All the men Joe's age that he knew have partners or have moved. All of his friends for the last 10 years were Jim's. Hubby and I are two of a few people that were Joe's friends first.

 

Now, I'm not trying to go shopping for middle-aged gay men and be a matchmaker, but Joe has mentioned that he doesn't know where he can go to meet others like himself. We suggested the personal ads, or on-line dating services, etc. but most of those are geared toward younger men, and men who are looking for sex first and not companionship and friendship.

 

We have suggested attending some museum functions and art fairs and that sort of thing because Joe likes that sort of thing too and it seems that, in our part of the world anyway, the gay community are leaders in that area. There is a large area in Houston, known as Montrose, which is a 'gay community' with a lot of different activities, etc. We said we would like to go to some of the functions with Joe--we like art and museums too and have been in Montrose at various functions many times. But other than organized events like that, where are there likely to be people who are non-judgmental about gays and where Joe might be able to meet some nice men? He has to stay 'in the closet' because if it were known that he is gay he would lose his job.

 

We want to be supportive and we would love for Joe to meet new people and get out more, his job and hours keep him tied down a lot.

 

I guess, after this long, long post, what I'm asking is what other activities, social gatherings, etc. might attract more gay people? Where people can mingle and talk--not like a sporting event where everyone is sitting and watching a game and no chance to meet. I know this sounds like I'm discriminating, I don't mean to -- I know gay people have the same likes/dislikes as everyone else--only the sexual preference is different. But that said, there ARE activities and places that are more friendly toward gays and more attractive to a gay lifestyle. There ARE some differences too.

 

If I were single and looking I would do more volunteer work, take classes, join clubs, etc. and Joe is open to doing those things too, but he is also wanting to go where he knows there will be gay men (not boys) to talk with. To meet people and be able to share common experiences---something we can't completely relate to because we are not gay. He can't do anything through his job---even when he meets people he can't tell them he is gay, so professional associations are out, and yet I know there are others in his profession who are gay.

 

Any suggestions on where a 40 y/o man, with limited time, might meet others and have a higher-than-average possibility of meeting other gay men?

[moimeme]

Think the clichés - they're cliché for a reason LOL. So art gallery openings, theatre, museum special events, classical music concerts - as long as he likes these things. Antique shows - a good portion of the dealers are gay; in fact, he could just go shopping for antiques. Decor shops too - and things to do with architecture.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by moimeme

Think the clichés - they're cliché for a reason LOL. So art gallery openings, theatre, museum special events, classical music concerts - as long as he likes these things. Antique shows - a good portion of the dealers are gay; in fact, he could just go shopping for antiques. Decor shops too - and things to do with architecture.

 

Duh! Brilliant! I'm always going antiquing and he's always asking where I find the stuff -- I know lots of dealers and come to think of it, I know several that are gay and others may be too---I just don't know them well enough!!! I think its time I drag Joe with me instead of hubby! We'd ALL have a better time! Hubby can sit home and watch sports with no interruptions from me and Joe & I can have a blast. We once spent about 2.5 hours talking about an antique roll-top desk he inherited while hubby napped on the couch!

 

Thank you!

[quankanne]

this is going to sound dumb, but did you see the movie with Diane Lane, "Under the Tuscan Skies"? Her friends, after finding out that her husband dumped her, buy her a ticket for a tour of Tuscany ... on a gay tour of Tuscany.

 

I'd figure that something like that would attract a more mature adult simply because younger adults don't think along the lines of touring, and jaunts like that often are tailored to a certain clientele, like gays, grandmas, teachers, book-lovers, etc. Cooking or wine appreciation classes might be another place, as a 40-year-old would probably be better able to afford to do something like that, their money isn't tied down by bills or clubbing!

 

if worse comes to worst, I'll have to hook you up with two college friends down in your neck of the woods who know the Houston gay scene well enough to point you in the right direction (they're also the right age, and not so into partying ...)

[moimeme]

Thank you!

 

 

Hey, if you wanna know where to find gay men, ask someone who married one LOL!!