Should I be ok with my SO staying alone with another guy?

[fluffhead2015]

So here's the deal: I've been with this girl since September, but we've been pretty close for about 18 months now. We live and work about 400 miles apart, and are fortunate enough that our schedules have allowed us to see each other for a at least a few days each month. We are in love, there's no questioning that. A significant rift has recently developed: She has a lot of guy friends, and for the most part I am ok with that. But recently she drove out of her way to see someone as an old friend she once had a fling with that she talks to but hasn't seen in awhile. She stayed the night at his apartment and never mentioned any of it until I asked questions after the fact. To further the situation, she then stopped to visit an ex-boyfriend (whom she has a meaningful friendship with and I completely support that), the problem is that after having a few cocktails and not feeling well, she stayed at his place too. It's not so much an issue of trust for me as it is an issue of respect and I have let her know how immensely disrespectful I felt the whole situation was. I feel I am not out of line, but I would greatly appreciate insight from others who have experience in similar situations. Thanks for reading.

[NJ123]

Of course that's not okay. A lot of guys would have dumped her over this. You'll likely never know what happened. And if you say anything about it to her it'll likely start an argument & she'll call you insecure & place the blame on you.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Well it just depends how much trust you two have, and trust takes time and work to accumulate. Something that a LDR can hamper.

 

I think you already know the answer.

[Quiet Storm]

I think it was disrespectful. Even if it's completely innocent, you don't do things like that when you're in a serious, committed relationship.

 

It's also messed up that she's omitting telling you about things she knows you'd care about. This is her way of protecting her "freedom", which shows she may not be ready to be in an honest, open relationship. Sometimes omissions can be as manipulative as lies. She's probably going to call you insecure and jealous if you express your feelings about it. I think you should tell her you don't want a girlfriend who stays the night at old boyfriends houses.

[fluffhead2015]

I have discussed my feelings with her, and we are taking some time to think about our feelings and I'm hoping to establish what I feel would not be unreasonable boundaries and demands.

[preraph]

I think I'd tell her, Look, if you're going to want to maintain these lifelong friendships with your exes, I need to at least meet them so that maybe I can trust them as much as I am trying to trust you.

[fluffhead2015]

Please keep the comments coming. I am very interested in hearing as many opinions on this subject as I can possibly conjure. Thanks to everyone in advance!