kelsyanks Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Hi all... Long time follower, first time poster! I am struggling to cope with a recent breakup. I have been with this guy for 2.5 years in in what was a very passionate, but challenged, relationship. We met at the gym....after having eyes on each other for a month we started talking. He then began pursuing me on facebook where I found early on that he was married. I told him I did not feel comfortable with this at all, but yet I still couldn't resist him...the physical and emotional attraction was powerful. Turns out, they had separated a couple times already and he had fallen in love once before while married, it didn't work, and he went back to his ex because of the kids. I struggled badly with this situation, often visiting LS for advice, as I was looking for something real - not an affair, yet I couldn't break away from him. I was already in love. He seemed to feel the same. Six months later, he separated again and moved in with his parents. It started to feel like a relationship...however it was part-time since I hadn't met his kids yet no divorce was in sight and I was wondering if he’d actually go through with it (I NEVER asked him to file…ever). I broke things off and found a new place an hour away to get closer to my work (I grew tired of 6 years of long commuting)...and away from this complicated relationship. The place was a dream come true for me...great location, great schools, close to work and outdoor amenities. I felt ready for a new beginning but he didn't want to let the relationship go. I knew LD was probably not going to work but he insisted we try...and we did, for a year and a half. He got a place of his own in the meanwhile, I met his kids/parents, and we started spending all but a few nights during the week together. I got so much closer to him during this time as I saw how he was with his kids, parents, family and he was truly unwavering in his commitment to me. He finally filed and went through with the divorce – not easy for him after 20 years of marriage. He suffered the loss of his mother, which he took really hard. And he also had to have surgery after an injury. The long distance started to become more of an issue this winter, and I knew he felt lonely when we weren't together, as did I. We talked a couple of times about our concerns and we finally broke up about a month ago…as it was too hard to continue with the status quo. I quickly got remorseful and tried to reconcile…told him I love him and would do what it takes to work this out. I would move back if need be. He had made sacrifices to continue our relationship and so could I. I love my new place but it’s just not worth losing someone I have grown deeply in love with. I find I’m homesick as I haven’t branched out and made connections here, as I spent my weekends with my bf. I hadn’t felt that way the entire time living there as I always had a piece of “home” with me when he was there. He told me that while he wasn’t completely against the idea of me moving back, he didn’t think that would be the solution because I would grow resentful with the long commute again. After some limited discussion about this, he went NC on me. I am heartbroken and devastated. In a drastic change, he went from being my rock and vice versa to him being cold and distant. I have also done/said all I can at this point…laid it all on the line. He said after everything that’s happened…he just wants/needs to be alone…hence the NC. He started an online dating profile a couple weeks after we split looking for “no relationship/no commitment” so apparently he wants to be left alone only by me! Any advice on how to deal with this loss and move on with my life would be appreciated. I do not deal well with drastic changes in life and have a difficult time putting myself out there to meet people. This whole thing has left me defeated...I'm a shell of my former self.
WindowstoSoul Posted April 7, 2015 Posted April 7, 2015 Hi. Reading this made my heart hurt, that dull empty ache, because at one time in the not so long ago in the past I was that guy. I was married and fell for someone that put that extra spring in my step and made me hear lyrics in love songs that I had heard a million times but never stopped to listen to their meaning. It initially felt like it was part-time as I had to go through the process of ending one relationship, while keeping another on standby. It was exhilarating. It was painful. It was selfish on my behalf. It was unfair to everyone involved. Eventually I finalized my divorce and closed the chapter, but unfortunately the process had taken it's toll on the relationship I had pushed all the chips across the table to bet upon. The pain was too great and we had to cut-off communication to prevent the back and forth reconciliations. That was the worse mistake I could have ever made, because I have now truly lost that person in all facets of my life. I can't speak for him, but I can draw parallels. I know personally that I just wasn't ready. There were too many loose ends to wrap up properly for me to be able to give myself completely to someone who deserved nothing less than my full attention. To try to maintain a growing relationship while dismantling another just didn't put me in a mental place I wanted to be. That love, which still existed - I now interpreted as pain, and I mistakenly cut all ties. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this happened to you as well. You write as if you wear your heart on your sleeve, which makes me think you're going to be alright in the long run. It'll happen again, hopefully under better circumstances so you can have that relationship you saw a glimmer of. When it does, hold on tight with both hands. I know I will.
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