Would contacting him again look desperate?

[Perrier]

Last year a man introduced himself at an Xmas singles event. He was very respectful and like me, appeared to have old fashioned values. Before he took my number he asked my wingman pal for permission first. He - 40s, divorced 5 years with an 11yr old daughter that lives with mum 400 miles away. According to him he’s not been near a woman in 5 years because he ‘was not in the right place mentally.’ I did find it odd that he asked me what I think of men, and I replied they are wonderful creatures that complement women beautifully. I told my wingman friend I didn’t feel sure of the man but he said to go on a date and see if there is chemistry.

 

Xmas eve the man sends general texts and we begin chatting. He said we should meet after Xmas. Over Xmas we speak briefly on phone. On NYE, I couldn’t go to my planned event as I left booking tickets too late. On top of that my dad advised me not to go out cos NYE is risky from drunks etc. When I told this new man that I wanted to go out he said I’d be overriding my dad’s advice. I did not take well to that because I thought he should be looking at me as an adult who makes her own decisions. We were meant to be meeting 3 days later though nothing set. On date morning he calls saying he is taking his nephew to the station but would be available later.

 

I was not impressed as I felt ‘fitted in’ so when he called to discuss I mentioned his comment about me overriding my dad’s advice. He said I am sensitive, I told him a grown adult makes their own decisions and I am surprised he said what he said. The convo quickly went south and I left it. Two days later I apologised, he said no problem and wished me well. We continued texting and he said we should start again and I have to make it up to by planning and paying for our first date.

 

I told him leading is the man’s role in the initial stages but he insisted we should swap roles. We met for coffee and he paid – things again went south when he mentioned the ‘tiff’ we had that delayed our first date. He texted that night saying he found me closed - I said likewise. Then he said he felt I could be a passionate woman but that I’m holding back.

 

Long story short he told me he’d arrange our second date in 3 weeks (cos he was going away to see family). A month went by, then I texted, and he replied a week after that saying he’d just landed back in the UK. Our texts since were mild, with him insisting again I plan and lead the romance. I told him I am old fashioned and think a man should lead initially. He asked when and where I am taking him and I told him that another coffee date is good. I didn’t hear back from him.

 

Then he texted days later telling me I appeared in his dream. I didn’t respond because it was looking as if he wants a text-ship. Then he texted next day saying he’d caught a cold. I wished him well. Then three weeks of no texting. I again texted and he replied he thought I’d forgotten him. He asked if I missed him and I said, a little. Then he suggested we Skype, which we did for almost an hour. He still looked as interesting as the first time we met :-). Skyping went well until he asked if I’d been to a dating event since our first meet. I said yes, with my wingman pal cos he asked me to help him meet women. New man asked if I’m seeing anyone - I said no.

 

I asked him same and he said he was seeing a woman before but not now. I told him he should have told me rather than waste my time if he wasn’t single. I also reminded him that I asked him twice when we first met him if he is single and he said he was. He said I wasn’t coming forward that is why he didn’t put ‘much effort’ into us. I told him he has not been present for me to come forward to and that I was making effort and have stated more than once that I'm interested. I reminded him he was always talking about our ‘passionate kiss,’ which has never happened.

 

I was about to refer to our previous texts that show I come forward but he told me to leave my phone alone. I said I’m surprised we managed to get to Skype cos I thought he’d disappear as he’s done before. He said that if I think he has another woman I should take time out to decide what I want. Repeatedly I asked where is his evidence that I don’t come forward, that he didn’t text me when he went abroad, that I texted him first when he got back, that I stated where and when to meet for the second date (as he asked), and then nothing happened. I said I think it’s better we end cos our misunderstandings are too many for such early acquaintance. He said he agrees.

 

Next day I texted him that I'm reaching out and that I felt bad the Skype session went south. He didn’t reply. It’s now 5 days. I am wondering whether to text him again but I don’t want to look desperate. I’m also wondering why a man his age seems this easily scared off.

 

Thanks for reading and apologies for the long post

[fitnessfan365]

Haha.. People on this site really need to learn how to summarize better. Yet another novella to read through.

 

My advice is this. Pay attention to his actions. Not what he says or texts. Since he's made no effort to actually see you, I'd say that is pretty telling. When a guy is interested, he not only stays in your orbit, but he asks you out. Forget about him and focus on dating other guys.

[Vintage79]

Too much text - but he doesn't seem interested. So contact him, it likely doesn't matter if it comes across as desperate as his interest seems very low...so text/contact him just to get it off of your mind so that you can move on.

[Gary S]

If it did not work out in the past, what do you think chances are it will work in the future (clue: the odds are poor)?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Haha.. People on this site really need to learn how to summarize better. Yet another novella to read through.

 

My advice is this. Pay attention to his actions. Not what he says or texts. Since he's made no effort to actually see you, I'd say that is pretty telling. When a guy is interested, he not only stays in your orbit, but he asks you out. Forget about him and focus on dating other guys.

 

I wholeheartedly agree.

 

This sounds like SO MUCH WORK and for what? It also feels like a lot of game playing if you ask me.

 

As I've said a million times on here in other posts, if someone is interested in you they will move mountains to be with you. You want to remain old fashioned and have the guy take the lead and this guy seems unsure about everything else.

 

Personally, I'd cut and run at this point. There are better fish in the sea.

[Perrier]

@ fitnessfan365 - Yes I'll try to summarise in future, mind you I noticed another post yesterday that you commented on. The OP wrote 4900 words!! My post is a synopsis compared to that!

 

Thank you all who replied. It never occurred to me this man could be playing games, seems odd at his age.

 

I'll have a think what to do - probably will send another text tomorrow (Sunday) then move on if he doesn't reply.

[katiegrl]

Haha.. People on this site really need to learn how to summarize better. Yet another novella to read through.

 

My advice is this. Pay attention to his actions. Not what he says or texts. Since he's made no effort to actually see you, I'd say that is pretty telling. When a guy is interested, he not only stays in your orbit, but he asks you out. Forget about him and focus on dating other guys.

 

LOL....speed reading is helpful. Just read the first paragraph then skip to the last two...works great!

[BluEyeL]

I agree with the above. You met the man at Christmas. If he was interested, he would have definitely asked you out by now. Move on.

[catchthedrift]

Last year a man introduced himself at an Xmas singles event. He was very respectful and like me, appeared to have old fashioned values. Before he took my number he asked my wingman pal for permission first. He - 40s, divorced 5 years with an 11yr old daughter that lives with mum 400 miles away. According to him he’s not been near a woman in 5 years because he ‘was not in the right place mentally.’ I did find it odd that he asked me what I think of men, and I replied they are wonderful creatures that complement women beautifully. I told my wingman friend I didn’t feel sure of the man but he said to go on a date and see if there is chemistry.

 

Xmas eve the man sends general texts and we begin chatting. He said we should meet after Xmas. Over Xmas we speak briefly on phone. On NYE, I couldn’t go to my planned event as I left booking tickets too late. On top of that my dad advised me not to go out cos NYE is risky from drunks etc. When I told this new man that I wanted to go out he said I’d be overriding my dad’s advice. I did not take well to that because I thought he should be looking at me as an adult who makes her own decisions. We were meant to be meeting 3 days later though nothing set. On date morning he calls saying he is taking his nephew to the station but would be available later.

 

I was not impressed as I felt ‘fitted in’ so when he called to discuss I mentioned his comment about me overriding my dad’s advice. He said I am sensitive, I told him a grown adult makes their own decisions and I am surprised he said what he said. The convo quickly went south and I left it. Two days later I apologised, he said no problem and wished me well. We continued texting and he said we should start again and I have to make it up to by planning and paying for our first date.

 

I told him leading is the man’s role in the initial stages but he insisted we should swap roles. We met for coffee and he paid – things again went south when he mentioned the ‘tiff’ we had that delayed our first date. He texted that night saying he found me closed - I said likewise. Then he said he felt I could be a passionate woman but that I’m holding back.

 

Long story short he told me he’d arrange our second date in 3 weeks (cos he was going away to see family). A month went by, then I texted, and he replied a week after that saying he’d just landed back in the UK. Our texts since were mild, with him insisting again I plan and lead the romance. I told him I am old fashioned and think a man should lead initially. He asked when and where I am taking him and I told him that another coffee date is good. I didn’t hear back from him.

 

Then he texted days later telling me I appeared in his dream. I didn’t respond because it was looking as if he wants a text-ship. Then he texted next day saying he’d caught a cold. I wished him well. Then three weeks of no texting. I again texted and he replied he thought I’d forgotten him. He asked if I missed him and I said, a little. Then he suggested we Skype, which we did for almost an hour. He still looked as interesting as the first time we met :-). Skyping went well until he asked if I’d been to a dating event since our first meet. I said yes, with my wingman pal cos he asked me to help him meet women. New man asked if I’m seeing anyone - I said no.

 

I asked him same and he said he was seeing a woman before but not now. I told him he should have told me rather than waste my time if he wasn’t single. I also reminded him that I asked him twice when we first met him if he is single and he said he was. He said I wasn’t coming forward that is why he didn’t put ‘much effort’ into us. I told him he has not been present for me to come forward to and that I was making effort and have stated more than once that I'm interested. I reminded him he was always talking about our ‘passionate kiss,’ which has never happened.

 

I was about to refer to our previous texts that show I come forward but he told me to leave my phone alone. I said I’m surprised we managed to get to Skype cos I thought he’d disappear as he’s done before. He said that if I think he has another woman I should take time out to decide what I want. Repeatedly I asked where is his evidence that I don’t come forward, that he didn’t text me when he went abroad, that I texted him first when he got back, that I stated where and when to meet for the second date (as he asked), and then nothing happened. I said I think it’s better we end cos our misunderstandings are too many for such early acquaintance. He said he agrees.

 

Next day I texted him that I'm reaching out and that I felt bad the Skype session went south. He didn’t reply. It’s now 5 days. I am wondering whether to text him again but I don’t want to look desperate. I’m also wondering why a man his age seems this easily scared off.

 

Thanks for reading and apologies for the long post

 

 

He sounds like a grump. Meh.