washburn1 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I have been thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend for a long time. It has been in phases for the last year - which sounds really nasty but I can't help how I feel. The last 6 months have been the worst, I constantly think about my life without her, but then I manage to forget about it and carry on for a short time before I start thinking about being without her again. Now that might be a sure sign, but it isn't clear enough for me. I have a pretty sad life if I'm honest and I feel that those aspects are making it difficult for me to decide. So here is a background. We are both 21 years old and are at university. We moved in together last February in a 2 bedroom flat that we rent. We have been together for 5 years this June so this isn't a short time kind of thing, it's been a long time. About me, I have a pretty boring life - in high school I had a big group of friends until I met my girlfriend and I spent a lot more time with her and drifted from my friends, which is my biggest regret in life. I have 3 friends now, and they don't know each other - so it's not like a group I can go out for drinks with. I have a group of close friends online that I game with but yeah, I can't see them every week for obvious reasons. So social life wise I don't really have anything, I don't go out since I don't have anyone to go out with. I stay in a lot working at my computer and my freetime is spent gaming rather than watching movies with my girlfriend or anything. All in all, I don't have many friends, I don't go out much, I don't spend much quality time with my girlfriend, I have a dull life right now. I am her first serious boyfriend, and she is my first serious girlfriend. We have only had sex with each other. We have only been with each other. And it has been 5 years. Ok, so why don't I want to be with her: We just feel so disconnected. I don't enjoy or look forward or even plan to do things with her anymore. I'd rather play games with my friends than watch a movie with her. During the day I work at my computer or game, she sits in the living room working or watching TV. We don't really talk or seem to want to talk. Since moving in, I see her in pyjamas and no makeup 9/10 times. And this sounds horrible but I really don't find her attractive like that. She looks almost like a different person with her makeup on because she has naturally fair hair, so she barely has eyelashes and eyebrows without her makeup on and I don't find it attractive if I'm honest. She has always had problems with her hair being thin, and I have tried to support her with that etc and this sounds really mean but I can't help it, it's the truth, I can't help but notice patches and it turns me off, I'm sorry. Our sex life is not there. She has never been the one to start anything intimate and it has always been a thing, it was always me who had to start us off, it's not that she didn't want to be intimate she just doesn't start it and that's a big deal for me, it makes me feel that she doesn't want to be intimate and we have talked about it dozens of times and she never works on it enough. We have sex like, once a fortnight I'm not even joking. We live together and sleep in the same bed and have sex once a fortnight, and we are 21. That can't be right? I don't find myself wanting to have sex anymore. As dumb as it is, I look more forward to masturbating to porn than real intercourse now. I am so worried about the future and what it holds. I'm a very ambitious guy and I'm stressed all the time about finishing uni, what if I don't get the job I want, what if I'm not successful enough etc. I'm scared of being average I guess. Having to worry about my relationship as well as all this isn't what I need. I'd rather be friends with girls and not have that whole section in my life right now, that's the way it feels. I'm so scared that when I'm 30 I will feel like I chose the wrong girl or didn't do anything with my younger years. I have only slept with my girlfriend to this point at 21 years old. I know the lust for sex shouldn't be a reason to break-up, but is it different when I've only done it with 1 girl? And I don't look forward to doing it with her now? She has problems all the time. For instance the hair thing, her university work stresses her out, when she hears from her mum about her brothers it angers her. I have enough things in my life to be sad about without having her problems leaking into my life as well. Well on the other hand, why do I want to stay with her: We have been together for 5 years, breaking up would be different and tough. Having to move back home wouldn't be the best. I find her attractive when she is actually dressed and has her makeup on which is very rare since we moved in. When we go on holiday it's great and we are happy and I enjoy spending time with her. She is honest and trustworthy, in general she's a nice girl. She is helpful and supportive, keeps the house tidy and things. She is quite ambitious too and is doing a degree to become a photographer so she is interested in her career. I don't really know what else to say, this is a lot shorter than the reasons why I want to break up which makes me feel bad. There are a few factors in breaking-up though. Firstly, we rent together. We would both have to move back to our parents houses which obviously isn't ideal, she doesn't drive so getting to university from her old house would be tough. And she didn't really like living at home, she has a lot of younger brothers that aren't behaved very well and it's not the best atmosphere. Another one is the fact I only have a couple of friends, I am in the same house with her all the time obviously, without her I'd have even less 'friends' and maybe feel even lonelier. I feel so stuck guys, I really need help. I feel sad but it's for multiple reasons but I can't tell how much of it is from my relationship. University work, having no friends, being underweight my whole life, not going out or doing much, being tired all the time. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I would break-up with her when we live together. I've never broken up with someone and the fact we have been together for 5 years would be hard as ****. I am scared to break-up with her because of how she will take it, I'm a coward I'll be honest. I don't know what to do. I really feel I need help. I have no relationship basis to give me an insight on if this is good for me or not. What if it's a mistake and she was better to me than I thought because I haven't had any other relationships to base my ideology from? Like I said I have been having thoughts about breaking up for the past year, but then I have also had thoughts of staying with her. A lot of people will tell me to speak to her and tell her my feelings - but I can't just say I don't know if I want to be with you anymore, and I don't look forward to sex or spending quality time with you. I can't do that? The thing is though, I obviously still love her somewhere. But is that because we've been together for so long and have only had each other? Do I even know what love is? Are we in love? I feel like I need to do it even if it is a huge mistake to learn about relationships and discover if this one was working or not. Otherwise I'll never know. Please help me with your thoughts. Thanks.
kylle Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 The end of this relationship is inevitable, IMO... So do the hard work now, it will save you time and emotional pain. You are young and you're already carrying a ball & chain. You don't have to move back to your parents' house, you can get a roomate to share expenses, same for her.
TexasMan68 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Wow, you already sound like a married couple!! Would love to here here side of the story. Read more postings on here about couples in your situation and you'll get your answer. Hit the infidelity thread..lots of great ones there.
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