CFW Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Huh, I find that rather surprising. I don't know many women who I honestly think would care. I personally am not a drinker (maybe 3 glasses of wine a year at a special occasion). I would likely prefer someone similar to me. It's his and my experience and it really stinks.
markleymassraff Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Ultimately, both drinkers and non-drinkers can be and often are attractive. My ex was a judgmental-of-drinkers non-drinker, and I was still in love with him even though that aspect of him was so square/lame. If a woman doesn't like you because you don't drink or rules you out because you don't drink, it was likely a straw that broke the camel's back (other aspects of you were unappealing to her as well.) Guy I just had an affair with is an absolute drunk, and I was and still am attracted to him too. (I shouldn't say he's an absolute drunk; he drinks a lot, but he was always in his right mind while with me. I just know him to be a heavy drinker...he's even in a rehab program right now.) Anyway, I just set up a date with a guy who suggested drinks, and we are going to have a drink! Even though I think it's okay to be a drinker or non-drinker (as long as if you are the latter, you can be relaxed about drinking and still engaging/social/fun), I prefer people who are on the drinky side. Most people want someone who is about where they are -- and I'm a light social drinker, so....
alphamale Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 -- and I'm a light social drinker, so.... right now you're a light drinker, that can change at any time in the future, to moderate, then heavy, then uncontrollable
MRSR31 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Like I said in my first post, I call these women on the phone to arrange plans, they suggest drinks, and then when I say that I don't drink they tell me over the phone that they're no longer interested. I did have a woman walk out on a date once though. We were having dinner and it was going really well. She was asking questions, flipping her hair, flirting, dropping innuendos, rubbing her foot on my leg, etc.. Plus we were both laughing and having a great time in general. The subject of old jobs comes up and she said she used to be a bartender in college. Then she asked me my favorite drink and I told her I don't drink. She excused herself to go to the restroom and never came back. That makes me ashamed to be a woman. I will comment without knowing your purpose and intent for dating. Most women get that men are not interested in anything serious with a first date f*cker. So the foot rubbing and innuendos indicate to me she wasn't worried about keeping you around for the long haul and further that she was clearly primed and ret to go. She wanted to get loaded and f*ck. Now if you want to have casual sex then don't bother disclosing cuz it serves no purpose except to save you from taking a sip. I am not trying to pressure you to drink just looking down the corridor and offering perspectives from different angles. If you are looking to clique for the longer haul you would be better served to rule out a girl with the propensity for rubbing her smelly foot on your calf under the table after a couple of drinks. She very well could have been drinking prior. You just never know. I do know one thing you are not the first man she has left foot pheromones on. Replay the same scenario minus that girl and insert good stock girl. In the unlikely event she asked such trivia you could say "strictly beer and usually when watching football with the guys." Only a routine daily drinker or weekend warrior would flinch. I didn't source check for this. It is a rough understanding from prior research on the topic. 1% of the population is considered a problem drinker (per the US feds) and this requires a min drink number. Criticized but nonetheless the current DSM criteria. 12% (guesstimate) that doesn't fit the social drinker profile but they don't meet the minimum drink number to be classified as a problem drinker or they do but seem to stay out of legal trouble X% of social drinkers which you would think was the majority who don't drink in the home nor alone and reserve it for social gatherings. These folks have a propensity to abandon the drink rather than slam it before taking off X% (majority according to the WHO) who don't drink at all. Muslim is the reigning religion on the globe which likely accounts for many but not all. The US is a country of boozers comparatively for sure. Point is you have to deal with a lot of people who really love to drink. They want to be around like drinkers so they don't feel awkward or like maybe their drinking is a problem when they loose a shoe or pee their pants. Don't worry and consider these words of wisdom from a man who thought alcohol was etiology of societies ills: “If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ..." Bob Marley Peace.
preraph Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 It shouldn't be that big of a deal once you're a little older. That mostly goes on at a younger age. But meanwhile, on your profiles, put it right out there and I'm sure there are women who'd be happy to see that.
MRSR31 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Why can't he have what he chooses? but it's typical. I get a lemonade and she makes fun of it. I'm not telling you what to drink so why make him compromise? I do not drink either. Duly noted. I was playing devils advocate. But I will say that kind of inflexibility can be problematic. That he has an option to put liquor to lips to blend is considered by some a luxury. Alcohol is a chemical that our bodies are quite equipped to deal with in small quantity. In the search for love my proposition offers two benefits a.) he avoids getting red flagged as an inflexible authoritarian with an axe to grind with or without a history that conjures up unsavory images in the mind of the lady sitting across from him (for the record I happen to believe this line of thinking although held by the majority is counterintuitive when looking for love) while b.) giving his guest the option to take the edge off of a first meeting the good old American way. It's an odd solution but to me so is her issue.
markleymassraff Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 right now you're a light drinker, that can change at any time in the future, to moderate, then heavy, then uncontrollable I suppose that's true. It has remained at the social drinking level my whole adult life though, and I've been alive...well, not that long, but I'm not in my 20s either. I also go for stretches of no drinking at all.
dcannon Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Why is this such a big deal to women? It cracks me up when I get asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or a Mormon..LOL i experimented with alcohol when I was younger, but the taste never did anything for me. Also, since health and fitness is really important to me, it's a personal choice to avoid drinking. It's always been an issue. But lately it's been down right frustrating. Have pulled several numbers for HOT women online. I call to arrange the first meet and they suggest drinks. I let them know I don't drink, and then they say that it isn't going to work. Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over. It's called "plausible deniability." As in, she doesn't have to take responsibility for her sexual behavior if she is/was drunk. "Oh, I was so drunk (and so was he)."
DoesntGetIt Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Haha.. I'm a bit difficult when it comes to first meets. I don't drink coffee or alcohol. I also don't drink soda. Send me your women, I'll send you mine. I was very shy growing up. I've managed it quite a bit, but sometimes it holds me back slightly. I like to meet for drinks because even 1 drink is typically enough to erase the bit of shyness getting in my way while not having much of any other effect. Yet every time I go to setup a date through online dating, I suggest drinks and they come back with coffee, or brunch, or something else that isn't drinks. I also don't drink coffee, but I'll still agree to meet for coffee and order a hot chocolate or something else. At the same time I never respond to the coffee suggestion with " I don't drink coffee". 1
CFW Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Duly noted. I was playing devils advocate. But I will say that kind of inflexibility can be problematic. That he has an option to put liquor to lips to blend is considered by some a luxury. Alcohol is a chemical that our bodies are quite equipped to deal with in small quantity. In the search for love my proposition offers two benefits a.) he avoids getting red flagged as an inflexible authoritarian with an axe to grind with or without a history that conjures up unsavory images in the mind of the lady sitting across from him (for the record I happen to believe this line of thinking although held by the majority is counterintuitive when looking for love) while b.) giving his guest the option to take the edge off of a first meeting the good old American way. It's an odd solution but to me so is her issue. Not interested in alcohol and drinking something which costs upwards of ten dollars and tastes like crap doesn't take any edge off.
kenmore Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) I'm not going to read this whole thread, it's just too long, but my opinion: Some people (most) like to drink. some do not. I like to drink, my brother and sister do not. My mom used to like to drink (not excessively) and my dad did not. In general, if you don't drink religiously (and I use that term not to indicate you don't for religious reasons, but just to indicate you take it seriously), then you most likely will not be well off dating a woman who drinks. Especially if it's more than occasionally. Sorry to say, you are in the minority and your female choices are very limited. May I ask if you are religious? Is it strong in you? If so, would that cause you to reject a woman who is of a different faith? If so, you may be getting a taste of what it's like. Also, you being a stalwart non-drinker will also have exception to a woman who drinks at all. Long story short, those with super tight restrictions on what they believe in severely limit who they can be with. While there are so many women in the world, we can all relate to how as we just look at others, we classify them. One is not the type you want, and you just know by a glance. One is good in some ways, but not others. another is perfect, except for that one fatal flaw. In your case, drinking may be that fatal flaw very easily, while otherwise a woman would be perfect. You are who you are, and that makes you perfect in the eyes of creation. Be happy with that. That said, you will have your consequences and you must live with them. I will never date a non-drinker nor an overly religious woman. I know they will not work for me. But the more picky you are, the more difficult it will be. Just pick your battles and bend on the rest. If non-drinking is your front-line, be less harsh on those that don't matter to you as much. You will find your perfect mate, and be sure to put "definitely don't drink" in your online profile! That phrase steered me off as many women as "go to church three times a week"! Best of luck to you! Ken Edited March 7, 2015 by kenmore
Maleficent Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 ask any doctor and they will tell you that alcoholism is a disease as are heroin, pcp, cocaine, crack, meth, etc... Abuse of substance actually falls under psychopathology which studies mental illnesses. But along with eating disorders(which also fall in the psychopathology category) I would agree with mightypca it is more a compulsion that an illness. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Non drinkers are in the minority big time. Especially if you're in your 30s or younger.
smackie9 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Non drinkers are in the minority big time. Especially if you're in your 30s or younger. And virgins too.......
smackie9 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 And as it was pointed out earlier.....it's not the fact you are a non-drinker.....it's your defensive attitude is turning them and us off. "I don't drink".....does come off as condescending, and judgmental. 1
beach Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I don't drink alcohol. It's not something I feel needs to be discussed up front. IF we are meeting for drinks - I go and simply order club soda and a lime. Why would anyone care what I'm drinking? Just order a damn drink and be social. 2
katiegrl Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I don't drink alcohol. It's not something I feel needs to be discussed up front. IF we are meeting for drinks - I go and simply order club soda and a lime. Why would anyone care what I'm drinking? Just order a damn drink and be social. Exactly! Now "that" is the attitude!! :) 1
NGC1300 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Why is this such a big deal to women? It cracks me up when I get asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or a Mormon..LOL i experimented with alcohol when I was younger, but the taste never did anything for me. Also, since health and fitness is really important to me, it's a personal choice to avoid drinking. It's always been an issue. But lately it's been down right frustrating. Have pulled several numbers for HOT women online. I call to arrange the first meet and they suggest drinks. I let them know I don't drink, and then they say that it isn't going to work. Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over. I don't drink either, but LOL at a couple drinks here and there interfering with health and fitness.
smackie9 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 The open minded one isn't you. why can't a guy choose if he drinks or doesn't. It's nothing short of bullying of non drinkers and why should we have to explain? Ordering lemonade makes me evil? Really? Asking a simple question is not bullying. I would most certainly ask because I grew up with an alcoholic mother, and if the reason was because they had a problem with alcohol I wouldn't be interested in pursuing things any further.
NGC1300 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Non drinkers are in the minority big time. Especially if you're in your 30s or younger. And yet if I smoke weed I can be judged negatively, because preferring the buzz of alcohol makes them morally superior to those who prefer the buzz of something else.
NGC1300 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 It's called "plausible deniability." As in, she doesn't have to take responsibility for her sexual behavior if she is/was drunk. "Oh, I was so drunk (and so was he)." When my ex admitted to cheating, she wanted to stay with me, and said she was drunk at the time as an excuse. Oh really? So I guess you're saying you were RAPED then, right?
smackie9 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I don't drink alcohol. It's not something I feel needs to be discussed up front. IF we are meeting for drinks - I go and simply order club soda and a lime. Why would anyone care what I'm drinking? Just order a damn drink and be social. Yes this^^^^ such a simple thing....... positive attitude!
alphamale Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Non drinkers are in the minority big time. Especially if you're in your 30s or younger. it's funny that both alcohol and cigarettes are legal and are two of the most destructive substance known to man
smackie9 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I didn't drink for about 4 years (in my early 20's) because it was making feel me sick. I never got "bullied", and I didn't get offended when asked why. Sure there we times when they would say, just have one.....I wouldn't get all pissy about it....just told them I wish I could, but no can't. No big deal. I still went to clubs and parties and enjoyed myself. TBH no one really seem to care. I still think your problem lies with your attitude. 1
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