katiegrl Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 In the post I quoted, he said he doesn't contact women who say they like going to wine tastings. I'm assuming that's from an OLD profile. Oops sorry I forgot that...my bad. You're right.. 1
Maleficent Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Oops sorry I forgot that...my bad. You're right.. Well duh!
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) Let's see, you don't date women who go wine tasting,. If a woman loves to go wine tasting, it stems to reason that she'll want to do that with the guy she's with. While designated drivers are always in demand, I doubt she wants to go on a wine tasting trip where she's the only one drinking. Haha So avoiding women that like to go wine tasting has nothing to do with her drinking. It has to do with her wanting a guy that she can wine taste with. Edited March 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365
katiegrl Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 If a woman loves to go wine tasting, it stems to reason that she'll want to do that with the guy she's with. While designated drivers are always in demand, I doubt she wants to go on a wine tasting trip where she's the only one drinking. Haha So avoiding women that like to go wine tasting has nothing to do with her drinking. It has to do with her wanting a guy that she can wine taste with. That's just not true. I love wine tastings and go often. My boyfriend hates them, he's a beer drinker... Different strokes and all that.... 1
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 If a woman loves to go wine tasting, it stems to reason that she'll want to do that with the guy she's with. While designated drivers are always in demand, I doubt she wants to go on a wine tasting trip where she's the only one drinking. Haha That's true & as far as long term compatibility goes you two may not be on the same page. As for the very 1st meet . . . show up in a bar & have a non-alcoholic drink. Then after meeting you can assess, whether there is potential for a 2nd date, long term compatibility. All I'm suggesting is that you start there to avoid the initial rejection . . . although as somebody pointed out anybody who says no immediately might not be worth the time of day. I don't drink when I have to drive. That said, even if I were in a position to meet somebody for a 1st meet in a city or someplace I could walk home, if I suggested a bar & they said they didn't drink, I would either change the location or say something like "I don't care but would you mind? I feel comfortable at xyz bar because it's well lit & public. [As a woman I probably already know the bartender so I would feel like somebody was looking out for me when I met a stranger] So for safety, can you come & have a soda or coffee, unless it would bother you to see me drink."
Haydn Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Life without beer..... A large `Rogan josh` without been washed down by 5 Cobra beers, not doable. But i have nothing against people who don`t drink. They are always the designated driver! It`s Friday night! But OP, nothing wrong in not drinking. No idea why a date would find it odd.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) BUT I do drink, especially beer. It's a big part of my life, and is a big part of my social circle. And as compatibility thing, they would have to enjoy beer as much as I do. Tasting different beers, going to establishments that have specialty beers...I want someone that can share that experience with me. This post proves my point and that's why I avoid women that like to wine taste. It has nothing to do with her drinking, I could care less about people drinking in front of me. It has to do with her realistically wanting a guy she can experience it with. That's just not true. I love wine tastings and go often. My boyfriend hates them, he's a beer drinker... Different strokes and all that.... Come on Katie. You don't think that a woman would get bored at wine tastings with a non drinker? The whole point of going to wine tastings, is to wine taste. Granted the scenery is great and it's a good chance to relax. But in the end, I'm just trying to be a realist. Edited March 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365
katiegrl Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 This post proves my point and that's why I avoid women that like to wine taste. It has nothing to do with her drinking, I could care less about people drinking in front of me. It has to do with her realistically wanting a guy she can experience it with. Come on Katie. You don't think that a woman would get bored at wine tastings with a non drinker? The whole point of going to wine tastings, is to wine taste. Granted the scenery is great and it's a good chance to relax. But in the end, I'm just trying to be a realist. Wha? Where did I say I would attend a wine tasting with a non drinker? I said my boyfriend hates them cause he's a beer drinker. So I go with my friends, he does not share that activity with me...and I am perfectly fine with that...and so is he. We're not joined at the hip, we have separate interests and enjoy different activities. But we also share the same interests too...it all balances out. 2
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 Wha? Where did I say I would attend a wine tasting with a non drinker? I said my boyfriend hates them cause he's a beer drinker. So I go with my friends, he does not share that activity with me...and I am perfectly fine with that...and so is he. We're not joined at the hip, we have separate interests and enjoy different activities. But we also share the same interests too...it all balances out. I actually like that you're independent and can have separate interests away from your BF. This tells me that you're not a co-dependent and have a healthy dating mindset. I'm independent as well and like when there is room to do your own thing. But dating is a numbers game and you have to play the percentages. Realistically, more women than not would want a guy they can wine taste with. So that's my mindset with it.
Gary S Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Who cares what another person drinks, or whether they drink alcohol or not? As long as they are not a rowdy drunk, it's not a problem. If they don't drink because they were an alcoholic, just make sure they have been sober a couple of years.... but most non-drinkers simply don't drink because they prefer something else. It's not a problem. Actually, telling someone you don't drink might be a good way to weed out high maintenance peeps. And if they nag if you drink or smoke, dating people without the vice is not the answer... if the person is a nag or a control freak, they will simply find something else to nag about. The answer is to not date nags and control freaks. Let's see, you don't date women who go wine tasting, or women who have tiny dogs or more than two cats. I may be totally off base, but as a completely casual observer, it almost sounds like you're letting your preconceived notions of what all those things "mean" keep you from meeting some potentially great women. It's good to have standards, but these seem out there. - Sounds like OP might be a little high maintenance
MissBee Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) Like I said in my first post, I call these women on the phone to arrange plans, they suggest drinks, and then when I say that I don't drink they tell me over the phone that they're no longer interested. I did have a woman walk out on a date once though. We were having dinner and it was going really well. She was asking questions, flipping her hair, flirting, dropping innuendos, rubbing her foot on my leg, etc.. Plus we were both laughing and having a great time in general. The subject of old jobs comes up and she said she used to be a bartender in college. Then she asked me my favorite drink and I told her I don't drink. She excused herself to go to the restroom and never came back. Not to laugh but that's a funny story. Since it isn't a religious reason, I think maybe you should say it more casually and less three words period: "I don't drink." From what you're saying, someone offers to go get drinks and you say "I don't drink" it just comes off very firm and like you actually have something fundamental against it....and if that's how it seems, then for someone who doesn't mind drinking they may feel you are either religious, uptight or something they don't want. It's not necessarily that they are a raging alcoholic who has to have everyone around them drinking but it's most likely the way you say it doesn't leave room for explanation of why not and doesn't sound casual, like oh I just don't like alcohol, but could come off a lot more rigid. Or they maybe assume you're a recovering alcoholic and that raises different objections for them. My ex boyfriend was not a big drinker. He rarely drank, but never once announced "I don't drink." I think he might have ordered a beer on our first date while I had a cocktail and he mentioned casually "I'm not a big drinker. I rarely drink, I don't like the taste." No big deal. During our relationship, except for a hard cider I introduced him to that he liked, he never drank, but if offered a beer at a get together he'd just take it and sip it to be polite or sometimes would say he was fine, it was never a big deal. If I was ordering drinks that first date though and he had just said "I don't drink" it would have come off a lot differently and more rigid. Similarly, I have one friend who doesn't drink, it's also not a big deal. It's probably a little awkward for her that most birthday plans or hang outs include drinks and people assume everyone drinks, it's social lube, so will ask why she's not drinking or offer her a drink and she declines, but nevertheless she also doesn't just say "I don't drink." She usually comes and orders a soft drink or virgin cocktail and no one asks about it. You could have also done similar, you could have agreed to meet at the bar but order something virgin and in casual conversation just mention you're not a big drinker, you never acquired the taste. I can almost bet that that will go over a lot better than you simply declaring from jump, with no explanation, "I don't drink." How you say it does make a big difference. There is a finality, inflexibility, and unfortunately many might hear a sound of a high horse if you just say "I don't drink" versus either accepting the date, ordering something non-alcoholic and saying casually "I'm not much of a drinker, just never acquired the taste, but I don't mind other people drinking, it's not anything religious, just don't like it..." or something more casual, that explains it more and also lets the person know you don't mind if they do. "I don't drink" offers no such room and makes it very easy for someone to assume you are religious, do it on moral grounds, despise it in others, or are a recovering alcoholic who can't drink. Edited March 6, 2015 by MissBee
alphamale Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Why is this such a big deal to women? It cracks me up when I get asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or a Mormon..LOL i experimented with alcohol when I was younger, but the taste never did anything for me. Also, since health and fitness is really important to me, it's a personal choice to avoid drinking. It's always been an issue. But lately it's been down right frustrating. Have pulled several numbers for HOT women online. I call to arrange the first meet and they suggest drinks. I let them know I don't drink, and then they say that it isn't going to work. Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over. men who don't drink are considered square, just tell them that your a recoverring alcoholic and are in AA
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) men who don't drink are considered square, just tell them that your a recoverring alcoholic and are in AA Haha.. This cracked me up man. Better to be an ex alcoholic then someone who doesn't dink. But in all seriousness, don't like the idea of starting things out on a lie. Here's something else that's funny. My two closest friends don't drink either. My best friend moved back east so I only get to see him 1-2x a year. Before he met his latest girlfriend of six months, he would order milk in bars on first dates to be funny. Then my other friend is a trainer like me and avoids alcohol for the same reasons I do. But now that he's been in a relationship for the last 8 months, I barely ever seen him anymore. Hence why I'm way more of a homebody then I used to be. I've always had the mindset that when you're in a relationship, you always make time for family and friends too. But when he dates a woman, he becomes all consumed..LOL Edited March 6, 2015 by fitnessfan365
1040 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Well it's not like they advertise on their profiles that they don't date non drinkers. Do you put in your profile that you don't drink? If so, you might mention that it's not for any other reason other than you don't like the taste. Don't want them thinking you are alcoholic if you aren't. 1
katiegrl Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I actually like that you're independent and can have separate interests away from your BF. This tells me that you're not a co-dependent and have a healthy dating mindset. I'm independent as well and like when there is room to do your own thing. But dating is a numbers game and you have to play the percentages. Realistically, more women than not would want a guy they can wine taste with. So that's my mindset with it. I have an idea! Why not judge each girl individually ... instead of pre-judging all of them assuming most/all of them would want a guy to share that activity with them...so why bother meeting them at all? You might be surprised at how many of us "independent" girls are out there. And since you prefer independent girls anyway, what do you have to lose by at least meeting them and discovering what they're about? As individuals! Before you write them off. Just a thought.... 3
rester Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Drinking is just as much a lifestyle choice as anything, and I can understand why people would choose to not date someone that is staunchly a non-drinker if it doesn't fit in with their lifestyle. I think the OP needs to accept that he's an outlier in the western world as a non-drinker, and he doesn't need the type of woman in his life that will judge him for it or have a problem with it. I've been a vegetarian man for over 20 years, and I accept the fact that I'm also an outlier and that people may judge me for it, although I've found that people online really love to hate on vegetarians and have never found this to be the case in my personal life whatsoever. Militant, judgmental people suck on either side. I've found that if I respect other people's eating choices, which I do, they mostly respect mine. Many of my closest buddies are avid hunters and I respect that more than anything because they are more than willing to do the dirty work and they understand exactly what happens when animals are killed and butchered. My girlfriend eats meat in front of me all the time, and it doesn't bother me any more than my vegetarian meal bothers her. Any lifestyle choice has it's judgmental vocal minority whether they are vegetarians, vegans, non-drinkers, church-goers, etc., and it's unfortunate that people can't separate the judgmental people from the lifestyle choice itself. My dietary habits have never once been an issue with my personal relationships, although I don't preach it to everyone I meet. I think the OP needs to either be a little more flexible and/or date women with similar lifestyle choices/habits as his own. 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 I have an idea! Why not judge each girl individually ... instead of pre-judging all of them assuming most/all of them would want a guy to share that activity with them...so why bother meeting them at all? You might be surprised at how many of us "independent" girls are out there. And since you prefer independent girls anyway, what do you have to lose by at least meeting them and discovering what they're about? As individuals! Before you write them off. Just a thought.... Haha.. You're really feisty. Definitely an attractive trait. But look at it this way. When a woman puts that she likes to wine taste on her dating profile, wouldn't it stem to reason that she's trying to meet a guy with that same interest? The whole point of a dating profile is to try and attract people with similar interests that you're compatible with. Also, I have contacted women in the past that like to wine taste because they had other qualities I liked. In the initial email I'd include "Since you like to wine taste, would you ever date a non drinker?" They've all said no and that they want a guy to wine taste with. So past experience is another reason why I've developed that mindset.
soyou Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Hahahaha. OP, I'm exactly like you these days. No alcohol, no soft drinks, no coffee at all due to gym and training/ personal preference. My trick is to order a "soft alcohol" like processco, wine, or cocktail and order a water next to this. I'll pretend to sip a bit of the alcohol here and there a bit. If my date asks me why I didn't finish my drink, I'll just say "I'm on a special training so I cant drink much". I get away with this every single time. I think the most important thing here is not how much you can drink but the nicety of drinking together.
alphamale Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I'm an ex-alcoholic. I took my last drink on Dec 02 of 2014 so i've been sober for more than 3 months. I also quit smoking on the same day. I feel great. No more alcohol or cigarettes for me, ever. 1
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 But look at it this way. When a woman puts that she likes to wine taste on her dating profile, wouldn't it stem to reason that she's trying to meet a guy with that same interest? You are being narrow minded. No it does not mean she is looking for someone to go wine tasting with her!! Does every guy gym training wants a girl to follow him at the gym? When someone is nit picking the way you are it's because they're not ready to meet.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 You are being narrow minded. No it does not mean she is looking for someone to go wine tasting with her!! Does every guy gym training wants a girl to follow him at the gym? When someone is nit picking the way you are it's because they're not ready to meet. Not nit picking. Being realistic. I've written women in the past that like to wine taste. I'd ask "I notice on your profile that you like to wine taste, so would you ever date a non drinker?" They all responded with "No, I'd like a guy who could go wine tasting with me." Once you hear this enough times, it's easy to draw that conclusion. So that's why I stopped approaching women that like to wine taste online.
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Not nit picking. Being realistic. I've written women in the past that like to wine taste. I'd ask "I notice on your profile that you like to wine taste, so would you ever date a non drinker?" They all responded with "No, I'd like a guy who could go wine tasting with me." Once you hear this enough times, it's easy to draw that conclusion. So that's why I stopped approaching women that like to wine taste online. You hear that enough times! where do you live, France? 1
1040 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Why does the subject of alcohol have to come up before you have even met in person? She is going to want to meet somewhere public for the first time; why not a bar? You can order OJ in a bar. If she asks why no alcohol, tell her you don't like it much, which happens to be the truth. By that time, she may like you and not care. Why is this a problem? There is also non-alcoholic beer, and it is getting better all the time. You can still get a hangover from it, though. Learned that the hard way.
sportygirl89 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I dated a guy who didn't drink. It was a little strange. I felt like he was judging me for drinking. He told me he'd rather be the DD for people, but I also felt like he was pointing finger back at me. I'm in a stressful degree (in the health care field) and on occasion I like to knock a drink back with some friends to relax. I typically would not mind. But I do have an issue if the person starts judging me. I was with another guy who did not mind that I did not drink (he did not drink since he was in the military--that it self was extremely odd to me) But as long as I am respected. I do not care if the person does or does not drink. Just extremely hard to be with someone who does not (more than likely they will judge at some point).
NJ123 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Honestly, I'd prefer a woman who doesn't drink or rarely drinks. I rarely drink myself, but if she was a heavy drinker & wanted to go out with her friends & get wasted, than who knows what would happen if I'm not there if she doesn't know what she's doing when drunk. Not worth the headaches to date someone that loves to drink a lot.
Recommended Posts