Not drinking alcohol

[Auspecial]

Tbf, while an avid coffee drinker, I do that. I drink coffee and water only, then alcohol sometimes. My Dad used to hate being in a pub and ordering water (and not a Coke or something when I was young). And I've been a few times with one other person who is having a pint and I'm on water. It's only as awkward as you (and the other person I guess) make it. But fair enough if it isn't for you, and you do offer an alternative that isn't high pressure.

 

On another note, I'm a vegetarian but don't demand my dates are haha. That would rather limit the pool!

 

 

 

I have no problem ordering non-alcoholic drinks when I want. I do like wine, but there are lots of times that its not a good time to drink. Plenty of times, I order a glass of wine and a glass of water. Many times, just the water.

[ASG]

So it wasn't so much that he didn't drink, but his judgmental and condescending attitude about your drinking that bothered you??

 

Not all people who don't drink have that type of attitude.....only judgmental and condescending people (in general) have that attitude.

 

Well, yes, but it's just easier if you cut it out altogether.

 

Just like I prefer to date smokers like myself. Every single time I dated a non smoker, at some point they would start nagging me about it, even though they went into the relationship knowing full well I was a smoker.

 

I just prefer to not have to deal with that at all

[katiegrl]

Well, yes, but it's just easier if you cut it out altogether.

 

Just like I prefer to date smokers like myself. Every single time I dated a non smoker, at some point they would start nagging me about it, even though they went into the relationship knowing full well I was a smoker.

 

I just prefer to not have to deal with that at all

 

Fair enough..we all have our dealbreakers.

 

Ironically, one of my dealbreakers is when a man *does* smoke.

 

My mom smoked for 20 years and eventually died from breast and lung cancer so that's probably why I feel that way.

[markleymassraff]

Being a social drinker who hangs with both non-drinkers and drinkers, I can understand your frustration but also why you're not all that attractive to drinkers. There was a time that I didn't drink at all either and thought...why is being a non-drinker so "unsexy" to people..why does it have to mean that you don't know how to have fun?

 

Yet, it's somewhat true that most of the people I know who don't drink AT ALL -- like would order water at a bar -- ...are relatively stiff and boring and/or uptight compared to those who are at least social drinkers.

 

My last serious boyfriend didn't drink at all, and I was still in love with him, but it was a sore point sometimes between me and him that he couldn't even just have a single drink to be social at outings. My most recent involvement (not a boyfriend, but an affair), at the other extreme, is an alcoholic.

 

I think it's just sexy to be able to have a drink here and there. It relaxes you and says you're not overly puritanical.

[markleymassraff]

Well, yes, but it's just easier if you cut it out altogether.

 

Just like I prefer to date smokers like myself. Every single time I dated a non smoker, at some point they would start nagging me about it, even though they went into the relationship knowing full well I was a smoker.

 

I just prefer to not have to deal with that at all

 

I recently had an affair with a heavy smoker (and I am a non-smoker). I honestly didn't mind his smoking, and I didn't even think kissing him was "gross" like some people think of kissing smokers. I don't know how it was/is the case, but his kissing taste is just fine even though he smokes a lot.

 

At one point, he told me that he had no intention of quitting smoking ever and that he'd probably die young but that was the way it was. He said this as if to say to me, "don't think you can change me like some other women have thought." He didn't say it as rudely as what it probably sounds. In fact, it was conveyed in a very natural, organic, non-hostile way. It was almost like he was warning me.

 

The thing is, I honestly wouldn't have expected him to stop smoking. Ever. I know that's hard to believe, but I wouldn't. I would just accept that he was a smoker when I met him and that was that. It would be bad of me to try to change it.

 

I hear you on not wanting to date non-smokers though.

[katiegrl]

Being a social drinker who hangs with both non-drinkers and drinkers, I can understand your frustration but also why you're not all that attractive to drinkers. There was a time that I didn't drink at all either and thought...why is being a non-drinker so "unsexy" to people..why does it have to mean that you don't know how to have fun?

 

Yet, it's somewhat true that most of the people I know who don't drink AT ALL -- like would order water at a bar -- ...are relatively stiff and boring and/or uptight compared to those who are at least social drinkers.

 

My last serious boyfriend didn't drink at all, and I was still in love with him, but it was a sore point sometimes between me and him that he couldn't even just have a single drink to be social at outings. My most recent involvement (not a boyfriend, but an affair), at the other extreme, is an alcoholic.

 

I think it's just sexy to be able to have a drink here and there. It relaxes you and says you're not overly puritanical.

 

I mostly agree ... but would also like to add...a lot of social interaction/dating involves being comfortable AND making the other person feel comfortable...and being flexible.

 

Okay, you don't drink, I get that. But refusing to meet a woman at a local pub for example because YOU don't drink alcohol is rigid and inflexible IMO.. It indicates a "my way or the highway" type of attitude which is never attractive.

 

Pubs are casual, there is music, other people to interact with (great way to get to know someone is to see how they interact with strangers)...and again IMO how difficult would it be to sip Perrier with lime while getting to know each other?

 

And refusing to even meet a woman cause she enjoys wine tasting??? Really?

[mightycpa]

Why is this such a big deal to women?

 

It cracks me up when I get asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or a Mormon..LOL i experimented with alcohol when I was younger, but the taste never did anything for me. Also, since health and fitness is really important to me, it's a personal choice to avoid drinking.

 

It's always been an issue. But lately it's been down right frustrating. Have pulled several numbers for HOT women online. I call to arrange the first meet and they suggest drinks. I let them know I don't drink, and then they say that it isn't going to work. Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over.

 

I'll throw out a guess. People who don't drink are wrapped a little too tight for people who do.

 

The possibilities are:

 

• Alcoholic
  
• Relative of Alcoholic
  
• Strictly religious
  
• Lack of self-control
  
• Health nut
  
• Social statement
  

I suppose there are more.

 

Women probably wonder about your lack of ability to moderate, and they are suspicious of being judged for their drinking. Besides, unless you're an alcoholic, drinking alcohol is a social activity. You don't do much of it alone. How fun would it be to date someone who doesn't/won't enjoy this frequent activity with you?

 

I think it might be as simple as birds of a feather should flock together.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the rejection. They're probably doing you a favor.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

From a guy's point of view, its weird when someone else won't partake in a casual drink or two.

 

You don't like the taste? You realize there are almost infinite different kinds of alcohol of all different flavors, I refuse to believe that you don't like the taste of any of them.

 

From what I can tell the vast majority of the population are social drinkers and enjoy having a couple once in a while - if you are dry, you're missing out on sharing that with a LOT of people.

 

Now if you're a recovering alcoholic who can't drink in moderation - that is another story.

[SawtoothMars]

Why is this such a big deal to women?

It cracks me up when I get asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or a Mormon..LOL i experimented with alcohol when I was younger, but the taste never did anything for me. Also, since health and fitness is really important to me, it's a personal choice to avoid drinking.

It's always been an issue. But lately it's been down right frustrating. Have pulled several numbers for HOT women online. I call to arrange the first meet and they suggest drinks. I let them know I don't drink, and then they say that it isn't going to work. Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over.

 

I had a period where I was a raging alcoholic... although very functional. I decided to quit when it started affecting my work.

 

I noticed that when dating younger women if I went out for drinks and just ordered water... they thought I was some cheap bastard. Two of them in particular mentioned that drinking and fun were very intertwined. Since that is the kind of lady who would likely bring out the worst in me... I declined to date them again.

 

So, I would say that they probably see you as boring because they have an unhealthy view of alcohol.

 

ff365,

I'd mention it in the first conversation before you even go on a date.

I am a vegetarian and always told guys before I met them to see if they had any issues about it. Needless to say I didn't date any butchers or fishmerchants....

 

Ugh... you never have to ask people if they are vegetarians. They will usually tell you at the first available opportunity.

 

I can tell vegetarian men by sight, because most look like long term chemo patients. The only reason I can't say the same for women is because I've met some very obese vegetarian women.

[markleymassraff]

I mostly agree ... but would also like to add...a lot of social interaction/dating involves being comfortable AND making the other person feel comfortable...and being flexible.

 

Okay, you don't drink, I get that. But refusing to meet a woman at a local pub for example because YOU don't drink alcohol is rigid and inflexible IMO.. It indicates a "my way or the highway" type of attitude which is never attractive.

 

Pubs are casual, there is music, other people to interact with (great way to get to know someone is to see how they interact with strangers)...and again IMO how difficult would it be to sip Perrier with lime while getting to know each other?

 

And refusing to even meet a woman cause she enjoys wine tasting??? Really?

 

Agree. Flexibility is what is really attractive. If a guy is a non-drinker but doesn't act holier-than-thou or all shame-shame about other people drinking, that's fine. It's the ones who give you these "you are hurting your health" looks or "that's so bad for you" attitudes that are annoying.

 

I have a male friend (actually we're not that close anymore) who is a non-drinker who is like what I described above. He has decent social skills but only if he is around other puritanical people like himself.

 

And yeah, people need to not be rigid. Someone liking X, Y, or Z isn't always some "indicator" of what they are like overall. For instance, i'm a wine drinker. But I'm not sophisticated at all. I'm not elegant. I'm not some "fine living" sort of person. In fact, I'm sort of ghetto in some ways. I curse. I wear my makeup a little slutty. My liking wine doesn't make me some uppity refined person. Although...I don't go to wine tastings. Idk.

[smackie9]

Drinking is a lifestyle. Just like people who smoke, or smoke pot, etc.

 

I would never date someone who smokes, or smokes pot.....not into that lifestyle.

 

BUT I do drink, especially beer. It's a big part of my life, and is a big part of my social circle. And as compatibility thing, they would have to enjoy beer as much as I do. Tasting different beers, going to establishments that have specialty beers...I want someone that can share that experience with me.

[smackie9]

Oh and I would never date a vegan/vegetarian. I like vegetables, but next to my blue steak.

[mightycpa]

i'm a wine drinker. But I'm not sophisticated at all. I'm not elegant. I'm not some "fine living" sort of person. In fact, I'm sort of ghetto in some ways. I curse. I wear my makeup a little slutty. My liking wine doesn't make me some uppity refined person. Although...I don't go to wine tastings.

 

Imagine meeting a cursing, unsophisticated, inelegant, unrefined, slutty-looking ghetto chick at a wine tasting!

 

One can always dream....

 

You should go to a couple. I think you'd enjoy yourself.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Oh and I would never date a vegan/vegetarian. I like vegetables, but next to my blue steak.

 

I'd date a vegetarian, I wouldn't be THRILLED about it though... Now a Vegan on the other hand would drive me bonkers.

[markleymassraff]

I have dated a guy who was a pescetarian. And another who was not a vegetarian or vegan but was still kinda health-conscious, always saying he ate meat only twice or three times that week. they were both annoying as f*ck. lol - sort of. The former was, for sure.

 

Overall, I like guys who are meat eaters. My last two involvements were meat eaters, and I just thought they were cooler to know and just cooler in general. Mind you, I'm a very progressive person and love animals (guess I don't love them THAT much though, heh), but when it comes to romantic attraction, all social conscience just doesn't come into play. I like dudes who eat meat and are all like...f*ck it, i'm a meat eater.

[Maleficent]

Why is this such a big deal to women?

 

It cracks me up when I get asked if I'm a recovering alcoholic, or a Mormon..LOL i experimented with alcohol when I was younger, but the taste never did anything for me. Also, since health and fitness is really important to me, it's a personal choice to avoid drinking.

 

It's always been an issue. But lately it's been down right frustrating. Have pulled several numbers for HOT women online. I call to arrange the first meet and they suggest drinks. I let them know I don't drink, and then they say that it isn't going to work. Seems like such a lame reason to reject someone over.

 

Interesting. I didn't drink during my twenties and I got so sick and tired of people not understanding it was a personal choice I wanted to say it was because I used to be an alcoholic...I figured it would at least make people stop insisting I have a drink...

 

Then I went Italy lol

 

I get what you're saying though. Since I started weightlifting I haven't been drinking much if at all.

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Dudes gotta get that protein or you'll have chicken legs and arms

[Maleficent]

Haha.. Well it's not like they advertise on their profiles that they don't date non drinkers. It's something that you find out when it comes up in conversation.

 

One thing I will do though, is I avoid contacting a woman that likes to go wine tasting. Shame too because I've come across women that have a lot of great qualities that just happen to love wine tasting. The most creative rejection I ever got due to alcohol was a woman said she only dated men that enjoyed Bacchus' Bounty.

 

So you are annoyed when people reject you for not drinking but you find it perfectly acceptable to reject someone who drinks?

 

Interesting...

[ASG]

I recently had an affair with a heavy smoker (and I am a non-smoker). I honestly didn't mind his smoking, and I didn't even think kissing him was "gross" like some people think of kissing smokers. I don't know how it was/is the case, but his kissing taste is just fine even though he smokes a lot.

 

At one point, he told me that he had no intention of quitting smoking ever and that he'd probably die young but that was the way it was. He said this as if to say to me, "don't think you can change me like some other women have thought." He didn't say it as rudely as what it probably sounds. In fact, it was conveyed in a very natural, organic, non-hostile way. It was almost like he was warning me.

 

The thing is, I honestly wouldn't have expected him to stop smoking. Ever. I know that's hard to believe, but I wouldn't. I would just accept that he was a smoker when I met him and that was that. It would be bad of me to try to change it.

 

I hear you on not wanting to date non-smokers though.

 

Even as a smoker, sometimes, some smokers breath are just too vile. It's most likely a mix of already bad breath and the smoking.

The guy I've been seeing is a much heavier smoker than I am. It doesn't bother me at all, even when I haven't even smoked yet.

 

The non smokers I dated started trying to "ease me" into not smoking... like requesting I didn't smoke while wth them, or to not smoke that one cigarette or something... It starts to grate.

 

As for the non drinkers... I don't think that it is that they don't know how to have fun... But when you're not drinking, you're on a different level than the people who ARE drinking. And it can become quite boring, as everyone reaches the point of drunkenness, to be the sober one.

[smackie9]

If you are into fitness and good healthy, then date a woman that is into fitness and good health...obviously she probably drinks very little if at all. Since it's a big part of your life, why wouldn't you look for someone who is the same?

[smackie9]

But when you're not drinking, you're on a different level than the people who ARE drinking. And it can become quite boring, as everyone reaches the point of drunkenness, to be the sober one.

 

This^^^^^^^^^

[markleymassraff]

Yeah, I would say that however much fun you think you are even without drinking, you're that much more fun when drinking. You don't have to think of it as a shortcoming; it's just the truth that drinking relaxes you and makes you a bit more fun and uninhibited than you would otherwise be. I think I'm better at sex when drinking also. I think I'm uninhibited without it too (or I try to be anyway), but just that much more so after drinking.

Edited March 6, 2015 by markleymassraff

[katiegrl]

So you are annoyed when people reject you for not drinking but you find it perfectly acceptable to reject someone who drinks?

 

Interesting...

 

I don't think he ever said he rejects women cause they drink..... he is just inflexible about meeting a chick for the first time someplace, like a bar/pub, where there is drinking (alcohol) involved.

 

And I would venture to guess once involved with a woman, would prefer to avoid those places as well..

[Maleficent]

I don't think he ever said he rejects women cause they drink..... he is just inflexible about meeting a chick for the first time someplace, like a bar/pub, where there is drinking (alcohol) involved.

 

In the post I quoted, he said he doesn't contact women who say they like going to wine tastings.

I'm assuming that's from an OLD profile.

[markleymassraff]

Even as a smoker, sometimes, some smokers breath are just too vile. It's most likely a mix of already bad breath and the smoking.

The guy I've been seeing is a much heavier smoker than I am. It doesn't bother me at all, even when I haven't even smoked yet.

 

The non smokers I dated started trying to "ease me" into not smoking... like requesting I didn't smoke while wth them, or to not smoke that one cigarette or something... It starts to grate.

 

As for the non drinkers... I don't think that it is that they don't know how to have fun... But when you're not drinking, you're on a different level than the people who ARE drinking. And it can become quite boring, as everyone reaches the point of drunkenness, to be the sober one.

 

Ironically, my ex who was a non-smoker was often grosser to kiss than the smoker. I think my non-smoker ex ate certain foods, plus he was a coffee drinker. He sometimes tasted weird...food and coffee breath. The smoker I just dated...well, because I smoked a long time ago, I don't get grossed out by the smell of smoke. But even then, with his smoking, it didn't taste gross. I have no explanation for it.

 

But...I in no way asked him not to smoke around me. In fact, I actually felt like he was holding back from smoking sometimes just because I don't smoke, so I would say "do you want to go out and have a cigarette?" (if we were inside where they don't allow smoking.

 

I also even told him after about 8 hours of him not smoking, "Why haven't you smoked all this time?"

 

Heh -- I wasn't trying to overcompensate and show how accepting I was. A little of that. But it was mostly that i thought he looked hot while smoking and wanted to see him do it.