Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I'm in the middle of NC right now and I just keep checking my exes Twitter to see if she puts up anything about our past relationship. Idk why i keep relapsing on my NC and continue to do this to myself, i'm so weak. We broke up exactly one month ago tomorrow and last time I spoke to her was 2 weeks ago. I'm just sitting here doing hw telling myself, "Damn, is your life really that much better without me"? I just want to break down and cry right now, but my younger brother is in my room, I have to remain strong.
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 I'm sorry, I should of put this in the coping section.
Mi7522 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I'm in the middle of NC right now and I just keep checking my exes Twitter to see if she puts up anything about our past relationship. Idk why i keep relapsing on my NC and continue to do this to myself, i'm so weak. We broke up exactly one month ago tomorrow and last time I spoke to her was 2 weeks ago. I'm just sitting here doing hw telling myself, "Damn, is your life really that much better without me"? I just want to break down and cry right now, but my younger brother is in my room, I have to remain strong. First off you have to stop checking her Twitter feed that is contact, secondly things are never as good as they seem nor are they worse than they seem. Focus on you that's the only way you will heal 2
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 First off you have to stop checking her Twitter feed that is contact, secondly things are never as good as they seem nor are they worse than they seem. Focus on you that's the only way you will heal I am focusing on me, but my mind wanders off. I can't help to think about everything I did to push her away, how much I f***** up something so good. These are just some of the things going through my mind right now. One day i'm fine, the next i'm aching.
quattrob Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 First off you have to stop checking her Twitter feed that is contact, secondly things are never as good as they seem nor are they worse than they seem. Focus on you that's the only way you will heal Alot of people told him that already, he says he's in middle of NC but yet he still checking her social media like twitter... That's not really NC. Jon you bring this onto yourself, not trying to be hard on you but with so many people giving you the same advice and you still choose the way you want to do things then prepare to accept the consequences. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 Alot of people told him that already, he says he's in middle of NC but yet he still checking her social media like twitter... That's not really NC. Jon you bring this onto yourself, not trying to be hard on you but with so many people giving you the same advice and you still choose the way you want to do things then prepare to accept the consequences. I'm sorry Quat I can't help it, i'm weak. I miss the hell out of her. I can't stop beating myself up.
Purepony Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Your mind doesn't wander off because your in control! If I threw you of a bridge you wouldn't be thinking about you're ex, you would be thinking about landing safely and Alive stop looking at her stupid twitter you really don't have a reason to because at this point its getting creepy and hurting you! Go set an example to your younger brother and show him anduouraelf that you are capable of being a man and moving on! 1
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 Your mind doesn't wander off because your in control! If I threw you of a bridge you wouldn't be thinking about you're ex, you would be thinking about landing safely and Alive stop looking at her stupid twitter you really don't have a reason to because at this point its getting creepy and hurting you! Go set an example to your younger brother and show him anduouraelf that you are capable of being a man and moving on! I can't...I feel so vulnerable right now.
Satu Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 *I'm in the middle of NC right now and I just keep checking my exes Twitter to see if she puts up anything about our past relationship. Idk why i keep relapsing on my NC and continue to do this to myself, i'm so weak. We broke up exactly one month ago tomorrow and last time I spoke to her was 2 weeks ago. I'm just sitting here doing hw telling myself, "Damn, is your life really that much better without me"? I just want to break down and cry right now, but my younger brother is in my room, I have to remain strong. *No you're not. Do it or don't do it, but don't pretend to yourself that you're doing it, when you aren't. Also knock off the toxic self-talk. If you tell yourself that you're weak, that's all you'll ever be. Try saying this instead: "I will not hurt myself today." 2
dyna85 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 You are so not weak. You're only 2 wks NC. Go easy on yourself. I'd say if you weren't feeling like breaking down and crying, that would be reason for concern. Allow yourself to cry if you have to... leave the room and go to the bathroom, maybe? Or tell your brother you need some time to yourself... It's good that you recognize that your relapsing is just compounding the pain. Any time you feel the urge to check, you're better off doing something, anything else. Post on here, take a shower, take a walk, write, read, watch tv... you get the idea. Do anything but check the twitter, because it will just magnify all of your emotions and make you feel much worse. 2
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 *No you're not. Do it or don't do it, but don't pretend to yourself that you're doing it, when you aren't. Also knock off the toxic self-talk. If you tell yourself that you're weak, that's all you'll ever be. Try saying this instead: "I will not hurt myself today." It's so difficult. I do need to control my toxic self-talk that's part of the reason I feel like this. I just feel like I have this huge void in my life. Like there's nothing to look forward to.
Satu Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 *It's so difficult. I do need to control my toxic self-talk that's part of the reason I feel like this. I just feel like I have this huge void in my life. Like there's nothing to look forward to. *Nobody said it would be easy. Difficult things can bring out the best in us. Here's an extract from my journal: "For some reason, when you were with her/him, you chose to have her/him as the exact centre of your universe. You were in orbit around her/him. Then he/she was gone, and you had nothing to orbit. Now you have to place the centre of your universe inside yourself. Once you have done that, the empty place inside you will no longer be empty, and you will begin to enjoy life again." 1
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 *Nobody said it would be easy. Difficult things can bring out the best in us. Here's an extract from my journal: "For some reason, when you were with her/him, you chose to have her/him as the exact centre of your universe. You were in orbit around her/him. Then he/she was gone, and you had nothing to orbit. Now you have to place the centre of your universe inside yourself. Once you have done that, the empty place inside you will no longer be empty, and you will begin to enjoy life again." Enjoy life again? Until I find someone else to orbit around? I just don't feel like i'll have a relationship experience like my last again. Every relationship is unique, I don't think I would want anything different than my last relationship. It feels like I let something very special go...
Satu Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Enjoy life again? Until I find someone else to orbit around? I just don't feel like i'll have a relationship experience like my last again. Every relationship is unique, I don't think I would want anything different than my last relationship. *It feels like I let something very special go... *Maybe you did, but life goes on. You can't change what happened, but you can change yourself.
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 *Maybe you did, but life goes on. You can't change what happened, but you can change yourself. I just wished I never had my shield up to her most of the time. She was so open and loving and I pushed her away with my insecurities. All my life I looked for someone to trust with all my might, I had her right in front of me, and I messed it up... You're right, I can only change myself. I only wish I wasn't so impatient.
sabd Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Please block her on Twitter so that you're not tempted to check on her all the time. That would be the proper way to do No Contact. Otherwise, you're leaving yourself open to a world of pain that is unnecessary and will only slow down your healing. 1
totenkopf Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I just wished I never had my shield up to her most of the time. She was so open and loving and I pushed her away with my insecurities. All my life I looked for someone to trust with all my might, I had her right in front of me, and I messed it up... You're right, I can only change myself. I only wish I wasn't so impatient. Jon I have been and am going through this myself we all have faults but I am sure that you had the best intentions as in you loved and cared for this girl and would never have cheated or given up on her. The fact is when someone leaves you the the truth is that they did not feel the same. I know it is hard to take and I was in denial for months and blamed myself but have recently come to accept this as truth. I am nowhere near over it myself but am progressing and accepting as will you. 1
ZiggyZoo Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I didn't really truly start to get over my ex until I stopped checking his FB page. Think about it, there's only three possible outcomes. One, nothing's changed. This is the best, since it's pretty hard to read anything into it. Two, she's posted something being soooo happy without you, or about another guy, and it'll break your heart all over again. Or three, she'll post something that you could twist around to mean that she misses you, which will get your hopes up and set your healing back. The best thing is to know nothing. Your imagination is going to do a fantastic job of filling in the spaces without any outside confirmation either way as to whether or not she misses you. And yeah, it's hard. This whole process is hard as hell, but if you ever want to live a life without constantly thinking of her, there's only ONE WAY to get there. And that's to accept the fact that this is it for you guys, and work on getting on with your life without her. It sounds really easy, but we all know it isn't. So you're going to have to work at it. Every time you get that itch to check up on her, put the phone down and walk away. Or come on here (or another site) and read something. Just don't give in, and it'll get easier to ignore. This is all going to take mental discipline, and the sooner you start, the better. Check out some of the stories on here. People (myself included, trust me) have been right where you are, not wanting to give up on a relationship, just dying for it all to go back to how it was...but it can't. It just can't, and you will get to be OK with that. I was in a 7 year marriage with my ex-husband, and he left me for another woman. I thought my life was over, I blamed myself, everything you're describing. But I slowly got to the point where I fell out of love with him and moved on, and I was OK with it. That's what surprised me the most, that I could fall out of love with him and not mind. You don't want to think of that right now, I know, but it'll happen for you too. So cut yourself some slack, and make a serious effort to not check on her. 2
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 I didn't really truly start to get over my ex until I stopped checking his FB page. Think about it, there's only three possible outcomes. One, nothing's changed. This is the best, since it's pretty hard to read anything into it. Two, she's posted something being soooo happy without you, or about another guy, and it'll break your heart all over again. Or three, she'll post something that you could twist around to mean that she misses you, which will get your hopes up and set your healing back. The best thing is to know nothing. Your imagination is going to do a fantastic job of filling in the spaces without any outside confirmation either way as to whether or not she misses you. And yeah, it's hard. This whole process is hard as hell, but if you ever want to live a life without constantly thinking of her, there's only ONE WAY to get there. And that's to accept the fact that this is it for you guys, and work on getting on with your life without her. It sounds really easy, but we all know it isn't. So you're going to have to work at it. Every time you get that itch to check up on her, put the phone down and walk away. Or come on here (or another site) and read something. Just don't give in, and it'll get easier to ignore. This is all going to take mental discipline, and the sooner you start, the better. Check out some of the stories on here. People (myself included, trust me) have been right where you are, not wanting to give up on a relationship, just dying for it all to go back to how it was...but it can't. It just can't, and you will get to be OK with that. I was in a 7 year marriage with my ex-husband, and he left me for another woman. I thought my life was over, I blamed myself, everything you're describing. But I slowly got to the point where I fell out of love with him and moved on, and I was OK with it. That's what surprised me the most, that I could fall out of love with him and not mind. You don't want to think of that right now, I know, but it'll happen for you too. So cut yourself some slack, and make a serious effort to not check on her. Thank you for your response Ziggy After you stopped checking your exes Facebook how long did it take you to feel indifferent towards him?
ZiggyZoo Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Thank you for your response Ziggy After you stopped checking your exes Facebook how long did it take you to feel indifferent towards him? My pleasure. That's the best part, it only took about a week and I noticed I wasn't obsessing over him as much. This was after two months of otherwise NC, by the way. I'm not quite indifferent towards him yet, but I can't believe how much closer I am since I stopped checking the FB. It made a remarkable difference. I'd say that I'm to the stage where I have to work really hard at it to miss him. As far as my ex-husband, towards whom I feel absolutely nothing now, it took about a year until I got there. But, we have three daughters together, so I had to have contact with him. I also handled it terribly in the beginning, and he was a complete jerk. If I was able to go NC with him, I bet it would have been less time. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 My pleasure. That's the best part, it only took about a week and I noticed I wasn't obsessing over him as much. This was after two months of otherwise NC, by the way. I'm not quite indifferent towards him yet, but I can't believe how much closer I am since I stopped checking the FB. It made a remarkable difference. I'd say that I'm to the stage where I have to work really hard at it to miss him. As far as my ex-husband, towards whom I feel absolutely nothing now, it took about a year until I got there. But, we have three daughters together, so I had to have contact with him. I also handled it terribly in the beginning, and he was a complete jerk. If I was able to go NC with him, I bet it would have been less time. That's great. I've also noticed my moods settling when I don't check her page, however, that curiosity is still there. If I can get through this weekend I think I can get through the rest of next week. The weekends are always the hardest for me since my mind wanders more when i'm at work (i'm a security guard). Since i'm at fault, it's a little harder for me to get over this break-up. I just feel like I lost someone really special, and I can't see a fault in her even if I tried. So many, "could of, would of, should of's", but like everyone else says all that toxic self-talk isn't going to make a difference.
ZiggyZoo Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 That's great. I've also noticed my moods settling when I don't check her page, however, that curiosity is still there. If I can get through this weekend I think I can get through the rest of next week. The weekends are always the hardest for me since my mind wanders more when i'm at work (i'm a security guard). Since i'm at fault, it's a little harder for me to get over this break-up. I just feel like I lost someone really special, and I can't see a fault in her even if I tried. So many, "could of, would of, should of's", but like everyone else says all that toxic self-talk isn't going to make a difference. See, you're already seeing the benefits of NC. And when your moods settle, you can start to think more rationally. This will help with coming to terms with the relationship ending. You will be able to see that, while your actions played a part in it, you weren't entirely responsible for its demise. Unless you were physically, mentally, or verbally abusing her, she too played a part in it. It's fine that you're not to the point where you can see this, but sticking with the NC will free your thoughts up so you CAN begin to let go.
Author Jonp219 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) See, you're already seeing the benefits of NC. And when your moods settle, you can start to think more rationally. This will help with coming to terms with the relationship ending. You will be able to see that, while your actions played a part in it, you weren't entirely responsible for its demise. Unless you were physically, mentally, or verbally abusing her, she too played a part in it. It's fine that you're not to the point where you can see this, but sticking with the NC will free your thoughts up so you CAN begin to let go. I was verbally abusive (affected her mentally ofcourse), but I wasn't physical whatsoever. She was just fed up with my insecurities and my anger issues, told me she just wants to live her life in peace without me heckling her. That is why i'm in therapy now, that's why i meditate and talk to everyone for advice. She's really hurt, so hurt that she can only remember all the bad stuff I've said to her, how insecure I was, and told me I have to earn her trust back. Telling me she needs time to heal before she ever thinks about giving us another try (if ever). Part of me is doing it for her, but I've also realized how much I've neglected myself in the relationship, and only focused on her. That is probably why my love was harsh and not gentle. I was projecting my own self loathing hatred of myself onto her. In my head it was love, in hers it was overwhelming. I was basically sending the right message on the wrong frequency. Now I have to focus on me again, so I can get that sorted out. She even unfollowed me on everything, got rid of all the birthday cards, and deleted all our pictures from her computer Edited March 6, 2015 by Jonp219
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