Stilnaught Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Hey guys, i have a box here at home with my ex's presents, acquired over our year-long relationship. I was going to drop it off tomorrow, since i want to get rid of them, but don't have the stomach to 'trash' them. So my plan was: i have a party close to her house, so i drop that box in front of her front door. Now, tonight, there was a party. I was having fun, until she came circling around. In the end, we were in the same party group, and she just started kissing a random guy she was talking with. (Note: she never kissed anyone before at a party, only (soon-to-be-)boyfriends, and my best girl-friend told me she was constantly looking at me). Obviously, i feel véry sad, mostly because i now see how i held her up a pedestral, but since she does stuff like this, she wasn't worthy of either my trust or my love. But now i have a few things i'm thinking about: 1) Why the hell would she do that, since she has some trust issues (bullying background) and i have a ****load of her "secrets" locked in my brain? 2) Should i go on with my drop-box plan? 3) Should i add a note saying "thanks for showing one more time we weren't meant to be"?
Mi7522 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Just drop it off at her front door, no letter or anything. The less you say the better off you'll be 1
Author Stilnaught Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 Just drop it off at her front door, no letter or anything. The less you say the better off you'll be I thought so, but then: won't it look like saying "i saw you kissing that guy, it affected me greatly, so i gathered all your stuff" while in fact it had nothing to do with it?
BC1980 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 1. I have no idea. People do weird things after breakups. 2. Yes, go ahead and drop the box off. 3. No, don't leave a note with it. It only make you look petty, and you will regret it a year from now. Believe me, I get the urge to say some nasty things, but it only makes you look bad down the road. 1
BC1980 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I thought so, but then: won't it look like saying "i saw you kissing that guy, it affected me greatly, so i gathered all your stuff" while in fact it had nothing to do with it? Maybe. . . . I think the more you try to make things appear a certain way, the more you drive yourself crazy. It can get exhausting. Even if you waited a week to drop the stuff off, who's to say she won't draw the same conclusion you are worried about? The best thing to do is to begin detaching to a point that you don't worry about her opinion or perception of what you are doing.
Author Stilnaught Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 Maybe. . . . I think the more you try to make things appear a certain way, the more you drive yourself crazy. It can get exhausting. Even if you waited a week to drop the stuff off, who's to say she won't draw the same conclusion you are worried about? The best thing to do is to begin detaching to a point that you don't worry about her opinion or perception of what you are doing. True, but that's a long haul process ... Additional question: She ignored me completely since the breakup, only to have her friends tell me she didn't want anything to do with me/talk to me, and then she does this. Can i put this entirely in the "immaturity" section?
xinaxxsdertf Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 shes obviously hurt bro. shes being childish about it and acting out. its best to leave her alone. let her do what she wants, its a bad spiral shes going down so let her be and just work on yourself. Drop the box off but thats it, dont do it with any intention of getting a response. Think of it as thats he last baggage you want out of her life. Even if you wanted her back, shes in a bad spot where shes playing up so you dont want her like that right? Go full No Contact and forget about her for now. If you were planning on getting her back, maybe give it a go down the track when you arent worrying about her or thinking what is she doing or getting jealous. You need to work on those emotions that hurt you now and just foget about her. if you try and communicate with her now it will most probably lead to fighting or being too emotional with each. Shes doing silly things that arent going to make her feel better because shes not thinking straight. If you can come out of this the bigger man and more mature man then she will eventually see it and youre right she is not worthy of your trust. just disappear off the face of the earth from her and she wont do these things, its only to hurt you. goodluck with your recovery
sabd Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Drop off the box but don't include any letters or messages. That would be a petty move and you'll regret it later. I'd say she's acting out but its not your problem. Detatch, disengage and move on. 1
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 She was shoving your break up in your face in a very mean way. There's no need for the note. The drop off plan is otherwise fine. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 My take on the "why" is likely she was a little butt-hurt that you weren't home moping, and thought she'd get back at you for moving on by showing you that she has, too. Which is absolutely immature. However, if it is helping you to knock her off the pedestal, then perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. I'm sorry that you had to see it, for whatever reason she did it. Not a good sight to see. But I think you should still drop her stuff off as planned. I know the concern is that she'll think the kiss rattled you and that's why you did it, but I don't think it'll look like that at all. I see it as more of a "I'm completely over you, I don't even want to talk to you long enough to hand you this stuff in person" vibe. More like you're just so over it that you can't be bothered. But I myself wouldn't think it meant my ex was so upset about the kiss that he decided to drop all my stuff off because of it. Especially if you DON'T leave a note. That right there shows that seeing her bothered you waaaaay more than the timing of dropping her stuff off. By not saying anything, it is as if she was nobody special kissing some dude at a party. Why would that bother you, you don't have any feelings for her one way or another...I'm not advocating any mind games or anything, but that's just my take on how no note would look. She wanted to get a reaction out of you, and no reaction at all is going to bother her the most. Then do like the others said, and go NC. The sooner you get over her, the better.
Zapbasket Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Why do you need to deal with "not having the heart" to trash presents your ex gave you by dumping them off at her door? To me, that seems petty and hurtful. Gifts given, once given, have nothing to do with the giver, save for the memories of the giver the gift evokes in the recipient's mind. Your memories are for YOU to deal with, and you alone. So, if you don't want things lying around your house that remind you of your ex, box those things up, give them to a friend or family member for safekeeping if you don't want to throw them away, and don't involve your ex in it. Remind yourself, too, that they're just things. They don't have to have memories attached to them that render them useless. My ex gave me a backpacking backpack and in the aftermath of our breakup, I used it on a bunch of amazing solo backpacking trips. In so doing, the backpack just became another piece of gear, and eventually, like all gear, I'll trade it out for something lighter/more durable/etc. Kind-of appropriate, huh? The backpack from my ex will be upgraded, just like I hope one day to upgrade from my ex
xUnknown Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 I don't know how the breakup ended. Good/Bad, your terms, hers? But, she wanted to make you jealous. As D0n said, he was shoving it in your face. Usually when a girl keeps looking at a guy, it means she's interested. But here she was looking back at you because she wanted you to notice her, so she could make her move to make you jealous. Again, I don't know what the terms of the breakup were. But she did it to get a reaction out of you. Very immature. Drop the stuff off, or, do what I did. Keep it, but box it away in the basement until you're healed and can finally open the box without getting emotional.
1040 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Drop off the stuff w/o a note. Don't let her know that you are thinking of her at all. That will hurt her worse than if you give her a piece of your mind. No contact forever. Sorry about your situation. 1
veggirl Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Don't drop it off. It just looks desperate. Why do you feel the need to return the stuff?
Author Stilnaught Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) Thanks guys, i've decided not to return the box, just to avoid escalations of these games. I've asked my father to lock them up. Short story: i've had a double hospital bacteria last summer. That sounds too bad for what it actually was, but the medication wrecked me a little, and for some months i had no energy. I think that put a strain on our relationship, since i wasn't the energetic happy guy i used to be, for that period. She became distant, i spent december being miserable and asking her constantly what the hell was wrong. She dumped me the day before New Year, ignored me since (i sent a letter after her january exams, and couldn't resist sending a "i want to talk about what happened and see if we can remain friends" message at our would-be anniversary). But i never got any reply, and i can't possibly imagine how i ever offended her. Edited March 6, 2015 by Stilnaught
BC1980 Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 Thanks guys, i've decided not to return the box, just to avoid escalations of these games. I've asked my father to lock them up. I actually think this is the best thing to do, and GreenCove suggested it too. I lived with my ex, so I just didn't take any of the presents he gave with me. We never addressed it, so I have no idea what he did with the stuff. The stuff I had lying around my house, I eventually boxed up and put in the closet. The stuff I didn't want I ended up throwing away, but I kept a jacket. For some reason, it didn't bother me, and I still wear it. The only other thing I kept was a piece of pottery that I still have in the closet. Giving it to someone is a good idea. Reassess it in a year and see what you want to keep.
Author Stilnaught Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Yeah, i guess i'll take a look at it after summer or so, when all the emotions have properly died. Still can't stop thinking why she kissed someone to hurt me though. This girl send me postcards/gifts about how i was the greatest gift ever to her, only 3 months ago/1 month before the breakup ... Perhaps the worst part of this is that she hammered my trust in women.
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