kayshay Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 So my now ex boyfriend and I dated for a year and a half. I'll call him Tom. We started dating in high school and are now both freshman at the same college. We have the same circle of friends and spent a lot of time together. We had a rough patch within the last month or two though. I was feeling really lost at college and recently switched out of my major to undecided. We both live off campus and I felt really disconnected from the campus life. We started hanging out with one of my best friends from high school (I'll call her Ann) and a couple of her new friends. However, Tom and her used to date in junior year. They were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend but only dated for 3 months until she broke up with him because she felt he was too clingy and didn't feel like it would work out. I expressed a lot of concern that he and her were hanging out, but he always pointed out that I was the one who he was with. She even offered him a job at her work, and he told me he would turn it down if it really made me that uncomfortable. I trust him completely, but I didn't necessarily trust her since she had feelings for him when me and him started dating. She just recently got out of a rough relationship with a guy she had been friends with for about a year, but only dated for a couple months until he basically broke her heart. It was the first time she had ever been dumped. Her other two boyfriends, she had been the one who broke up with them (including Tom) I was feeling really confused about what I wanted overall, and so was Tom. I decided that we should take a break for a weekend and just not text or see each other so I could gather my thoughts. He was really hurt but I assured him it wasn't the end of us. He then went and hung out with a friend of ours and Ann late one night, and I felt really hurt and jealous. When we saw each other on Monday we were determined to make things work but he thought we could tone our relationship down a notch. It went on for about a week with me not really knowing what to do. I wasn't sure if I should text him, if I should leave him alone, if we should hang out, or what. We would hang with Ann and her friends together but it was really awkward. When it was just the me and him though it felt okay. The two of us both went to Ann to talk about each other and I could tell she was telling him a lot of negative stuff about me. She thought that I needed my space to "find myself" and that I was too dependent on him. She thought I didn't give myself enough room to grow between my year long relationship my junior year of high school and dating Tom (it was 3 months). Tom kept telling me he loved me and cared about me and didn't want to leave, but felt like I needed my space. One night my boss saw Tom and Ann out eating alone together. If you didn't know better it looked like a date. I was really upset and hurt, and texted Tom asking if we could talk. I drove to his work on his lunch break and was just going to talk about him and Ann, but it turned into him breaking up with me. It was very emotional and we both cried. We hugged each other and kissed a lot, and he kept telling me he didn't want to do it but he felt like he had to. He said I needed to be happy on my own. We sat there for a good hour and a half, and right before he left I asked him if he would do something crazy. I asked if he would wait for me, and he said yes. That was about 3 weeks ago. He started hanging out with Ann a lot. It made me really upset but I didn't say anything. We were broken up after all. Some people kept telling me they though he cheated on me, but I told them I trusted him and I didn't think that. I even told Tom that. But I kept seeing him and Ann hanging out. Now that he wasn't in a relationship with me he was filling all the times we spent together with Ann. I decided to confront Ann one day. I was going to be honest about how it made me uncomfortable that she and Tom were hanging out, but I was glad she could be there for him. Every time we made plans to hang out though something else would always come up. She didn't have any time for me and I got kind of pissed off and told her I was just trying to work out these issues with her, and then she told me she "needed her space and I needed to respect that". She however kept hanging out with Tom nearly every day. I tried to reach out to Tom one day and asked if we could meet up after his class. He said sure but was hesitant and kept asking what I wanted to talk about. After I got out of class I saw him and Ann together outside her dorm. When they noticed me she went back inside and he ran the other way. After that he replied to my texts less and less, told me we shouldn't meet up, and eventually just stopped replying. Me him and Ann are all in a volunteer service club together, and neither of them showed up to our meeting that night. Neither of them have talked to me or replied to me since then. I finally had to go over to Toms house one day and try and straighten things out since he kept ignoring me. He told me he was happy and we were better off just being friends. He said we had a really unhealthy relationship and he didn't want to get back together. He seemed like a completely different person. It was scary. He seemed so distant and cold. When I looked at him I could feel something still there. It was faint but it was there. He eventually told me he had too much homework to do. Of course, two days later I find out he and Ann are dating. And they had been for a week. After she had ridden me out for not waiting long enough between dating my past boyfriend and Tom. After she got mad at her ex for moving on too quickly (1 month) . She told my friend I had bad communication skills and she's ignored me for weeks. She even withdrew from the club that we're all in. So now I have to see him almost every other day because we have a class together. We're in the same club. And he won't even look at me. I've talked to all of my friends about it but they're all in a difficult position because they're friends with Ann too. They don't want to pick sides but they all agree what she did wasn't okay. I guess I just want to hear a strangers opinion. Do you think he's truly moved on? Do you think they're really happy together? Do you think she somehow influenced him to dump me? I'm just really confused and hurt, and I can't believe two people I considered my best friends could do something like this.
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