lovesickpuppy Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 My boyfriend of 9 months ended our relationship on Saturday citing he had loved for me but didn't feel comfortable that I'd told him I loved him and he couldn't say it back. I told him I just wanted him to know, I didn't want to hear it back, I just felt it and needed him to know, it was all selfless. I've stood by him through his best friend dying recently and another of his best friends going through a court case. Just last week he was telling me how happy I made him, how he can't believe how lucky he is to have me and how I'm the best thig to happen to him..and now this?! We rarely argued, and we were always so nice to each other. As far as I knew we were just constantly in the honeymoon phase and in pure bliss. He seemed besotted. Since finishing me he has messaged me 3 times on facebook asking how I am, do I have my car back and did I see his phone (which had broken abroad) I know for a fact he didn't bring his phone back to mine, so he's just asking irrelevant questions. I'm not replying, but why is he acting like this? I miss him and want him back. I should mention he has dumped me before in November for pretty much the same reason :| please help or advise how I can get him back. If he's messaging does that mean he wants to reconcile?
Ruby65 Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 It sounds like he's torn -- on the one hand, he really enjoys being with you, but on the other he knows it's not right to continue to lead you on when he's not in love and you are. Really -- after nine months with someone, you don't need to hear it back? Really? I think you're being too self-sacrificing here, settling for too little. *Selfless* is not an attractive quality. You're his girlfriend, not his mother. Don't hold his hand through the breakup, walk away and cut him off on Facebook and everywhere else. Let him miss you -- and you focus on YOU and feeling better, that's the important thing right now. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com 1
mammasita Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 You sound like me with my ex.....He loved me but he wasn't in love with me. Its a terrible place to be, you can do better for yourself. There's nothing you can do to change that feeling, its either there or its not.....at 9 months we usually know whether we have "that" feeling for another person. He either doesn't know what love is, he doesn't know how to love, or he simply isn't in love with you and never will be. Don't sit around waiting for him or making excuses because I promise that you'll end up being his "help him along" girl that he leaves for "the one" he meets and falls in love with and marries after knowing for a month. Now go forth and no contact him.
Elsa281 Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) My boyfriend of 9 months ended our relationship on Saturday citing he had loved for me but didn't feel comfortable that I'd told him I loved him and he couldn't say it back. I told him I just wanted him to know, I didn't want to hear it back, I just felt it and needed him to know, it was all selfless. I've stood by him through his best friend dying recently and another of his best friends going through a court case. Just last week he was telling me how happy I made him, how he can't believe how lucky he is to have me and how I'm the best thig to happen to him..and now this?! We rarely argued, and we were always so nice to each other. As far as I knew we were just constantly in the honeymoon phase and in pure bliss. He seemed besotted. Since finishing me he has messaged me 3 times on facebook asking how I am, do I have my car back and did I see his phone (which had broken abroad) I know for a fact he didn't bring his phone back to mine, so he's just asking irrelevant questions. I'm not replying, but why is he acting like this? I miss him and want him back. I should mention he has dumped me before in November for pretty much the same reason :| please help or advise how I can get him back. If he's messaging does that mean he wants to reconcile? I don't know if I misunderstood what you wrote about him loving/ not loving you (English is not my first language), but people here understood that he ment he doesn't love you, and I thought he does, but is not able to say it...? I think it is really messed up that he can't say it, but doesn't necessarily means he doesn't love you. Clearly he does miss you and still has strong feelings for you. I experienced a similar situation in which my ex said he never loved anyone as much as he loved me, that I am the best thing that ever happened to him, and I am the most sexy and amazing person he has ever knew. At the same breath, he broke it off. Twice. For most people it sounds insane to leave someone you feel that way about them (I think it is crazy), but I do know he genuinely felt that way. He is just so messed up that he has to sabotage good things in his life because he can't handle being hurt or hurting someone else (can't take the blame). I think that your guy might be quite similar to my ex in that way. It is comforting to know the other person still has feeling for you, but my advice is to stay away from him as much as you can. It will only hurt more if you get back together only to breakup again after you invested in the relationship and sacrificed even more. You are NOT his therapist. You can't change him. I needed few rounds to know that I have to move on, and spent 3 years of my life in a relationship I knew was doomed from the beginning. Love yourself enough to stop it right here. Best of luck! Edited March 6, 2015 by Elsa281
sabd Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 He can't say "I love you" after 9 months? Red flag. Breaks up with you for expressing your love? Appalling. You'll know he wants to reconcile when he says "I want to get back together". But would that be the right thing to do? I'm not so sure about that. Love yourself enough to not be strung along with false hope.
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