na49 Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I know that a lot of us want our ex to come back. I feel like I've been through it all with my ex. She left me, came back, and left me again. This time feels like it's for good. (although I guess the first time felt like it was for good too) Yet I still want her to come back again. I believe most people would decide that someone leaving them twice was enough. They would decide that this person is obviously not as invested in them as they should be, and would never look back. How many times would someone need to leave you for you to finally accept that it just wasn't meant to be?
mammasita Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Once. I'd probably dabble with the possibility of it working again and I have a few times in my past, but I wake up before I make that horrible mistake.....and yes it's a HORRIBLE mistake. 2
Satu Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I don't think you put a number to it, but it's not something that should keep happening. Life is better when you have stability in your relationships.
KBarletta Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I know that a lot of us want our ex to come back. I feel like I've been through it all with my ex. She left me, came back, and left me again. This time feels like it's for good. (although I guess the first time felt like it was for good too) Yet I still want her to come back again. I believe most people would decide that someone leaving them twice was enough. They would decide that this person is obviously not as invested in them as they should be, and would never look back. How many times would someone need to leave you for you to finally accept that it just wasn't meant to be? If I still love someone, usually I'll let my heart rule over my head and take them back more than I should. I've taken people back two or three times, when once should have been enough. But it's tough to say no when you're in love and all you want is to have them back. The more it happens, though, and the older I get, the less likely I would be to say OK. 1
FancyFace Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I'm gonna be corny but... Fool me once... Nuff said. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I think it's ok to give a person one mulligan. Sometimes mistakes are made, corrected, and everything becomes even better than it was before. But anything after that is bad news. You get into a codependent breakup/makeup cycle. Odds of those relationships succeeding are very slim. 2
ASV Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 If I still love someone, usually I'll let my heart rule over my head and take them back more than I should. I've taken people back two or three times, when once should have been enough. But it's tough to say no when you're in love and all you want is to have them back. The more it happens, though, and the older I get, the less likely I would be to say OK. Hey, I don't know if this forum allows private messages, failed miserably to find the option, but just wanted to let you know that if we ever cross our paths you've got a couple of drinks paid for your good advice and best wishes in my other thread (also I wanted to write down "busty women rule" as PS). And I'm with you again in this. Heart over reason, for life is too short (but long in the living). But I agree with Simon too: one more chance is enough. Though no one really knows what will happen in the future... 1
KBarletta Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Hey, I don't know if this forum allows private messages, failed miserably to find the option, but just wanted to let you know that if we ever cross our paths you've got a couple of drinks paid for your good advice and best wishes in my other thread (also I wanted to write down "busty women rule" as PS). And I'm with you again in this. Heart over reason, for life is too short (but long in the living). But I agree with Simon too: one more chance is enough. Though no one really knows what will happen in the future... Good to hear - thanks. I think you need to be around for a while and achieve "Established Member" status before you can send PMs. I am not sure exactly what it takes, but it's a certain number of posts/likes, etc. Either way, I'm happy to help and look forward to hearing from you if/when you are able. Take care.
Jimmyjackson Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I think it's ok to give a person one mulligan. Sometimes mistakes are made, corrected, and everything becomes even better than it was before. But anything after that is bad news. You get into a codependent breakup/makeup cycle. Odds of those relationships succeeding are very slim. 100% agree with this, everyone makes mistakes and second chances are good if the person realises and you can trust them again. But anymore than a second chance is proof that it's not going to work out in my opinion.
No Limit Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 Exactly one single time. I'm not accostumed to begging.
redglass Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 One chance - unless the reason for the break-up was too heinous. If you give a partner any more than that, they'll know they can come back whenever their feel like it. And if they come back again, it's probably not because they sincerely want to, but because it's easy. You'll become the solution to their boredom/loneliness. I think the only exception to this rule should be if several years have passed and a lot of growing up has been done.
Author na49 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 One chance - unless the reason for the break-up was too heinous. If you give a partner any more than that, they'll know they can come back whenever their feel like it. And if they come back again, it's probably not because they sincerely want to, but because it's easy. You'll become the solution to their boredom/loneliness. I think the only exception to this rule should be if several years have passed and a lot of growing up has been done. That's a good point. If they come back once and stay, then you know that they realized/learned from their mistake. If they are able to leave more than once, and come back, they probably don't really want to be with you as much as they just want to be with someone.
BlackHat Posted March 6, 2015 Posted March 6, 2015 How many times would someone need to leave you for you to finally accept that it just wasn't meant to be? It depends on whether she makes it work with the other guy(s) she considers better than you. It is obvious that you are his "better than being single" guy. Whenever she thinks she has hit rock bottom she will come to you. And don't worry, she will be back. As soon as she needs to have a baby and someone to pay half of the mortgage of the place she likes she will be back. Maybe she will even be back with someone else's baby.
Author na49 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 It depends on whether she makes it work with the other guy(s) she considers better than you. It is obvious that you are his "better than being single" guy. Whenever she thinks she has hit rock bottom she will come to you. And don't worry, she will be back. As soon as she needs to have a baby and someone to pay half of the mortgage of the place she likes she will be back. Maybe she will even be back with someone else's baby. I think that's the only reason she came back the first time. The guy she thought wanted to be with her, ended up not wanting a relationship. Then, she tried with a childhood friend and the guy never gave her the time of day. Then she came to me and I took her back. Now she's out again to pursue another relationship. It makes me wonder if she will come back again. It's seriously insulting that I am the "better than being single" guy to her. When things hit rock bottom, then she comes to me. When you put it that way, I shouldn't want her coming back ever again. If she came back with someone's baby, I'd tell her to f*ck off.
BlackHat Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 I think that's the only reason she came back the first time. The guy she thought wanted to be with her, ended up not wanting a relationship. Then, she tried with a childhood friend and the guy never gave her the time of day. Then she came to me and I took her back. Now she's out again to pursue another relationship. It makes me wonder if she will come back again. It's seriously insulting that I am the "better than being single" guy to her. When things hit rock bottom, then she comes to me. When you put it that way, I shouldn't want her coming back ever again. If she came back with someone's baby, I'd tell her to f*ck off. Understand that I do not mean to hurt you, she is doing that already better than I could ever do. This said, am I wrong with my "better than being single" statement? I had a few of those, I mean women who, out of the blue, call me because we had sex ten million years ago and they wanted to "rekindle the old flame" or god knows what. And sure enough, whenever I get one of these calls after digging a bit I find that she is going to be evicted, or has babiES from a couple of guys or she is just hitting the big 3 and wants to have a baby from someone able to give child support. My advice from you, that by the way is going to save you literally THOUSANDS or dollars, hundreds of headaches, and a good few visits to family court, is as simple as this: BREAK ALL CONTACT WITH HER. I can't be any more clearer. She is a ticking bomb and has you on her cross hairs. Even if she comes back at you apparently clean, that is because she wants a baby and someone who will pay for it while she decides she wants to get back to the action. So, again, do not, under any circumstances, talk to her again, let alone meeting her. In 10 years time some other sucker will be in your place, and whenever you look at a black hat you will remember this advice and thank me in your heart. And, by the way, since when are you are second to anyone? Even if she was sincere (which obviously she is not), what makes HER think that can be intimate with some other guy and come back at you, her breath still smelling of someone else's you-know-what? There are millions of girls out there. Get yourself one. Actually, get yourself a couple of 'em 1
Author na49 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Posted March 7, 2015 I know you didn't mean to hurt me with that comment lol. That comment just really struck me because of how right you are about it. I really feel like that's what I was to my ex. I have broken all contact with her since last month. I only reached out to her once after she left me, and she made it pretty clear that it was over. I didn't put up a fight, I just walked away. (stopped texting her). I haven't heard from her since. When I saw her Facebook, there she was snuggled up next to this new guy. The guy who told her that he had a crush on her. The guy who she told me she felt nothing for. All of our pictures were gone too. It's like I didn't exist. A lot of people tell me I dodged a bullet, a time bomb, and everything else. I wish I could believe it though. I've still got her on a pedestal.
hopelessromantic89 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 My ex and I are on our 2nd try right now. First time he broke up with me, then I broke up with him and he agreed. Both times he came "crawling" back to me. I think it all depends on whether or not you're ready to work at it. The first time we just jumped back into our relationship and fell into our bad habits. This time we are taking it extremely slow and working out or problems constructively. Only you know when it's time to give up, every relationship is different.
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